Authors: Brina Courtney
Brighton sat up straighter and began to talk,
“We’re so glad you decided to join us today Victoria. I know I am.” He looked right into her eyes when he said it, but she just nodded as she dabbed her eyes. There was something about the way he said it made her think twice about Brighton. Something that made her want to talk to him more. Tell him more of her story. She realized that sometimes support from strangers was the best that you could get.
13
The semester moved on swiftly and it surprised Victoria how quickly fall break came. The holidays were just around the corner and although she is fitting in nicely with her grief counseling group, she hadn’t really made many friends outside of it. She could tell that Kate was starting to worry. But sticking with her routine of getting things done at school and then coming home and taking care of the house had made things easy, almost simple. She was learning to cook and she liked taking care of the chores around the apartment. She wasn’t sure she was ready to let go of the past completely yet.
Her last class before break was Advanced Writing. She was listening to the professor give their assignment for break when she felt her phone buzzing in her pocket. She thought it was odd because typically no one called her during class.
She pulled the phone out of her back pocket but she didn’t recognize the number. Assuming it was just telemarketer’s phone call, she ignored it. Then five minutes later her phone started buzzing again so she stepped out of class to answer it.
“
Hello?” She said hesitantly.
“
Hi Victoria, it’s Brighton.”
“
Brighton?” Why would he be calling? How did he get her number?
“
Yeah hey, I was wondering if you’d be interested in getting some grub sometime.”
Victoria furrowed her brow thinking hard about whether or not an invitation for coffee with Brighton was someone she was interested in. Was he attractive? Sure. Was she ready to put herself back out there and make new friends? The thought gave her the chills.
“I’m not sure Brighton. I mean, I’m just starting to get into a routine. Hanging out with someone new isn’t really where my mind is now.”
“
Kate said you’d say that.”
Damn it.
Kate, of course. “Kate told you that?”
He laughed,
“She didn’t tell you she gave me your number?”
“
No, but that’s kind of her thing.”
“
Passing your number out to guys?”
“
No, getting involved.”
“
She’s brilliant you know.”
Victoria thought for a moment. She did know that, Kate had saved her life. Probably more than once. And if spending time with an adorable British guy was the next step in Kate’s journey for her, then she’d take it.
“Well, if she’s so brilliant, I guess we should take her advice.”
She could almost feel his smile from over the phone line.
“Perfect.”
“
When do you want to go?”
His answer was simple,
“Today.”
“
My class ends at two, how about around three o’clock?”
“
Smashing. Three o’clock it is, at Grounds.”
She ended the call and stared at her phone’s blank screen. When had she become so brave?
After class Victoria slowly placed all of her books into her messenger bag. The professor, an older man with graying hair, approached her slowly. “I just wanted to say I’m really impressed with the amount of effort you’ve been putting in. You have a real talent.”
Victoria stopped,
“Umm, thank you.”
“
Have you ever considered writing as a profession?”
She stared at him blankly,
“No.”
“
Well Victoria, I just wanted to mention it. Not many of my students have your abilities when it comes to the written word. I don’t know what your plans are post-graduation, but something a little bit more creative might be in store for you. Have a nice break.”
He grabbed his tattered brown briefcase and left the classroom without another word. Victoria sat down slowly contemplating her future. It was the first time anyone had mentioned what to do after college to her since her conversation with Levi at the restaurant only a few months before. She chewed on her lower lip as she thought about her future plans.
She walked like a zombie considering her goals in life and found herself standing in front of Grounds, the coffee shop on campus. She peered into the window and saw Brighton sitting in a comfortable leather chair near an empty fireplace. She heard the chime of the bell above her head as she moved slowly into the aroma filled shop. The barista who stood behind the counter was reading the newspaper, but hopped to attention at the sound of the bell and offered her any number of drinks. She waved the young freshman off and turned to go sit with Brighton.
When he noticed her arrival he stood in a very gentleman like way.
“Nice to see you.”
She nodded,
“Same to you. I was surprised you called.”
He blushed slightly before sitting back down,
“Yeah, well, I’m not one for subtleties. I just thought it would be nice to get together sometime. And I know that you’re graduating soon.”
She sat down on a floral loveseat next to him. It felt hard under her, like it was new.
“In December. I only had a couple classes to finish when I arrived here.”
“
Right--you said that at the meeting . How do you feel about Wadsworth?”
She shrugged.
“It’s nice, I mean the campus is really beautiful and the people all seem friendly.” Not that she had made many friends.
“
Any thoughts as to what you’ll do after university?”
She paused and there was a moment of awkward silence between them.
“Actually, I have been thinking about that the whole way here. But I honestly don’t know. I have a roommate now but she’s getting pretty serious with her boyfriend and I think I’m going have to find my own place soon. And a job.”
He put his foot up to rest on his opposing knee,
“I’ve been thinking the same thing. When my mum and I moved over here from London I thought I would want to move back after school, but instead I’m finding I want to stay. But I don’t really know where to go.”
“
Isn’t that weird?”
“
What?”
“
That we come to this time in our lives when we’ve already experienced so much but we still have so much more to do. Sometimes I find it all confusing.”
“
A bit.” He smiled at her. “But confusing can be an adventure as well.”
She returned the gesture,
“I like adventures.”
“
Really? You don’t seem the type.”
She was interested in his assessment of her,
“Oh, and what type is that?”
He rested his hands on the arm of the chair and looked away for a moment.
“I don’t know, shy, maybe a bit creative. But you seem like you like to stay safe in your own small world; adventurous certainly isn’t something I would use to describe you. Am I right?”
She thought for a moment because she wasn’t quite sure herself.
“I guess for the most part. I used to be a planner. I wanted to know everything that was going to happen. Every move set out in front of me. But now I’ve learned to just kind of go with life; it’ll take you to some strange places. Places you think you can never come back from, but you do. Life brought me here.” She used her hands to gesture around her.
“
So it did.”
Now that she had answered some of his questions she had her own.
“How about you? What brought you here?”
He reached over and took the white mug between his hands taking a long drink before speaking.
“My mum and dad divorced when I was about thirteen. She got an offer in the States for a job and she took it. I came with her. For a while I wanted to live with my dad but he traveled a lot and it just didn’t make sense. You could say I’ve had a pretty normal American upbringing.”
“
Do you have a good relationship with your dad now?”
He took another sip,
“I guess. I only see him maybe once a year, either he travels over here or I go there. He’s remarried now and has a daughter. It’s not really my place to interfere with their family.”
“
But it’s your family too. Just because he’s not around all the time doesn’t mean he’s abandoning you.” It was only the second time she had spoken frankly since before Levi’s death. It was one of the things about her personality she thought she had lost. But instead Brighton had brought it out of her in only a few minutes. What was so magnetic about him that made her feel like herself?
“
That was remarkably honest.” He remarked.
“
I know,” she said watching him closely. Surprisingly he didn’t appear offended.
“
I’m going to get a refill. Can I get you anything?”
She nodded,
“Yeah, sure, some tea would be great.”
When he stood he bumped into her messenger bag revealing a notebook of poetry she had been working on for her class.
“Bugger, I’m sorry.”
She quickly moved to stuff the book back in her bag,
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” When she moved to pick up the book he also leaned down to retrieve it and their hands touched for a moment. She paused and retracted while he picked up the notebook to hand back to her. It was open and the poem on top was about the New England colors of fall.
She watched his eyes scan the page. Green pools of reflection of her inner most thoughts.
“This is really great you know.” He sat down slowly in the leather chair putting down his mug. She watched emotions crossed his face as he read.
When his finger moved to turn the page he stopped himself,
“May I?”
She simply nodded, unsure of what to say. She knew the next poem in the book was about her scars and she wasn’t sure how he would take the dark thoughts she penned on the page. She had gone over that poem a million times. She shocked herself allowing him to continue to read while she sat there in silence as he made his way through the notebook. When he finally reached a blank page he sat back looking at her in awe.
“These are bloody incredible. You should get someone to look at them.”
She was shocked,
“Really? I mean, it’s just way I feel sometimes. Not like I’ve had any formal training.”
He smiled at her while handing the book back to her,
“Sometimes you don’t need training. What’s inside you is what’s most important.”
It was what was inside her. He was exactly right. Maybe Brighton and her professor knew her better than she knew herself. Maybe this was her true calling after all.
14
By the time Claire and Victoria got to the party on the beach it was already in full swing. Sunset had just fallen around them and there was already a huge bonfire in the middle of a group of people that Victoria recognized from high school. She had told Brighton to meet her at the beach. It didn’t matter how old you were, it was still awkward when a guy met your parents for the first time. And she wasn’t quite sure how they would react since she hadn’t brought anyone home in so long.
The music was pumping through speakers attached to someone’s car and no one even really seemed to notice Victoria and Claire’s presence. It wasn’t how she envisioned coming home but she appreciated that no one questioned her about Levi or what she was doing now. She called her sister to tell her that she was going to the party but Fallon was away for the weekend with her husband Drew. Fallon had mentioned that things were tense between the two of them and Victoria guessed that this was supposed to be some type of romantic rekindling of their love. She didn’t really care. She didn’t want to see her sister hurt but at the same time she knew that Drew was not a catch.
“You want a beer?” Claire yelled over the music.
“
Yeah, let’s find the keg.”
A guy they didn’t recognize filled up their solo cups.
“I’m Quinn,” he said shaking their hands. “I’m here with Trey.”
Unexpected, but it made sense. Victoria looked over her shoulder to see the party boy from high school dressed in Calvin Klein but not talking to his usual group of girls. Instead he raised a single hand waving to her. They never really been friends but it was a nice gesture and she appreciated it.
She waved back and began to look around the party in search of Brighton. It didn’t take her long to find him sitting on a log next to the fire alone. She pointed him out to Claire and walked over by herself while Claire chatted with some other former members of the cheerleading squad. She had always been more outgoing than Victoria. She was focused on her social life which proved to be important now that she was working in marketing.
When Victoria got to Brighton he stood up awkwardly like he didn’t know how to greet her. He settled on a quick kiss on the cheek.
“Some party. Thanks for inviting me.”
“
Sorry that we’re late. I had a dinner with Kate I had to finish up. Has anybody talked to you yet?”
“
Talk to the bloke that no one knows? Not really. People seem a little close minded around here.”
She sat down next to him,
“Well, then you haven’t met our hippies yet. Because they love everybody.”
He laughed,
“I assume you weren’t part of that group in high school.”
She shook her head,
“Oh no. I was a total nerd. All that I was focused on was college and getting to the next step of my life. I didn’t take a lot of time to enjoy the time that I had. Always focused on the next step, never living in the present.”
He looked at her like he was considering something,
“So, are you telling me you are not spontaneous?”
“
I certainly wasn’t in high school. I guess I could be a little bit more now. Remember, I do like an adventure.”
He took her cup from her hand.
“Then let’s have one.” He set both the plastic cups in the sand and stood up taking her hand.
“
Where are we going?”
“
If I told you then I’d have to kill you.”
Victoria looked over her shoulder to see Claire still making her rounds with the group. She wouldn’t miss her if they were only gone for a little bit.
“Well, I don’t want that to happen. Let’s go.”
She and Brighton ran far down the beach to another lit fire, this one unoccupied. They stopped out of breath and he started to take off his clothes.
“What the hell are you doing? We’re not that far away from the group! Someone is going to see you.”
Brighton laughed while he removed his shirt unveiling a six pack and rock hard pecs.
“That’s part of the adventure. Getting caught.”
“
You’re dangerous.”
“
And you’re a prude.”
She folded her arms and he knew he gone too far,
“Come on Tori. Come in the water with me.”
“
It’s freezing,” she countered. Tori, nobody called her Tori except her dad, but she kind of liked it.
“
Who cares?”
She knew it wasn’t the fact that it was cold that was stopping her, it was the water. She looked out and watched the waves crash on the shore while Brighton continued to remove his clothes. When he was left in nothing but a pair of boxer briefs she knew she had to make a decision.
“You have to promise me something.”
“
What’s that?”
“
You’ll hold my hand.”
He smiled,
“I was hoping you would ask.”
She took off her jacket and shoes first then removed a tank top and jeans to reveal very plain set of underwear. She had no plans of showing them off that evening.
Slowly Brighton grabbed her hands and gently pulled her into the water. Instead of the nightmare she expected, she felt free. Truly free. Her emotions washed away with the water and, for the first time in months, she didn’t think about Levi. She only thought about Brighton and the water flowing around her.
He held tight to her hand while she stood and looked up to the stars. Her concentration only broke when he whispered to her,
“You make me feel alive. I don’t know what it is about you, but ever since that first day you walked into group… You just make me feel like I want to be better.”
She looked over at his glistening body in the moonlight and noticed that around his neck were set of dog tags. His loss.
All the realness of the situation came crashing down upon her with the next wave. The water was ice cold against her skin and it was time to get out. “I’m freezing, let’s go sit by the fire.”
She let go of his hand and walked away leaving him speechless in a sea of questions.
Only after they put their clothes back on and sat next to the fire on the sand was she ready to ask a question that had been burning in her mind.
“
Are those dog tags yours?”
He absentmindedly ran his fingers along the chain around his neck.
“Mine? No, they’re not mine.”
Then she was right.
“They belong to the person you lost. The reason you started the group?”
“
I didn’t start the group, but yeah, she was why I joined it.”
She.
The word struck Victoria like a slap in the face. Here she was having told him all about her past love when he had never mentioned his.
“
Who was she?”
He looked away. She noticed the rough facial hair he had left on his chin and lower cheeks in the light of the fire. Shadows of his past danced on his face. Brighton was uncommonly beautiful and his thick British accent allowed Victoria to fall into the story with ease.
He took a deep breath before starting his tale, “Tiffany and I were best friends in high school. She was awesome. She liked football and really had a lot of respect for people, you know? But some things were really hard for her. Some people were really hard on her. Her dad was a mess and her mom was pretty absent. They split up when she was little and she always hoped that her mom would take more of an interest in her, but she never did. My mum practically raised her for most of her high school life. Until I decided to go to college and she opted for the military and we kind of lost touch. My mum would tell me that she would call her and update her but I didn’t hear from her as much. I don’t even know if she ever met someone.” He paused, clearly reflecting on his loss of contact with her. ”And then she got deployed. I remember her calling me the night before she left. It was the first time we had talked in weeks. She was so excited and so scared at the same time. She was being trained in the medical field and when she got out would have become an RN. It was an amazing opportunity for a kid like her--someone who didn’t come from anything, someone who needed to run away. Three months after she had arrived in Afghanistan, her transport vehicle hit a roadside bomb. Four guys and Tiffany exploded. There wasn’t even anything left to identify accept her dog tags.” He pulled them from around his neck and held them in his hand. “This is all I have left of her.”
Victoria sat silently, unsure of what to say. At least she had been there when it happened with Levi, but to not see it or have any real closure was terrifying. Brighton took another deep breath before continuing on,
“You know her dad didn’t even come to her funeral?” He shook his head. “Her mum showed up, but she stood in the back and didn’t say anything to any of us. I’m not even sure she knew she was in the military.” He looked out over the water. “I just don’t get it. How could someone so amazing just fall away like that? Only twelve people came to her funeral. It’s not right.”
Victoria picked at the sand, avoiding eye contact with Brighton hoping that she could think of something wise to say. But nothing came out.
“Sorry. I hate when I dump on people like that.”
She looked up to meet his eyes, seeing clarity within them.
“Don’t be sorry. Sorry is for wimps; you and I are both stronger than sorry. Your friend was fighting for her country, she was doing what she thought was right. She died doing what she thought was right. Just like Levi. He died protecting me. Our situations are similar in a way. But I’m not sorry, and you shouldn’t be either.”
Brighton sat speechless staring open mouthed at the petite girl in front of him. Victoria didn’t know when she had gotten so strong, but suddenly she felt like she could handle anything.
“I’m not going to law school,” she told him. He cocked his head in confusion.
“
Were you supposed to?”
She nodded,
“Harvard or Yale… I had offers from both.”
“
Impressive.” He sat back relieving some of the tension in his body.
“
Yeah it is. But I’m not going. Instead I’m going to write a book.”
“
A book? You’re going to give up law school to write a book? I thought your thing was poetry.”
“
I’m not giving anything up. And I do like poetry, but I want to write a book about grief and what it’s like to get through it.”
She absentmindedly touched the scars on the inside of her arm.
“I tried to commit suicide you know. About a week after Levi died. I don’t ever want to feel that low again.”
“
Wow. You are not at all what I expected. Everything you say surprises me.” Brighton crossed his arms in front of him studying Victoria with judging eyes.
“
What did you expect?”
“
A mopey ex-fiancée still holding onto a life that doesn’t exist anymore.”
“
That was honest.” She wasn’t offended, just intrigued.
“
But you’re not like that. You’re completely letting go of your past to embrace a totally new future. One with lots of questions.”
She nodded,
“I haven’t completely let go, but I’m trying. Maybe you should try it sometime. Take a bit of your own advice from group. Put away your anger and resentment and just be happy with the time that you had with her. She sounds like she was special.”
“
Maybe I should. So where can I stay in this quaint little town?”
“
Well, there’s a B&B in town.”
“
Smashing. I’ll find it.” He took out his phone and started scrolling. “You good?”
“
Yeah, I’m staying with my parents. Actually, we should get back, Claire’s going to worry.”
He stood up slowly offering her a hand. She took it but once she was up, he didn’t let go. They walked back to the party together. Victoria tried to ignore the chills because she knew they weren’t from the water, they were from him.