“Maybe,” Jason said noncommittally.
“Doesn’t matter,” William declared. “There is no past or future right now. There’s only tonight, which I’m very much looking forward to.”
Jason smiled when William gave an exaggeratedly lewd wink. “It’s hardly our first time together.”
“Yes and no,” William said coyly.
“Ah. How could I forget?”
The topic of anal sex had come up once before, and William had insisted he was saving himself for prom night. Jason had laughed at the time, thinking it was a joke, but apparently it wasn’t. This made Jason a little nervous, because although he had bottomed for Caesar the last time they had ever slept together—and while that had felt good in its own way—he’d also decided it really wasn’t for him. One look at his date, tuxedo stuffed full of muscles, was all he needed to determine William was also a top.
“I’m hungry,” William said, rubbing his stomach.
“Again? We ate before the dance!”
“And then we burned a lot of calories.”
Jason snorted. “What are you hungry for?”
A few moments later, they did the ridiculous and pulled into the McDonald’s drive-thru. In a limo. The driver seemed happy with this decision, since he was hungry too. William suggested they park while they ate, the divider staying down as William chatted with the driver. Jason wasn’t hungry. Instead he watched them sharing a meal, realizing again just how much he was going to miss having this happy, kind, all-too-generous person in his life. He tried to tell himself that it was for the greater benefit of the world, that countless people were going to meet William and benefit from the experience, but Jason was sure no one would love him quite as much.
The house was silent when they entered, but soon Chinchilla’s panting and grumbling filled the air. They let her out and Samson in. Later, when both were fed and had settled down, the house grew quiet again. They were on the couch together, and Jason was pretty sure William had asked him a question, but he had no idea what about.
“Jason!” William complained.
“I’m sorry!”
William made a sympathetic expression. “You’re breaking my heart.”
“You broke mine first,” Jason said, but he smiled to show he wasn’t trying to make William feel bad. As much as he didn’t like what was going to happen, he understood why it had to.
“I know what’ll cheer you up,” William said, kissing his neck. “Do you want to do it in Ben and Tim’s bed?”
“What?” Jason pulled away. “Why?”
“They’re so hot! We can pretend we
are
them.”
Jason laughed. “You’re way too into them.”
“I don’t care,” William said proudly. “They’re an awesome couple. I envy them.”
“Yeah, me too. The answer is no, by the way, but if I had said yes, who would you pretend to be?”
“Ben,” William said instantly. “I figure he’s the—you know. I mean, Tim has that aggressive side to him, so he must be the top.”
Jason replayed the conversation in his mind to be sure he understood. “So you would want to be the bottom?”
“Yeah,” William said.
“But you’re huge!” Jason retorted.
“So?” William smirked. “Oh, I see. Bottoms have to be slight and feminine, is that it? Don’t judge a book by its cover.”
“But it’s such a pretty cover,” Jason said, coming in for a kiss, but his stupid brain distracted him. “So Kelly is a top?”
“No!” William said, laughing. “No no no. That’s just one more thing I did to make him happy.”
“So you’ve never actually…”
“No.”
Jason shook his head. “Then how do you know you’re a bottom?”
“Because the whole time I was topping Kelly, I was thinking how bad I wanted someone to do that to me. Maybe not Kelly. Maybe someone like you.” William winced. “Wait, are you a bottom?”
Jason didn’t answer the question directly. “So there’s still a first for you.”
“I told you I was saving myself for prom,” William said with a grin.
“I guess I was too.”
William’s eyebrows shot up. “No! Seriously? Oh my god! This is so momentous. I mean, if that’s something you want to do.”
“Yeah!” Jason said. “Desperately. Uh, but not in Ben and Tim’s bed. In my room. I want it to happen there.”
William didn’t ask for an explanation. He kissed Jason, stood, and offered his hand. Once upstairs, Jason slipped into the bathroom. Condoms and lube had mysteriously appeared there around the time of his first gay youth meeting. He’d found the presumption annoying when first discovering them, but now he felt grateful.
When he returned to his room, he found William with the guitar on his lap, pretending to strum the strings without touching them. His goofy face made Jason laugh, but William’s complete lack of clothes soon sobered him up.
“I normally just take off my shirt,” Jason said.
“Maybe you should take it a step further.”
Jason took this as his cue, slowly undressing in front of William, who grinned appreciatively. Then things proceeded as they often did. They kissed, stroked each other’s skin, took turns going down on each other, or paused just to hold each other tight.
“I’m ready,” William whispered.
“Okay. Um.”
William kissed him and smiled. “I’ve got a lot of experience you can learn from.”
“I’ll need all the help I can get.”
“Get on your back. It’s always easier if you let the bottom, I mean me, be in control. That way I can set the pace. At the beginning, anyway.”
Jason rolled onto his back and held up the condom. “Want to do the honors?”
“Sure.” William swung a leg over Jason, bouncing up and down on his crotch a few times and causing them both to laugh. Then he opened the condom and twisted his neck around, working with his hands behind his back. Jason took this moment to admire his body, to trace a finger around the outline of his abdominal muscles or the defined lines that led from his hips to his crotch.
“Okay,” William said after fiddling with the lube, and himself, a little. “Let’s find out if this is something I really want or not.”
For once he didn’t look so certain. He kept his eyes trained on Jason’s, his mouth open slightly as he concentrated. He bit his lip when the head of Jason’s cock popped inside, looking a little panicked.
“Should we stop?” Jason asked.
William shook his head. “Play with me.”
Jason took hold of William’s dick, sliding his hand up and down it and summoning a moan. William made a face that said,
“Oh yeah, more of that!”
Jason was happy to comply, because the more pleasure he gave William, the more his body moved, allowing him to slip deeper inside. The sensation was warm and wonderful and made the love in his chest come pouring out. William must have felt the same way because he pawed at Jason, pressing a hand to his cheek before bending over to kiss him.
“Let’s roll over,” William said, “but try to stay inside, because that was trickier than I thought it would be.”
William sat as far down on Jason as possible before—very carefully—they embraced and rolled over. Then Jason was on top, and William appeared to be in very tentative ecstasy. Jason moved his hips in and out once experimentally.
“Is that okay?” he asked.
William nodded. “Yeah. Oh, man… Go to town!”
Jason brought one of William’s legs up and over his shoulder. He held back at first, but William’s continued moans told him it was okay, so he gave all of himself that he could. Not just physically, because he felt like he was giving
everything
to William—his thoughts, his energy, his soul. William’s eyes were half-lidded, his face flushed and contorted with pleasure. He nodded encouragingly when Jason’s breaths became shorter. They finished at the same time, which wasn’t surprising because they might as well have been one person. That sensation slowly began to fade along with the euphoria, which could be why William clung to him and pulled him close.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I know,” Jason said. “I could feel it. I love you too.”
They held each other afterwards, not needing to speak because everything was so clear. Almost everything.
“I can’t go,” William said. His back was pressed to Jason, so his face couldn’t be seen, but the sniffling implied he might be crying. “Not after that. There’s no way. I can’t.”
Jason swallowed. “You have to. It’s your dream.”
“That’s not my only dream,” William said. “I’ve been waiting for you without even knowing it.”
Jason smiled at the thought, but his heart still ached. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said. “I’ll still be around when you need me. You’ll see.”
After a moment of silence, William spoke again. “This isn’t goodbye.”
Jason didn’t reply because he knew it was. Graduation was just around the corner, and William’s family would surely all be there. Jason could picture William at the airport, ready to fly away, his mother crying. At least he hoped she did, because if Jason needed to comfort her, maybe it would distract him from the pain. They might have a few small private moments left together, but nothing like tonight. As much as Jason hated to admit it, this was goodbye.
* * * * *
Jason sat on the front porch, feeling the same way he had since William briefly turned around at the airport to wave. After aching for a day, Jason had woken up the next morning feeling like his insides had been hollowed out. He was no longer complete. Might not ever be again. He honestly didn’t know. All he could do was take it one day at a time.
At least help had arrived. A Porsche pulled up to the house, and Emma hopped out of the passenger door and rushed to hug him. Now that summer was here, she would be coming to stay for weeks at a time, maybe longer if she had her way. Tim had already started building an addition to the garage so he could move his studio there, giving Emma her own room. Her father got out of the car with a much more reserved expression.
“Is Tim here?” he asked.
“Nope,” Jason said. “He had some errands to run.”
Greg visibly relaxed. “Oh. Okay. Michelle says ‘hi.’ She’s having an emergency with one of the kids in her care, or she’d be here.”
“It’s cool,” Jason said. “I’ll give her a call sometime.”
“Okay.” Greg pointed to the house. “Is Ben inside?”
“Yeah. Go on in.”
Once they were alone, Jason shook his head. “What is it with your dad and Tim? Shouldn’t they be eager to talk cars or something boring like that?”
Emma rolled her eyes. “When Jace died, Dad took it hard. He and Jace were best friends their entire lives. Even though years went by before Ben got back with Tim, it was like Dad finally found someone to blame. It’s ridiculous, and he mostly kept it to himself until there was a grill party here and he and Tim were both drinking. Alcohol makes dumb people dumber, so before you know it, they were fist-fighting.”
“No shit?” Jason said. “That’s horrible!”
“Yeah.”
“So, uh… Who won?”
Emma raised an eyebrow. “Ben. He shoved himself between them and stopped them dead in their tracks with a stare. The only time Tim wears the pants in their relationship is when Ben lets him borrow them.”
Jason laughed and shook his head. “I hope they get over it someday. Tim and Greg have a lot in common.”
“I know.” Emma peered at him. “How are you doing?”
“Ever see that Indiana Jones movie with the Voodoo priest who rips out people’s hearts?”
“No,” Emma said, “but I get the picture. Do you hate William now?”
“No!” Jason said. “I’m in love with him.”
Emma scrunched up her face. “He left you to go build a life for himself and wouldn’t give a long-distance relationship a try.”
“That’s right.”
“And you still love him?”
“More than ever.”
“Wow.” Emma looked taken aback as she exhaled. “I hope Bonnie never leaves me. Speaking of which, youth group meeting tomorrow.”
Jason groaned. “I’m not going.”
“You have to! Dad says I’m here to see family, not run around with some girl. I’m
so
not happy I came out of the closet.”
Jason smiled. “Yes you are.”
“Anyway, he’s in there right now, telling Ben I’m supposed to stay close to home. I just know it. But if you want to go to group, and I also want to, then that’s spending time with family, right?”
Jason shook his head, but he understood. He’d give just about anything to see William right now, or even to hear from him. He hadn’t received any text messages since the one saying he’d arrived. Maybe William wasn’t allowed to have his phone, or perhaps he just didn’t have time. Regardless, Jason hoped that William thought of him sometimes. Maybe just before he fell asleep or when he woke up in the morning. Just for a moment every day. That would be enough.
“Please?” Emma prompted.
Jason smiled. “Okay.”
* * * * *
“Understanding where another person is coming from,” Keith said, “can resolve almost any conflict. Or it can help you form friendships, make connections, get a job, close sales—anything, really. It’s a powerful tool, so I want you to partner up with someone you don’t know very well and change that.”
Emma hopped to her feet, running across the church meeting room to Bonnie. Keith didn’t seem to know about their relationship, so this went unchallenged. Jason had the same instinct. He’d rather hang out with a friend, but Emma and Bonnie being together eliminated the two people he knew. Not counting Kelly, of course. Jason had been surprised to see him in attendance, and not pleasantly so, since Kelly had spent most of the meeting staring at him. He was doing so right now, in fact, as he moved toward Jason with purpose. People got out of his way as his crutches helped bring him near.
“Want to be partners?” Kelly asked, sitting down next to Jason instead of waiting for an answer. He glanced around the room as everyone else paired up. “Although I think I know where you’re coming from already.”
“Do you?” Jason asked, waiting for the inevitable insult.
“Yes. After all, we both loved the same man, and he left us to go become a hero or whatever. I’m guessing you still love him as much as I do.”
“Guilty as charged,” Jason said.
Kelly nodded, looking him up and down and no doubt seeing how tense he was. “I’m not mad at you. Not anymore. William and me breaking up was the right thing to do. We didn’t make each other happy. All we did was fight. Did you two ever argue?”