Sweaters & Cigarettes (25 page)

"I want to," Theo
repeats, breath catching slightly at the sensation of Max's hardness against
his own, the skin there still wet from that wicked mouth. "I want
you.
"

He looks at Max pointedly, and
finally, Max seems to catch on. He blinks.

"You sure?" he asks, the
soft concern in his voice blatantly pierced by something that sounds like
excited hunger, and Theo nods.

"Yeah," he says, pulling Max
into a slow, hot kiss. "Yeah, I'm sure."

Theo feels slightly out of it for a
few moments, after that. He just feels high, somehow, and it's only made more
acute with the realization that they're really going to do this. They're
actually
going to do this, that even though they've done so much else, by now, it
still feels like a big deal.

It shouldn't be a big deal
, Theo thinks,
but it is
. It's a huge deal, to
him it is, and it's actually going to happen. It makes him feel excited and
terrified, all at once, like he so often seems to feel, where Max is concerned.

It's after only a few seconds of
rather intense making out, that something occurs to Theo, and he pulls away the
slightest bit.

"Do you have...?" he
asks, hesitantly and a bit awkwardly, trailing off. It only takes about a
second for Max to catch on, though, and he gets a rather sheepish look.

"Actually," he says,
"I do."

He leans over the bed's edge to
retrieve his wallet from the back pocket of his pants, and Theo raises his
eyebrows slightly in curiosity, as Max extracts a condom from it.

"I'm not a presumptuous dick,
or anything," Max says, voice a bit subdued. "It's just...
habit."

He gives Theo a glance, looking
almost apologetic, but Theo simply tells himself that it's nothing new. He has
known, from the moment he and Max started seeing each other, that Max has been
rather busy, when it comes to stuff like this, and that Theo is by far the
first guy he has been with. In other words, Max is bound to be prepared.

But Theo doesn't really reply. Instead,
he tries to convey it through a look, and watches as Max gets a small,
single-use packet of lube from his wallet, as well. Those blue eyes look oddly
self-conscious, underneath the obvious arousal.

"Sorry," Max says,
throwing away the wallet and putting the condom and lube on the small bedside
table. "I hope it's not weird, or anything, I just―"

Theo grabs onto him then and rams
their mouths together, effectively silencing him, and when he pulls away, Max
looks simply stunned.

"You need to shut up,"
Theo says softly, his entire body buzzing with impatience. "Right
now."

Max doesn't need telling twice. He
just looks at Theo like he's somehow seeing him for the first time, like he's nothing
short of an epiphany, and the way he kisses him then is enough to make Theo's
head spin. He suddenly feels impatient, wants to expedite things, but Max holds
him at bay.

"This might take a
while," he says, trying to talk normally, while breathing heavily and
squirming against the way Theo places open-mouthed kisses against his throat.

"Uh-huh," Theo murmurs
absently against his skin, and Max exhales, clearly trying to focus.

"Yeah," he says.
"Don't wanna rush it, or it might not work out."

"I don't care," Theo
murmurs, kissing his mouth, and Max groans.

"Yes, you do," he says.
"Trust me."

He moves one hand up to card his
fingers through Theo's hair, which is already slightly damp with sweat.

"And I really don't want to
hurt you," he says, slightly softer than a moment ago. "So, we're
taking our time. Okay?"

Theo looks up at him, swallows
hard, and then nods.

"Okay," he agrees,
leaving the matter in Max's much more capable and experienced hands. "I
trust you."

Max's blue eyes seem to soften at
that, and he leans his forehead against Theo's for a moment, exhaling. He
doesn't say anything, doesn't need to. They both know where they stand, here.

Theo watches with some kind of
apprehensive fascination, as Max tears open the small packet of lube, watches
as he squeezes some into his hand. Max then locks his eyes with Theo's and
moves his hand far downward, the other hand nudging at Theo's legs a bit,
urging Theo to spread them wide. And he leans in and kisses Theo on the mouth,
making him almost completely relax, and sigh against him, while he slowly,
carefully, slides a finger inside.

Theo feels his whole body react,
tenses up automatically at the unfamiliar sensation. It feels weird, at first,
but as Max keeps kissing him, and starts slowly moving his finger, in and out,
Theo gradually, eventually, starts to relax again. It's not exactly a downside,
when Max leans down and kisses his throat, slowly trailing up along the base of
his jaw, the shell of his ear, breathing heavily and making small, somehow
comforting noises. Theo isn't sure why, but it really helps, and he closes his
eyes, smoothing his hands along Max's tattooed arms, trying to ground himself.

This is Max. This is
Max
,
and that fact alone makes everything else irrelevant, enough to make Theo simply
become pliant underneath him.

It's after what feels like several
minutes, that Theo starts clinging to Max desperately, moaning and panting with
pleasure, as Max's slowly added fingers move inside him, eager, yet
simultaneously soft and patient, in their persuasion. It honestly doesn't even
feel weird anymore; by now, it just feels
good
.
Really
good.

Why haven't we done this before?
Theo absently wonders. Seriously, why have they been
putting this off for so long?

Minutes pass, and Theo keeps his
eyes closed, trying to even out his breathing, but it's virtually impossible.
All he can really feel is Max, touching him and kissing him, his fingers moving
inside him and making Theo squirm and moan in a frankly undignified way. But
he's barely present enough to care. This just feels
so
good, so amazing,
and he doesn't care.

"Ready?" Max's voice is
only a whisper, heavy and almost panting, right by his ear, and Theo swallows
hard. He opens his eyes and finds Max's blue ones, looking right at him. He
nods.

"Yeah," he breathes,
trying to string together a coherent word, just barely succeeding, and Max just
looks at him, before nodding in response. He looks hungry. Excited, high, even
slightly concerned, but most of all, hungry, and it does things to Theo that he
barely knows how to deal with.

Theo absently moans in something
like disappointment, as Max's fingers pull out of him, and he watches as Max
gets the condom from the bedside table, keeps his eyes focused on him, as he
tears open the wrapping with his teeth. And Theo doesn't look away, doesn't shy
away from the sight of Max putting the condom on, as he kneels between Theo's
spread legs. He doesn't look away, because for once, it doesn't feel awkward or
embarrassing, but rather arousing as hell, and as though Max notices, he puts
the condom on slowly, deliberately, taking his time. When Theo looks up at him,
those intense, blue eyes meet his, and
damn
, he's not sure how much more
of this he can take.

Max squeezes out the last of the
lube into his hand, and then keeps his eyes focused on Theo's as he moves his
hand back downward. Slowly, he slides his fingers inside again, making Theo
arch his hips and inhale sharply, biting down hard. But he doesn't look away,
not once, and Max uses his other hand to hoist Theo's hips up the slightest
bit, while he moves his fingers inside him, rubbing and loosening up, making
Theo squirm underneath him.

"Theo," Max says, his
voice just above a rough whisper, as he leans down so that their faces are mere
inches apart. "I don't want to hurt you."

Theo doesn't know what to say to
that. He's too busy trying to control himself and simply keep breathing.

"You know that," Max
continues, his voice oddly firm and soft, at the same time. He sounds
completely sure, and as he speaks, Theo suddenly feels those fingers hit a spot
that makes him widen his eyes and bite out a loud moan, feeling jolts of
pleasure shoot through seemingly every nerve in his body. Max seems unfazed,
although Theo can tell how those blue eyes are suddenly burning, Max relishing
the way he's making Theo come undone.

"I don't want to hurt
you," Max repeats calmly, while Theo squirms pointlessly against him,
trying to make any kind of sound that doesn't sound like a whimper. "So if
you're uncomfortable in any way, and you wanna stop, you just say the word.
Okay?"

Theo swallows hard, squeezing his
eyes shut. He can barely hear what Max is saying; he's too wrapped up in this,
too wrapped up in the way he suddenly wants nothing more than to feel Max inside
him,
properly
, so much so that he's somehow lost on how Max slowly pulls
out his fingers.

"Theo," Max says firmly,
voice now heavy with desire. "Okay?"

Theo forces his eyes open then, and
he nods.

"Okay," he says, breathlessly
and barely audibly, and Max tilts his head a bit, as he looks down at him.
There's something familiar in those eyes, something raw and predatory, and Theo
realizes where he has seen it before. It's the way Max used to look at him,
back when they first started seeing each other, and more than anything, he
finds that it makes him harder and more turned-on than ever, which somehow
surprises him.

Theo's eyes are locked on Max's
blue ones. They don't falter for a moment, Theo's hands absently moving up to
those partly tattooed shoulders, as Max moves closer and then slowly pushes in.

It only burns a little bit, less
than Theo somehow expected it to, but it's enough to make him groan loudly and
tighten his grip on Max's shoulders, and he swears he can feel Max's entire
body
shudder
. For a second, Max pauses, as though to collect himself,
before slowly pulling out and easing back in, carefully, taking his time. When
he finally bottoms out, the moan that emits from his throat is enough to make
Theo grit his teeth in some kind of tense, impatient pleasure. He closes his
eyes for a moment, breathing deeply, shakily, and when he opens his eyes again,
he can see, despite the darkness, that Max looks completely wrecked.

Those dark blue eyes are soft, but
burning, and Theo can see the question in them;
Is this okay?
And so he
nods, hoping Max can tell just how much he means that. Apparently, he can,
because he starts moving then, thrusting slowly, and Theo finds himself moaning
along with the movements, gripping Max's shoulders tightly.

He tries to keep his eyes open. He
wants to watch those blue eyes, wants to see Max's face and expressions, as he
moves into him, breathing heavy and uneven, but he can't. Vision just feels
like such a superfluous sense, at the moment, and so he closes his eyes, moving
one hand down along Max's back, while the other smoothes over the tattoos on
his upper arm.

He can barely think. Everything is
suddenly just a haze of heat and warm skin and friction and pleasure, as Max
eventually starts moving at a more deliberate, slightly rougher pace. Theo
hears downright filthy sounds escaping his own mouth, and Max hears them, as
well. Theo can tell by the way he moans and grunts, placing open-mouthed kisses
against the skin below Theo's ear, his muscles tensing up and almost shaking.

It did feel a bit weird, at first,
Theo must admit, and that much he had kind of expected, to be honest. But any
sensation of that has slowly been replaced by what he's feeling right now, this
unrelenting, consuming thing that leaves him completely lost.

Theo can soon tell by the way Max
starts breathing raggedly that he's getting close, that he's close to the edge
and that Theo is the reason. It's enough to make Theo clench his jaw and
tighten his grip on Max's body, gripping his upper arm and pressing against his
lower back with his hand. He's vaguely aware of Max almost flinching slightly,
but he doesn't make much of it. He can't, he's too distracted to.

Theo shifts slightly, hears Max
groan at the unexpected friction, and suddenly, everything is on fire. Theo's
skin burns, tingles,
crackles
, and he grips Max's arm tighter. This
time, he can hear Max suck in a sharp breath through his teeth, but he doesn't
slow down. Instead, Max burrows his face against Theo's neck, as he smoothes
down over Theo's chest and slowly takes him in his hand, stroking him, along
with his thrusts. It's like a shot of adrenaline, and Theo is just completely
gone.

He moans against Max's shoulder,
squeezes his eyes shut, his grip on that tattooed upper-arm suddenly vice-like,
and he moves his other hand up over Max's back. He presses his lower arm across
his shoulder blades, across the top of those inked wings, and pulls downward,
roughly, enough to make Max bite out a surprised, strangled groan. But he keeps
going, keeps thrusting, keeps stroking, and Theo feels like he wants to say
something, but he knows that it would somehow break the spell. Instead, he only
breathes erratically, his deep, groaning moans quickly dissolving into noises that
sound more like embarrassing, desperate
whimpers
, and he tries to keep
it together. But it's difficult, and he's so,
so
close.