Shadows of Glass (3 page)

“Oh Peggy,” I say and my heart breaks for all of us. I’d tried to be strong, but the
sight of Adam with her body does me in. I crumble beneath the weight of my grief.
Tears consume me, and I turn away as I try to choke back the sobs. I don’t want anyone
to see me, to see the pain that I suddenly cannot control, yet there is no place to
hide and no hiding from the grief. I cry for Adam, who lost his wife; for James, who
lost his sister; and for me, who lost my friend. For all these children who are now
orphans and have no one but us to depend on. I cry because I don’t want the responsibility
of all these lives, and guilt threatens to overcome my grief because I am the one
responsible for both the living and the dead. Pace reaches out a hand to console me
but I push him away. He cannot help me and he can’t make it go away any more than
I can. I step away from him, from everyone, but there is no place for me to go. I
try to make it stop but there is no stopping it.

“What right do you have to say anything?” James moves quickly, leaving Adam’s side
in one instant and standing before me in the next. I wipe at the tears and choke back
a sob as he moves threateningly close, his face only inches from mine. Even though
my eyes are full of tears, I clearly see his hatred behind the shine of his green
eyes. Eyes that are the exact same color as Peggy’s were, yet very much different
in what they reveal of the soul beneath. “All of this is your fault, Wren.” His words
spew out with the same disgust as the coal that choked up from our lungs, and my grief
suddenly gives way to fear. “All of it.”

James’s words are like a dagger into my heart. Especially since I know them to be
true.

2

There comes a time
in your life when you realize there is no turning back, that the decisions made by
you and by others around you have led to this exact time and place and there is no
way to change it. But you cannot but help ask yourself: Would you change things if
you could? If you had a choice, would you go back?

If it meant that the lives recently lost could be restored, then yes, I would turn
back the hands of the time without a moment of regret. I would go back to the moment
when Alex flew over the pit and tell him that he had nothing to prove to Lucy. That
he should be good enough for her, just the way he was. Then I would make sure that
he did not follow her to work the next morning, that he did not see her with another
man, and that most of all he did not get burned alive after finding a way to escape
the dome. If I could change those few simple things, then the rest would not have
happened. Peggy would still be alive, and my grandfather, and all the rest who died
needlessly.

Changing these things would mean I would not have met Pace. As much as I care for
him, as close as we’ve become, it’s a sacrifice I would gladly make. I have to believe
that if we were meant to be together then we would have met, regardless. At the moment
it’s the only belief I have. I put my hand on Pace’s arm to stop him as he steps between
James and me. I don’t want a fight between them. Not again, and especially not now,
when so many of our friends are dead.

“You are as much at fault as anyone,” Pace says to James in a voice that is scary
because he sounds so calm and logical. “You are the one who blew up the fans. You’re
the one who brought them down on our heads.”

“On our heads!” James spouts back in evident anger. “You are not one of us! They came
down because they were looking for you. Wren never should have brought you down below.
You were the one they were after.” James is shorter than Pace, but that doesn’t stop
him from getting in his face. “I only did what I had to to protect my people. If not
for you and her none of this would have happened. My sister would still be alive and
my parents. Everyone would still be alive!” His angry shouts ring off the cliff walls
behind us.

Pace’s arm beneath my hand stiffens, and I know he wants to punch James, just as much
as I do, even though I know it won’t help the situation at all. It’s not fair that
he blames us, not after everything that has happened to all of us, yet I have to agree
with him to a point. Most of what’s happened is because of the decisions I made. If
not for me being captured by my father’s team of enforcers, James would not have felt
the need to blow up the fans, although knowing James, I’m sure he would have eventually
found an excuse to blow something up. I also know his grief is what is behind his
words, but that doesn’t excuse his hate.

“That’s enough, James,” I say.

“What makes you think any of us will listen to you anymore?” James turns to me, giving
me an equal share of his hatred. “We never should have listened to you at all. You
betrayed us. You betrayed everyone by throwing in your lot with him.”

I can’t hold Pace back any longer. This fight has been brewing between them for too
long and it’s been interrupted too many times. Pace swings at James and hits him square
in the jaw. James staggers back several paces before lowering his head and charging
into Pace’s stomach, wrapping his arms around him and taking him to the ground. They
roll up against my feet and I fall backwards, landing on my tail in the sand. I manage
to turn over and try to scramble away and get a face full of sand when they roll on
top of my feet and calves. Hands pull me up and away and I spit out a mouthful of
sand as Alcide helps me to my feet.

Adam watches the fight with dead eyes. He moves away with Peggy in his arms as if
he can protect her from any more harm. I realize it is up to Alcide and me to stop
them. I have no idea how.

Somehow Pace and James stand up and go at each other again. The looks on their faces
are intense and, with a sickening thought, I realize that they truly want to kill
each other. I never would have thought Pace capable of such violent emotion, but it
is plainly written on his face. They pound at each other mercilessly, aiming at the
face and then the gut. I don’t know how they stay on their feet with the blows they
give and receive. Pace is bigger and stronger, yet James has a wiry strength and speed
that are deceptive.

Alcide and I circle around them. I don’t know what to do. “We’ve got to stop them
before they kill each other!”

Alcide shrugs his shoulders helplessly as Pace and James suddenly come together, grappling
for the upperhand. Their bodies are locked with one arm while they pound at each other’s
guts with the other. They turn in a circle with sand flying around them. I am suddenly
aware of the children. They stand back, watching the fight with tear-filled eyes,
and the littlest ones are crying.

Pace and James topple over, James finally giving in to the greater weight of Pace.
As soon as they fall, Alcide wraps his arms around Pace’s waist and pulls him off
James. He pushes him at me and I jump in front of him as Alcide grabs James and drags
him in the direction of Adam.

Pace is livid, his face full of anger and hatred. He shoves at me, but I stubbornly
hang on, my feet planted in the sand. “STOP!” I scream. “You’re going to kill each
other!” I hear Alcide yelling something similar at James behind me. I grab Pace’s
face with both hands so he has to look at me. “You’re scaring the children.”

His eyes come into focus and he looks at me. His eyes flare in recognition and he
shakes his head up and down as if he is afraid to speak. I release him and take a
step back. I’m not sure what to do next. I’m so very scared of his anger. I know to
expect it from James, but from Pace it is shocking. I thought I knew him. He was so
calm and supportive through everything that happened to us, but I guess even his patience
had to come to an end at some time.

Pace’s face is battered and bloody, and he touches a finger to the corner of his mouth
where it is cut. He stares at James for a moment over my shoulder, and then he turns
and walks away, splashing back across the river to the ponies.

I turn to see Alcide breathe a sigh of relief. The past few days have hardened him,
and I’m suddenly aware of the resemblance he has to Alex, who was his cousin. It’s
as if he’s grown up, overnight, or maybe it’s just that I’ve been so wrapped up in
my own problems that I didn’t notice.

“Stop it, James,” I say. “We shouldn’t do this. We shouldn’t fight, especially not
tonight and not in front of these children.” There is too much regret to add any more.
It’s a burden none of us should have to carry, yet I feel the weight of everything
pressing down on my shoulders. We are all at fault, yet none of us should have to
bear the blame. And like the lives that are lost, the words and the blows James and
Pace exchanged are something that can never be taken back. They accomplish nothing
but damage and pain.

“Why should I stop?” James says. “He threw the first punch. I didn’t say anything
that isn’t true. He’s not one of us. You never should have brought him below. Like
I said. It’s all your fault.”

“Don’t,” Adam says quietly, back with us once again. “Just don’t.”

“Now see what you’ve done,” James spouts once again, once more turning his hatred
to me.

I want to protest at James’s ridiculous assumption, but the grief on Adam’s face stops
me. “We need to do something for these children,” I finally say.

“How about we get them settled for the night?” Alcide suggests. “I’ll take Freddy
and get some fresh water.” Alcide, the younger of us, acts with the most maturity.
I nod in agreement, relieved at having something constructive to do. I lead the children
to the ponies while Alcide, Freddy, and an older boy and girl gather up some pails
and go back into the cave. I have always sought the company of the ponies when I was
troubled, and as much as I want to feel sorry for myself after James’s accusations,
I can’t. The children have suffered enough for one day. The ponies always calm me
when I’m upset, and I’m hoping they will do the same for the children, who are all
quiet now after their scare from the fight. I have a feeling Peggy’s body showing
up filled them all with a sense of finality for their own families. They were all
in school when the explosion occurred. Their mothers and smaller brothers and sisters
were in the village while their fathers and older siblings were guarding the tunnels.
The chances of any of them surviving the cave-in and floods are very small. At least
in that respect I am lucky. After Peggy, the only one I had to lose was Pace, as I
have no family left at all.

Pace has moved on, farther down the beach. He stands at the edge of the water, staring
out at the impending darkness. I decide to leave him be, for now. I am not certain
that I can talk to him calmly at this point. I feel betrayed, for some strange reason.
I depended upon him so much in the past few days to be steady and calm. This sudden
upsurge of anger and violence from him is disturbing.

As soon as the ponies sense my presence, their unease subsides. They are patient to
wait for me to take them wherever they must go; the problem is I have no idea where
that is. For so long, escaping the dome consumed every moment. I guess I thought we
would find some sort of paradise outside the dome. Instead we are trapped upon this
sandy beach until we see what daylight will bring us. At least the water is receding
now. Pace calls it the tide.

I am so weary all I want to do is sleep, yet my mind will not let me rest. The children
have curled into the sand with their backs against the wall at my urging, and I concentrate
on settling them among the ponies. I put Cat, who has become my shadow, next to a
little girl named Stella, who stares up at me with tear-filled eyes.

“Why can’t I sleep in my bed?” she asks me. The answer is so simple yet so complicated.
How do I explain to her that her world is no more?

“Because our houses are gone,” a little boy answers for me. “Everything is gone.”

“Will we find it in the water?” Stella asks another impossible question. “Will we
find my mommy and daddy in the water too?”

I smooth her tangled hair back from her face. I don’t even know who her parents are …
were … and I search my heart for some sort of answer, something that will give her
hope, which I desperately need for myself. Instead of answering, I turn away from
her in relief when Freddy and the other two children arrive with fresh water. Several
cats trail after them and Cat jumps up to greet them. As I watch them sniff in greeting
I cannot help but think, if the cats survived the flood then maybe some of our people
did too.

Freddy offers the children dippers of water, and I gratefully take a drink when the
girl who went with him offers me one. “What is your name?” I ask, guessing her to
be around ten years old.

“Nancy Neal,” she replies.

“Peter’s sister?” I can see the resemblance in her eyes. Peter has to be dead. The
last time I saw him he was running straight into the battle where the explosion was.

“Yes, ma’am.”

Her calling me
ma’am
shocks me. What if we are the elders now? Me, James, and Adam. What if we have to
be responsible for all these lives? I don’t want it. When it was just my life I could
make decisions because it was only my life at risk. This responsibility I cannot live
with. I’ve already seen the results. The price is too high. “I’m so sorry,” I say.

“Thank you,” Nancy replies. Her lower lip trembles, and I know she’s trying to be
brave. She does not realize that my apology has everything to do with what led to
Peter’s death, that it is not just my condolences I am offering.

I drink deeply, emptying the cup in one gulp. My throat feels raw and my stomach empty,
even though I had a decent meal right before everything happened. I drink again, to
soothe my throat. “Make sure the ponies get some too, after the children are done,”
I tell Nancy and she nods in agreement to my bidding. If only everything else could
be so easy. We need food and we need shelter. Perhaps both could be found in the caves
eventually, but I do not see going back inside as an alternative. Not after we fought
so hard to get out. I am so weary. How much time has passed since the world, as we
knew it, ended?