Silver Linings (32 page)

“Didn't you have an order come up earlier?” Dan, another of the baristas, commented.

Coco glared at him and pretended she didn't hear the question. Dan set her latte down on the counter.

Hudson joined her but remained silent.

“Thank you,” she said, and reminded him once again, “but it wasn't necessary.” She waited, giving him ample time to start up a conversation.

He didn't.

Coco tucked her purse strap over her shoulder. “I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving,” she said, and started for the door.

To her surprise, Hudson scrambled and hurriedly gathered his things and followed her outside, securing his laptop under his arm. “See you,” he called after her.

“Right. See you,” she echoed.

This was perhaps the strangest encounter Coco had ever had, and she didn't have a clue what to make of it. The one person she felt she could ask was Katie.

“He felt guilty,” Coco said, talking on her Bluetooth as she drove into work.

“Didn't you tell me that the barista said Hudson had shown up every day for the last week?”

“Yes, but that's only because he felt guilty.”

“That's more than guilt, Coco. He wanted to see you.”

“When he did see me he didn't seem to have anything to say,” she argued, although she wasn't sure why she felt the need to debate the issue, especially when she wanted to believe every word Katie said.

“If all he wanted to do was pay for your drink, he could have left you a gift card,” Katie insisted. “Every day, Coco. He's been at Starbucks every day since he first saw you. Think about it.”

“I'm thinking, but it doesn't make sense.”

“Has anything with Hudson ever made sense?” Katie asked.

Her friend had her there. Coco had no choice but to admit that was the case. “Not a thing. He's unlike any man I've ever known.” He was completely unpredictable.

Coco wanted to believe there was a possibility that Hudson had had a change of heart, but she was afraid of being disappointed again. She found it impossible to read him.

“Test it out.”

Katie lost her. “How am I supposed to test this out?”

“You normally do the drive-through, don't you?”

“Yeah.” She didn't get out of her car unless it was necessary.

“On Monday go inside and see if Hudson shows.”

“He won't be there,” she argued again, without knowing why, when that was the very thing she wanted most.

“You don't know that,” Katie argued back. “And didn't he say he'd see you?”

“Yes, but that's just an expression.”

“If ever there was a person who takes something literally, it's Hudson Hamilton. When he said ‘see you' he meant that he intended to see you.”

Coco's back stiffened with pride. “If that's the case, then he can find me. He knows where I live. It's in the reunion booklet; if he wants my number he knows where to find it. I won't go chasing after him.”

“All right, if that's the way you want it,” Katie said. “Listen, I've got to go. I've got a meeting I need to get to.”

“Sure, no problem, see you,” Coco said automatically, without thinking.

“Yes, you will,” Katie confirmed, “and my guess is that you'll be seeing Hudson again soon, too.”

Katie's radio station had started playing Christmas music long before Thanksgiving. Hearing her favorite holiday songs seemed apropos as she stood in her kitchen, assembling everything she needed to bake apple and pecan pies for Coco's family Thanksgiving. The meal was being held at Coco's brother's house in the north end of Seattle. Coco had invited Katie and she was happy to accept. For the last several years Katie had spent Thanksgiving with one of her coworkers and their families.

With an apron tied around her waist, she had the flour canister on her kitchen counter along with a tub of lard. She baked pies once or twice a year and took the task seriously. None of those store-bought piecrusts for her. She insisted on doing everything from scratch.

With the radio playing, Katie hummed along to the music as she peeled the apples. At first she didn't hear the doorbell, thinking it was part of the song. It rang a second and third time before she realized someone was outside her door.

Setting aside the knife, she dried her hands on her apron and called out, “Coming.” She checked the peephole before she turned the lock.

Emily, James's Emily, stood in the hallway outside her apartment.

Her immediate thought was that something terrible had happened to James and Emily had come to tell her personally.

“Emily,” she said, throwing open the door.

The other woman looked apologetic. “I'm so sorry to show up unexpectedly like this. I took a chance you'd be home…I realize I probably should have called first.”

“Don't apologize. Please come inside.”

The other woman continued to look uncertain as she entered Katie's apartment. Her heart was racing and she had to know. “Is everything all right with James? Has there been an accident?”

“As of last week James is perfectly healthy, as far as I know.”

The implication was that Emily hadn't seen him in that time. Clearly something had happened and Katie was fairly certain that Emily was about to tell her what it was.

“Please sit down. Can I get you anything? Tea? Coffee? Water?” Katie realized she sounded like a waitress in a diner, but she was nervous and unable to hide it.

“Nothing, thank you.” Emily took a seat on the sofa. She looked pale and weary, as if she hadn't slept well in quite some time.

Katie removed the apron and set it in the kitchen and then joined the other woman.

“I interrupted you,” Emily said, looking into the kitchen with the bowl of half-peeled apples and pie plates lined up on the counter.

“I was baking pies for Thanksgiving,” she said. “Coco and her family invited me. You met Coco, didn't you?”

Emily shook her head. “I don't think so…I might have. I met a lot of people the night of the reunion.”

“It was a bit overwhelming, wasn't it?” Katie said gently.

Emily stared down at her hands.

The room went silent and Katie waited for Emily to speak. It went without saying that Emily hadn't come to pay a social visit. Clearly, she had something she wanted to say, and Katie didn't feel the need to rush her now that she knew James wasn't in physical danger.

“Everything changed for James and me following the reunion,” Emily said, glancing up but only briefly.

“I take it whatever changed wasn't for the good?”

“No, it was just the opposite.”

“I'm sorry.”

“I'd like to say it was all James, but it wasn't.” Emily straightened and offered Katie a feeble smile. “I changed after that night, too.”

“Oh?” Katie wasn't sure what to say, but her training as a social worker had taught her to let people talk and explain matters at their own speed, especially in difficult circumstances, which this seemed to be. She had questions, lots of them, but she was patient enough to know the answers would come.

“That time with you in the cafeteria opened my eyes to a lot of things,” Emily said, and paused as if she needed a few moments to compose herself before continuing. “I know what it is to love someone to the point that you feel your life isn't worth living if you can't be with that one person.”

“I'm better now,” Katie whispered, wanting to assure Emily that she'd moved forward since that night. “I've actually been dating a great guy.”

“Do you love him?” Emily asked, pinning her with her gaze.

Katie knew she had to be honest. Emily would see through any lie far too easily. “No.”

She smiled as if she was proud of Katie for telling the truth.

“He's a good person,” Katie rushed to add. “He's kind and thoughtful and he makes me laugh.”

“And in time you're convinced you'll eventually come to genuinely care for him, right?”

Katie hesitated before answering. “Yes,” she admitted. “That's what I'm hoping for.”

“I assumed the same thing when I agreed to marry James. We met just a few weeks before I got that card from Jayson telling me that his wife was pregnant. It took me a long time to understand why he sent it. Like you, I assumed he wanted to hurt me, but I know Jayson, and he would never do anything intentional to cause me more pain. It took me longer than it should have to realize it was his way of telling me I needed to find someone else to love.”

“And then there was James.”

“Yes. We dated for a while and like this man you've met—”

“His name is Christian,” Katie supplied.

“Like it's been with you and Christian, we started slow and easy. We both came into this relationship with wounded hearts. It didn't take me long to realize that James is a good, solid man. Like Christian he's kind and thoughtful.”

“Sensitive and caring,” Katie added.

“That, too,” Emily concurred. “We dated for two years before we decided to get married.”

“That long?” Katie asked.

“We're good friends.”

Katie knew what a good friend James could be, too. “He told you about me, you said, but he never mentioned me by name?”

“All I ever knew was that he'd once loved with his whole heart and the relationship had ended. He didn't fill in the details and there was a reason for that.”

“Oh?”

“There was no need to bring up the past for either of us. The relationships were over. I never gave James any of the details about Jayson and me, either. We were both determined to put the past behind us and look to the future…to start again, so to speak.”

Katie had done her best to do the same. “I know what you mean. I burned some of James's letters. He wrote me, you see, almost every day for months on end…his letters were heart-wrenching. Even though they tore me apart, they were filled with love, too…but they're gone now.”

“You saved the letters until just recently.” Emily said this as if she understood.

“Every one of them in a box.”

“And since the reunion you've destroyed them,” she whispered, and sounded saddened by this news.

“It took several weeks…there were a few I held on to…fifteen in total. I couldn't bring myself to burn those. I was convinced that if I got rid of the letters it would be a physical sign that the relationship was completely over. The two of you were engaged, and more than anything I wished you happiness.”

Emily smiled, but it was one that revealed more pain. “I…know. I loved…love Jayson enough to want him to be happy, too. He was close to his parents, especially his mother, and marrying me would have done irreparable harm to their relationship. I couldn't do that to him or to her. His mother never understood how much I admired and loved her.” Tears filled her eyes and she quickly blinked them away.

Katie hardly knew what to say.

“Like I said, things changed between James and me following the reunion.”

Swallowing, Katie waited for the other woman to continue.

“I realized you loved James the same way I love Jayson.”

“Yes, but—”

“And more important,” Emily said, cutting her off, “I discovered James was still in love with you.”

Katie was unable to hold back a soft gasp. She shook her head several times, discounting the other woman's words. “I'm sure you're wrong. He could hardly look at me; he made it abundantly clear that whatever we once shared is over, dead.”

Emily responded with another of those sad smiles. “That was what he wanted you to believe. It isn't true, Katie. He's never been able to stop loving you.”

The tightness in her chest moved upward and into her throat. Covering her face with both hands, Katie's shoulders shook. Bending over, she pressed her forehead against her knees and waited for the swell of emotion to pass. She couldn't quite let herself believe what she was hearing.

“I came to tell you I broke off our engagement,” Emily whispered. “James and I won't be getting married.”

“Oh no,” Katie cried.

“It was the right thing to do,” Emily insisted, reaching out and briefly squeezing Katie's hand. “James and I could have gone through with our wedding plans, but we each would have been accepting less than what we deserve.”

Slowly, gathering her composure, Katie straightened. “And James? How did he react when you told him…what did he…” she started, unable to get out the full question.

“He wasn't surprised. At least he didn't act like he was. It was almost as if he'd been expecting it. To be fair, he did try to talk me into keeping the engagement ring and postponing the wedding while we sorted through all this.”

“That seems sensible.”

“No,” Emily countered. “Nothing is going to change. Deep down James recognized it, too, only he didn't want to admit it.”

“That was a week ago?”

“Yes. This last weekend we told our families we were calling off the wedding.”

Katie could only imagine the disappointment James's parents must have felt.

“I wanted to do it together as a couple, but James said it would go better with his family if he went alone. My parents didn't take the news well. They want me to be happy, but unfortunately, they seem to believe that will only happen when I'm married and have a child. What they don't understand is that getting married when it's not the right person doesn't accomplish anything.”

“What happens now?” Katie asked, knowing how painful and difficult the last few months must have been for this woman.

“I…I don't know what the future holds for me. It isn't necessary that I do. As for James's future, I believe that's up to you,” she said.

“Up to me?” she repeated.

“If you still love James, and I know you do, then you will need to let him know.”

“James already knows how I feel about him. I couldn't have made it any more clear.”

“You won't go talk to him?” Emily's gaze probed hers.

Katie shook her head. “I can't. At the reunion I asked him to hear me out, and he agreed with the stipulation that I not contact him ever again. I think it's his choice to make now.”

Emily continued to stare at her. “Are you telling me after all this you're going to actually let pride stand in your way?”

Katie gave one short laugh. “This isn't pride, Emily. I came to the reunion with my heart on my sleeve. I wanted nothing more than to explain why I had been forced to break up with him when he left for college.”

“James believes if you'd sincerely loved him, it wouldn't have mattered what his parents thought, or anyone else,” Emily told her.

Katie's head came up. “So he talked about me following the reunion?”

She nodded. “We had what was quite possibly our first honest conversation, baring our souls to each other. He told me everything. He was so badly hurt by what happened between you, but you already know that. I think he was
so
hurt, he couldn't see your point of view. You were both teenagers and you didn't have the support of family! You knew what it would be like for James if he lost that himself and didn't want him to suffer what you had.”