Sebastian - Secrets (8 page)

H
e puts a finger to my lips to silence me.

“I’
ve booked a table for us Elizabeth, at a very fine hotel I know.  It’s twenty minutes drive from here, and the food is excellent.  When you get to know me a little better you will learn to trust my judgment, and you will know that I take the lead in all things.  Let’s walk to my car.”

All things? What is that supposed to mean?
I wonder.  However, I like the sound of that - such a refreshing change.  I am grinning and, feeling bold, I slip my arm through his as we walk to his car.  I am a new woman already.  I feel it.

I don’t notice the red Ford Focus parked in the side road, nor do I notice Alan sitting at the wheel watching us walk by.

We walk to Sebastian’s car, the sleek white Range Rover that I had seen at the house. He holds the door open for me and I climb in, relishing the feel of the leather against my legs.  Sebastian starts the engine and we join the flow of traffic heading onto the ring road. 

The Ford Focus indicates, and nudges into the traffic three cars behind ours.

Sebastian presses an illuminated button on his dash and the car is filled with stirring music
, which I recognize to be Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major – a beautiful piece in which I lose myself as I gaze at the road ahead.  Neither of us feels the need for words as we become absorbed in the music.

The Ford maintains its
position behind us – out of Sebastian’s view but following us still.

Arriving at The Willows hotel
, I am instantly impressed.  It’s quietly elegant but not pretentious, and I wonder if Sebastian has been here before as he leads us confidently and knowingly through the foyer and into a small, intimate bar adjacent to the restaurant. 

Sebastian places
a hand on the small of my back and I feel the sparks again and catch my breath.  He guides me to a large tartan covered couch, and we sit.  The couch is aged and the cushions soft, and we sink down together, his leg pressed against mine, his elbow touching my breast.  He doesn’t adjust his position to put more distance between us.

A waiter soon approaches and Sebastian
orders a bottle of Pol Roget.

The
waiter pours a little of the champagne into sparkling crystal flutes.  It’s deliciously chilled, and as I sip the dry bubbles, I feel relaxed with this man.  I feel I’ve misjudged him - there is no hint of arrogance today. He seems jovial and approachable, I decide to strike now and launch into interrogation part two.

“Sebastian, the other night, in your kitchen, I told you things that I haven’t told anyone before and yet I know so
little about you.  Tell me everything - about your life, work and your family.  Please.  You’re so mysterious.”  I wonder how much he will divulge to me.  By ‘family’ of course I’m hoping he won’t spring a lover and children on me and, of course, I await confirmation that his poor unfortunate wife is dead.

He sinks further into the cushions, placing
his left arm along the length of our seat, so that his hand rests behind my back, making me shiver with the nearness of him.

“There’
s such a lot to tell you, Elizabeth.”  His fingers fidget with the upholstery piping. “I’m very fortunate because I’ve inherited a title, land and the wonderful house but I’ve also inherited a burden of responsibility, and that burden is not an easy cross to bare.”

This is intriguing.  Nodding, I urge him to continue.

“But, inquisitive lady, you will just have to be patient.  I’ll tell you more about me, but not now.” What?  He is indeed the most infuriating man I have met. 

“Sebastian,” I whine, “I’m not a patient person.  At least answer a question for me please,” I am not letting him off that lightly. 

He raises one of his dark eyebrows at me
, and his arm moves from behind me into a more defensive, arms crossed pose.  I’m pushing my luck but I press on.

“I understand you’ve been married and…I think your wife passed away…oh gosh that sounds insensitive and I don’t mean it to…” I’m digging a huge crater sized hole for myself but again I press on. 

“I just wondered if you are on your own or if you have a special person in your life?” 

Shoot me now.  Why don’t I just come out and ask him if he’s single and if he wants to come to bed with me, that’s how he will interpret my stupid question.

He’s looking at me with a smirk on his face damn him.  “Well now, you speak your mind don’t you Elizabeth?  I can see that you’ve been listening to gossip but, yes, you’re right – my wife Libby did sadly die.  To answer your second question, I’ve many special people in my life but I’m unattached romantically.”

I have no idea what he means. 
He is staring at me as he sips from his glass. 

“That’s what you mean, isn’t it?” His lip curls and he cocks an eyebrow.  “Why didn’t you just ask if
I’m available?”

The champagne spits from my mouth as I choke on his audacity.

“No.” I counter. “That’s not what I meant.”  Recovering my composure, I straighten a cushion and put my glass on the polished table in front of us.

“I’m sorry to hear about your wife, truly.”  Poor man.  I wonder how she died.  I decide to keep quiet and drink more champagne and thankfully we are ushered into the restaurant for lunch. 

“Come.  We’ll talk more over lunch.”  He takes my hand and we leave the bar with our hands entwined and the touch of his skin on mine makes me ache with need.

Over lunch
of sea bass, conversation flows freely.  We chat about more light-hearted topics such as my work, and he tells me a little about his house and life in Cornwall. 

He tells me about the tenant farmers who provide the income to maintain his estate.  He looks worried when he tells me that, over the years, the tenants
– some of whom have lived on his estate for generations – gradually leave, as farming is hit by the recession and EU subsidy reductions.  He talks freely, but doesn’t divulge a great deal of personal or intimate information about himself.  He seems a very private man but also a deep thinker, and is incredibly intelligent.

Lunch is divine and I can see why Sebastian chose this place.  After coffee Sebastian requests
the bill and I offer to share the bill, but he insists on settling the bill himself.

“O
ne thing you will accept is that I’ll never allow a woman to pay.  Get used to it because it won’t change.”  How refreshing.

As we walk out to Sebastian’s car I freeze in absolute horror.  Alan is leaning against the bonnet of Sebastian’s car and he looks furious.  I feel light headed and nauseous.  Alan marches towards us,
his face masked in fury.

5

“You cheating bitch,” he spits venomously at me.  “I thought you looked too fucking dolled up for a meeting you lying whore.” 

I want to run, but Sebastian places his hand firmly on my arm and I feel him straighten and tense beside me.

“Stay where you are.  I’ll handle this,” he warns me.

“Who the fuck’s this?” Alan shoves Sebastian’s shoulder.  Fearing Sebastian, or Alan, may hit out I stand between the two men.  I’m shaking.

“Alan for God’s sake.  I’
ve had lunch with a colleague that’s all”

H
e’s not listening to me.  He’s beating his fists against his legs menacingly. “Don’t fucking lie to me, you slut.”

Sebastian steps forward
, pushing me aside so that he squares up to my husband. His face contorts with a rage that far exceeds Alan’s and for a moment, Alan looks scared.  Unsure what to do and consumed by panic, I turn and run back into the hotel wanting to escape.

Tears streaming down my hot cheeks, I seek solace in the ladies’ cloakroom.  I lock myself into a cubicle
and sob.  I’m so unhappy. I love my children and I don’t want my life with them to change but, if I was happy, I wouldn’t be having lunch with Sebastian.  It’s all so confusing and I feel wracked with guilt, but also angry with Alan for following and humiliating me.  My unhappiness, compounded by stress, causes the tears to spill forth as I lean against the cubicle wall.

After a few minutes
, I hear the door to the ladies cloakroom open and the sound of heavy footsteps cross the tiled floor and I see, through my tears, a pair of black shiny shoes beneath my cubicle door.

“Open the door,
Elizabeth.”

Opening the door I look up at Sebastian and see his face full of concern and compassion
, and this makes me sob again. 

He pulls me into his arms
and tightly embraces me and it feels so safe, so comforting to be held by his strong arms, my tear stained face against his chest.  He puts a finger under my chin and raises my face and tells me not to cry. Alan has gone, and he whispers to me that all will be ok.  I want to believe him.

He lowers his head and kisses each of my eyes
, and then his lips find mine.  I kiss him too then, passionately and deeply, my mouth hungry for his.  Our tongues meet and we taste each other for the first time.  I press against him harder, and his arms tighten around me. I feel his hardness then against me, and a current of excitement runs down my spine and all the way down to my sex. 

Our lips part and I feel breathless as my chest heaves.  My raw desire for this man shocks an
d shames me and yet I want more. I want all of him, to feel him inside me.

“Elizabeth I want you
more than I’ve wanted anyone in my life.  I know you want me too,” he rasps.  “I want to protect you.  To take all this away from you.”

“I don’t know, Sebastian, but …
  I’m married. Oh God, what a mess.”  The tears come again.

“Darling,
you don’t know me yet, you’re right, but you will.  We’ll get to know each other.  Come.”  He takes my hand and leads me to the basins where he runs a paper towel under the cold tap and wipes away my tears and black streaks of mascara from beneath my eyes.

The door opens
, and an elderly lady enters the cloakroom.  She gasps when she sees a man in there and hastily retreats back through the door, flapping disapprovingly.  I look at Sebastian and we laugh!  Goodness knows what I have to laugh about but I can’t help it, my laughter verges on hysteria. 

As we leave the hotel and walk back to Sebastian’s car, my eyes dart across the car park, s
earching for Alan’s car but it’s not there. 

A
s we drive back to my office I’m wondering what I’m going to do – can I go home?  I haven’t technically done anything wrong and certainly not what Alan believes.  The kiss was wrong, yes, but it was not adultery, but will Alan believe anything I say?  What if he boots me out of the house … what will happen to the children? 
Oh fuck, what a mess.

Intuitively,
Sebastian reaches across and lays a hand on my knee, casting a glance across.

“You ok
?” His hand moves from my knee and grasps my hand in his.  He strokes my palm with his fingertips.

“I’m so screwed up.  Shit, Sebastian what am I going to do?  I hate him.”  I look at him for guidance, but he stares at the road, his expression unreadable.

“You know you’ve always got a safe place to stay at Penmorrow.  You and the children.”  He looks at me briefly again.

“That’s so thoughtful, thank
you.” I squeeze his hand, with the realisation that I’ve misjudged this man, who is caring rather than arrogant.

“I mean it, Elizabeth.  Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

“I know you do,” I say gratefully, “and you’ve no idea how much that means to me, but this is something I have to work out by myself.  I’ve made my bed and now I have to lie in it … that’s what mum always says.”

Sebastian parks in a space near to my office and cuts the engine.  For a few moments we don’t speak,
my thoughts centred on the ramifications of today.  He gets out of the car and walks around the car to open my door.  He holds out a hand and I take it in mine and step from the car onto the pavement.  For a fleeting moment, I feel a spark from his touch until he pulls his hand away and in that moment I know that I can’t see Sebastian again … not until I know for sure that Alan and I are over.  The pain from this decision is tangible, a hard twisted knot forms in my stomach.

“Elizabeth, take
my card,” he says, handing me a small white card with his name and contact details embossed in gold. 

“I want you to call me to
night when you get home, to let me know that you’re ok.” 

“Actuall
y Sebastian I’d rather not call. I need some space to think about my life, and to see if Alan and I can work through our problems,” I tell him sorrowfully.  Of course this isn’t what I want.  I want Sebastian - need to see him and more, but I am thinking now about the harsh reality and implications for my children, and the devastation they would feel if Alan and I were to separate.

“
I see, as you wish of course. You have my card, and I’m here if you need me.” He looks forlorn as he embraces me and kisses my hair.  As he gets into his car and drives away without a backward glance, I want to run after his car – tell him I’ve made a mistake, I love him.  Instead I walk with a heavy heart, back to work.