“And not tell her? That’s brutal, Dad.”
“Whose side are you on, anyway?”
“I didn’t think I had to take sides. You’re my father. I guess I just expected more from you. I was pretty harsh with Pam. I made fun of her, stole her dope, belittled her behind her back. Now I find out she might not have been the only ditz.”
Jason slowed the boat down. Traffic was getting heavy in the channel as boats leaving the Intercoastal Waterway coming up from the south joined them. “Did you just call me a ditz?” Jason asked, annoyed. Aaron laughed.
“I guess I did. What do you think Mom would say if she knew what you did, leaving that poor woman at the altar?”
“Let’s change the subject, unless you want to turn around and go back home.”
“Oh! Ha, I hit a nerve.” Aaron was doing intensive work with a therapist to try to keep his head above water and stay off drugs. Frustration with his father increased his yearning for a joint. “I’m going down below for a bit.”
“Aaron, I need you to help me navigate. Please stay up here. If we get stopped and the cabin reeks of marijuana smoke, I’ll get fined.”
“Chill, Dad. I need to pee for Christ’s sake. I’ll be right back.”
“Make it snappy,” he said cursedly, sorry he’d ever wanted to go out. Aaron disappeared down a narrow flight of stairs to the deck below while Jason attempted to stay out of the way of the other boats. Then, a self-propelled barge coming toward the starboard side took Jason by surprise; he instinctively turned the wheel to port without looking. At his stern, a racing boat, bright yellow vintage Thunderbird coming up fast, its bow making contact with Jason’s boat right about where the head was located, where Aaron was taking his last drag of a joint.
Chapter 12
Even though only a week had passed since her wedding debacle, thanks to John Zapelli Pam was over the humiliation and pain, not thinking of Jason at all and luxuriating in her big comfortable bed early Saturday morning. The sun shone over the tops of the drapery. Reaching for her glasses, she was shocked it was seven-thirty. Hoping John would call her early; she showered and dressed for the day in anticipation. The grilling kitchen on the veranda was a perfect substitute until the central kitchen was finished and she was making coffee out there when the house phone rang. It was John.
“It’s Saturday out, and I was hopeful you’d spend the day with me.”
“I’d love to,” she replied. “Do you want to come here? We can grill and spend the day on the beach. I haven’t done that in a long time.” The last time she was on the beach she was with Brent. But for some reason, today the memory was welcome and brought her joy.
“I don’t have a beach body,” John said, laughing.
“Neither do I,” Pam said. “We can sit under umbrellas and swim in our clothes if you’d like.”
By noon, after running around after each other on the beach, splashing and kicking up sand, they were grilling hot dogs, drinking beer and laughing, Pam in a bathing suit cover up with hair in a pony tail
“I feel like a kid,” John confessed. She fallen against him and they were wrapped around each other when the doorbell rang. Pam pulled away and looked over his shoulder.
“Now who could that be?” Lisa wouldn’t stop by without calling first and there was no one else. “I better go see,” she said, John following behind her, sandy footprints left behind. She opened the door and gasped. It was Andy Andretti.
“Oh my God, what in the hell do
you
want?” she asked incredulously. Andy looked from her to John, nodding his head at John.
“I was the only one available again,” he said apologetically. “I know it must seem like it’s purposeful.”
“What is it Andy? What could you possibly want? I just talked to Lisa and I know my mother is okay. Did someone steal my car? Spit it out.”
“There was a boating accident in the Delaware Bay and you were listed as the emergency contact for Jason Bridges.” Pam and John reached for each other, her hand on her face.
“Oh, how sad. Is he going to be okay?”
The affection between the couple didn’t escape Andy, trying not to squirm as he read from a fact-filled paper. “He was taken to a hospital in Delaware with severe injuries. There was a passenger.” Pam grasped John’s hand again.
Sandra
. “Unfortunately, it was a fatality.”
“Oh my God!” Pam started to weep. As icy as things had gotten between her and Sandra,
she didn’t wish her dead! Who would take care of the baby?
“Do you have a name?”
Andy conferred with his paper again. “The passenger is unidentified. I’m going back to the station now. If there’s more news, I’ll get in touch.” Distraught, Pam started to close the door on him.
“Thank you,” John called out as Andy stepped away. Following her back into the house, John took her in his arms. “What are you going to do?”
“Jason Bridges is the man I was engaged to. I better call his children,” she said. “And I have to find out if my grandson’s mother, Sandra Benson was the unidentified passenger.” Opening her address book with shaking hands, she thumbed through names, wiping tears off her face with the back of her hand. “I thought I’d have at least one of his kid’s numbers here. Oh, I just remembered. My neighbor is his former brother-in-law. I hope he’s home.” She hadn’t seen Jeff or Ted for a few days; chances were good they were at their home in Rhinebeck. Dialing his number, she hung up when the answering machine came on.
“I’ll try his cell phone.”
“Jeff here,” he sang, picking up after the first ring.
“It’s Pam,” she said, shuddering. After he’d halfheartedly asked for forgiveness for gossiping about her, she accepted it, but they hadn’t talked since.
“Well, how nice! Where are you?” Jeff asked.
“Where am I? Where I always am. Where are
you
?”
“On our way to the farmer’s market,” he said.
“I have bad news, Jeff. Do you want to pull over?”
“No, just tell me,” he said, scared.
“Jason’s been in some kind of a boating accident.”
“Oh, my God!”
“He’s in a hospital in Delaware. An unidentified passenger was killed. You need to call one of his children to pass the information on; he’d never removed me as his emergency contact person in his papers so the police came here.”
“We’ll come back to the beach right away. Who do you think the passenger was?”
“I have no idea, but I pray it wasn’t Sandra.”
“Oh, I doubt it was her,” Jeff replied. “They didn't see each other, Pam.”
“Whatever, Jeff. I just wanted you to know about the accident. I’m hanging up now.”
“Okay, goodbye, Pam. If I find anything out I’ll let you know.” She hung the phone up and starting pacing. John was standing close by, worried.
“What an awful thing,” he said.
“Yes. I’m going to call Sandra. If she’s home, all’s well.” Reaching for the phone again, she wasn’t sure how she’d feel hearing Sandra. But when she answered, all the old feelings of friendship came flooding back.
“Thank God you answered,” Pam said passionately. “I was worried.”
“It’s really good to hear your voice,” Sandra said sincerely. “What’s going on? Why wouldn’t I answer?”
“Andy Andretti was just here. I have some bad news, Sandra. Jason was in a boating accident. He’s in critical condition. An unidentified passenger on board didn’t make it. I was so afraid it was you.” Sandra sunk into a chair, holding onto the phone with both hands.
Who was on the boat with Jason? Pete?
“No, not me,” Sandra replied. “I confess it could have been at one time, but not for a while now. I’m sorry Pam. There is no excuse. But I want you to know Jason and I were just friends.” Pam thought about the word,
friends
. She couldn’t let her get away with it again.
“I thought
we
were friends, Sandra.”
“So did I, until I saw you and Jason at Tom’s wedding! What in the hell were you doing there? You should have been with me here at the brownstone, instead of watching me from the church. I saw you and Jason from across the street. I was standing in front of the coffee shop while my house was being robbed.”
“Tom and Virginia are in Miranda’s life, Sandra. We received an invitation to the wedding and I never gave attending a second thought. You didn’t want to be with Tom so why would I need to take sides? And why would going to Tom’s wedding drive you to betray me?”
“I’m sorry. I know there’s something wrong with me, needing the attention. It’s difficult for me to admit it to you.”
“What was your role in Jason standing me up?” Pam looked at John and mouthed
I’m sorry.
“Pam, I swear to you, I didn’t have anything to do with it. Jane asked me to take the train down Friday night. Since you hadn’t asked me be in the wedding party, I didn’t see anything wrong with it and it was helping me to feel like I was part of the celebration. I got there and Jason had already had his melt-down. He wouldn’t come out of the bedroom, crying. The usual scene of someone coming down with cold feet.”
“
You knew about it Friday night?
Why didn’t you call me right away? My God, when I think of the humiliation my family went through because poor Jason had a melt-down!”
“I know, I’m so sorry,” Sandra cried. “Please, please forgive me Pam.”
“I don’t think we can move forward,” Pam said, regretfully. “I don’t trust you. I don’t think I can trust you again. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I want to talk to you anymore.”
“But what about Brent?” A tinge of hysteria in her voice that Pam didn’t miss, Sandra worried what a complete severing of ties with Pam would mean to the baby, and for his future.
“What about him?” Pam asked. An inkling of what Sandra was getting at angered Pam.
“Don’t you want to be in his life?”
“This has nothing to do with Brent. But since you’re making it about him, okay, let’s talk about Brent. I want to see him, of course. You can bring him to me, or I can arrange for him to come here, but we don’t need to see each other. Like a divorced couple, we’ll manage visitation.”
“There’s nothing legal written that says a grandparent has rights,” Sandra said vehemently, contradicting herself.
“Of course, there isn’t,” Pam replied. “You can refuse me whenever you want.” Feeling her blood pressure going up ever so slightly, Pam remembered the only other time she used the trust fund card to get what she wanted. Lisa was acting out after discovering Pam had AIDS, and the way Pam kept her in line was by telling her she’d be cut off if her disrespectful behavior continued. Not saying anything to Sandra yet, she’d wait until she needed the leverage.
But Sandra was already thinking of what it might mean if she alienated Pam. The list of things she stood to lose was enormous, starting with her house. But the loss of her job was also an issue because Peter had the power to make her life miserable if Pam gave him the thumbs up. Her influence over him was already apparent when she didn’t show up at the wedding. Jack may have given Sandra his half of the
work
at Lang, Smith and Romney, but there it ended. Pam still received her half of the profits. She controlled the purse strings.
“It will never come to that,” Sandra said.
I’m not that big of an asshole.
“Why are we even talking about Brent?”
“Ha! You brought his name up. I only called to make sure the dead passenger wasn’t you.” Startled, John looked over at her and saw she’d surprised herself, shaking her head, her eyes wide open. “I’m glad you’re okay. I’m going to hang up now.” They said good-bye, hanging up and Pam paused, wondering if the conversation confused John or he just wanted to run away from her.
“Welcome to my drama!” she said. “Beware.”
“I have plenty of my own you may have to deal with if we start dating.”
“Start?” she said, smiling. “It’s too late. We’re dating.” He pulled her close.
“I like that. A woman in charge.” They stood together while Pam debated whether the time to bring up the AIDS conversation was now.
“Let’s go sit for a minute.” She pointed to the veranda. The phrase
if walls had ears
went through her brain. How many times was she going to put herself in the position of having to tell a man this news? He followed her, sitting down beside her. The gulls were calling and children were screaming with laughter on the beach. It was summer in full swing.
An old song from the sixties played on someone’s radio, one of Pam’s favorites; Nancy Wilson singing,
How Glad I Am.
The lyrics were rich and lighthearted, about love having no beginning or end. Looking over at John, she saw a man she wanted to know better. Who was he? She needed to discover everything about him so there would be no heart-wrenching surprises. And then it hit her, she didn’t love any of the other men she’d been with since Jack died; that was why a week after being stood up by Jason, she barely flinched when she heard he was injured, no need to rush to his side. Certainly she was sorry, wishing him a complete recovery, sorry for the death of his passenger. But the others, Andy Andretti, Dave from the grocery store, Dan,
Dan;
they were just temporary companions
.
“I have AIDS.” Realizing she told men this fact repeatedly because she’d hoped there would be a future, that they’d measure up to the marriage she
thought
she had with Jack, the ideal in her head, not the reality of it. But she was finally over it. The moments walking down the aisle alone, with a congregation of three hundred souls watching, maybe some with derisive thoughts but most probably compassionate that did it for her. “I want to be with you, but there will always be AIDS.”
Violet’s words resonating through John’s head,
she has AIDS
may have been the reason he wasn’t that shocked.
So what?
They’d deal with it if they got that far. “Thank you for telling me,” he said, putting his arm around her and looking out to sea. “Now my question is if I ask you to marry me, do I get to live here?” Pam burst out laughing, a little spittle making its way from her mouth to the glass table, further embarrassing her.