Seasons of Her Life (12 page)

Inside her room she threw herself on the bed, buried her face in her pillow, and howled her grief at Nola's departure. Or was her grief misdirected? She didn't know and didn't care.

After a while, Ruby dragged herself off the bed to the bathroom. Her eyes were puffy and red. She made a face at herself. She looked so ugly,
how
could Calvin love her?
Why
did he love her? Before she knew what was happening she heard herself answering her own question. “Because he needs my strength. I'm stronger and tougher than he is. I mother him and pat him on the back and tell him he's wonderful. That's why.”

Ruby sat down on the edge of the bathtub and dropped her head into her hands.

“But does Calvin love you? Does he really love you the way Paul Zachary loves Grace?” she asked herself.

“He says he does,” Ruby murmured fretfully.

“Do you believe him?” the voice pressed.

“He wouldn't lie about that.”

“What about you, Ruby? Do you love Calvin?”

“Of course I do. I wouldn't marry him if I didn't love him.”

“Sure you would,” the voice needled. “You'll do anything to get away from your parents. Anything.”

Ruby snorted. “I'm already away and I'm happy here. I don't have to get married to get away.”

“Sure, sure,” the voice whispered, “but if you're married, your father can't snatch you away and take you back. He still holds that power over you as long as you're here . . . anywhere. Admit it, you're fascinated with Calvin's culture, with him. You like playing the strong one, the one who can make it all come out right. You like taking care of him. You like pretending he's your brother, your father, your youngest uncle. You like it that he's gone to college even though it made you feel inferior at first, and you like it that he's a snappy lieutenant without a lick of common sense. That's where you excel, Ruby. Do you want to go through life nurturing a misfit? Do you want to go through life picking him up and dusting him off every time his feelings are hurt? He's a weak sister, Ruby.”

“Shut up!” Ruby said through clenched teeth. “Just shut the hell up!”

“Okay, I'll shut up,” the voice whispered, “but not until you tell me why. Why do you love him? Or like him? Or feel sorry for him? Just tell me why.”

“I like the way he makes me feel wanted. I feel good when he reaches out to touch me. He's gentle and kind. When my father's hand came out, he used it to slap me. I love Calvin and I'm going to marry him. Now leave me alone, I'm going to bed.”

The following day, Ruby cut her lunch hour short to return to her desk and write a letter to Grace Zachary, which she slipped into the outgoing mail. She looked at the office clock and decided she had time to write to Opal and her grandmother as well. A newsy letter to Opal full of trivia and lightness, but nothing about Calvin. That would be too much of a risk.

At four o'clock the phone on her desk rang. “Admiral Query's line,” she said in her professional office voice.

“Ruby, this is Calvin.” Ruby's heart thumped, certain he was calling to tell her he had changed his mind. It irritated her that he always announced himself so formally. “Listen, sweetheart”—and that was another thing she hated, being called sweetheart; she had a name, didn't she? “I don't know how this happened, but I won't be going on the MATS flight to California. I'm to take a commercial flight, so I can go with you. I know the plan was for you to leave a week after me, but this is better. I have enough money for you to stay in a hotel for a week. It's wonderful, isn't it, Ruby? Just five more days. I wanted to talk with you before I got your ticket. It's okay, isn't it?” he asked uncertainly.

For a moment Ruby couldn't breathe. “Uh-huh,” she mumbled.

“I get it,” Calvin said happily, “your boss is close by. I'll see you tomorrow night.”

Ruby nodded, forgetting Calvin couldn't see her. “Okay.” Five days. One hundred and twenty hours. Seven thousand two hundred minutes. Forty-three thousand—“Five days!” she yelped.

Admiral Query stuck his bald head out of the office. “Is something wrong, Ruby?”

“No, sir. I just made a mistake. I'll fix it. I hate it when I make a mistake,” she mumbled.

“No one is perfect, Ruby, not even me,” the admiral said.

Ruby had hardly returned to her notepad when the phone rang at her elbow. Her voice sounded angry when she said, “Admiral Query's line.”

“Ruby,” the voice said briskly, “I'm calling to ask if you and your friend would like to double date tonight?”

“I'm sorry, Andrew, but Nola went back to Michigan. I can meet you for coffee after work or for a bite to eat. If you want to.”

“Sure I do. Don't you have a class or something?”

“Not tonight.”

“How come you're being so agreeable?” Andrew asked suspiciously. “You should be really ticked off at me.”

“I was, but I'm not anymore. Listen, this isn't my personal line. I can meet you at Sadie's on K at five-thirty, or is that too early?”

“Make it six and it's a date. Did you get my flowers and candy?”

“Yes. Thank you. I accept your apology. You didn't have to do that, Andrew.” A third voice came on the line, listened a second or two, and then said, “Congratulations, young man. If you don't make this girl happy, you'll have to answer to me. War is hell, but then, you birds in the Air Force know all about that. Admiral Clark Query signing off for the U.S. Navy.”

“What the hell . . .”

“I have to go now. I'll see you at six, Andrew,” Ruby said, her voice shrill with panic.

Now she would have to tell him. Andrew was a wild card. What would he do with the information?

Oh, God.

 

Andrew Blue walked into Sadie's, a deli bar, at fifteen minutes to six. He'd managed to hitch a ride into town with a major headed to Arlington. A cab brought him the rest of the way to Sadie's door. He was so hot under the collar, he thought he would explode. All he'd done the whole afternoon was think about Admiral Clark Query's words. He didn't need to be a genius to understand what the old geezer said. Ruby was planning on marrying the flip and the squid knew all about it. If he hadn't called, he probably never would have found out. Well, by God, now he knew. The question was, what was he going to do about it, if anything? Did he really care enough to kick up a fuss? The flip seemed to have the advantage and was running fast in the outside lane. Shit, he didn't know he had to qualify. If he'd known, he would have given it everything he had. He knew how to win. His coach in junior high school had told him there were two kinds of people in the world: winners and losers. Which did he want to be? He had been a winner all the way, in every sport in junior high, high school, and at Annapolis. All-star material from the git-go. His parents had been so proud of him, especially his old man, who, until then, hardly knew what his name was. Yeah, his old man was proud, even prouder, if that was possible, when he came out of Annapolis a commissioned officer. His mother had cried, but his old man clapped him on the back and said “A second looey” out of the corner of his mouth, like James Cagney. His mother would like Ruby and Ruby would like her. Not that it made a difference one way or the other.

“A beer,” Andrew said to the hovering waitress. “I'm waiting for my girl.” He flushed when the waitress smirked, but he stared her down. He did think of Ruby as his girl.

He wished now he'd asked Ruby questions about the flip, but with his ego at stake, he hadn't dared. What exactly was he up against? Just how great was this air force pogue? He'd looked like a twit, like one of those pansy guys who danced in a leotard. What could Ruby possibly see in someone like that? How could she prefer a pineapple to him? Jesus, he was six-two and packed one hundred and seventy pounds on his frame, all pure, hard muscle.. It must have been the marriage proposal that did the trick.

Andrew groaned. Marriage. If the flip offered marriage, then he had to do the same thing and hope for the best. You just never knew about females:

But did he want to win Ruby enough for the big one? Runny-nosed kids, smelly diapers, animals, overcooked dinners, and
no more freedom?
If he decided to go for it, what the fuck would he be winning? He might be in love, but so what? That didn't mean he had to go and get married.

Andrew drained his second glass of beer just as Ruby walked through the door. He hailed the waitress by snapping his fingers. “Double time,” he said loudly enough to be heard at the next three tables, all seated civilians.

Andrew smiled warmly and sized Ruby up. Just how good an officer's wife would she make? With a little work she could definitely be an asset. She was pretty, not beautiful, but she had stunning eyes with thick lashes. Bedroom eyes. He liked that. Today her color was high and it wasn't from makeup. She wore a crisp white blouse with a small black velvet ribbon under the collar. After a full day of work, the blouse had barely a wrinkle. He liked her hands with their shiny white nails. He wondered how she typed and how good she was. He asked, not because he really cared, but more to have something to say.

Ruby smiled, but it was a forced smile. “Around sixty words a minute. Without mistakes. Can you type?”

Andrew leaned back in his chair. “As a matter of fact, I can. This may surprise you, but I can knit, too. The coach of my high school football team made all the players learn to knit. It develops the hand muscles. Since I was the quarterback and handled the ball, it was important. I made an afghan once. My mother keeps it over the back of the chair she sits on.”

“What color is it?”

“Color?” Andrew asked stupidly. He had to think. “Green and yellow. Is it important?”

“No. It was something to say. You never talked much about yourself.”

“Marines are like that. We're private people,” he said, puffing out his chest.

“Do you read?”

“Everything I can get my hands on.”

“I wish I'd known all this about you before.”

“All you had to do was ask,” Andrew said softly. “I figured if I started telling you all kinds of things, you'd think I was bragging. I wanted you to like me for myself.”

“How could I do that, Andrew, if I didn't know you? These past months you were like a cardboard figure to me. Even now, all I really know about you is that you like to read, you can knit, and you have fresh hands. Not much after you've been seeing someone for a couple of months.”

“How much do you know about that bird in the air force?” he asked sourly.

“Enough. He took the time to let me get to know him.”

“You weren't interested in me. You told me so yourself. You even admitted that you used me to see him. How do you suppose I felt when ... that was a real cheap trick, Ruby,” Andrew said piously.

Ruby blushed. “I know and I'm sorry. It's just that my sister ...”

“Speaking of your sister. I think I saw her the other day. She works at the Pentagon with you, doesn't she? I had to go over there for my C.O. She didn't see me, though.”
Get it now, Blue, otherwise it's a lost cause.
The guys said to go through the sister.

“Amber works at the Navy Annex.”

Andrew motioned to the waitress. This time he didn't snap his fingers. “We'll have two shrimp salad sandwiches, two orders of potato salad, and some cole slaw. I'll have another beer and the young lady will have a ginger ale.” She was dismissed the moment his gaze returned to Ruby. She looked surprised. Maybe he shouldn't have ordered for her. Don't lose the initiative now, he told himself.

Andrew assumed a calculated pose of hurtful bewilderment. “I saw you first, Ruby. That should count for something. Is it my fault you had to go to the bathroom and met this other ... guy? I told you I was active in sports in school. Well, at the end of every game you had a winning score and at the end of the season you went on to participate in the finals or playoffs. If you won, you got a prize. That's how I thought of you, Ruby. You were going to be my prize. I was playing the game the only way I knew how. I've been with a lot of girls, but I'm the first to admit I don't know anything about them. Sure, I've played bedsheet roulette, all guys do, but it doesn't mean anything.” He leaned back to better observe the conflicting emotions play across the girl's face. Blue, you are a ring-tailed son of a bitch, he complimented himself.

Ruby seemed at a loss for words. Andrew leaned across the table and took her hands in his. Ruby jerked backward and yanked her hands free. Andrew's eyes turned sad and woebegone. “I'm really a nice guy. My parents think I'm one of a kind. I'm nice to little kids and dogs. I used to be a Boy Scout.” Christ, she wasn't responding to anything he was saying. “You must have liked me a little to go out with me even if ... it was to cover up for that ... other guy. How much do you know about him, Ruby? And, yeah, I got the drift of what your boss was saying. When's the wedding?” he asked softly.

“It's none of your business, Andrew,” Ruby said miserably.

“It is my business. Everything is fair in love and war.”

“You don't know anything about me. You can't be in love with me,” Ruby said tightly.

“That's true, I don't know nearly enough about you. I didn't want to go too fast, to rush you. I didn't want to take advantage of you, and for God's sake, don't throw that hotel in my face. That's what made me realize you were ... worth fighting for, worth waiting for. Ah, Ruby, rethink what you're planning on doing. Don't go off half-cocked and make the biggest mistake of your life. If you won't tell me when, it must be soon.”