Such Is Life (3 page)

“To tell you the truth,” I replied, “that black horse has carried a pack so long that he's about cooked for saddle. But he does me right enough.”

“Then I'll tell you what I'll do!” exclaimed Rufus impulsively. “Look here! At a word! I'll go you an even swap for that little weed of a grey mare! At a word, mind! I'm a reckless sort o' (person) when I take the notion! but without a word of exaggeration, I wouldn't do it on'y for being fixed the way I am. This here mare's got a fortune in her for a man like you.”

“Now howl' yer tongue!” interposed M'Nab, who, with the half-caste—a lithe, active lad of eighteen—had joined us. “Is it swappin' ye want wi' decent men? Sure thon poor craytur iv a baste hesn't got the sthrenth fur till kerry it own hide, let alone a great gommeril on it back. An' thon's furnent ye! Hello, Tamson! begog A didn't know ye at wanst.”

“Good day, Mr. M'Nab. Alterations since I delivered you that wire at Poondoo. Been in the wars?” For M'Nab was leaning forward and sideways in his saddle, evidently in pain.

“Yis,” replied the contractor frankly. “There was some Irish rascals at the pub. thonder, where we stapped las' night; an' wan word brung on another, an' at long an' at last we fell to, so we did; an' A 'm dam but they got the betther o' me, being three agin wan. A b'lee some o' me ribs is bruk.”

“I'm sorry to hear that,” said Thompson, straining a point for courtesy.

“Are you an Orangeman too, sonny?” I asked the half-caste aside; for the young fellow had a bunged eye, and a flake of skin off his cheek-bone.

“No, by Cripes!” responded my countryman emphatically. “Not me. That cove's a (adj.) liar. He don't give a dam, s'posin' a feller's soul gits bashed out. Best sight I seen for many a day was seein' him gittin' kicked. If the mean begger'd on'y square up with me, I'd let summedy else do his”—

“Thon's a brave wee shilty, sur—thon grey wan o' yours,” broke in the contractor, who had been conversing with Thompson, whilst looking enviously at Fancy, hitched behind the wagon. “Boys o' dear,” he added reflectively, “she's just sich another as may wee Dolly; an' A've been luckin' fur a match fur Dolly this menny's the day. How oul' is she, sur?”

“Six, this spring.”

“Ay-that! Ye wudn't be fur partin' we her, sur? A 'm mortial covetious fur till git thon baste. Houl' an”—he pondered a moment, glancing first, at the honest-looking hack he was riding, then at the magnificent animal which carried the half-caste. “Houl' an. Gimme a thrifle fur luck, an' take ether wan o' them two. A'll thrust ye till do the leck fur me some time afther.”

He had been travelling with the red-headed fellow, and the fascination of swapping was upon him, poorly backed by his suicidal candour. The utter simplicity of his bracketing his own two horses—worth, respectively, to all appearance, £8 and £30—and the frank confession of his desire to have my mare at any price, made me feel honestly compunctious.

“Now thon's a brave loose lump iv a baste,” he continued, following my eye as I glanced over the half-caste's splendid mount. “Aisy till ketch, an' as quite as ye plaze.”

“How old is he, Mr. M'Nab?”

“He must be purty oul', he's so quite and thractable. Ye kin luck at his mouth. A don't ondherstand the marks myself.”

I opened the horse's mouth. He was just five. I regret to record that I shook my head gravely, and observed:

“You've had him a long time, Mr. M'Nab?”

“Divil a long. A got him in a swap, as it might be this time yistherday. There's the resate. An' here's the resate the man got when he bought him out o' Hillston poun'. Ye can't go beyant a poun' resate.”

“Why do you want to get rid of the horse, Mr. M'Nab?”

“Begog, A don't want till git red iv the baste, sich as he is,” replied M'Nab resentfully. “But A want thon wee shilty, an' A evened a swap till ye, fur it's a prodistaner thing nor lavin' a man on his feet, so it is.”

“See anything wrong with the horse, Steve?” I asked in an undertone.

“Perfect to the eye,” murmured Thompson. “Try him a mile, full tilt.”

I made the proposal to M'Nab, and he eagerly agreed. At my suggestion, the half-caste unhitched and tried Fancy, while I mounted the black horse, and turned him across the plain. I tried him at all paces; but never before had I met with anything to equal that elastic step and long, easy, powerful stride. To ride that horse was to feel free, exultant, invincible. His gallop was like
Marching Through Georgia
, vigorously rendered by a good brass band. All that has been written of man's noblest friend—from the dim, uncertain
time when some unknown hand, in a leisure moment, dashed off the Thirty-ninth chapter of the Book of Job, to the yesterday when Long Gordon translated into ringing verse the rhythmic clatter of the hoof-beats he loved so well—all might find fulfilment in this unvalued beast, now providentially owned by the softest of foreigners.

“Well?” interrogated M'Nab, as I rejoined him.

“Don't you think he's a bit chest-foundered?” I asked in reply.

“Divil a wan o' me knows. Mebbe he is, begog. Sure A hedn't him long enough fur till fine out.”

“And how much boot are you going to give me?” I asked, with a feeling of shame which did honour to my heart.

“Och, now, lave this! Boot! is it? Sure A cud kerry thon wee shilty ondher may oxther! Ye have a right till be givin' me a thrifle fur luck. A'll let ye aff we two notes.”

But after five minutes' more palaver, M'Nab agreed to an even swap. I had pen and ink in my pocket; my note-book supplied paper; and receipts were soon exchanged. Then the saddles were shifted, and we cantered ahead till we rejoined Thompson. I tied my new acquisition behind the wagon, where, for the first five minutes, he severely tested the inch rope which secured him.

“Now, Mr. M'Nab,” said I, “I'll give you my word that the mare is just what you see. You may as well tell me what's wrong with the horse?”

“Ax Billy about thon. Mebbe he's foun' out some thricks, or somethin'.”

“Well, look here,” said Billy devoutly—“I hope Gord'll strike me stark, stiff, stone dead off o' this saddle if the horse has any tricks, or anythin' wrong with him, no more nor the man in the moon. Onna bright. There! I've swore it.”

“Well, the mare is as good as gold,” I reiterated. “She's one among a hundred. Call her Fancy.”

“The horse's name's Clayopathra,” rejoined M'Nab; “an' by gog ye'll fine him wan out iv a thousan'. A chris'ned him Clayopathra, fur A thought till run him.”

“A very good name too,” I replied affably. “I should be sorry to change it.”

And I never did change it, though, often afterward, men of clerkly attainments took me aside and kindly pointed out what they conceived to be a blunder. I have dwelt, perhaps tediously, upon this swap; my excuses are—first, that, having made few such good
bargains during the days of my vanity, the memory is a pleasant one; and, second, that the horse will necessarily play a certain part in these memoirs.

“Well, we'll be pushin' an, Billy,” said M'Nab; “the sun's gittin' low. An' you needn't tail me up enny fardher,” he added, turning to Rufus. “Loaf an these people the night. A man thravellin' his lone, an' nat a shillin' in his pocket!”

“O, go an' bark up a tree, you mongrel!” replied the war-material, with profusion of adjective. “Fat lot o' good tailin' you up! A man that sets down to his dinner without askin' another man whether he's got a mouth on him or not! Polite sort o' (person) you are! Gerrout! you bin dragged up on the cheap!”

“Come! A'll bate ye fifty poun' A 'm betther rairt nor you! Houl' an!—A'll bate ye a hundher'—two hundher', if ye lek, an'stake the money down this minit”—

“Stiddy, now! draw it mild, you fellers there!” thundered Cooper from behind. “Mustn't have no quarrellin' while I'm knockin' round.”

“Ye'll be late gettin' to the ram-paddock, Tamson,” remarked M'Nab, treating Cooper with the silent contempt usually lavished upon men of his physique. “Axpect thon's where ye're makin' fur?”

“I say—you better camp with us to-night,” suggested Thompson, evading the implied inquiry.

Without replying, the contractor put his horse into a canter, and, accompanied by his esquire, went on his way, pausing only to speak to Mosey for a few minutes as he passed the foremost team.

“Curious sample o' (folks) you drop across on the track sometimes,” remarked Rufus, who remained with us.

“No end to the variety,” I replied. Then lowering my voice and glancing furtively round, I asked experimentally, “Haven't I seen you before, somewhere?”

“Queensland, most likely,” he conjectured, whilst finding something of interest on the horizon, at the side farthest from me. “Native o' that district, I am. Jist comin' across for the fust time. What's that bloke's name with the nex' team ahead—if it's a fair question?”

“Bob Dixon.”

“Gosh, I'm in luck!” He spurred his mare forward, and attached himself to Dixon for the rest of the afternoon.

But time, according to its deplorable habit, had been passing, and the glitter had died off the plain as the sun went on its way
to make a futile attempt at purifying the microbe-laden atmosphere of Europe.

At last we reached the spot selected as a camp. Close on our left was the clump of swamp box which covered about fifty acres of the nearer portion of the selection, leaving a few scattered trees outside the fence. On our right, the bare plain extended indefinitely.

I ought to explain that this selection was a mile-square block, which had been taken up, four years previously, by a business man of Melbourne, whose aim was to show the public how to graze scientifically on a small area. Now Runnymede owned the selection, whilst its former occupier was vending sixpenny parcels of inferior fruit on a railway platform. The fence—erected by the experimentalist—was of the best kind; two rails and four wires; sheep-proof and cattle-proof.

The wagons drew off the track, and stopped beside the fence in the deepening twilight. The bullocks were unyoked with all speed, and stood around waiting to see what provision would be made for the night.

“Look 'ere,” said Mosey, taking a dead pine sapling from the stock of firewood under his wagon, and, of course, emphasising his address by an easy and not ungraceful clatter of the adjective used so largely by poets in denunciation of war—“we ain't goin' to travel these carrion a mile to the gate, an' most likely fine it locked when we git there. Hold on till I git my internal machine to work on the fence. Dad! Where's that old morepoke? O, you're there, are you? Fetch the jack off o' your wagon—come! fly roun'! you're (very) slow for a young fellow. Bum,” (abbreviation of “bummer,” and applied to the red-headed fellow) “you surround them carrion, or we'll be losin' the run o' them two steers.”

A low groan from Bum's mare followed the heavy stroke of the ruffian's spurs. “Some o' you other (fellows) keep roun' that side,” said he; “I'll go this road. Up! you Red Roverite!”—No use … The mare had had enough for one day; she stumbled, and fell, rolling heavily over her rider. “What the (quadruple expletive)'s the matter with her?” he continued, extricating himself, and kicking the beast till she staggered to her feet. “Come on agen, an' don't gimme no more o' your religiousness.” He remounted, and the mare, under the strong stimulus of his spurs, cantered laboriously out into the dark.

Meanwhile, Mosey had taken a hand-saw from its receptacle on his wagon, and had cut the pine spar to a length of about eighteen
inches less than a panel of the fence. “Lash this 'ere saplin' hard down on the top rail,” he now commanded. Price and Dixon obeyed, and Mosey laid his powerful bottle-jack on the rail, filling up the space, and began to turn it with a long bolt, by way of lever. “You see, Tom,” he remarked to me; “this fixter'll put the crooked maginnis on any fence from 'ere to 'ell. It's got to come. No matter how tight rails is shouldered, they'll spring some; an' if every post'll give on'y half a inch, why then, ten posts makes five or six inches; an' that's about all you want. Then in the morning, you can fix the fence so's the ole-man divil his self couldn't ball you out. Ah!— — —! That's what comes o' blowin'.” For the post, being wild and free in the grain, had burst along the two mortices; one half running completely off, just above the ground. “Serve people right for puttin' in rails when wire would do,” he continued, removing the screw-jack. “Accidents will happen—best reg'lated famblies. 'T ain't our business, anyhow. Now, chaps, round up yer carrion, an' shove 'em in.”

The four wires in the lower part of the fence rung like harp-strings as the cattle stepped into or over them, and in a few minutes the whole live stock of the caravan—eighty-four bullocks and seven horses—were in the selection, but too thirsty to feed. Then whilst Thompson, Mosey, Willoughby and I tailed them toward the tank, Dixon hurried on ahead with his five-gallon oil-drum, in order to replenish it before the water was disturbed; and Price, by Mosey's orders, accompanied him on the same business. We steadied the bullocks at the tank till all were satisfied, then headed them back to within fifty yards of the wagons, where we hobbled all the horses, except Bum's mare.

“Steve,” said I to my old schoolmate: “of course, you and I are seized of the true inwardness of duffing; but to those who live cleanly, as noblemen should, this would appear a dirty transaction.”

“The world's full of dirty transactions, Tom,” replied the bullock driver wearily. “It's a dirty transaction to round up a man's team in a ten-mile paddock, and stick a bob a head on them, but that's a thing that I'm very familiar with; it's a dirty transaction to refuse water to perishing beasts, but I've been refused times out of number, and will be to the end of the chapter; it's a dirty transaction to persecute men for having no occupation but carting, yet that's what nine-tenths of the squatters do, and this Montgomery is one of the nine. you're a bit sarcastic. How long is it since you were one of the cheekiest grass-stealers on the track?”