She Writes Love... (19 page)

He got up and wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my shoulder. “Sometimes we don’t have a choice. Paisley, all I want is for you to be happy. If you’re not happy, then I’m not happy, and it kills me to see you sad. You can do this, angel. You’re a lot stronger than you know. Don’t be afraid.”

Suddenly, I found myself standing in the sand, looking around and wondering how I got here.

“Where are you? This isn’t funny, baby,” I yelled as I looked around.

“I’m in front of you,” I heard his voice say.

I turned my head and saw him standing in the water a few feet in front of me. “What are you doing?” I smiled.

“I need you to do me a favor, Paisley. I need you to promise me something.”

“You know I’ll promise you anything.”

“Embrace our memories here. Aside from the day I married you, our time spent here was one of the happiest times of my life. Let these memories heal you. Can you promise me that?”

“I’ll try.”

“That’s not good enough. You’ve never broken a promise to me. You’ve always kept your word and now’s not the time to doubt what I’m asking you. Do you promise?” he asked as he held up his pinky finger.

“I promise,” I whispered as I held up mine.

My heart was pounding out of my chest and my eyes flew open. I lay there for a few moments, trying to catch my breath and calm my racing heart. Maybe coming here wasn’t a good idea. I slowly climbed out of bed and stared out into the crystal blue water. The sun was just rising and the waves were huge. I grabbed my wetsuit from my luggage and slipped into it. Grabbing the surf board I had rented when I arrived, I ran down the beach and put it in the water, paddling my way out to hit the next big wave, but I didn’t ride it. I sat up on my board, gripping it tight and letting the waves crash over me and drag me along the ocean floor. I let them have their way with me and gave in to their full control. When I surfaced, the adrenaline racing through my body was astounding. It felt like it had breathed life into me. That was the only way I could describe it. Another surfer paddled her way over to me.

“Are you okay? That wave was crazy. I didn’t think you were coming back up.”

I looked at her with a small smile. “Yeah. For the first time in very long time, I’m okay.”

She nodded her head and smiled as she paddled away from me. I swam back to the shore and went to the cottage. After changing out of my suit and putting on a sundress, I made a cup of tea and took my laptop out to the lanai. As I opened the Word document, I couldn’t stop thinking about that dream, although it didn’t feel like a dream. I could feel his arms wrapped tightly around me and I could feel his lips on my skin. His words consumed me and I couldn’t stop hearing them in my head. It felt like he was reaching out to me; like somehow he knew how sadness and despair had taken over my life since he died. My fingers began typing the words that I couldn’t bring myself to type over the last year.

****

A
fter I showered, I put on a pair of khaki shorts and a black tank top. Today was the day. The day I had dreaded for a long time. Not only would it have been our two-year anniversary, it was the one-year anniversary of his death. All I kept hearing in my head were his words: “Let these memories heal you.” He wanted me to remember our time here and be happy that we got the chance to share it. I made him a promise that I’d be okay and that was what I was setting out to do. I would go to all the places we visited and do all the things we did.

Spending the day horseback riding and stand-up paddling left me tired and hungry. After freshening up and changing into one of my dresses, I took a walk to Ola Restaurant and sat at a table right on the beach, just like we did on our honeymoon. I ordered a glass of wine and watched as the sun set over the bay.

“Here’s to you, my darling husband. It’s just as beautiful as it was when we were here together.” I raised my glass.

It’s funny how the most dreaded day of my life had turned into one of the best. The memories we made here were some of the best and I finally realized that no matter what I do or who I love, those memories would always be with me. After I ate dinner, I walked back to the cottage where I soaked in the deep marbled tub and then sat out on the lanai, listening to the whispers of the ocean and the laughter of the waves as I wrote more of my story.

Ben

T
wo weeks had passed and it was time for Leah to go home. Lindsay flew here from Arizona to pick her up, and since there was a three-hour layover, I treated them to dinner at the steakhouse restaurant in the airport.

“I can’t thank you enough for letting Leah stay with you.” Lindsay smiled.

“No need to thank me. We had a really good time.”
Didn’t we?
I signed.

Leah smiled.
I had a great time here. In fact, I think I want to attend UCLA.

That’s great, but make sure you attend for the right reasons
. I winked.

Lindsey got the job in Phoenix and Leah was more than happy to move. After talking, laughing, and doing a lot of catching up, it was time for them to go to their gate.

Bye, Leah. I love you and I’m going to miss you.
I hugged her tight.

Bye, Ben. Please come visit us more when we move.

You can count on it.
I smiled.

I hugged Lindsay goodbye. “If you need any help moving, call me. I’ll be there in a flash.”

“The company I’m working for is paying for a moving company. But maybe I could use your help unpacking.”

“I’d love to help. Give me a call.”

I climbed in the truck and drove home. When I walked through the door, I could feel the emptiness of the house now that Leah wasn’t here anymore. My phone rang and my heart started to race with the hopes that it was Paisley calling, but it wasn’t. It was Finn.

“Hello,” I answered.

“Hey, bro. Long time, no talk. What’s going on?”

“Not much. I just got back from dropping Leah off at the airport.”

“Oh. Me and a couple of the guys are going to Vegas next weekend for a little man time. Come with us.”

“Thanks for the invite, but I’ll probably have to work since I just took two weeks off.”

“Well, if you don’t have to, come with us. It’ll be fun.”

“Thanks, Finn. I’ll talk to you later.”

As I got to thinking about work, I thought about extending my leave. Christmas was in a couple of weeks and I wanted to finish the sofa table. Not that it mattered because I doubted Paisley would be back for the holidays. I was going crazy without her and not knowing where she was or if she was okay.

I called my boss and asked him if he would meet me at the Sunset Bar for a drink.

“Hey, Ben,” he said as we shook hands.

“Hi, Lou.” I took the seat next to him at the bar. “Drinks are on me. I need to talk to you about my leave.”

“What about it?”

“I want to extend it. I actually want to take a personal leave of absence. I never took any time off after Amy’s death and there are some things I need to do and take care of.”

“How long are you talking?”

“Until after the first of the year.”

“You know what to do. Fill out the paperwork, turn it into me tomorrow, and I’ll approve it.”

“Thanks, Lou.”

He placed his hand on my shoulder. “You’re welcome. Do what you have to do. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He smiled as he got up from his seat and walked out of the bar.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and thought about calling Finn and telling him that I’d go to Vegas this weekend. Then I decided that if I went, it wouldn’t be because I wanted to. It would be to try and put Paisley out of my mind. It bothered me that I didn’t know where she was just as much as it bothered me that I didn’t know if she was okay. I didn’t want to spend Christmas without her. I missed her so much that I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel this way again. I needed her just as much as she needed me. She left for a reason and when she figured out her life, she’d be back, and I would wait for her for as long as it took.

Paisley

I
took my tea and walked down by the crystal blue water. I’d been here almost three weeks and I’d accomplished so much. I kept up with my columns and I was on the last chapter of my novel. Writing about my experience and his death was therapeutic and it helped me to see that life can and does go on. I missed my family, but more importantly, I missed Ben. I was able to finally admit to myself that I was falling in love with him, a love and companionship that I didn’t think was possible ever again. As I stared out beyond the water, I could finally feel a sense of peace in my life. A different kind of peace that I’d never felt before. I smiled as I sipped my tea and headed back to my cottage. Tomorrow would be the day that I contacted Ben and hoped to God that he still wanted me.

****

Ben

I
started off the morning with a run before heading to the station and turning in my papers. Brady wasn’t too thrilled that I extended my leave, but he understood. The morning air was crisp and the sky was a bit overcast. As I ran along the pier, deep in thought about Paisley and listening to my music, I saw David out of the corner of my eye run up next to me. I turned off my iPod and looked at him.

“Hey, David. Where have you been?”

“I’ve been around, here and there.”

“The last time we talked, you kind of seemed like you were mad at me or something,” I said.

“Nah. I wasn’t mad at you, Ben. How are things?”

“You mean between me and Paisley?”

He looked over at me and nodded.

“She left town. She’s been gone for almost three weeks.”

“I see,” he said, deadpan.

“She said she needed to figure out her life and to leave her alone.”

“Have you left her alone?”

“Yeah. That’s what she wanted and I wasn’t going to bother her.”

“How long is she going to take to figure out life?” he asked.

“I don’t know, but I’ll wait for her as long as it takes.”

“Do you love her, Ben?” he asked as he stopped running and looked at me.

“Yes.”

“Then that’s all you need. Don’t wait for her. Go get her; tell her that you love her and bring her home. Isn’t life about getting what you want and fighting for what you want? Don’t sit back and wait for her to figure it out. Figure it out with her. Life’s too short, man. You of all people know that. If you love her like you say you do, then fight to be with her.”

I stood there and stared at him. There was something about his words that suddenly sparked a fire inside me. He looked down at my hand and smiled.

“You should take that ring off before you go and get her.”

I looked at my wedding band and then at him. “Thanks, David. I know what I have to do.”

He smiled and turned the opposite way. “I’ll see you around, Ben. Good luck.”

I turned on my iPod and finished my run. When I got back home and jumped in the shower, I couldn’t stop thinking about Paisley and how I had to find her. I needed to tell her that I loved her and I wanted to be with her.

After throwing on some clothes, I decided to call Keaton. If anyone would know where Paisley was, it would be him.

“Hello.”

“Hi, Keaton, it’s Ben.”

“Oh hey, Ben. How are you?”

“I’m okay. Listen, do you have time to meet for lunch? I want to talk to you.”

“Sure. We can meet for lunch. What’s this about?”

“I’ll tell you when we meet. I have to drop off some papers at the fire station, so how about we meet at noon at Panini on Sunset?”

“Sounds good, bro. I’ll see you then.”

****

I
walked into the restaurant and saw Keaton sitting in a booth by the window.

“Hey, thanks for meeting me.”

“No problem. What’s going on?”

The waitress walked over, handed me a menu, and took our drink orders.

“I want you to be totally honest with me. Do you know where Paisley is?”

He shook his head before answering me. “No. I don’t know where she went and I haven’t talked to her either, which I totally feel bad about, but she didn’t want to be bothered.”

I sighed.

“Why are you asking?”

“I need to find her, tell her that I love her, and bring her home.”

The corners of his mouth curved into a smile as he nodded his head. “That is so cool. Okay, let me think for a second.”

“Is there a special place that she loved?” I asked.

“Besides Los Angeles, I don’t think so,” he replied as he looked down at his phone.

“Think, Keaton. You’re her brother and the two of you are very close; you have to know somewhere she’d run to.”

His eyes lit up and he smiled as he held his phone up to me with a picture of Paisley standing in the sand with a grass skirt on and a lei around her neck. I looked at him in confusion.

“This was taken on her honeymoon in Hawaii. I remember her telling me that if she could move there, she would. She loved it and I remember her saying something about Hawaiian healers and how they spent a couple of hours with one.”

“Where in Hawaii?” I asked.

“I think it had the name turtle in it,” he replied as he scrunched his nose.

“Turtle Bay?”

“Yes! That’s it, bro.” He smiled as he pointed at me.

“But we don’t know for sure if that’s where she went,” I said.

Keaton sighed. “I can find out for sure, but she’s my sister and it doesn’t feel right.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I can hack into her credit card account to find out, but—”

“I love her, Keaton, and I want to be with her. I want her to come home,” I pleaded.

He gave me a small smile and then started typing on his phone. After a while, he looked at me with a wide grin. “Yep. That’s where she’s at. The Turtle Bay Resort in Kahuku, Hawaii.”

“Thanks, man. I owe you big time and I promise that I won’t tell her what you did.” I winked.

I got up from the table and drove home as fast as I could. I opened up my laptop and searched for the next flight out of LAX and into Hawaii. The only non-stop flight was at five o’clock, which would get me into Hawaii at eight forty-five. I looked at my watch. It was one thirty. I had time, so I booked my ticket and walked to the bedroom, grabbing my suitcase from the closet. I haphazardly threw my clothes into the suitcase along with my shaver, toiletries, cologne, and an extra pair of shoes. As I zipped up my bag, my eyes traveled to the finger that held my wedding band for the last five years. I had thought about taking it off before, but there was never a reason to, so I didn’t bother. I removed the ring from my finger and clenched it tightly in my hand.