Sleeping Beauty (4 page)

D r. Grant was nowhere to be seen when I left the hotel for my interview. I was thankful and yet a bit disappointed. I didnt want his institute playing with my mind but on a personal level I had enjoyed our 3:00 a.m. breakfast very much.

It was as if Id dreamed of him the night before and none of it had actually happened. In my condition that could be true. Maybe I had dreamed up the dazzling Dr. David Grant.

Darla pulled up at the hotels front door as I stood outside watching for her. She waved me into the car and peered at me, her big blue eyes round and questioning. Are you nervous?

Not particularly. I buckled my seat belt.

This is nothing compared to what happened a few hours ago, I mused silently. A piece of cake. Theres no way I can disgrace myself any more than I had in the middle of the night.

Good, because you are a shoo-in. Its my guess that theyre already thinking about your travel schedule. Theyll start you out easy, I know, but theyre excited to have someone with your experience onboard.

Travel. My favorite thing, right up there with having toenails removed and black widow spiders.

You know, maybe I shouldnt interview for this job, I said tentatively. Its not very practical for someone like me.

Someone like you? Youre exactly who they need.

What I may need is a keeper, have you thought of that? Ill have to hire someone to travel with me and make sure I stay in my room at night.

Cant you do something? Darlas brow furrowed. Anything? Maybe doctors have discovered something new since you went through that routine before.

Im generally an optimistic person but I felt a wave of hopelessness crash over me. My sleep habits were the one thing that could bring me down off my usually happy and contented high.

Ive tried it all, Darla. Frankly, Ive accepted the fact that this is my affliction, my cross to bear. That sounded overly dramatic and theatrical to even my ears but its how I feel sometimes. Maybe Im a fool for even considering

Stop it. Her voice was harsh with frustration. Then she took my hand as we paused at a stoplight. I felt concern and affection pouring from her. Ive been praying about this for a long time, Suze. God will answer. He always does.

Sometimes He says, No.

And sometimes He says, Wait, I have something better planned. It isnt like you to be so despondent.

Hey. I felt my smile waver tremulously. Ill snap out of it. I always do.

Well, start snapping. Here we are. Youve got to have your head together for this interview.

Ive always loved Chicagothe lake, the pier, the cruise boats that sail at night, allowing passengers to look back at the lovely skyline decorated with high-rise buildings and twinkling lights. In Chicago, I even enjoy the wind. Nowhere else, however, just in Chicago. And the shopping! I could rhapsodize about it for hours.

Darla pulled up in front of an imposing building and I felt my stomach take a rollercoaster ride into the soles of my shoes.

No need to be nervous, I told myself. Ive been to the main office of my insurance company a dozen times on day trips, flying in and out on the same day for meetings.

But this time was different and I knew it. I was attempting to do something I hadnt done beforeintentionally turn my life on its ear. The traveling that came with this job, if I got it, was a challenge Id finally have to face, a mountain Id have to climb. There was something inside me desperately wanting to push myself out of the comfortable nest Id created and to tackle the one thing that kept my life from being nearly perfect.

Maybe it was the specter of never traveling by myself for fear of what I might get into. Or perhaps it was the fact that I was going to be Terry and Tommys spinster aunt, the funny one who is set in her ways and always wears her clothing and hair as if she were trapped in another decade. Odd Auntie Suze. Sweet, pleasant, fearful.

I could imagine Mickey whispering to the boys and their wives someday, She should have married and had children but you know about her PROBLEM. The way Mickey would say problem it would no doubt sound as if it were written in capital letters. She never thought any man would want to marry a woman who was so unpredictable in her sleep. A shame, really. Did I ever tell you about the time she actually drove her car to an all-night restaurant in St. Paul and asked for Belgian waffles to go?

Although I didnt admit it to Mickey or anyone else, its not far offme giving up, that is, and permanently having to reconcile myself to the fact that my sleep activities were keeping me from ever living a normal life.

So here I am, riding the elevator to the thirty-fifth floor to interview for a job that will throw everything I fear my way. Its like jumping off the high dive and then checking to see if theres water in the pool, but what else can I do?

Suze! Welcome! Clifford Ford, owner and president of Restwell Insurers Mutual, greeted me. Restwell Insurers . Ironic, isnt it, that a company that guarantees its customers that they will sleep better at night with all their insurance needs met would have me as an employee?

Hello, Mr. Ford, nice to see you again.

I was immediately disappointed when he said, I am double-booked today so Im unable to sit in on your interview. Everyone is looking forward to seeing you. Now if youll come this way

I had an inkling of what it must have been like for the sad souls who made their last trip over the Rio di Palazzo, on the Bridge of Sighs in Venice. The bridge connects the Doges Palace with the prisons and its said that the view from the bridge was the last thing convicts saw on their way to prison.

Id never been so confused. This whole interview and potential job are a classic approach-avoidance conflict in a nutshell. And Im the nut. If I get it Ill be terrified; if I dont get it Ill be devastated. Fear or rejection. Trepidation or rebuffwhich to choose? Neither. But thats not an option. One or the other is going to be the new theme of my life.

Restwell Insurers Mutual does everything tastefully, even interviews. The relaxed atmosphere of the interview room, its comfy chairs and good pastries lulled me into complacency. I felt so at home, in fact, that I was not as cautious as I might have been. They caught me a time or two doing my best deer-in-the-headlights imitation.

Tell me, Ms. Charles, are you open to overseas travel? Weve acquired a company in London and plan to send some of our people to that office to train staff there.

I was struck with fish mouthwide and gaping.

Theres been an upsurge in claims in the southeastern part of the country. Would you consider traveling for as long or two or three weeks at a time? That question had me gasping for air like a guppy that had jumped out of the bowl and onto the carpet.

Two or three weeks? Ha! They had no idea how much trouble I could get into in just an hour or two.

Funny how a dream come true can also be a nightmare in the making.

Apparently my head was at least together enough to get me the job.

Your interview must have been amazing, Darla gushed when I met her in the lobby on the first floor of the building.

How would you know?

She blushed to the roots of her artificially blond hair. I was in the coffee room when two of the execs who interviewed you came in.

Were you spying for me?

Not exactly. Choosing my placement carefully, maybe. Making sure I was within earshot? Perhaps. Spying? Thats too James Bond-ish for me. She twinkled at me with her baby blues. It is completely impossible to stay annoyed with Darla. They were raving about you.

As in stark raving mad?

Though Darla chortled, I, recalling myself break out of my own room last night, could not laugh with her.

As I waited to board the plane back to MinneapolisSt. Paul, I watched important-looking businessmen stride back and forth carrying briefcases. None was better looking than the handsome Dr. Grant.

If wishing could make something so, I would wish that David Grants clinic actually could help me, but after years of disappointment Id already decided that I would have to handle my problem my way and learn to live with it.

The short plane trip home was uneventful, which was fortunate for the other passengers. Exhausted from the night before, I fell asleep before we were airborne and, strapped in as I was, stayed right where I was supposed to be.

Mickey was waiting for me outside baggage claim. I tossed my suitcase into the back of her car and hopped in the front with her.

What? No boys?

Theyre at Moms. I couldnt take it anymore. Im trying to pack and also to get everything ready for when we return with the baby. Every time I turned my back theyd undo something Ive just done. She looked at me with worried eyes. Are you sure they wont be too much for you, Suze?

I go to the gym every evening. I take vitamins, avoid white sugar and flour. I juice my own fruits and veggies. If Im not fit to take them on, who is?

Mickeys shoulders slumped. Mom says shell help all she can, but I know she and Dad would have a meltdown if they had to keep track of the boys for three months.

Most mortals would.

I smiled encouragingly at my sister. Well be fine. Come back with that baby sister and any problems we might have will disappear like smoke.

Smoke. I made a mental note to remove all matches from my house.

In fact, why dont we do a trial run tonight? I suggested. Tommy and Terry can stay with me so you can finish getting ready. You and Jeff could use a few hours together without their help. Bring them over just before bedtime.

Mickey looked at me with pathetic gratitude in her eyes. Youre the best sister in the entire world, Suze. I really appreciate it. But dont you have a date tonight or something?

Nope, not tonight. Although Mickey didnt know it, Ive taken myself out of the dating circuit for a few months. Im almost afraid to fall in love and dont want to take the chance.

Dr. Grant had said it himself: people can do anything in their sleep including commit murder. What if I married and the first time my husband and I had a fight I pasted him to the sheets with superglue or shredded all his suits with a toenail clipper? I know its my discouragement speaking but better safe than sorry.

The boys arrived at 7:00 p.m. smelling like soap, shampoo and watermelon with a whiff of licorice thrown in. They were in their pajamas and Jeff carried one boy in each arm. They lay sleepily against their daddys shoulders, each sucking a thumb. How could anything so cute be so destructive? Maybe they were changing. They were getting older and would be five on their next birthday. Maturity had to set in eventually.

Theyre about ready to conk out, Jeff informed me. And they will sleep all night without moving. Since they gave up naps, they run themselves ragged by evening. Its the saving grace for Mickey and me.

That and the fact that the boys had abandoned their habit of speaking in what I call twin talk. Theyd developed their own personal language about the time theyd learned to talk and had communicated with each other in what sounded to us like babble. It was really alarming to know that they could be hatching plans to destroy us all right in front of us and we didnt have a clue.

We tucked the boys into my spare bed and they curled up and snuggled in like two sleepy kittens. Chipper, the three-footed dog, jumped onto the bed and burrowed in with them. They looked like a photo from a Hallmark card, the three of them clumped into a bundle of dog and boys. One of them was snoring lightly. Probably Chipper.

At the door, just before he left, my brother-in-law took me by the shoulders and looked deep into my eyes. Jeff and I have known each other for many years and hes one of my favorite people. He can also read me like a book.

Listen, Suze, Mickey hasnt said anything and Im not sure shes even noticed because shes been so frantic about this trip but I see it.

See what?

Youre down in the dumps.

Is it so apparent?

This job opportunity is what youve wanted, isnt it?

Yes. Of course.

And youre scared spitless of the travel.

Its an approach-avoidance kind of thing. I didnt admit how upset I am about my bizarre night in Chicago. I think I can manage it but it is worrisome.

Ive done everything youve asked, Suze. I put extra locks on the windows and doors, turned down the temperature on your water heater. Youve told all the neighbors that youll have the boys so they can watch out for you. I think weve taken enough precautions. Youll be great. And maybe, if you quit worrying about it, youll sleep better.

Maybe, I said without much optimism. And thanks for caring.

Listen, if the boys get to be too much, you can hire extra help.

Get out of here! I pointed sternly toward his car. Take your wife out to eat. Pack your bags. Now scram.

Jeff grinned at me, saluted and, after he had transferred two toddler booster seats to my vehicle, did as he was told.

I checked on the boys again, tried to watch an inane movie on television and finally decided to go to bed as well. I put on the silky pajamas Mickey had given me for my birthday, turned on some ocean sounds and lay down. I went to sleep repeating Psalm 3:5. Lie down and sleep: I wake again for the Lord sustains me.

I swam upward from the bottom of a deep lake of sleep, drawn by an odd sound coming from the other bedroom. Someone was choking. TommyTerry

I ran, barefoot, into the spare room where a croupy Terry was hacking and barking in his sleep like a baby seal. Mickey had described the sound to me last time the boys were sick but now I heard it for myself and it was terrifying. His breathing was heavy and labored. I put my hand on his forehead and it felt strangely warm. His hair was glued to his skin. I had to get Terry to a hospital.

I knew I should call Mickey and Jeff, but I didnt want to risk taking the time for them to get here, so I threw a raincoat over my pajamas, picked up the groggy boys and carried them to the car. They were light in my arms even though I felt Terry struggle. The hacking sound grew worse.

What if something happened to either of them on my watch? Id never forgive myself. Never.