She was still mulling over dinner options as she opened the door. She gasped in shock. Ryan looked different with short hair—more attractive, if that was even possible—although she would have recognized her anywhere. She couldn’t believe the woman who had been haunting her dreams for so many months was now standing before her, in the flesh. She couldn’t find her voice, though, and she simply stared, afraid her legs were going to buckle at any moment. Ryan was the first to speak.
“I missed you.”
Jen finally let her breath out. “Are you real? Or am I dreaming?”
“I’m real. Or maybe we’re both dreaming.”
Jen smiled. “I missed you too.”
“I know I shouldn’t be here,” Ryan said as she glanced behind Jen into the room. “You probably—”
“I’m alone. Come in.”
Jen stepped back, motioning for Ryan to enter. She saw Ryan swallow nervously and that brought a small smile to her face. When she closed the door, they stood facing each other, gazes coming together and then moving away again.
“How have you been?”
Jen shrugged.
Miserable
. But, “Okay, I guess.” She reached out a hand, brushing her fingers through Ryan’s hair. “I love your hair like this.”
Ryan’s eyes closed. Jen was shocked by the obvious power she had over her. She let her fingers continue their exploration, encouraged by the rapid pulse beating in Ryan’s throat.
“Jen, we should talk—”
“No.”
Whatever excuse Ryan wanted to make, she didn’t want to hear it. It had been too long. There was only one possible reason Ryan was here. Feeling as brave as she’d ever felt in her entire life, she took Ryan’s hand and led her through the house. Her pulse was pounding loudly, threatening to choke the breath from her, but she didn’t let go of Ryan.
She pushed open her bedroom door, then turned to face her. Ryan’s eyes searched hers. Jen didn’t know what to say, didn’t know
how
to say what she wanted. But she knew what she wanted, that she was sure of.
She finally dropped Ryan’s hand as her own reached for the hem of her shirt. She took a deep breath, then slowly pulled her shirt over her head. Ryan’s gaze traveled over her bare torso, landing on the red lacy material that still covered her breasts. Fueled by the clear desire on Ryan’s face, Jen reached behind her and unclasped her bra, letting it fall away. She watched Ryan’s chest rise and fall, saw her tongue come out to wet her lips. She felt a thrill as Ryan’s hungry gaze traveled over her. She stood still, a silent offering.
“My God, you’re beautiful,” Ryan whispered. Then she raised her eyes, “Jen, you don’t—”
“Don’t speak,” she said softly, placing a finger across her lips. “Don’t think. Just feel. Just...
do
.”
Ryan nodded as her gaze returned to Jen’s breasts. “I want to make love to you.”
Jen smiled. “I was kinda hoping you did, seeing as I’m half naked.”
Ryan quickly shed her own shirt, then hesitated only a second before taking her bra off as well. Jen’s eyes were drawn to her; she was as beautiful as Jen had imagined. She looked up, meeting Ryan’s gaze, seeing her desire mirrored back at her. Weeks—months—of dreaming of this and Ryan was here, she was real. She was no longer only a fantasy lover. Jen smiled shyly, not knowing what to do.
Ryan smiled too, taking a step toward her. Jen felt her heart jump in her throat. She swallowed her nervousness. Ryan’s first touch sent chills across her body, and she nearly moaned from it.
“If you want me to stop, just say—”
“I want you to stop talking, that’s what I want,” Jen murmured as she found Ryan’s mouth, effectively silencing her.
The kiss was the same as before, yet oh so different. Jen didn’t hesitate, her mouth opening, her tongue battling Ryan’s as if she’d done it many times before. Soft lips seemed to devour her and she gasped as Ryan’s hands moved up, cupping her breasts. She moaned into Ryan’s mouth as fingers rubbed across her nipples, the sensitive buds turning rock hard from Ryan’s touch. She pulled her mouth away, needing to breathe, and she gulped in deep breaths. Yes, she had dreamed of Ryan touching her, yet she wasn’t prepared for the way her body reacted. She felt her knees weaken, afraid she would collapse right there when Ryan’s fingers slipped to her waist, deftly unbuttoning her shorts in one quick motion. It was all a blur. Ryan’s hands seemed to be everywhere at once. Jen’s senses were on overload. She found herself completely naked and on the bed, reaching for an equally naked Ryan and pulling her down to her.
When Ryan’s body covered hers, she was amazed at the smooth softness of her skin. As her hands traveled across Ryan’s back, Ryan nudged her thighs apart. Jen’s hips instinctively shifted, rising up to meet Ryan’s body as she pressed into her.
“It feels so good,” she murmured. “I’ve been dreaming of this.”
“You have no idea,” Ryan whispered against her lips.
The hand that moved down her body was slow and sure, and Jen trembled as Ryan slipped it between her thighs. She could feel her own wetness, and she spread her legs, urging Ryan to take her.
She gasped as Ryan’s fingers moved through her slick folds, her hips jerking when those fingers rubbed across her clit. She had never been more aroused, had never wanted like this before. She pulled Ryan’s mouth to hers, moaning when Ryan sucked her tongue inside the same instant as her fingers filled her.
Jen didn’t know what she expected, but the sheer bliss of it all was nearly too much for her to stand. She pulled her mouth away, breathing deeply, her hips moving against Ryan in a natural rhythm. Ryan lowered her head, her tongue raking across her nipples, first one then the other. Jen moaned again as Ryan covered her breast, sucking a nipple into her mouth. It was all too much—too much, too soon—and her body simply exploded, bursting from pure pleasure. She hardly recognized the scream that came from her mouth, but she couldn’t possibly have kept it in.
Before she had time to register the magnitude of her orgasm, Ryan moved down her body, both hands spreading her thighs apart. Jen looked down, her eyes wide.
“What...I can’t...I’ve never...oh, dear
God
,” she breathed when Ryan’s mouth settled over her clit, sucking it hard, rubbing her tongue against it. Jen’s hands clutched the sheets, her hips rocking wildly against Ryan’s face. The feeling was so wholly different than anything she’d experienced; she wanted it to last forever. Her body, however, wouldn’t cooperate. She felt her world spinning out of control, and her second orgasm hit with nearly the same force as the first, taking her breath away as she squeezed Ryan’s head between her legs.
Her legs and arms fell limply to her sides, her eyes closed, her mouth open, drawing quick breaths. Ryan’s hands moved slowly now, softly caressing her body, as she whispered words Jen couldn’t decipher.
“Incredible,” Jen whispered. “Absolutely incredible.”
“Was that your first time?” Ryan guessed.
Jen nodded. “I’ve never felt this way before.”
“I’m glad.”
Jen rolled to her side, facing Ryan. “I can’t believe you’re here.” She smiled. “I can’t believe you’re in my bed and...and we just...” She stopped, her gaze drawn to Ryan’s mouth. “Show me. Teach me. I want to please you. I want to make you feel this way.” She leaned closer, softly kissing Ryan on her lips, tasting herself as she did so. “Please...show me what to do.”
Ryan took her hand and slowly moved it between their bodies. Jen waited in anticipation as Ryan’s thighs parted.
“Oh God...you’re so...”
Ryan smiled against her lips. “Wet.”
“Yes,” Jen whispered.
Ryan moved her hand again, sliding it between Jen’s own legs this time. “Just like you are.”
Jen felt her wetness with her own fingers, shocked at how aroused she still was. Ryan moved their hands, brushing against Jen’s clit. She jerked, a thrill passing through her. “
God
,” she moaned, then, “
No
. No, no, no.” She rolled them over, straddling Ryan’s hips.
Ryan pressed up into her, a slight smile on her face. “No, no, no?”
Jen stared at her, surprised at how confident she felt at that moment. The insecurities she normally harbored—with Brad—vanished with Ryan. She now understood why sex with Brad had always left her wanting more. She just had no idea that
more
involved a woman. She lowered herself, kissing Ryan passionately.
“I want to know you. All of you.” She shifted, her hand moving tentatively to Ryan’s breast, amazed at the softness she felt. Ryan moaned when Jen’s fingers brushed her nipple. It became rigid and Jen was drawn to it; her mouth—timid at first—finally closed over it, her tongue circling the hard peak.
Ryan pulled her closer, emitting sounds of pleasure, her hands roaming her back at will, all making Jen more aroused than she already was. Ryan spread her legs and Jen settled between them, her hips unconsciously rolling against her. She lifted her head from Ryan’s breast, her lips finding Ryan’s again.
“Are you going to show me what to do?” she whispered.
Ryan smiled against her mouth. “What you’re doing now is pretty fantastic.”
Jen pulled back, smiling too. She couldn’t believe how at ease she felt, how comfortable she was with Ryan. It seemed the most natural thing in the world for her hands to move down Ryan’s body, fingertips brushing across smooth skin. With a confidence she didn’t know she had, she nudged Ryan’s legs apart, her fingers going to where she had only dreamed of, finding the wet warmth she sought. She moaned when she first touched her—like silk on her fingers—and her eyes found Ryan’s as she slipped inside her. Ryan’s hips rose up to meet her, opening for her.
“Yes,” Ryan murmured. “Like that.”
It was slow and sensual, her fingers buried inside Ryan, thrusting a little faster now as Ryan set the pace she needed. Jen tried to take it all in, but it was sensory overload. She lowered her head, her mouth closing over a rigid nipple, moaning as she suckled it. Ryan’s hand in her hair held her mouth there, and Jen was happy to comply.
Ryan’s free hand slipped between Jen’s thighs, seeking—finding—her clit. Jen gasped as she pressed into Ryan, her hips undulating, surging to meet Ryan’s strokes.
“Yes, harder,” Ryan breathed, her own hips bucking against Jen.
Jen tried desperately to keep pace. It was the most erotic thing she had ever done, and she lifted her mouth from Ryan’s breast, needing desperately to breathe. Their hips rocked together, their hands between their bodies, each pleasuring the other. Jen locked gazes with Ryan, awed by the sheer ecstasy she felt at that moment. She thrust harder, her breath coming as fast as Ryan’s, matching Ryan stroke for stroke.
Wanting to hold on, to make it last, she couldn’t. The pleasure was too much. Her breath caught, her hips jerked one last time.
“Yes...
now
,” Ryan urged, her own hips suspended in air as her thighs clamped down on Jen’s hand. She groaned loudly, and Jen gave in too, her orgasm washing over her in waves of sheer bliss.
She collapsed on top of Ryan, totally spent. Their skin was damp with perspiration, and she felt Ryan’s fingers brush the hair from her face. She tried to move but simply didn’t have the energy.
“Are you okay?”
“Fabulous,” Jen managed before closing her eyes completely.
Ryan’s eyes fluttered open, then closed again. Jen was snuggled against her, still sound asleep. She finally forced her eyes open, the events of the night registering. The corner lamp was still on. Ryan watched Jen, her features relaxed in sleep. She had never seen anything more beautiful.
Panic set in.
What have I done?
She untangled herself slowly from Jen, quietly getting out of bed. Jen stirred but didn’t wake. She stared at her, memorizing the curve of her face, the slope of her nose, her lips, her eyes, her mouth. God, that mouth had been everywhere on her body, it seemed. She closed her eyes for a second, taking it all in.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
She took a deep breath, then turned, picking up her discarded clothing and slipping from the room. She dressed quickly, trying not to think about what they’d done—what she’d done. She just needed to escape.
At Jen’s desk, she took a piece of paper from a notepad, pausing when she spotted Jen’s laptop. She ran her fingers across it, remembering many an evening with Jen curled on her sofa, typing away. Ryan shook the memory away as she grabbed a pen. She stared at the paper, not knowing what to say. She finally scribbled an apology and fled.
The sun was not up yet, and only then did Ryan think to look at her watch. Four thirty. She jogged to her rental car, pausing to look back at Jen’s house once before speeding away.
She didn’t understand her need to escape, but it was strong and she went with it. She sped down the unfamiliar streets, back to the highway.
“What the hell have I done?”
They hadn’t talked. Not really. It was like they couldn’t stop touching, couldn’t stop kissing long enough to talk. She never once asked about Brad, and Jen didn’t mention him. Hell, for all she knew, they were engaged by now. They might even have set a wedding date. She felt panic setting in again and pushed those thoughts away. She pounded the steering wheel with her right hand, cursing herself for what happened. But really, wasn’t that exactly what she’d hoped would happen? Why else had she shown up on her doorstep? She’d been thinking about Jen day and night, since the moment she walked out of her life. She just needed to get her out of her system, she told herself. And after spending hours in bed with her, surely to God she had.
But what about Jen?
She slowed, glancing in the rearview mirror. She should go back. She couldn’t just walk out on Jen like that. She met her gaze in the mirror and shook her head. No. She couldn’t go back. She sped up again, moving farther away from Jen with every second.
She couldn’t go back.
***
Jen rolled over, stretching her legs out. She was pleasantly sore. A sudden smile lit her face. It faded quickly, though. She knew even before she opened her eyes that she was alone. She reached over, feeling the coolness of the sheets. The house was quiet. Too quiet.