Sweaters & Cigarettes (42 page)

Riley doesn't reply, but his
grumble can be heard all the way upstairs, before he leaves through the front
door and closes it behind him. And both Theo and Max laugh, before resuming
their activities.

They both seem to feel that clothes
are completely redundant, at the moment, and they tug them off of each other,
while stumbling over to the bed. By the time they crawl back underneath the
covers, they're wearing only underwear, and Theo simply savors the feeling of
skin on skin. He's never going to get enough of that, never going to get enough
of Max's warmth, the way he smells, the way he tastes, and the way direct
contact with him makes the most amazing rush surge through Theo's body.

They don't talk. Instead, they just
kiss and touch and occasionally laugh, for no apparent reason, just drunk on
each other, and weirdly, Theo doesn't even want more, right now, despite Max's
previous, rather inappropriate suggestion. He suddenly just wants this, wants
to hold Max against him, wants the pure innocence of it all, in a way he can
really only relax into when they're alone.

It's when they've rolled around and
ended up with Theo practically lying on top of Max, that Theo remembers
something; the reason why Max is here, in the first place. The room is silent
and calm, now, and when he decides to ask about it, he does it as lightly as he
can.

"Hey," he says softly,
absently trailing his fingers along Max's hairline, down along his neck, his
shoulder. "About last night..."

Max sighs a little, and his
blissed-out expression turns slightly more somber.

"What about it?" he asks,
full well knowing the answer. Theo hesitates.

"You wanna tell me what
happened?" he says, and Max doesn't answer right away. Instead, he just
keeps looking at Theo, as though trying to decide what to say, and whether to
actually tell him, or not.

Then Max seems to decide, though,
and he sighs heavily, before nudging Theo ever so slightly. Theo takes the hint
and rolls off of him, and Max then surprises him by sitting up. He doesn't get
out of bed, or anything, though. He just sits up, so that all Theo can see is
the back of his head, and those inked wings and tattooed arms. There's
something heavy about it, about his posture, in a way Theo hasn't seen before.

"Uh," Max starts,
sounding uncharacteristically subdued. "My dad got a job."

Theo frowns, confused, as he rolls
onto his back, tucking one arm under his head.

"Your dad has a job," he
says, and Max cocks his head the tiniest bit, in confirmation.

"Yeah," he says, not
looking at Theo. "And you know how his job has him traveling a lot?"

Theo nods.

"Yeah," he adds, when he
remembers that Max can't see him. It makes him feel oddly unsettled when Max
has his back to him, like this, but he's pretty sure it's only because Max has
a hard enough time as it is, talking about sensitive subjects; the lack of eye
contact makes it easier. Theo can't really stop himself from reaching out with
his hand, though, to softly trail along those tattooed feathers, with his
fingers.

"Well," Max continues,
"he got a permanent position somewhere else, pretty far from here,
actually."

Theo isn't sure why, but he doesn't
like the sound of that. It makes him feel tense and unsettled.

"So, he has to move," Max
says, his voice oddly heavy. "Along with my mom. And me."

Theo's hand stops moving, stops
trailing that inked skin.

"They told me last
night," Max says, now clearly more bothered by this than he's letting on.
"And I told them I didn't wanna go."

He lets out a small huff of bitter
laughter.

"They were surprised,
apparently," he says. "They said they didn't think I would care. And
I guess that a few months ago, I wouldn't have, but... It's funny how things
change."

He moves his hand up to rub the
back of his neck, uncomfortably, while Theo just lies there, stunned.

"Who knew you would indirectly
be the cause of my first, proper fight with my parents."

Theo blinks.

"Me?" he asks dumbly, and
Max lets out a small sigh.

"Why do you think I want to
stay?"

Max sighs again, tilting his head
back, as though looking at the ceiling.

"They said that it shouldn't be
such a big deal," he continues, bitterness seeping into his voice.
"Actually, they said 'how important can that boy be'. And that's a direct
quote, by the way."

Max moves one hand up to rub
against his forehead, in an uncharacteristically troubled gesture.

"And I said that if they
actually talked to me, once in a while, they'd know." He swallows hard.
"But they didn't buy it. They just told me to get over it, that it's just
a phase, anyway."

He lets out a humorless laugh.

"They actually said
phase
,"
he says dryly. "Like out of some manual for cliché parenting. Can you
believe it? So yeah, I got pretty pissed. And when it comes to arguing with my
parents, it was probably the third time ever, with actual yelling
involved."

Theo stays quiet, lets Max speak, and
Max sighs again, sounding frustrated and oddly broken, all of a sudden.

"See, the thing is," he
says, "this really doesn't feel like a phase. And even if it were a phase,
I wouldn't care, 'cause it actually makes me
happy
. And I've never
really been happy before."

He puts his face in his hands,
then, not in sorrow, but in some kind of pained frustration.

"I don't wanna give that
up," he says. There's a slightly unusual, emotional edge to his voice.
"Not just like that."

Theo doesn't answer him right away,
can barely even react. He's still trying to process what Max just told him,
still trying to comprehend what this means.

Max is going away
, that's what this means. It means that Theo won't see
him anymore, and as that thought sinks in, Theo suddenly feels a hollow,
pitch-black ache in his chest. It's a surprisingly physical sensation, more
like the absence of something, rather than added pain, and he remembers when he
had that exact feeling for the first time, after his father had basically
pulled him out of school and told him he could never see Max again. It seems so
long ago, now, but this sensation is eerily similar. Only this time, it's much
worse, much more intense, and he actually takes a deep breath, almost as though
he's gasping for air.

He can't lose Max. He
can't
.
Like Max says, he doesn't want to give this up, not just like that.

Theo sits up then and places
himself behind Max, before wrapping his arms around him. He can feel the warmth
of Max's bare skin against his own, as he locks his arms across his chest,
pulling him close. He presses a kiss against Max's shoulder.

"They're not taking you from
me," he says, his voice low. He's a little surprised at the soft
conviction in his tone, and Max lets out a small huff of laughter.

"How possessive of you,"
he says lightly, with some smugness to his words, in his usual attempt to
decrease the level of emotion. But Theo doesn't respond. He just keeps Max
there, arms locked around him, and after a few seconds, he can feel Max's body
relax, as he lets out a small exhale.

"I know," he says
somberly, moving his hand up to gently hold Theo's forearm. He smoothes the
skin over with his thumb. "I don't want them to, either."

"I'm not letting them."

Theo's voice still has that conviction,
now with the smallest edge of anxiety.

"I'm not so sure you have a
say in the matter," Max says softly. "And neither do I."

"Yeah, well, I don't
care." Theo is suddenly aware of some anger seeping into his voice.

"You should," Max says.
"I mean, what am I gonna do? Sure, I'm eighteen, but I can't exactly
afford my own place. And yeah, we're graduating soon, but they're moving in
like, a month. There's still time to enroll me in another school, even if it is
pretty late in the game, so there's nothing stopping them, really. Doesn't
matter that it's impractical and stupid."

Theo is surprised at how soon the
move is happening, and oddly surprised at how angry he suddenly feels at Max's
parents. But then, he realizes he's too tired and sad to be angry, and he lets
out a frustrated groan, as he leans his forehead against the crook of Max's
neck.

"This is such bullshit,"
he says, and Max makes a small sound of agreement.

"I know," he says,
calmly. "It really is."

"How can they do that?"
Theo says, his words slightly muffled against Max's skin.

"Well," Max says lightly,
again trying to lighten the mood, "they are my parents. I'm economically
kinda dependant on them, to live."

"We could get a place,"
Theo suggests, but knowing that it's a stupid idea.

"And pay for it, how?"
Max says gently, showing that he has clearly thought about the option, already,
which is somehow enough for Theo. Knowing that Max wouldn't mind living
together, and the way he sounds a bit sad, as he refutes the idea, makes Theo
feel a little bit better.

"Maybe you could stay here, at
my house," he says, this time with an obvious tone in his voice that says
he knows he's overreaching. And Max smiles a little, sympathetically, Theo can
tell.

"I'm pretty sure your parents
wouldn't be okay with that," he says, and Theo sighs, knowing full well
that he's right. There's no way in hell his parents would agree to letting Max
actually
live
here, even if only until graduation. "And I wouldn't
exactly want to impose on anyone else."

Neither of them says anything for a
while, after that, but then Theo moves his head to rest his chin against Max's
shoulder.

"Run away and join the
circus?" he says, and this time, Max actually laughs.

"Oh, that would be
awesome," he says, and Theo smiles, moving his face up to nuzzle against
Max's black, messy hair. "We could finally implement the trailer-idea. And
finally get those four cats."

"Don't forget the
lizard," Theo adds, and Max laughs. Then Theo frowns a little. "You
remember that? Sending me those texts?"

"Of course, I remember,"
Max says, a bit softer than Theo would have expected, referring back to when
Theo was dragged out of school, and just before his  parents took his
phone and grounded him. "I think I've reread every text-conversation we've
had, at least ten times."

And Theo swears that he can feel
his heart do a literal backflip, no matter how physically impossible that may
be, and his breath actually hitches a little bit. He takes a deep breath, his
nose nuzzled against Max's hair, and he closes his eyes, as he inhales that
wonderful, familiar scent, a smile inevitably creeping into his expression.
It's ridiculous, but hearing Max say that, even this far along in their
relationship, is the best thing, ever. It makes him feel downright
giddy
,
in lack of a better word, especially considering that he has reread their
text-conversations more times than he would like to admit, himself.

"I love you," he murmurs,
unintentionally. His voice is a little bit muffled, and he kisses Max's hair,
his arm tightening its grip around his body. "So much."

He can practically feel Max's
entire body relaxing against him, every muscle softening and becoming pliant,
in his arms. He lets out a soft sigh, as Max blindly moves his hand back to
touch Theo's face.

"I love you, too." His
words are soft, in a way that Theo has only now gotten used to hearing from
him. Compared to the harsh, abrasive tone he always seems to use with anyone
else, and used to have even with Theo, the sheer tenderness of it is oddly
moving.

They just sit like that for a few
seconds, until Theo lets out a heavy sigh, absently planting small kisses
against the back of Max's neck, and on his shoulder.

"It'll be okay," he says,
not entirely believing his own words. "We'll work it out."

He's pretty sure Max doesn't
believe it, either, but they both have the decency not to mention it. Instead,
Max just nods, before turning his head, so that he can kiss Theo on the mouth.

"Okay," he says, and at
least for a moment, everything feels like it will be.

Chapter 28

Play

Despite the rather heavy news Max just delivered, both
he and Theo seem to feel that it would be a waste of a perfectly good snow day
to dwell on it. They opt for ignoring it, instead, at least for now, and by the
time they're dressed again and have had some late breakfast, the mood is once
more considerably lighter.

Max doesn't want to go back home,
for obvious reasons, and Theo figures that he should just as well stay where he
is, anyway. Theo's parents aren't home, so it's not like it would make such a
difference, if they went to Max's house.

It's around noon that Max starts
itching for a cigarette, after holding off for a pretty long while, and he
decides to step outside.

There's a back door that faces the
backyard, and despite only having to stand right outside for a couple of
minutes, it's nearly cold enough to need pretty much every layer of winter
wear, so Max properly wraps himself up. Theo, in lack of anything better to do,
decides to join him, and the minute he steps outside, he feels that oddly
pleasant winter chill. It's not windy, instead it's completely still, but the
snow is still falling rapidly, and in fat, white flakes. Theo swears the snow
is visibly deeper now, than it was this morning.

He turns to Max, looks at him.

"Is it worth it?" Theo
finds himself asking after a while, as he watches Max take a pull on his lit
cigarette. And Max glances at him, before glancing at the cigarette, getting
what Theo is referring to. He half-shrugs.

"Probably not," he
admits. "Can't seem to stop, though."

Theo chews his bottom lip.

"Why not?" he asks, and
Max shrugs again, with a small sigh, eyeing the cigarette between his fingers.

"Don't know," he says.
"I mean, I didn't used to care. I figured, what's a few years off your
life, right?"

He looks up at Theo.

"Never really saw a reason to
quit."

His expression is almost completely
neutral, but Theo just stares at him, as Max turns away again, looking out over
the snow-covered yard. He takes another pull on the cigarette, and Theo
swallows.

What's a few years off your life?
he thinks, oddly surprised at his own, sudden shift in
mood. What kind of reasoning is that? Maybe Theo has simply been blind to it,
before, but suddenly, hearing Max say that is almost physically painful.
Of
course a few years matter,
he wants to tell him.
Of course you shouldn't
ignore it, let alone actively contribute to taking those years away.

But he doesn't say it. He doesn't
say it, because he feels like now is not the time, somehow.

Still, though. Sometimes he forgets
how Max sees himself, and sometimes he forgets that Max hasn't just changed
Theo, but also the other way around. Max has given Theo confidence, some kind
of strength, which Theo honestly thinks about almost every day, and he's happy
and grateful. He owes Max so much.

But Theo forgets sometimes, that
these past few months, Max has slowly gained an actual sense of self-worth,
which he didn't have before. He has slowly started seeing himself as valuable
and worthwhile, and that makes Theo happy, because that's exactly what Max is,
and that's exactly how Theo sees him.

Max hasn't really known that
before, and maybe, the same ignorance has led him to believe that the effect of
those cigarettes doesn't matter. That it doesn't matter that they might make
him sick, and actually kill him, in the long run. And Theo hasn't even noticed,
because Max smoking is so much hotter than it should be, and it's something
that he has fond memories of, ever since he first found Max behind the school,
and they kissed for the first time. Theo honestly loves that about Max, so this
is, indirectly, on him too.

Suddenly, Theo wants to just pluck
that cigarette away from Max's mouth and make sure he never touches it, again.

He doesn't, though. He doesn't, and
instead, he takes a few steps away from the door and crouches down. There's a
small roof above the porch by the door, so the snow isn't too deep here, and he
gathers up some snow in his hands, making his fingers almost immediately turn a
shade of pink, from the cold. Then he starts shaping the snow into a ball. The
snow is perfect for it, crunching and creaking between his fingers, and he
smiles a little, as he stands up. He turns to face Max, who narrows his eyes at
him.

"What are you up to?" he
asks suspiciously, tapping away some of the last ashes on his cigarette. And
Theo just keeps his smile, looking down at his snowball.

Then he looks up, and without
warning, throws the snowball at Max's chest.

The look on Max's face is
priceless; it's a mix of confusion, utter shock, and a hint of
what the fuck
,
and he looks down at his chest. The scattered snow leaves a sharp contrast
against the black coat, and he slowly looks up at Theo.

"Did you just throw a snowball
at me?" he asks, sounding disbelieving and a bit surprised, and Theo just
cocks his head, a casual expression on his face, before crouching down to
gather up more snow in his hands.

"And you're seriously gearing
up for another attack?" Max continues indignantly, in the same tone of
voice, but Theo still doesn't answer him, shaping the snow into a ball. He only
catches a glimpse of Max's slightly panicked expression, before he hurls the
snowball at him, this time getting a more noticeable reaction.

"Dude, seriously," Max
says, actually taking a step back, but Theo doesn't relent. Instead, he just
smiles at him mischievously, and Max glares at him for a moment, before rolling
his shoulders a bit.

"Fine," he says
defiantly, flicking the cigarette away and gathering some snow from the ground.
"If that's the way you want it."

Theo barely has time to get more
snow, before Max's snowball hits him in the shoulder, and he immediately
retaliates, this time hitting Max in the arm.

"I swear, I will
tackle
you,"
Max threatens, gearing up with another snowball and advancing on Theo, while
Theo stumbles backwards and nearly falls over. The snow is much deeper away
from the roof, and it takes him a moment to reclaim his footing. Max doesn't
relent, though. Instead, he hurls another snowball at Theo, who expertly ducks,
making it fly over his head, and he backs away a little bit more.

"You talk big," he says,
gathering up some more snow, with a rather amused smile on his face. "But
you're gonna have to catch me, first."

Max tilts his head, both him and
Theo now knee-deep in snow and getting gradually covered in a thin layer of the
white flakes that keep falling from the sky.

"Really?" Max says.
"That's your line? You know it's a challenge, right? Not to mention a
rather unoriginal one."

"That sounds like excuses, to
me," Theo retorts pointedly, before throwing another snowball at his
boyfriend, who just barely manages to dodge it.

"Oh, hell no." Max
practically murmurs it, but Theo can still hear him, and he actually laughs out
loud when Max practically lunges at him, snowball in hand. Max tries to grab
him, and his fingers brush against the sleeve of Theo's jacket, but Theo
manages to get away, and the impromptu snowball fight quickly turns into a
chase, more than anything.

The snowballs keep flying, though,
and Theo is barely even aware of the way his fingers are actually going numb
from the cold. Instead, he keeps throwing, keeps dodging, and staggers a little
whenever Max actually manages to hit his mark. Before he knows it, he's covered
in snow, and so is Max, which is kind of an odd sight; the black of his clothes
and hair looks rather stark against the white background.

It's the sound of a window opening
that makes Theo look up.

"Hey!" The voice is familiar,
and Theo turns toward the house next to his own. Sure enough, Riley is sticking
his head out through a second story window of Ellie's house, and Theo and Max
both stop what they're doing to look up at him.

"What are you doing?"
Riley calls, and Theo holds up his prepared snowball, pointedly.

"What does it look like?"
he yells back, before lowering the ball again and tossing it between his hands.
"You should try it. Or are you too old for that?"

He adds that last part with a smug
little smile, and Riley looks a bit annoyed, for a moment. Then he turns
around, though, as if he's talking to someone, and after a few seconds, he
turns back to Theo.

"Hang on a minute," he
says, sounding a bit bored, before closing the window. Theo just raises his
eyebrows, looks at Max, who simply shrugs, and after another second or so, Max
quickly throws his snowball at Theo. It hits him square in the chest, and Theo
jerks back, dramatically offended.

"Hey, that's cheating!"
he exclaims, but Max is already backing away, a sneaky smile on his face.

"That sounds like excuses, to
me," he says pointedly, and Theo narrows his eyes. But Max is already
dodging, by the time Theo's snowball actually flies through the air, making it
land in the deep snow, instead.

It's after another few minutes of
snowball-fighting, that Theo notices Riley come walking around the corner of
the yard. And to his surprise, Ellie is actually with him.

"Hey," Theo says,
smiling. "Caved, huh?"

"I may have convinced
him," Ellie says, with a dimpled smile, her blond, slightly curly hair
half-hidden beneath a knitted hat. Riley glances at her self-consciously. He's
already a bit taller than Ellie, both of them fourteen years old, and Theo can
only imagine what the height difference will be when he actually hits a proper
growth spurt, in a couple of years. But still, he looks oddly small and shy,
next to her, which Theo reluctantly finds adorable.

"Good job," Theo says,
impressed, and Ellie smiles at him easily. She has been living right next door
for as long as Theo can remember, after all, and while she and Riley have been
friends that whole time, Theo has come to see of her kind of as a little
sister.

"Alright," Max chimes in,
rolling up a snowball in his hands. "Riley, you have five seconds, before
I throw this at you."

"What?" Riley practically
sputters. "What for?"

Max shrugs.

"Call it a pre-emptive
strike," he says, and then counts silently to himself, before throwing the
ball at Riley's chest. And Riley just looks at him, stunned.

"Come on, little dude,"
Max says, backing away and gathering up material for another snowball.
"Show me what you got."

And with that, the snowball fight
is back in full swing.

Ellie and Max haven't actually met
before, but they get along easily, and they even gang up on Theo and Riley for
a little while, making the brothers run for cover. It's a snowy massacre, and
after a few minutes, Theo makes a point of actually getting some gloves for him
and Max; his fingers are dangerously numb, by now, and he knows his boyfriend
agrees.

By the time they're all too
exhausted to actually run around in the snow, anymore, Ellie starts building a
snowman, which Riley helps her out with. And soon enough, Max and Theo pitch
in, as well, eventually creating a snowman that stands as tall as Ellie, with sticks
and rocks for arms and a face. Riley laments that they don't have a carrot for
the nose, but they make due with a bigger rock, which has the pointed edge of
what might pass for a slightly stunted nose.

Eventually, Riley and Ellie return
to Ellie's house, causing Max and Theo to smile at Riley teasingly, to his
chagrin. Then Ellie takes his hand, though, and Theo is very amused to see his
little brother blush, as she does it.

Max is standing slightly behind Theo,
as Theo watches them go, and after a little while, he nudges him.

"Hey," Max says, and Theo
turns to him. "You ready?"

Theo frowns.

"For what?" he asks, and
Max cocks his head.

"I said I was gonna tackle
you," he says, matter-of-factly, and Theo's eyes widen a little.

"What?" he says dumbly,
and then reacts when Max takes a step forward. "No wait, Max―"

He barely gets the words out,
before Max suddenly lunges his body against him in an
actual
tackle,
knocking Theo down into the soft, fluffy snow. Max ends up on top of him, and
Theo groans a little, but can't help but laugh.

"Oh, man," he says.
"Uncool. Just, not okay."

Max only chuckles, though, looking
way too satisfied.

"I warned you," he says,
and Theo sighs.

"Yeah, but now I've got snow
inside my collar," he says, suddenly very uncomfortable at the cold
sensation against his skin. "Not to mention, snow everywhere."

Max glances down at himself and
lets out a small groan.

"Yeah," he agrees.
"Me, too."

He leans down and gives Theo a
cold, soft kiss.

"Maybe we should get
inside."