Sister Betty Says I Do (8 page)

Sister Betty glared at Ima's back. She knew Ima had just given her an “I won” gesture. But Sister Betty had a look, too. She peered past Ima and gave Leotis a look that said, “You've lost big-time.”

 

During the days after Leotis put his foot down, shaming Sharvon and surrendering his willpower to Ima to continue her shameless pursuit, Sharvon was away on a case consultation in Spartanburg, South Carolina. All that week, whenever possible, she'd call home. Each time Sister Betty tried to bring up Leotis's name, no matter the context, the conversation between them was always the same, and tonight wasn't any different.

Sister Betty began their conversation by speaking so fast, it was hard to tell if she was speaking English or in tongues. “Sharvon, I wish you'd been here last Friday night,” she gushed. “Chile, the service was hot. The young adult choir almost came out of their robes when they sang ‘He's Able.' And you know Bea and Sasha almost beat each other down to the floor, trying to outshout one another.”

Sharvon's reply was quick and a bit out of character, yet she left no doubt that she wasn't interested. “Well, you know Mother Sasha and Bea should just go ahead and sign up for a WWE wrestling match and get it over with,” she told Sister Betty. Sharvon then began laughing, almost to the point where she seemed to lose her breath.

She's trying so hard
, Sister Betty thought.
I wish she would just forgive Leotis so she could get back to her old self.

“Hmmm, so, Cousin Betty, how is the wedding planning coming along? You don't have a lot of time, because fall is just around the corner.”

“Freddie and I are still trying to decide on a few honeymoon details, but you and I can discuss the wedding later in person.” At this moment neither the wedding nor the honeymoon was something she wanted to discuss. She really wanted Sharvon to get over her anger with Leotis and not let Ima get the upper hand. Sharvon wouldn't have to date Leotis if she didn't want to; she just needed to make sure he didn't let Ima dig her claws into his oughta-be-sanctified soul.

Sister Betty inhaled, silently prayed for wisdom. This was her younger second cousin, the only daughter of her closest first cousin, Belle. From the time Sharvon came to visit after burying Belle over in Belton, South Carolina, six months ago, Sister Betty had stepped up to the plate, trying to become as close to Sharvon as she was certain Belle would've wanted.

Taking a deep breath, Sister Betty continued. “Reverend Tom preached so hard that before the congregation knew it, he'd gone deep into the Word of God and taken us up before the throne of grace.”

“Well, some of those preaching
the Word
so high and mighty are the very ones that's living the lowest!” Sharvon spoke quickly, stepping all over Sister Betty's praises of Leotis. “Right now there is nothing that man can do to make me believe that he's all of what he preaches.”

“Oh, Sharvon, you've got to forget about Ima. She don't mean nothing to Leotis. I know it. He's just trying to save a soul the best way he knows how.”

“No, he's not!” Sharvon shot back. “He's trying to save his ass the best way he knows how!”

Sister Betty was shocked, not only at Sharvon's attitude but also at her language. The word ass as it was used in the Bible meant “mule.” Although at that moment, Sharvon definitely was acting as stubborn as a mule. Sister Betty was certain that a mule was the farthest thing from Sharvon's mind.

 

A few minutes later Freddie arrived just as Sister Betty hung up from her telephone call with Sharvon. Before he could give her a peck on the cheek, missing her face by inches, she began pacing back and forth.

Sister Betty began reciting chapter and verse to Freddie. Sharvon's words had stung and were trapped in her ears, and in her heart, and needed releasing.

“Honey Bee, are you sure you heard her correctly?”

Sister Betty twisted her lips, as if he'd said something disgusting to hurt her feelings. “I have good hearing, Freddie. I know what she said. I'm telling you that Sharvon tore Leotis's Christian reputation apart, as though he'd never done a good thing for nobody! She cussed, too!”

“Honey Bee, I'm sorry this whole mess has upset you.” Freddie sat on the sofa, and with nothing else coming to mind that would immediately calm her, he pulled from under his arm a packet of brochures he'd been holding. “I am hoping that perhaps we can finalize our honeymoon plans. I need to put down a deposit as soon as possible since I couldn't get the money back from the cruise we missed.”

They had decided months ago, when they'd begun making plans, that they wanted to spend their honeymoon in places where neither of them had ever been. They'd settled on Mexico and Jamaica. They'd gotten as far as deciding that it would not be Dunn's River Falls, because they were too old to climb slippery rocks, plus neither would wear a bathing suit in public.

When he'd fallen ill almost nine months ago and the wedding had been postponed, they had to start anew with their planning. Although Sister Betty seemed preoccupied with everything that was happening with Sharvon, Leotis, and Ima, earlier that day Freddie had gone ahead with the planning. He'd added Cozumel to their itinerary. All he needed now was for her to say, “Okay, honey. That's perfect.” But she didn't seem interested enough to even ask about the brochures now lying plainly in his hands. She also didn't seem to notice the sad face that'd replaced the one of concern a moment ago.

S
everal days after Ima's visit to Leotis's house, Ima left her sparsely furnished apartment in a poorer area of Pelzer. It was the only area she could afford at that moment, and she was truly happy that the reverend had never offered to drive her home, although that was what she'd wanted. She was sure she could handle the awkward situation if things went her way. Feeling the need to clear her head, she decided that instead of driving, she'd walk the ten blocks to visit Sasha. She stepped off the elevator just in time to find Sasha returning to her apartment from emptying the trash in the incinerator.

Between the elevator and the four doors separating it from Sasha's apartment, Ima declared, “I'm marrying Reverend Leotis Tom.”

“Get real,” Sasha replied as they entered her apartment. “I'd rather believe a chicken has an udder and cows have feathers.”

“Oh, you'd better believe it,” Ima bragged. “I'm gonna become a first lady.”

“And just how will this miracle happen?” Sasha sucked her teeth hard enough for her dentures to slip. She used her tiny tongue to push them back into place before she began chiding Ima. “First of all,” Sasha said, “what do you know about being the first lady of a church? You've only come close to being a first lady by way of a dumb engagement to a married preacher.”

“Whatever!”

“No, it's not
whatever
,” Sasha snapped. “It's whenever. It's whenever you get one of those ridiculous ideas in your head about a man, you always come up with the short end of the condom.”

“Say what you wanna,” Ima said, pointing her finger in Sasha's face. “I have a plan, and when I'm done, that man will see me as nothing but first-class first lady material!” Ima quickly turned on her heels and left Sasha's apartment. With no time or desire to wait on the elevator, she raced through the exit door instead and took the steps down.

 

That afternoon Ima went shopping in downtown Anderson. She managed to max out several of her credit cards by shopping in expensive boutiques. When she finished, she called Leotis. She decided not to leave a message when his answering machine at home answered. Instead, she called the cell phone number on the business card he'd given her when they first met.

“This is Reverend Leotis Tom speaking. How may I help you?”

The deep Isaac Hayes sound of his bass voice coming through the cell phone gripped Ima as though it'd lassoed her entire being. She'd fallen for other men from time to time, but she'd never swooned at the sound of a voice, not even Barry White's, whose sexy music she kept on repeat.

“Hello, Reverend,” Ima said softly. “I hope I haven't disturbed you, but I feel so awkward from how things went the other day. I'm not certain what to do.”

“You don't have to do anything, Ima. I believe I made myself clear to you and Sharvon.”

At the mention of Sharvon's name, Ima clenched the cell phone hard enough for it to crack. Somehow she maintained her composure, because she had other things to consider.

“I know you feel that it was settled, but I don't. And just to show you that I mean no harm and would really like for us to be friends, I have an offer.”

“That's not necessary,” Leotis said with a questioning tone. The way the conversation was going, he wasn't sure if Ima was setting him up for something confrontational or if his semi-harsh words had finally gotten through to her. “I'm going to accept your apology at face value,” he told her. “I need to return to Pelzer, and the traffic in downtown Anderson is bumper to bumper right now.”

As soon as Ima heard the words
downtown Anderson
, she took it as a sign that her plan was ordained. Perhaps God was showing her favor, but she'd just have to work a little harder to get this man.

“I know what you mean about this traffic,” Ima replied. “I'm stuck in it myself, as we speak. I'm about ready to just pull over and wait for the rush hour to die down, or whatever is that's causing the delay to go away.”

“Oddly enough,” Leotis said, chuckling, “I thought about doing the same.” Leotis looked at his reflection in his rearview mirror. He had a big grin on his face, and there was no one responsible for it at that moment but Ima. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

“I've got an idea,” she told him.

“Should that make me nervous?” Leotis teased.

Ima sensed him weakening. “Probably, but not today,” she sighed. “I'm sure you're probably hungry, and like me, you're not a fan of fast food. Why don't you see if you can make your way over to Le Posh, and if you can, then the late lunch is on me.”

“Now, that's sorta ritzy,” Leotis teased. “I know the place well. In fact, it's where I usually bring my out-of-town clergy to dine, and it's only a couple of blocks away from Sharvon's law office, too.”

At the mention of Sharvon's name again, Ima tuned him out. “So it's a date, then?”

Leotis tried several times to say no, but each time he spoke to Ima, it went from “Today is not a good time” to “I'm about ten blocks away. I'll meet you there.”

Ima hung up her cell phone and laid it beside her on the car seat. She removed the pearl-trimmed sunglasses she wore and glanced toward the Anderson skyline. The weather couldn't have been better, and it seemed to cooperate with her quickly thought-up plan. She'd picked a beautiful sunny day to suggest eating at Le Posh Restaurant.

She'd chosen the high-class restaurant not only for its location in the historic part of Anderson but also with another purpose in mind.

First ladies from megachurches in Pelzer, Belton, Piedmont, and Williamston, South Carolina, dined at Le Posh. Although some of their husbands weren't particularly handsome, the men had enough fame and fortune to offset their lack of good looks, so their wives brought them along as arm candy. In the winter the women shamelessly showed off their latest first lady attire of floor-length mink coats. In the warmer weather, they wore two- or three-tiered hats designed to impress, and their manicured hands sported expensive diamonds and other jewelry that rivaled the sun's shine. Along with the silent fashion show were whispered conversations coming from various cliques seated around the room as the women planned events or caught up on the latest gossip.

Then there were the other first ladies, anointed and a gift to their husbands and their churches. Ima wasn't interested in those women.

Ima parked outside the restaurant and waited there for Leotis. She could've gone inside and waited for him, but then that wouldn't have suited her purpose. She hadn't planned beyond getting Leotis to see her as someone appropriate to be on his arm and in his life. She'd already ruled out always acting like a vixen or tossing out sexual innuendos. They weren't having the desired effect, and she didn't want to go around showing Leotis her legs to get his attention. She would if she had to, but she wanted to try something different first. If what she wore got the right reaction from those she considered the stuck-up first ladies and their equally pious husbands, then she believed Leotis's doubts about her would vanish.

Twenty minutes passed. Ima soon tired of waiting inside her hot car for Leotis to arrive. She'd have preferred to enter the place on his arm, but she figured the heavy traffic still had him running late. Within a few minutes after entering Le Posh, Ima strutted slowly behind the maitre d'as he led her to a white linen table for two at a window, where she could watch what was happening outside as well as enjoy the cool air inside. Immediately, her eyes fell upon one of the women. The woman, coffee-colored and stout, was the first lady at the Resurrection COGIC out of Belton. Ima scanned her more thoroughly than any X-ray machine could. She wasn't surprised to see that the woman sat with others of her ilk and, like them, looked as though she'd just finished a photo shoot. Ima also recognized the first lady's husband. He was a renowned bishop who'd made millions off his incredible ministry, parlaying it into everything from books to films to conferences and numerous television appearances.

Ima nodded out of respect and admiration toward the first lady, just in time for the woman to quickly look away. Ima was stunned and embarrassed, praying no one had seen what she perceived as a slight. “That's okay,” Ima muttered. “One day you'll come to me and ask if I can get your husband an audience with mine. Leotis Tom is on his way. You can believe that!”

But there was still the matter of that particular first lady being able to afford Le Posh. Ima, on the other hand, couldn't afford one thing that was on the menu. Even the outfit she'd purchased had needed special authorization from her credit card company before the boutique would ring up the sale. She'd chosen to wear the expensive, modest, gold-colored two-piece dress with its knee-length hemline, its hand-stitched, embroidered bodice jacket, and its modest matching veiled and wide-brimmed hat. And so she hesitated when the waiter asked if she'd like a glass of water. According to her plan, if things worked out, it was Leotis who'd offer to pay for lunch and she'd let him.

“Excuse me, madam. I would like to
again
offer you Le Posh complimentary water with lemon while you await the arrival of your guest.”

It was the third time the snobbish man with perfectly aligned freckles across his rosy-colored cheeks and plastered auburn hair had approached her table. He was dressed in black and white and had a red sash, and he had interrupted her mental tirade. He'd kept offering her something “complimentary,” as though, despite what she wore, he knew she was broke.

“No thank you,” she told him again. And so she balled her fist and let the smile stay plastered upon her face, as she'd done for the past thirty minutes, waiting on Leotis, who had yet to show.

After another ten minutes of idle waiting and shooing away the annoying waiter, Ima's anger reached its peak. Now she didn't care if the entire restaurant heard what she was about to lay on Leotis. She quickly opened her purse to pull out her cell phone, only to remember that she'd left it on the front seat of her car after speaking to him earlier.

 

That late afternoon, when Ima returned to Pelzer and went directly to Sasha's, she was in a foul mood. Earlier, she'd raced from the restaurant past all the first ladies that she'd wanted to impress, like a thief trying to run out on paying her bill. She'd gotten into her car and discovered that Leotis hadn't left any messages on her cell phone to explain why he hadn't shown up.

Again inside Sasha's apartment, Ima continued the conversation from earlier that morning. Ima paced back and forth in Sasha's living room, throwing magazines and plucking the fake leaves off Sasha's potted plants. She even began ranting about paying someone to put roots on Leotis. In the meantime, Sasha kept trying to calm her and delay another insanity hearing for one of her family members.

“Putting roots on somebody, Ima? Really? You done lost your ever-loving mind!” Sasha ranted. “Why in the world would you want a man who obviously don't want you in the first place?” Having chased, caught, and lost almost all her male pursuits, with the exception of the one she married, and having quickly become a widow by choice, Sasha knew a thing or two about unrequited love.

But Ima hadn't come there to discuss her plans for snatching up Leotis through roots or otherwise and then to give up so easily. She figured Sasha had been a member of his church long enough to give her some advice, perhaps tell her something she'd overlooked.

“I didn't come over here to hear a lecture,” Ima told her.

“Well, that's too bad, because you're about to get one.” Sasha then pointed to one of the small framed pictures hanging on her living room wall. “I know desperation when I see and hear it, and your desperation is loud and clear, Ima. You're jealous of your sister Zipporah. She's as pretty as you,
and
she can sing and you can't. She's married to a successful record label executive, and you ain't married to nobody and can't keep a man. She's got a child, and your baby-having eggs is approaching their expiration date—”

Ima didn't need or want to rehash her mother, Areal's past decision to give her younger sister, Zipporah, away at birth, even if her aunt Sasha's comparison had some truth to it.

“As usual, you don't know what you're talking about.” Ima snatched the picture from the wall and laid it facedown on the coffee table. “I didn't even know I had a sister until a few years ago. I could've had June Bug, or Chandler, as he's called now, if I'd wanted him when we were teenagers.” Ima's voice trailed off as she added, “I can sing if I want to, but I don't. She ain't got nothing that I want. Let her live her life, like she did all the years we didn't know about each other. . . .”

Sasha said nothing. She shook her head as she took the picture off the table and returned it to its place on the wall before sitting again.

Ima pretended she'd not noticed what her aunt did, and continued talking. “I'm falling for this man, and I aim to have him. He ain't no different than all the others I've run across in church.”

“I think you're wrong, Ima.” Sasha leaned forward, pointing her finger in Ima's face. “Reverend Leotis Tom is different, and that's why you want him.”

“You don't know what you're talking about.” Ima pushed away her aunt's accusing finger. “He's got a pulse, an imagination, and a desire to be with a woman. He's just not as bold as some of those I've dealt with before.”

Sasha shook her head. “Let it go, Ima. I've been telling you for as long as I can remember that them churchmen that done felt you up and molested you when you was younger because you blossomed early, they done got their just rewards from the Lord, or they will get them. You can't just keep on cheapening yourself because those low-down demons lowered your worth.”