Shield My Heart (Heaven Hill Book 9) (4 page)

W
e were always so careful.

He typed the text message on his phone, debating on whether he should send it to Mandy or not. The fact of the matter was they were. He’d never wanted any slip-ups, no mistakes. They’d taken extra precautions, and he’d been almost obsessive in his need not to have a child. All had gone well until that night. The one night he hadn’t been able to say no to her. She’d looked beautiful in her anger at him for pushing her away. There hadn’t even been a second thought on having her. For once he’d taken what he wanted and not felt bad about it.

Funny how it had all worked out.

“Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?” Mandy asked, grabbing his shirt, pulling at him, trying to wrap him up in her arms.

He slung her hands off him, refusing to acknowledge how good they felt, how right her touch was on his skin. He’d wanted that touch for so long, had ached for it as he’d done his best to keep himself away from her. “You wouldn’t understand.” Those were the words he kept telling himself about the situation.

“How do you know?” she questioned, gripping his shirt in her hands, twisting the material between her knuckles. “You haven’t talked to me about it, haven’t explained what’s going on. I have absolutely no idea what’s going on in your head or in your heart.” She cried, letting a few tears slip loose from behind her lashes.

Those last words were ripped from her throat. They in turn ripped through him. It didn’t make him feel good that he was hurting her like this, but it couldn’t be prevented. It would hurt the both of them in the end. He watched the tear trail down her cheek, looking at how unbelievably long her lashes were, how beautiful she was, and wondering why in the fuck she wanted him.

Letting her pull him close, he reluctantly ran a hand through her hair, using his palm to cup her head. Moving down to the nape of her neck, he couldn’t resist closing the distance and pulling her in for a kiss—just a little taste of the paradise he’d been denying both of them lately. One little taste—that’s all he meant to allow. Instead, passion hit him hard in the sternum, arousal in the groin. Didn’t matter that they hadn’t seen eye to eye lately, he’d loved Mandy for a lifetime, and nothing would change that.

“Son of a bitch,” he mumbled because he couldn’t stop himself. There wasn’t any way he could at this point. It’d been too long, and he couldn’t deny his wants or needs any longer.

Their lips fused together—a meeting of long-denied passion, one he wasn’t sure he could continue to neglect. Her lips were soft against the firm strength of his. Gripping her hair between his fingers, he pulled on the length, using the same amount of force she used to pull on the cotton of his shirt.

He walked her backwards until her knees hit the bed. This had to be the last time, until he could figure out what the fuck to do. He couldn’t keep stringing her along; it hurt both of them too much.

“Dalton,” she sighed as he separated their lips and breathed deeply.

Being in her arms was his home, had been his home since they were teenagers. When all he had was the piece of shit trailer his uncle raised them in, she’d been there. Mandy had never complained; she’d always told him he was good enough. Knowing what he was doing to her right now gutted him. It made him hate himself, made him want to tear his skin off. He felt foul and ashamed.

Pushing her back against the bed, he layered his body on top of hers, wanting to feel every inch of it. This memory would have to last. It would have to get him through lonely days and long nights. It seemed as if his situation would never improve, and it was time he faced that.

Sliding his hands up her stomach, he stopped at her ribcage, spanning the skin there. He had to inhale deeply to slow himself down. If this was going to be it, he wanted to make it last, wanted to make a memory.

Shifting his body so that he had room between her thighs, he moaned when he felt her hands come around his shoulders, holding him closer to her.

His voice was low as he whispered, “Let’s get this off.”

Obediently, she lifted her arms so that he could take off her T-shirt. Looking down at her, he committed what he saw to memory. Not like he hadn’t known what she looked like since he was old enough to get an erection, but it was important to him to remember exactly what she looked like at this moment. Moving his hand up, he palmed the swell of her breast sitting above the lace of her bra.

Dalton could see the nipple poking out between the lace. His mouth watered, wanting to give her the pleasure she deserved. If this was going to last him, he really hoped it would last her too. Thinking about her with another man infuriated him, but he also understood he couldn’t expect her to wait until he could be honest. It wasn’t fair.

Using his tongue, he ran it across the taut nipple, feeling the scrap of the lace. She moaned, tightening her fingers in his hair, arching her back as she fed more of her flesh into his mouth. Untangling one of her hands, she ran it down his stomach, trying to unbutton his jeans.

Forcefully, he grabbed her wrist and shoved it back against the mattress. “Not yet,” he mumbled, his voice deep. “I want you to come first.”

Her eyes stared deeply into his, and he got the feeling she knew something was going on—that he was a liar. Closing his eyes against the intense heat of her gaze, he went back to work on her nipple before clasping their fingers together.

“I don’t need pretty,” she hissed. “I just need you. I need to know you still want me.”

The words were said in such a vulnerable tone that he couldn’t deny her. There had been little of this between them lately, and Dalton could understand where she was coming from. Mandy always had the impression he had a long line of women waiting for him if they broke up. He’d tried to assure her more often than not that such an impression was only in her head, but if this was what she needed, he would do it.

Using his free hand to unbutton his jeans, he pushed them down over his hips, taking the rest of the clothing with him. The stars were shining down on him because Mandy wore a skirt. Pushing it up, he moved her panties to the side and plunged deep inside her with one stroke.

The mutual groan they both let out was loud. A telling sign of how much the two of them had missed being intimate.

Burying his face in her neck, he nuzzled the hair away before dropping a kiss on her skin. There was no leisure to their movements. What had started out as something he wanted to savor, he quickly realized he couldn’t. His hips thrust in; he pulled out, and pushed back in again.

All too soon, he felt the tightening of her body and knew he couldn’t hold back any longer. Collapsing on top of her, he listened to the beating of his heart and the way he panted, hoping he could calm himself back down. She decimated him in every way.

Mandy’s arms came around his shoulders, holding him tightly to her. “I feel like if I let you go, you’re not gonna be here when I wake up,” her soft voice admitted as they lay in the dark.

Turning his head so that he could kiss her on the forehead, he said gently, “Go to sleep. Everything will be fine.”

As he snuck away in the middle of the night, Dalton thought about what a liar he truly was.

‡
Chapter Four

“H
ow are things going, Mandy?” Dr. Sparks, her OBGYN, asked as she had a seat on the table.

“Good.” Mandy smiled brightly; the brighter she smiled, the less people questioned. She’d been perfecting it long enough it almost came across as genuine now. “Dalton’s working at the shop again today. Dad’s got him doing everything out there, and they’re so busy.” She laughed off the fact she was alone for her appointment. Everyone in town knew how busy the shop was, so no one ever questioned her.

It was one thing to be going through this by herself; it was another to have to be
that
woman in the waiting room without a husband or a boyfriend. She’d taken to making excuses for Dalton. Telling everyone there was one reason or another why he wasn’t with her. It made things easier, at least for her, because then she didn’t have to admit he didn’t care about her. In certain ways, it was easier, but in others it hurt worse.

“Okay, why don’t you lie back. We’re gonna see if we can hear the baby’s heartbeat today, and make sure everything’s progressing the way it should be.”

Mandy hadn’t expected that, and a rush of emotion grabbed her by the throat. These emotions were going to kill her. She’d never been an emotional woman before, but lately she was crying at the drop of a hat or at a long-distance commercial—whichever got to her first. She wished like hell Dalton were here. After he got his head out of his ass, he’d be really pissed he missed this opportunity. She knew that without a doubt.

She half listened as Dr. Sparks talked her through the motions, and then she heard a steady thump, thump, thump loudly in the room.

“Is that it?” She giggled, not being able to help herself. It was stronger than she’d assumed it would be, and faster too.

“Yeah.” Dr. Sparks smiled. “That’s it. You’ve got a healthy one.”

No words had ever been more precious to her, and in that moment she sent up a little prayer that maybe Dalton would come to his senses. As much as she wanted to be a strong, independent woman, she knew their child would never forgive him if he didn’t pull his shit together. And above all, he’d never forgive himself.

*

If there was one place Dalton hated, it was the Warren County Jail. Most of his childhood had been spent visiting one, or both, of his parents here. It was where both of them had been for the last fifteen years this time—with five more years to serve. In the time his dad had been incarcerated, they’d progressed from being separated by Plexiglas to face-to-face meetings.

“Lance Barnett.”

He heard his dad’s name called and stood, preparing himself to face the man who had given him life. He hated having in-person meetings with the bastard. It was like looking into a mirror. A reminder of everything he hated, because they were the spitting image of each other. Lance had dark hair, just like him, the same strong jaw, and the same halfway crooked nose. They even had the same smile and eyes. Life really was a bitch sometimes.

If truth be told though, he hated this man. Hated him with every ounce of his being and wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire. It didn’t matter he gave him life, because sperm didn’t make a man a father. He’d never been any kind of role model, hadn’t even taken care of him and Deacon. That had all been Samuel, which pissed him off too, because it was why he was here now.

“Dalton.” His dad gazed at him, letting his eyes trail over his son. “Been about six months since I’ve seen you. You’ve gotten bigger.”

Dalton waited until his dad had a seat and then sat across from him. It was true; without having Mandy around all the time, he’d spent more hours in the gym. Not only to keep his mind off her, but to be keep himself from going crazy. It was either that or take up something besides smoking, and smoking was a bad enough habit to have. “Cut the shit, Dad. I’m not here for family time. You don’t give a damn how big I’ve gotten in the past few months, and I don’t care how many dicks you’ve taken up the ass while you’ve been in here. I need some help. Only reason I came to see you today.”