Authors: T L Swan
“Does Joshua still play Polo?” I ask, feigning nonchalance.
“Aha, apparently he has a stables property and his horses are worth millions.” I nod disappointed by the answer.
“His mother said he is right into Kick Boxing now.”
“Kick Boxing?” I repeat as I frown. “That’s random.”
“Yes I know.”
“What colour did you say your dress is Bridget?”
“White.”
“
White,”
I exclaim, “You can’t wear white.”
“Who cares,” she smiles. “I need to look hot. Josh might be bringing some hot guys to the wedding.”
“Haven’t we just been hearing all about Jeremy for the last hour?” Mum looks to the ceiling in frustration.
“Yeah, Jeremy Schmeremy” she rolls her eyes. “You know my boyfriend’s a dick.” We all laugh.
“I’ll drink to that.”
“Me too” Mum laughs, we all clink coffee cups. “Hurry up and dump him already.”
Sydney Airport 5.23 pm Sunday
Joshua Stanton’s private jet comes to a slow halt on the tarmac. On board are Ben his large South African bodyguard, Adrian his personal assistant, eight computers with software and a computer technician for each computer. The computer techs are all typical computer geeks. “I have a large van and driver at your disposal.”
Joshua talks to the lead tech head. “Ok that’s great,” he nods.
“You are all booked in at the Sheraton on Hyde Park for the next three days until you all decide where you are staying, stay in touch with Adrian with the details. The driver will pick you and the equipment up at 9.00am in the morning and take you to the Office space we have hired.”
“Thanks Mr Stanton.”
“You all have company credit cards, just charge what you need.”
“Thank you sir.”
Joshua and Adrian wait as Ben picks up the car keys from the rental company. Ben is flicking through the pages of his iPad double time.
“What the fuck are you doing there?” Josh frowns as he looks over Adrian’s shoulder.
“Trying to get my bearings, I’m on maps and it isn’t making sense.” He turns the screen around to look at it upside down and holds his head to the side.
“Yeah that app is useless, we really should design a decent one.” Joshua looks around disinterested, glances at his chunky Rolex watch and puts his hand into the pocket of his navy three piece suite. He’s wearing black Oxfords, a crisp white shirt and black tie, his chocolate hair is buzz cut. His piercing blue eyes scan the lobby of the airport, his skin is darkened from his recent surfing trip to the Maldives. “I forgot how hot Aussie girls are,” he makes an idle observation while rubbing his chin.
“Yes, I can’t wait to check out the Aussie men, apparently they are off the charts.”
Joshua smiles. “That goes without saying.” He widens his eyes at Adrian.
“Hhmm their conceited too, I found out,” Adrian scowls.
“Totally,” Josh raises one eyebrow and nods his head, still scanning the room.
Ben returns pushing a trolley of luggage. “This way,” he gestures.
“This being on the wrong side of the road thing is weird.” Ben smirks while driving.
Joshua smiles as he sits in the front passenger seat, Adrian is in the back seat. Joshua starts programming the Nav Man.
“What are you doing?” Ben asks.
“We are taking a quick detour,” Josh answers.
“Really,” Adrian whines. “I need to take a leak.”
“Shut up, enough of the back seat driving, who’s fucking this duck?” Adrian rolls his eyes in the review mirror at Ben who smiles at the usual banter. Adrian scowls as he leans his head back into the headrest, “And for the record, I don’t fuck ducks.”
Josh smiles and nods. “Good to know.” 25 minutes later they are driving up a one way street in Rose Bay.
“Where the hell are we going?” Adrian asks. Josh doesn’t answer as he cranes his neck and looks up the road.
“It should be just up here on the right, pull in here.” He points to the left. He sits with his elbow on the car door his thumb under his chin rubbing the side of his pointer finger back and forward over his lips, deep in thought. They sit in silence for ten minutes.
“Mind telling me why we are here?” Ben asks quietly.
“Someone I used to know lives in that dark brick building over there.” He points to the large older style apartment block across the road, still deep in thought.
“And we are here, because?”
“I want to find out what apartment is 5B.” “It looks like there are two apartments on each level. Is the left side A or B?”
“I‘ll go look,” Ben hops out of the car and heads across the road. Josh stays silent, deep in thought. Adrian sits quietly in the back assessing the situation, trying to work out what the hell is going on. Whatever it is, Josh is acting weird, really weird.
Ben returns. “It’s on the right five levels up.”
“Did you get in? Isn’t there a security door?”
“No, I went in when someone left.”
Joshua nods and looks up. “She’s home”
“Looks that way,” replies Ben. They all stay silent for another ten minutes, Josh gets out of the car and walks around to the road side of the car, resting his rear on the door. His hands in his suit pant pockets, his feet crossed in front of him still looking up at the window. Adrian and Ben follow, each standing on either side of him also leaning onto the car.
“What’s going on?” Adrian asks quietly. Josh stays silent. Ben blows out a breath, the dark mood Joshua has slipped into is concerning.
“Why don’t you just go in and knock man?” Joshua doesn’t move, he’s unresponsive, a depressive demeanour hangs over him.
“Do you want me to go in and knock?” Adrian asks, Joshua shakes his head.
“How long since you’ve seen this girl?” Ben asks.
“Seven and a half years,” Joshua answers flatly.
“Does she know you’re back in town?” He shakes his head again. “So where do your parents live from here?” Adrian opens the back car door and gets out his IPad.
“Toorak, Melbourne. About twelve hours south.” Adrian and Ben frown at each other.
“But I thought we were here for three months so you can see your family?”
“Yes we are, but they are in another state.”
“Please don’t tell me we are in Sydney for this girl?” Joshua is still staring up to level 5B.
“Maybe,” he answers. “To be truthful I have no idea what we are doing here, I feel unsettled already.”
Ben raises his eyebrows. “Joshua Stanton unsettled by a woman, never thought I’d see the day.”
“It’s………… complicated” He blows out a breath.
Adrian’s mouth drops open. “But I thought you said.”
“Yeah, I lied.”
“So this girl… is her name…… Natasha?”
Joshua hangs his head and blows out a breath. “Yes,” he answers.
“Hhmm a part of the jigsaw puzzle fits into place,” Ben smiles. “So you do have a heart?”
Joshua smirks. “I wouldn’t go that far.”
Adrian lies on his back across the bonnet and blows out a breath, hands behind his head. “You know I think Rod Stewart was right on the money.” Joshua and Ben frown at each other and then him.
“You know, the first cut is the deepest.” All three men smile.
“That is true. You remember every minute detail. Come on, let’s go. Enough of this shit, she fucks with my head.”
“Aren’t we going in?” Adrian asks.
“No, I just wanted to see where she lives.”
“Does she have a boyfriend, married, what’s her story?”
“No, no nothing. Nothing I can dig up anyway.”
“You’ve kept tabs on her?”
“Yes, from a distance.”
“When did you last speak to her?” After a silence of five minutes, Josh blows out a breath and replies.
“Seven and a half years ago, the day she dumped me.” Adrian and Ben look at each other, the shock evident on their faces.
“So you haven’t spoken a word to her since?”
“Nope.”
“You haven’t called?”
“Nope.” They all look back to the window, the lights go off.
Ben urges for a second time. “Just go in man.”
“Even if I wanted to, the law forbids it.”
“She had a restraining order put on you?” Adrian gasps.
Joshua shakes his head. “No,” he answers quietly.
“Her parents did?”
Josh looks back up to the window. “Something like that. Get in the car, let’s go and don’t let me come back here. This is pointless.”
“Ok. But are we not here, because of her? Isn’t that defeating the purpose?”
“Shut up dick,” Josh smiles to Adrian. “Stop making sense.” As the car speeds away Josh puts his head back into the seat, and rubs his face.
“I need a drink, a strong fucking drink.”
11.50pm Bondi
Joshua leans over the railing of the balcony looking out to the ocean, sipping his Cointreau and ice out of a thick short crystal tumbler. The place Adrian has rented for him for the three months is swank, on the water. It is a little dated and well below the standard of his LA house. They chose it because it was the only one near a surf beach that had another house next door for Ben and Adrian. Having just run for an hour on the treadmill he is freshly showered and wearing a loose pair of sweats and a white bonds singlet, he is barefoot. It’s March here. The first month of autumn, a cool briskness hangs in the air. Desperately trying to reign himself in from Googling her and finding out her phone number he takes another sip of his liquor and enjoys the warmth as he swallows, temporarily closing his eyes.
“This is a fucking disaster I should have stayed in Melbourne.” He mutters to himself. The doorbell rings and assuming its Adrian, he saunters to the front door and opens it. A beautiful caramel blonde in a trench coat and white high heels stands before him, a sexy smile plays on his lips.
“Can I help you?”
“I’m looking for Joshua Stanton,” she breathes in a husky voice.
He raises an eyebrow. “You’ve found him.”
“I’m a friend of Carson’s, he asked me to deliver your house warming present.”
Joshua smiles and raises both his eyebrows. “Did he now, and what would that be?” She opens her coat and there she stands. White silk stockings, suspender belt, a lace white thong and short cut white satin corset. Her body is tanned, toned and amazing. His jaw ticks, he bends his head to the left as if trying to crack his neck. His eyes scan up and down her body and he stands back raising his hand, gesturing for her to enter.
“I do love house warming presents,” he smiles a long sexy smile which she returns.
“You know, I think tonight for once, I will too.” She takes his hand. “I heard a little secret.”
“Oh yes, and what was that?”
“You like having your cock sucked.”
“You did, did you?” He smiles “Show me a man who doesn’t,” He opens his eyes wide.
“Yes, it’s a coincidence don’t you think?” he looks at her puzzled. “Because tonight I’m in the mood to suck your cock dry.”
“Hhmm. That is a mood that I like. Coincidental or not.” he smiles. “I do have great friends don’t I?” he adds.
“You do, I’m a very expensive house warming gift.”
He unashamedly looks her up and down. “I can see that,” he leads her to the bar where he pours another Cointreau for himself.
“Do you want a drink?” He holds up his glass and tips his head to the side, cracking his neck again.
She shakes her head. “No thanks,”
He smiles, raises his eyebrows and takes her hand leading her back to the foyer to go up the stairs to his bedroom, still carrying his drink.
“You know you are just the distraction I needed tonight,” she smiles. “What did you say your name was?” he asks.
“What do you want it to be?”
He continues walking up the stairs and stops mid step to turn and look at her. He narrows his eyes and puts his chin to an angle.
“My bedroom is this way………… Natasha.”
Chapter 2
“I
’m telling you
he’s playing up” Bridget whines.
“Oh fuck, not this again” I mutter running my hands through my hair, my elbows resting on the table.
“Just dump him already.”
“No, I need proof.”
“Why,” I scoff. “I’m over hearing about this wanker, it’s doing my head in.” I take my phone from my bag and check my messages, trying to block her out.
“Listen here you,” she points her teaspoon at me to accentuate her point. “You listen to all kinds of crazy shit at work and you’re going to damn well listen to mine.” I roll my eyes.
“Yeah, but I get paid for that and my patients actually respect my opinion and besides your different. I can tell you what I think and I think you should dump the prick.”
“So you think he’s a prick now?”
“No, you think he’s a prick.”
“When did I say that?”
“When you said he was playing up on you.”
“Oh god, don’t start your shrink shit with me, you’re twisting my words.”
I roll my eyes. “Listen if you don’t want my opinion don’t ask for it.”
“Fine, I won’t.”
“Good, suites me.”
“What are you two arguing about?” Abbie joins us from the rest room.
“We are not arguing,” I moan.
“Yes we are, Tash thinks Jeremy is a prick”
Abbie laughs and nods, “Who doesn’t, Jeremy is a prick.” We are at our favourite coffee shop Oscars. We meet there a couple of times a week. Oscars is small and unassuming. Its walls are dark timber panelling with big green glass pendant lights hanging low over oversized chocolate leather lounges that have coloured scatter cushions all over them. Big wooden coffee tables adorn the centre of each setting. The clientele are eclectic, from normal girls like us to doctors and lawyers, punk rockers to gorgeous gay men. Great coffee music always adds to the ambience and atmosphere. Although on the last four or five times it hasn’t been as enjoyable as normal. Abbie, Bridge and mines best friend and I, have had to endure countless hours of Jeremy crap.
Bridgette rummages through her bag. “Abbie, I bought you something,” she pulls out a white paper bag.
Abbie frowns, “What is it?”
Bridget smiles. “It’s a bumper sticker for your car.” She pulls it out and we all burst out laughing. It reads.
If you’re going to ride my ass
Can you at least pull my hair?
“That’s funny.” I can’t stop laughing.
“And you bought me this,
because?”
“Because you told me you like it when guys pull your hair.”
“When did I tell you that?”
“Oh fuck off. Are you denying it?”
“No, yes, shut up, stop it,” she laughs. “Show me a red blooded woman who doesn’t like having her hair pulled.” Bridge and I both look at each other sheepishly and raise our hands in unison, she pulls a disgusted face. “God, you two must be shit in bed.” She rolls her eyes while we giggle. “Anyway I can’t put this on my car, my dad will freak,” she shakes her head as she stuffs it in her bag.
“Ok back to the conversation, once and for all tell me why you think he’s cheating I want ten reasons.” I wave my teaspoon at her. “No excuses.”
“Ok,” she nods. “We used to see each other every night but now he’s a partner in his law firm I don’t see him much through the week.”
“Ok, maybe he’s just working” I answer.
“Maybe,” she nods. “The sex has dropped off.”
“By how much?”
“Well it used to be three or four times a week and now it’s like once a week and usually I initiate it.”
“Maybe he’s tired and stressed.”
Abbie pipes in. “Bullshit”
“Abbie you can’t comment. Boyfriends are different to one night stands,” I mutter.
“Ok agreed,” she nods. I love Abbie, she’s a self-proclaimed sneaky slut. By sneaky slut I mean when we are out and having a great time dancing and drinking, she just disappears. Twenty minutes later we get a text telling us she’s gone home. She has a few boys in her kitty as she calls it. We know them as number one, first reserve, tall guy, hot guy, army guy and she has a tradie as well, although I don’t know what he does. Number one always has right of way if he’s out although I think Army guy is rising through the ranks pretty quickly. Bridge and I know them all by sight but in all honesty have probably not spoken more than a dozen words to any of them. She likes it like this. We love her honesty and good on her if she can do it without guilt, why not. I could probably take a leaf out of her book and loosen the hell up. “And” she continues “he’s started to guard his phone.”
“Hhmm, that’s not good.” We all silently sum up the situation.
“And get this, last week when I stayed at his house I was looking in his draw and he has bought all new underwear.”
“Yeah but maybe he just needed new undies.”
“No they were nice like nice,
nice
not every day undies.” We stay silent and sip our coffee as we listen, I purse my lips as I think. “And then there’s the man scaping.”
Abbie chokes on her coffee. “Manscape,” she blurts out.
“Yes please stop laughing. This is not funny.” I want to laugh myself but instead I frown at Abbie symbolizing for her to shut up. My ability to keep a straight face when I hear the ridiculous is an added benefit of my job. “Last time we were together I noticed he’s like………” she whispers and leans into the table, we all lean in instinctively to listen. “You know done some extreme grooming.”
Abbey narrows her eyes, “Did you ask him what that is about.”
“Yes, when I first noticed it he seemed embarrassed and then said he did it as a surprise for me.” “Do you think it was?”
“No, I don’t. And get this, he’s clippered off his chest hair.”
“God,” I breathe and sit back. “I hate manscaping.”
“Why? Abbie pulls a disgusted face. “There’s nothing worse than a hairy guy.”
“You’re kidding.” I snap.
“Don’t tell me you like hairy guys?” she pulls a disgusted face.
I smile, “I do actually,” I nod to accentuate my point. “I like the difference in their body to ours, we are soft. They are hard. We are smooth. They are rough, you know the whole Yin and Yang thing. It’s the differences that turn me on.”
“Uugghh, all of the guys I’m with manscape and if they haven’t I comment that I want them hairless before I see them again.” Bridge and I are both shocked, our eyes are wide.
“You actually say that?”
“Yes of course, wouldn’t you?” We both shake our heads.
“No, god no.”
“Girls have I taught you nothing, ask for what you want, men are stupid, they will do what we ask.”
Bridge scrunches her nose up in disgust at Abbie. “The guy I’m going out with is a lot of things. He may be an adulterer and a prick, but stupid isn’t one of them and Tash is so damn picky.” They both turn their attention to me. “When was the last guy you were actually with?” Bridge glares at me.
“What’s with the Spanish inquisition?” I roll my eyes.
Abbie chimes in, “Yes she’s right. Are you on the forty hour man famine?”
I smile, “No one really gets me hot. All the guys I meet are just so………… average,” I hunch my shoulders.
“Oh no,” Abbie scowls toward the counter.
“What?” I ask as I sip my coffee.
“It’s tunnel cunt.” I can’t help it I spit my coffee all over Bridget.
“Oh fuck Tash, watch out.” She starts to wipe the coffee from her top, I am in a fit of giggles.
“Who in the hell is tunnel cunt?” Bridget laughs. “And how in hell did the poor girl get that god awful name?”
“See that blonde at the counter?” We all lean in, “she’s an ex stripper and she has her eyes on James.” James is Abbie’s flat mate, she worships him.
“How do you know she has a tunnel cunt? Actually, what is its definition?” Abbie and I are in fits of giggles.
“Shut up you two,” Abbie scowls “This isn’t funny.”
“How do you know she’s tuning James?
“He told me.”
“Oh.” I answer as I nod.
“Does he like her?” Bridget asks as she continues to watch her.
“He said not, but I’m keeping my eyes on her just in case.”
We all nod “Good idea,” I mutter. We all watch as TC our new girl on the radar passes our table.
“Ok anyway, where were we?”
“Oh I know and I don’t like to pick up for the sake of it, you both know I’m not like that.” Abbie shakes her head in disgust.
“You’re missing out, one day you are going to be forty five, married and bored as hell and you’ll look back to these years and think I wish I had slept with all those hunks that were hot for me when I had the chance, and my body was smoking hot. You know the well dries up and turns into cellulite.”
I smile at her. “Its ok Abbs, I’m pretty sure you’re fucking enough for the three of us.” she scrunches up her napkin and throws it at me and we all giggle. “Ok back to you Bridge I think we need to set a trap” I smile as I call the waitress over to reorder more coffees.
“OOhh I do like your wicked mind.” She purrs.
“Now let me think.” As I rub my chin.
The movie screen plays a rerun.
“Natasha, make love to me. I need this connection with you.” His lips linger over mine tenderly. “It won’t hurt as much this time baby. It’s getting easier isn’t it?” His open mouth runs down the length of my neck.
Buzz. “Natasha, your ten o’clock is here.”
I reign in my now pounding heart. “Ok thanks Marg,” I buzz her. What the hell. Christ, how can he still affect me this much after seven years apart? I drop my glasses and put my face into my hands on my desk. With my left hand I rub my face in disgust. I literally still have a physical effect from my memories of this man. Why can’t I stop thinking about him? My heart rate, my breathing. I’m wet for fucks sake. Good god! With disgust I head to the bathroom, shaking my head. Five minutes later I stare into the mirror in my office bathroom and blow out a deep breath. I look like crap. I wash my face and re pull my shoulder length chocolate hair back into a pony tail. I am in my green scrubs, a mandatory uniform at SSAC, which stands for Sydney Sexual Awareness Clinic. Our boss feels it desexualizes us. If we are all wearing hospital scrubs we look more professional, more clinical. I have to agree, I actually look sexless. I could be male or female and you wouldn’t be able to tell. I don’t wear any makeup to work as a twenty five year old, perhaps semi attractive female. I try to play down my looks. My patients are damaged, beautiful but damaged. They all have a problem relating to sex or sexualisation. They don’t need a Psychologist throwing her sexuality and seemingly normal life in their face. What a joke. The irony is I’m just as damaged as them. Some days I feel like I should be the one on the black leather recliner chair telling them my problems, venting my insecurities. Today being a prime example. I take a deep breath and talk out loud to myself, like a total head case. Your just unsettled because he’s coming back, I take a deep steadying breath. He’s long forgotten you Natasha, it’s time you forget him. With a resigned shake of my head, I mutter into the mirror. I wish.
I read through my clinical notes
Patient: Bethany Marcus
Symptoms: Anorgasmia / inability to orgasm
Clinical Notes: Bethany has been unsuccessful in climaxing for a period of three years. It began when she went through a traumatic experience, i.e.) her husband had a twelve month affair. The marriage has survived, however Bethany has been troubled since the ordeal. Bethany also suffers violent sexual dreams which are distressing to her. Bethany blames herself for her husband’s infidelity.
Aim: Bethany would like to stay happily married to her husband Anthony. She would like to fulfil her role as a wife and mother to her family. Bethany would like to be able to forgive her husband and resume a satisfying sexual relationship with him.
I blow out a breath. I really like my next patient. Bethany is beautiful and smart, with absolutely no confidence. Her cockroach of a husband has done a total number on her and then lets her blame herself for his inability to keep it in his pants. If I had my way I would just tell her to leave him, but I can’t do that. I have to help her work toward her goal, which unfortunately is a happy life with Anthony. I would like to see Anthony but Bethany won’t allow it.
I open my office door.
“Hi Bethany.” She smiles shyly and walks into my office. I gesture for her to take a seat. “How have you been since I last saw you?” I ask.
“Not very well,” she quietly answers.
“Oh, why is that?” I ask. She stays silent, I sit and wait for her answer. Sometimes waiting for answers is the hardest part of this role. She shrugs her shoulders.
“I see.”
“How have you been?” She asks me and I smile. This is typical Bethany, she always puts others before herself and she sees me as a person and not just her therapist.
“Me. I’m good,” I answer. “A little demotivated this week,” I shrug and smile. “You know how it is.” She nods, grateful that my life isn’t perfect. “Tell me what’s happening,” I urge.
“Anthony told me I am terrible in bed.” Her devastated eyes meet mine.
What the fuck
.
“How did this come about?” I ask, trying to control my anger, this guy is a total worm.
“We were in bed and you know my problem,” I nod and stay silent. “I just can’t come, I don’t know why. It doesn’t matter what I do, what I think about, it just doesn’t happen.”
“I see,” I nod. “And what happened then?” I keep my voice monotone so as to not throw her train of thought.
“As usual, he got frustrated he asked me what the fuck was the matter with me.”
“Ok,” I nod. “What did you say?”
“I told him to just finish off as it wasn’t going to happen. And then, well he just finished off, and rolled over.”
“I see,” I stay silent to let her finish, she remains silent. “What happened then?”
“I told him I was coming to you.”
“Had you not told him before?”
“No, I hadn’t.”
“And what did he say?”
“He told me that no expensive doctor could make me receptive in bed, that I’m a cold fish and that he’s never been with a woman who is so unresponsive.”