CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
GINA MEADOWS
I woke up the next day with a serious hangover after drinking myself into a stupor. I remembered that much, but after that everything was but a vague memory or dream. I couldn’t tell which. I remember Ronald being in my dreams, though. I sat up, and that was when I realized that I was naked from the waist down.
“Oh, God,” I muttered as I remembered getting undressed so I could have phone sex with my so-called husband. He convinced me to get my vibrator from my nightstand and stay on the phone until I could find release.
“Shit don’t make no damn sense.” I was beating myself up because once again I put myself in the dunce chair, all for the love of a man.
Ronald could talk my panties off on I-285 at twelve noon in the fast lane. That’s how powerful his mack game was.
My pussy felt worn, as if I had used all ten inches of the dildo turned on high for an extended amount of time. I leaned over the sofa to see if I could find the purple bandit, my nickname for my high-powered lover.
As I continued to search for the only thing that had shown me love in the last two years, I lost my balance and came crashing to the floor, ass up. “Shit, that hurt.” My boobs were smashed into the floor and the dildo lay dangerously close to my mouth. A vision of sucking that dildo flashed through my mind, but in this flashback, I swallowed. “I ain’t fucking with that Patron no damn more!” I pushed myself up off the floor and tried to get back on the sofa with as much dignity as my ringing head would allow. My stomach was churning, my brain felt like it was trying to leap out of my head, and my pussy felt freshly fucked.
Damn, that was some good phone sex.
I needed to go to the bathroom in the worst way, but I felt I’d throw up if I made another sudden movement. The last thing I wanted to do was clean up a mess of vomit. I rocked myself on the sofa, trying to push the pee back up that threatened to leave a brownish stain on my off-white sofa. “Lawd, please.” The rocking wasn’t helping my head, but it did seem to ease my bladder because instead of the pee being focused in one place, I was spreading it around. My pussy felt swollen, but I attributed that to using the dildo without lubrication. Ronald convinced me that I didn’t need it. “Take it like I give it, rough,” is what he had said to me, and my stupid ass did it.
My pussy was going to be sore for weeks. I had managed to rock the pee away enough to stand and go to the bathroom. I was ashamed of myself for falling for Ronald’s bullshit again.
I stumbled into the bathroom, still a little woozy from the booze and the intense hangover that I was experiencing. It wasn’t until my ass found its way to the toilet seat that I remembered Gavin.
With all the booze in my system, I had completely forgotten that he was staying with me until he could get himself on his feet. My mind scrambled, trying to remember if I’d gotten naked before or after he got home.
Oh, shit, I couldn’t remember
! I broke out into a cold sweat. Even though I didn’t care much for the man my son had become, I still had enough decency not to want him to see me drunk and naked at the same damn time!
I jumped up from the toilet in midstream and raced to his door, trailing piss behind me. “Lawd, please don’t let Gavin be in this room.” I didn’t pray as often as I should, but I was hoping this one time God wouldn’t put my call on hold. I swung open the door without bothering to knock. I held my breath. Gavin was lying on his back across his bed. He was butt naked too!
“Damn.” This was the first time that I’d gotten to see his dick since he was around six years old. I had to admit that I was impressed. He was hung just like his dad. Even in its relaxed state, his dick was impressive. “Like father, like son.” Those words slipped out of my mouth before I could catch them. It wasn’t that I was into the incest thing, but truth be told, Gavin was not my biological son. Our only connection was that I’d fucked his father and raised Ronald’s child like he was my own.
So was that considered incest? Obviously, the booze was talking for me, because I had to stop myself from rushing the bed and taking his flaccid penis in my mouth. I stood in the doorway with drool practically dripping out of my mouth as I watched my son sleep, with his dick swinging in the wind. A vision of that same dick pounding against my pussy filled my mind. In my head, I knew it was just a vision, but my body felt like it had actually happened. I shuttered inside.
The doorbell rang and there I was stuck like Chuck. I froze. My eyes darted from door to bed and back again. I needed to shut the door before Gavin could see me standing there practically naked. I had to put some pants on so I could stop the doorbell from ringing again. As my head turned back again toward Gavin, I thought I saw him smile. I quietly shut the door and rushed back to the living room to gather my pants.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
MERLIN MILLS
Every minute I stood in the vestibule of my mother’s apartment was torture. After I finally talked Cojo back inside the church and married her, I vowed never to come back. The news of fatherhood had me acting giddy and I wasn’t thinking straight. I had to share the news with someone. I rang the bell again as I placed my ear to the door.
I could hear movement, so I stood back to wait for my mother to answer the door. Each second I waited, I debated whether this was such a good idea. My mother never had a good thing to say about my wife; she barely had a good thing to say about me. I was turning to leave when she finally opened the door.
She was disheveled and her eyes had this wild look to them.
“Are you okay?” I felt genuine concern for her, the likes of which I hadn’t felt since I was in high school.
“What are you doing here?”
If I thought she’d be happy to see me, those thoughts were doused by her sour greeting. I felt like kicking myself for even thinking that stopping by her house was a good idea. I should have let sleeping dogs lie. “Hello, Mother.” I hoped that I could thaw her icy exterior by calling her Mother, but that only seemed to make her more agitated.
“I asked you what you were doing here. Hell, I haven’t seen you in years. What, you want to move in here now too? Did that siddity wife of yours throw you out?”
My good mood disappeared as I realized the huge error in judgment I’d made. Without saying another word, I turned around to leave. I didn’t need her negative energy hanging around my neck like an albatross. “Forget it, Mother. I tried. Have a nice life.” I stomped down the three steps that led to her apartment, angry at myself for making such a stupid mistake. I left a little of my joy on her stoop, but I was determined to take the rest of it back to my house.
“Wait,” she hollered a little too loudly for the enclosed breezeway of her apartment complex.
I hesitated because I didn’t know whether she was preparing to strip away the rest of my joy, or if she was actually sorry for treating me the way that she had. I turned around slowly. She was patting her wild hairs back in place. She attempted to straighten out her pants, which appeared to have been put on backward. Suddenly, I didn’t want to share my good news with her.
“How are you?” Gina’s voice was gentler. She appeared like she almost cared.
“I’m good.”
There was a brief moment of silence. She hadn’t invited me in, so I felt awkward speaking to her on her doorstep.
“Do you want to come in?”
This would be the first time that I had been inside my mother’s house since I got married, and my feet refused to move. A flashing memory of the last time I’d been inside of her house came rushing back to me. I wondered yet again what I was doing here in the first place.
As if she could read my thoughts, she tried to reassure me. “It’s okay, I’ll be nice.”
She smiled again and the sucker in me smiled back. I was so happy about the baby, I lost my friggin’ mind. I stepped past her and entered the house. She closed the door behind me. For a second I grew fearful, but I was determined to say to her what I came to say.
“For years, Mother, you’ve treated Gavin and me like shit.” This wasn’t the way that I wanted to start the conversation, but the words flew out of my mouth. I heard her inhale sharply, and I saw her pull herself up as if she was ready to fight me, so I quickly finished my thought. “But now that I am about to have a child, I can understand how you’ve felt all these years caring for my father’s children without the benefit of a ring.”
The wind was sucked from her sails and tears flooded her eyes and mine. I never thought about how she felt before.
I said, “For years I hated you for the way that you treated us, but I am finally beginning to understand.”
“What is it that you are finally understanding?” Her tone was accusing as she mocked me. She sounded like she was about to kick my ass like she did when I was a small child.
“You were acting off of emotions, Mother. I can’t imagine how I would feel or react if I had to raise someone’s children and not have any of my own.” Once again, my words surprised even me. That was not what I had intended to say to her when I came to her door. It was like something or someone planted those words in my mouth. Before I could lose my nerve, I continued. “I didn’t understand it when I was a child. In fact, I didn’t understand it until today when my wife told me she was having my child. You were reacting to all those years my father treated you like a second-class citizen, and now I understand. I’m not saying I agree with the way you treated us, but I finally understand and I forgive you.”
My mother remained speechless. I’m sure she didn’t expect this speech from me and was just as surprised as I was that I had made it, but I needed to have her in my life as a positive role model for my child. But she was going to have to change her ways toward my wife if that was going to work, ’cause she would not continue to abuse my wife and the mother of my child.
Gina said, “I don’t know what to say.”
This was the first time in a long time my mother didn’t have a snappy comeback. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Part of me wanted to hug her, but I couldn’t even remember the last time I was physical with my mother.
The tears that had flooded her eyes rolled unchecked down her cheeks. She didn’t bother to wipe them away as they slid into her mouth. “I’m sorry, Merlin. All these years I’ve been wrong and I couldn’t see it for the pain Ronald’s leaving me caused.”
I didn’t say anything because I knew that to be true, but I still didn’t understand what she had against my wife. She sank down onto the sofa and allowed her sobs to overtake her. Once again I wanted to comfort her, but I wasn’t sure how she would react.
I said, “So where do we go from here?”
She looked up at me with what appeared to be hope in her eyes. “Are you willing to give me a second chance?” She was wringing her hands together.
“I will, but you’ve got to let up on Cojo. I can’t have you disrespecting my wife and the mother of my child.”
Her eyes narrowed. I thought she was about to do a Sybil on me and flip out. I took a step back just in case I was going to have to defend myself, ’cause she was not about to go upside my head like she used to do in the old days.
“I’ll try.”
That wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted assurances that she wouldn’t hurt my baby again. “What is it with you and her? Has she ever done anything to offend you?” I was clearly perplexed about this and I wanted to understand this, too.
My mother took her time with her answer. As far as I was concerned, if she had to think this long, she didn’t know the answer her damn self.
“There was never anything wrong with Cojo. I’m sorry about my behavior at your wedding. Cojo’s a sweet wife and you are lucky to have her.”
This was not the answer I expected. My mother was full of surprises today, but I guess so was I. I never had the nerve to come right out and ask her what the problem was. I just chose to ignore it, hoping that it would go away in time.
I said, “Then what has been the problem? She’s tried real hard to be friends with you, but you held her off.”
After a painful pause, Gina said, “She had everything that I didn’t.”
Ah, that made sense. She was jealous of my relationship with my wife.
“When I looked at you two together I saw the woman that your father left me for.”
“Mom, you are going to have to get over that or it will destroy your life.” I meant those words from the bottom of my heart.
“I know. I tried, but every time I put that man out of my heart and my mind, he calls and says something that makes me fall for him all over again.”
“And how long are you going to allow this to go on?”
“So, you’re a therapist now?” She laughed out loud.
She might have been joking, but this was a form of therapy. She needed to face the fact that my father just wasn’t going to do right, and she would either continue on that emotional roller coaster or get the fuck off.
“He’s done with me.” She began to sniffle.
“How about you saying you’re done with him?”
She looked at me strangely as if the thought never occurred to her. “Hum . . . that does sound better.”
“Keep saying it enough and you will believe it. Then, the next time he calls talking smack, you can tell him to step off.” I smiled to soften the blow. I loved my father simply because he was the man that gave me life, but as far as being in my life, that didn’t happen.
“When did you get so smart?” Gina stared at me.
“I’ve always been smart, but you were too angry to see that.” I didn’t say that to hurt her feelings, but the truth was the truth.
“You’re right. I couldn’t see what was right in my face. I’m sorry, Merlin.”
“I’m sorry too, Mom. We should have had this conversation a long time ago.”
“Don’t fool yourself. If you’d come to me with this a few years ago, I might have killed your ass.” She smiled this time and we both loosened up.
Hesitantly, I stepped forward and gently pulled her from the sofa and hugged her. At first she didn’t hug me back. I felt like I’d moved too fast, but then she threw her arms around my waist and hugged me back as if her life depended on it. It was a very special moment for both of us until she roughly pushed me back.
“Did you say you were expecting a baby?”
A wide grin crossed my face.
I guess it finally registered with her that she was about to be a grandma. “Yes, Grandma.”
She punched me lightly in the shoulder. “I’m too fine to be a grandma. They are just going to have to call me Gee-Gee.” She looked about as happy as I felt. She started patting down her hair and posing for me, even though she looked a hot mess.
I didn’t miss the distinct smell of alcohol when I hugged her, either.
“Where is Cojo? I’ve got to go make friends with her. I don’t want her to continue to hate me, because I want to be in my grandchild’s life. It’s my chance to do what I gave up by not having my own child.”
“That’s good to know. But that little reunion is going to have to wait until we get back in town. I’m taking Cojo away for the weekend to celebrate.”
For a second, my mother’s eyes clouded over, but they quickly cleared. “That’s nice, baby.”
My heart soared ’cause she hadn’t called me baby with sincerity since I was six or seven. “You could do me a favor, though.”
“What’s that?” She looked hopeful again.
“Keep an eye on our mail. I’m expecting my redeployment orders, and I need to know if they come while we are away.”
“How am I going to keep an eye on your mail or apartment when I’ve never ever been there?”
That was a dig, but I knew she knew exactly where it was because she’d visited before and ’cause she gave the address to Gavin. “I’ll write down the address and leave an extra key so you can check the mail and leave it in the house. We will be home on Sunday.”
“Okay, that’s the least I can do for all the damage I’ve done to our relationship over the years. I’ll call you if you get anything that comes from the military.”
“Thanks, Mom.” My heart felt like it was about to bust. I hadn’t felt this good since Cojo told me she was pregnant.
“How far along is Cojo?”
“About four weeks.” I handed my mother the extra keys I had on my ring, and she placed them on the fireplace. I got lost in thought thinking about the cute little girl or the handsome son we were going to have.
“Ain’t this special.” Gavin came out of the guest bedroom clapping his hands.
Rage the likes of which I hadn’t felt since I kicked his ass came rushing back at me. I had no idea Gavin was crashing at my mother’s house. If I’d known, I would have never come over here. “What are you doing here?” I snarled.
“Oh, no forgiveness for me?” Gavin was mocking me, letting me know that he had heard every word I had said to Gina.
“Leave me alone, Gavin.”
“What did I do?” He had this innocent look on his face, as if he’d never done any wrong, but I knew better . . . much better.
“I got to go, Mom. I’ll invite you over once we get back.” I turned to leave. I needed to get out of here before I said or did something to that asshole brother of mine.
She walked me to the door and we shared another hug. It felt good to be back in her good graces, and I had high hopes that she was going to get her life together.
“Have a safe trip,” she said.
“Yo, Merlin,” Gavin yelled.
Part of me wanted to keep on walking without even acknowledging my brother, but I didn’t want my mother to know the extent of my animosity toward him. “What?”
“You sure that kid is yours?” Gavin showed me his devilish grin.