Seasons of Her Life (73 page)

“Nola Quantrell is a liar, Ruby. She lied to you from the git-go. The Nola you thought you knew hated those orphans, hated the farm life, hated doing without, hated going home pregnant. I don't know who I thought I was that I should have had something better. You want to talk about guilt, that's my middle name. I wanted to write you so many times, but I knew you wouldn't be able to accept who you thought I was. One summer, Ruby, we didn't have anything to eat except fried potatoes, cucumbers, and bacon. Everyone got one slice of bacon. Sometimes the potatoes were baked or mashed. Sometimes the cucumbers were creamed, sometimes they were in vinegar. I swore to myself I would never eat those things again. One whole summer, Ruby. My father got laid off that year and they wouldn't take welfare. I made up all those stories about how wonderful it was and you ate it up and then I couldn't tell you the truth. I'm glad you sent those things. I mean that. But my parents weren't all that wonderful, either. They never forgave me for having my son out of wedlock. It was my father who tracked Alex down. It was my parents who insisted on the marriage. They wanted to make an honest woman of me and to get me and the baby out of the house. I had no choices at the time. At least I didn't think so. I've learned since that you always have choices if you have the guts to act on them.

“Years later, when I started to earn money, I did send it home. Grudgingly, I admit. I tried to keep track of everyone, but every time one batch of orphans left, another one came in. At one point there were twenty-one. For so long I didn't understand. All those kids, the simple life, was what made my parents happy. You're like them, Ruby. I was selfish. I'm still selfish. I guess I will always be selfish,” Nola said, miserable.

“No, you're not. If you were selfish, you would have sold my dress right off my back,” Ruby giggled.

“You better hang on to it,” Nola said, wiping her tears.

“We fucked up, Nola.”

“Where did you learn to use such language?” Nola demanded.

“Andrew. You should hear the words I know.”

“How is Andrew?”

“Andrew is fine. We're actually friends these days. With Andrew you know where you stand. I know now that he'd go to the wall for me if I needed him to. For a long time I didn't know that. We're honest with each other. What about Alex?”

“He's dead. I cried a lot when I found out. We never should have gotten married. It was a sexual thing with us. Better to have left it at that. My son is great. We're good friends. He's in California. He pretty much runs Nq Ltd. He does a hell of a job, too.”

“What about your nervous breakdown?”

“One day I couldn't get up. I didn't want to get up. I was carrying around all this guilt, and that day it finally got too heavy for me to carry. I've been seeing a shrink for a long time now. I need . . . Ruby, I need to share something with you. I haven't told anyone. I haven't even told the shrink and I know that's stupid, but . . . I'm one of the orphans. I was never a real Quantrell. My parents never had any children. I never knew until my parents died. There were seventy-two children at my mother's funeral. My dad died first. My sister, the girl I thought was my sister, was four years older than me and she said she remembered the day they brought me home. I wasn't real, Ruby. I wasn't me. I felt so cheated. And then I tried to justify my attitude by saying somehow down deep I knew it all along, but I didn't know. I thought I belonged. I thought I was their child.”

Ruby stretched out her arms. Nola laid her head on Ruby's shoulder. “I know, I'm going to tell the shrink. You're working through your problem and I'll work through mine. Do you think we can call one another with progress reports from time to time? You'll listen, won't you, Ruby?”

“Only if you listen to me.” They sniffed and cried, and blew their noses together, smiling through their tears. “I knew we'd always be friends. We got sidetracked for a while, but I think we're both going to make it,” Ruby said.

Andy sat in his makeshift trailer on the sanctuary building site,
looking at the guest list for his mother's surprise birthday party. He'd dragged his butt finishing the sanctuary to make it coincide with the party. He'd called just about everyone: the attorneys in New York, Silas Ridgely, Nola, his father, the entire work force at Mrs. Sugar's, and all the names he'd gotten from his mother's address book, which he'd snatched. He'd delayed calling Martha, but his father said, “Go ahead and just do it, Andy.” Still, he wasn't sure. He wasn't sure about his two aunts, either, but he had called them. Neither had confirmed they would attend, but they hadn't said they wouldn't. The Semolina brothers and cousins, including Angus Webster, would definitely be there.

His biggest problem right now was getting his mother away from the house a few days before the party so the new barn could be decorated. He'd been flirting with the idea of an emergency call from the corporate headquarters, saying the workforce was going on strike.
That
alone would mandate his mother going down to check it out. He could rig a phony picket line with no sweat. The minute things got sticky, they would march off in disgust, hop on a bus he would provide, and head for the party. Olga would stay behind to tell his mother there was an emergency back at the farm. If there was one thing his mother had always been good at, it was doing two things at once.

His slender fingers drummed on the Formica desktop in the grungy work trailer. It was hard to believe a whole year had gone by since his mother had first approached him with the idea of the sanctuary. It was almost as hard for him to believe his mother was fifty-five.

He thought about Biddy and Mikey when they saw the cottage last week. Biddy had almost cried; Mikey did cry. The boy couldn't believe he was going to have his own room. Andy had felt tears mist his own eyes.

The new furniture was being delivered today, and his mother was straw-bossing the installation of everything. He'd seen her whiz by several hours ago, the dogs yapping in the back of the car, the cat perched on her shoulder. The way the tail end of the Rover had been dragging, he knew it was loaded with staples, people food, and at least a quarter ton of dog food.

She'd been so excited when she told him how she was decorating the room for Mikey. She'd ordered custom-made wallpaper with all the woodland characters and some of her personal favorites: the Lady and the Tramp, Tom and Jerry. In the center of the ceiling, a sappy-eyed cow jumped over a moon. “For the nights when Mikey can't sleep,” his mother had said.

The small kitchen was a compact marvel, the family area held a stereo, a television, VCR, and shelves of VCR tapes for Mikey and Biddy.

There were new clothes in the closets and drawers. For winter, warm down jackets, flannel shirts, long underwear, heavy boots, and shoes. Also warm caps and gloves for Mikey. Summer wear was bright and colorful; Mikey and Biddy both liked bright colors.

Andy found himself laughing aloud. Once his mother got into something, she went all the way. He looked at his watch. Time to get over to the cottage. He'd told Biddy and Mikey to meet him there at noon. He thought he could hear Biddy's ancient truck rattling across the field. He could hardly wait for Biddy to see the spanking-new truck that had been delivered forty minutes earlier.

 

This time they did cry, all of them. With Sam under his left arm, Fred under his right, and Doozie on his shoulder, Mikey walked around his new home, tears streaming down his cheeks. They watched him from the doorway while he bounced on his new bed; he touched his new robe hanging over the bottom, smiled when he poked at his new slippers and sneakers alongside the night table. They giggled when he looked in his own mirror, preened for a minute, pointed to himself, and said, “I hasmome.”

“You sure are handsome.” Ruby smiled. His head bobbed excitedly.

“Mine?”

“All yours!” Ruby agreed.

Mikey pointed to Sam, Fred, and Doozie. “Mine?” he grinned devilishly.

“No way.” Ruby grinned.

“Ish joke,” Mikey said, falling back on the bed, the dogs on top of him.

“Some joke. I think they like you, Mikey. They remember the way you rubbed their bellies when they were hungry. They didn't forget you,” Ruby said quietly.

“Not forget.” It was said so clearly, Ruby's eyebrows shot upward.

She tousled the boy's hair before she bent down to kiss his cheek.

“No one ever forgets the things that are important, Mikey.”

Mikey sat up on the bed. “Im-ptant. No cages.”

“Damn right, kiddo. There aren't going to be any cages in our place,” Andy said, slapping Mikey on the back. The boy poked him playfully.

“You did real good, Ma,” Andy stage-whispered.

“I'd like to second that,” Biddy said gruffly. “I don't know what to say. It's like a dream come true.”

“Do you think Agatha Penny would approve, Mr. Bidwell?” Ruby asked anxiously.

“Agatha would approve, most definitely. You've always called me Mr. Bidwell, Mrs. Blue. Everyone calls me Biddy. Don't you think it's time for you to call me Biddy, too?”

Ruby was about to say yes until she saw Biddy's eyes. “Oh, I can't do that, Mr. Bidwell. I have too much respect for you.” She knew no one had ever called Biddy Mr. Bidwell but her. “I hope it doesn't offend you.”

“Not at all, Mrs. Blue. I rather like it.” The little man grinned.

Ruby looked discreetly away, pretending not to see the old man's glistening eyes. “So, Mr. Bidwell, what do you think of the other building, the one where you and Mikey will be spending most of your time? Andy did a wonderful job, didn't he?”

“Yes, ma'am, he sure did. I didn't know too much about arke-teks until he explained what he was trying to do. Me and Mikey, we like it a lot. Folks around here are sure going to be surprised when we open up.”

“Folks around here are already surprised.” Andy guffawed. “The Semolina brothers and cousins come by at least once a week to check on our progress. They told me, mind you they told me this to my face just a few weeks ago, that for a city whipper-snapper, I knew my business, even though I never lift a hammer. It was a real compliment.”

Ruby smiled. “Well, I guess I better get back to the house. I want to put a roast in the oven for you guys and I promised my menagerie I'd make them cheeseburgers for dinner.”

“Ma,” Andy whispered, “aren't you forgetting something? The barn,” he whispered a second time.

“Oh, yes, the barn. Mr. Bidwell, there's something in the barn you might want to take back to the shelter with you.”

“Do you think he'll like it?” Ruby said anxiously while she waited for Biddy to open the barn doors.

“Ma, he's going to love it. Especially the sign on the door. Now,
that
was a good idea.”

Biddy walked back into the sunshine and stared at Andy and Ruby. “Is this vehicle for me and Mikey?” he asked, a catch in his voice.

“Yes, it is, Mr. Bidwell. I think it goes well with that brand-new building, don't you? Since none of us knows what Mikey's last name is I ... I hope you don't mind if his name is first.”

“I like it. Mikey would, too, if he could read. Has a ring to it.
THE MIKEY/BIDWELL ANIMAL SHELTER, LORDS VALLEY, PA.
”

Andy tossed Biddy the keys.

“We put a block on the gas pedal and brake,” Andy said.

“I feel like a kid with a new bike. Mikey!” he bellowed.

Andy and Ruby watched till Biddy and the new truck disappeared behind the rise.

“I just figured out something a little while ago,” he said. “Most people give because they get something in return. You aren't going to get a thing for this, no writeoff, no nothing.”

“Oh, but you're wrong, Andy. I've got
me
.”

They were all gathered, all the friends Ruby thought she didn't
have. The four-piece band stood ready to blast its way into “Happy Birthday,” the caterers stood behind their long tables filled with chafing dishes. Other waiters and waitresses circled the huge barn with trays of drinks and finger foods.

Andy felt pleased with himself as he looked around the barn, decorated by a local florist with summer flowers and colorful streamers.

A table by the door was piled high with gaily wrapped presents.

“The dogs are getting jittery. That means Ma's close by,” Andy said to his father. “She's going to be mad as a wet hen, you know that, don't you?”

“Only for a second. The minute she sees everyone, it will be all over. Your mother ...”

“Is kind of special, right, Pop?”

“Yes, she is. I tell her that all the time. Lately, I think she might be starting to believe me.”

“She's gonna be real surprised to see you. I didn't think Marty would come, but she did. The aunts are here, too. I hope there aren't any fireworks.”

“I won't allow it,” Andrew said firmly. Andy believed him.

“Everyone, quiet! I think she's here,” Andy said, running to the side door where Fred and Sam were scratching furiously. “Listen, I'll bring her through the big doors, so get ready.” He slipped out with the dogs and Doozie.

“Yo, Ma! How'd it go?” he demanded nervously.

“They want a union. Can you believe that!” Ruby sputtered. “They wouldn't even talk to me! They walked off and left me standing there. The place is closed!” Ruby fumed. “This is the worst birthday I've had in my entire life!”

“Okay, okay. Listen, I hate to ask you to do this, but could I have a minute of your time? There's something in the barn I have to show you. I think the Semolina brothers screwed up and the roof is ... is coming down.”

“What?” Ruby squawked.

“They're going to stop by tomorrow, so you have to see it now. You know the brothers, they arrive at the crack of dawn.”

“Andy, I'm so tired, can't I see it in the morning?” Ruby pleaded.

“You gotta see it now, Ma. It will only take a minute.”

“Okay, but only a minute. You'll have to deal with the brothers. I have to worry about this damn union ...”

“Happy birthday!”

It was the grandest party of her life. Ruby cried all through it. She cried while she square-danced with her husband, while she waltzed with Mick and Dick Semolina, and while she cuddled with Mikey in his new suit. She really bawled when her daughter looked her in the eye and said, “I'm so sorry, Mom.” She sniffed when Nangi wrapped her in his arms and Amber patted her head. She was dry-eyed when Opal tried to meet her gaze but failed. Ruby patted her on the shoulder before she walked over to her husband and straight into his arms.

“Happy birthday, Ruby.”

“Thanks, Andrew. Thanks for coming. It's good to see you. I mean that. It really is good to see you.”

“Does that mean you finally got your shit together?”

“Does it ever?” Ruby gurgled. “You're lookin' good, Andrew. How many bimbos you dangling these days?”

“Meow,” Andrew said good-naturedly.

Ruby leaned closer, her eyes wide and guileless. In a husky voice she whispered, “Does that mean you can still get it up?”

Andrew laughed till the tears flowed. “I can still get it up. Since I'm staying at your house, I can show you later, if you want.”

“No, thanks. How old is she?”

Without hesitation Andrew replied, “Thirty-three. A willowy blonde. How about you?”

“Dead in the water, Andrew.”

“It's a shame.” His voice grew quieter when he said, “I know a couple of guys who could really rough him up for you. He had no right to treat you like that.”

“I went into it with my eyes wide open. I deserve what I got for being so stupid. But I'm filing a suit against him for the money he owes me.”

“You mean he owes
us
money?” Andrew asked, outraged.

“I guess you could put it that way. Yes, he owes me a chunk of money. I'll handle it.” Damn, he did look good with his bronze tan. He was fit, too, just as lean as he'd been when he left Rumson. His hair was attractively gray at the temples. “I'll be dipped, you're wearing a rug. Andrew! Are you
that
vain?”

“It's not a rug. I had that hair-weave thing done. It's my own hair. They use what they cut off the back. Costs a fortune,” he said happily. He turned serious for just a moment. “I wish you were happy, Ruby, I really do.”

“I am, Andrew. Hey, that's my favorite song, let's dance.”

They did, to the strains of “Blue Moon.” They smiled at one another. They were friends now, she thought, who could accept each other for what they were, not what they wanted each other to be. Neither was aware that the dance floor cleared until the end of the song and the round of applause that rang in their ears. Andrew bowed, Ruby curtsied.

“I'll see
you
later,” Andrew whispered.

“No, you won't. Those four-legged creatures let no one, and I mean no one, not even Andy, past the door in my bedroom. I will see you for breakfast, though. Thanks for the dance, Andrew.” She was halfway across the barn when she turned to shout over her shoulder, “How much did you say you get on social security?” Andrew laughed so hard, his daughter had to pound him on the back.

She was jostled then, her face mashing against someone's fragrant-smelling chest. “Nola!” she squealed. “Is this a party or what?”

“It's a party,” Nola laughed. “From the looks of things, it seems as if half the world is here.”

“It's missing two people, but that's okay. I'm living with it. What's up with you?”

“All kinds of good things. I'm catching a midnight flight to France, so I have to leave early. I'm sorry, Ruby. I have some heavy-duty ... I'm thinking of selling out my interest in the company, and I want to see what the French will offer. These plans were made long before I knew about the party. I gotta go, Ruby. Happy birthday and all that jazz. I left your present on the table. I hope you like it.”

“I'll like it no matter what it is,” Ruby said sincerely. “Thanks for coming, Nola.”

“Ruby, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I hope you have many happy birthdays to come. Say good-bye to Andrew for me. He told me that for an old broad, I looked pretty good. I took it as a compliment.”

Ruby hugged her friend. “Have a safe trip and call when you can.”

“Will do.”

The door had just closed behind Nola when Ruby felt someone touch her arm. “Happy birthday, Ruby.” It was Amber.

“It would be if you meant it,” Ruby said quietly.

“I remember telling you once back at the Y that you and I would never be friends. I meant it at the time, and as much as I try, I can't really feel anything for you, Ruby. I try to do the right things because Nangi gets so disappointed in me when I don't. He's very fond of you. If they had shrinks in Saipan, I'd probably go to one, but I know what my problem is, and no amount of counseling is going to take away my childhood. I don't even want to try. I don't want to spoil your birthday, but I felt I had to say these things. Nangi says I'm jealous of you. Maybe I am. But I don't think so.”

“I don't think you are, either. You're who you are, and I'm who I am. I appreciate your honesty, though. I guess we'll both get on with our lives. We're in the winter now, you know.”

“Ruby, that's just rubbish.” Amber grimaced.

“That's because you don't want to believe it. There's no one standing in front of us, Amber. We have to stare at our own mortality now. You do that in the winter of your life. Mom and Dad are gone. We're next, if you're counting.”

“Well, I'm not counting,” Amber said tartly.

“Okay,” Ruby said lightly. “Do we kiss each other or do we shake hands?”

Amber leaned over and pecked Ruby on the cheek. “That was for Nangi. For being good to him. For giving him a chance.
That
I appreciate.”

“I'll accept that, Amber,” Ruby said. And she would. “I'm glad we had this little talk.”

“Me, too. Nice party. Good food. Great music,” Amber said.

“Then go partake.” Ruby grinned.

The band was playing “Happy Birthday” again. Ruby marched over to the bandstand, where her son joined her. She stood back while Andy asked one of the musicians to make the birthday announcement. He obliged.

Ruby looked around at the smiling faces. It was all for her. They were her friends. She noticed Mikey and Biddy were standing next to Andy.

Ruby opened her presents. She cried, she smiled, she laughed as she thanked everyone. She was about to get up from the orange crate she was sitting on when Mikey approached, carrying a box. His head bobbed as he offered the huge sneaker box to Ruby.

“Ishsay.”

Ruby peered into the box. Once again Ruby's eyes brimmed. “Stray puppy, huh?” she said, hugging the boy. “Does he have a name?” Mikey shook his head. “Okay, tomorrow we'll come up with one.” Mikey beamed when she kissed him soundly on the cheek. She hugged Biddy.

When all her guests were gone except for her family, Ruby walked back into the barn. They were all gathered around the table with glasses of champagne in their hands. Andrew held one out to Ruby.

“It was so good of all of you to come,” Ruby said. “I'm glad we're all here together again. The last time ... that was unfortunate. We're all we have, one another. Except for Amber, of course, who has that wonderfully huge family.” There was a tinkle of laughter in the room. “What happened before ... that's history, we can't go back and make it right. If I did something wrong, I'm sorry. If it's at all possible, I'd like us to start over.

“Hey, the band is packing up. Stop them, Andy. I want us to sing and dance, just us. Just us.”

The sun was creeping over the horizon when the family walked back to the house. Ruby's arms were linked in her son's and husband's. Martha was tripping ahead, backward, giggling and laughing.

While the others trooped off to take showers, Andrew and Ruby sat at the kitchen table, waiting for the coffee to perk.

“Ruby,” Andrew said, “do you plan to live the rest of your life here in the boonies alone with your dogs and cats?”

Andrew looked as if he found it impossible to believe anyone would withdraw from life the way Ruby had. He looked tired, Ruby thought. Jet lag and alcohol, probably.

“I don't see anything wrong with what I'm doing,” Ruby said quietly. “So what if this is the life I prefer? So what if I don't want to go back to the rat race? So what, Andrew?”

“Nothing,” Andrew mumbled, “as long as you aren't
hiding.
As long as this is what you
really
want. I thought I knew you. You were a mover and a shaker for so long, it's hard for me to ... to accept this. Are you happy?”

“If you can give me a definition of happy that I'm comfortable with, I can answer you. This concern you're showing comes a little late, don't you think?”

“It was always there, I just never verbalized it,” Andrew said wearily. “I'm not going to ... it's your life. Do whatever the hell makes you happy. That's my motto.”

“Mine, too.” Ruby grinned. “I think there might be a shower available now. The pipes aren't gurgling.”

“This is a hell of a nice place, Ruby,” Andrew said grudgingly. “Listen, do you think you could whip me up some breakfast before I leave? I hate airplane food.”

“You're leaving?” Ruby asked, shocked.

Andrew stopped in his tracks. “Well, yeah. We're all leaving. Martha is ... I'm going back with her, and she's going to drop me off at Newark Airport. Your sisters ... I think Andy is driving them into Kennedy. I thought ... jeez, Ruby, did you think we were staying?”

“Well, you all came so far, I just assumed you'd stay a day or so.”

“Those beach bums I left in charge will rob me blind if I don't get back. But if you want me to stay, Ruby, I will.”

“No, that's okay. This was all such a surprise,” she said lamely. “Eggs and bacon okay?”

“Fifteen minutes,” Andrew called over his shoulder.

Marty was next to enter the kitchen. She hugged her mother before she bent down to scratch the dog's ear. “I missed you, Mom.”

“I missed you, too, Marty,” Ruby said, cracking eggs in a large yellow bowl.

“Did you mean what you said in the barn, about the past being history and all that?”

“Of course. You should know I never say anything I don't mean.”

“Then why do I feel this strain between us?”

“It's been a long time, Marty. People change. I love you, that will never change,” Ruby said, her heart thumping in her chest.

“Have you forgiven me?” Martha asked in a shaky voice.

“Of course. I thought we weren't going to talk about this. It serves no purpose. It's history.”

“I want it to be like it was before. I want yesterday,” Marty sobbed.

“It's gone,” Ruby said sadly. “We still have today, though. Maybe it can be better than yesterday.”

“I didn't mean any of those things I said at Grandma's house.”

“At the time you meant them. You said what you felt. I ... for a long time I thought you had betrayed me. I'm past that now. I hate to see you cry, Marty. Please don't.” Ruby took her daughter into her arms.