Scorch (10 page)

He braced himself for a glare of censure as he rose. He genuinely felt awful leaving her like this. Never mind their argument. He’d promised to be her wingman.

“Cliff can drive me later. Or maybe Pops?” She glanced at her father-in-law as she quickly smeared butter on one side of a dinner bun and hit the other side with a lick of horseradish. “I’ll put a plate together for you to warm up when you get home, but here.” A thick slice of roast beef went into the bun with a couple of spinach leaves from the salad bowl. “I’ll make another while you get your boots on. Hopefully that’ll hold you while you’re on the mountain.”

Really?

The harsh reality of his job had impacted not just his marriage, but even his most casual relationships. Every woman he’d ever been with had all griped about his work, but of course Jac would get it.

Nevertheless, he was still a little stunned as she followed him to the door with the second sandwich wrapped in a paper napkin. “Be careful, okay?”

“Yeah. ’Course,” he promised around a mouthful of sandwich. He straightened and took the spare bun, experiencing real regret at leaving. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, not sure if he was apologizing for his abandoning her now or for riling her earlier.

“My mom was an ER nurse. People get hurt. They need help. This has always been totally normal to me.” She dismissed.

He hadn’t thought about how her mother’s profession would have shaped her. No wonder she was such a good fit at the base. He imagined it had always been her role to hold down the fort while her parents disappeared for work. In fact, given how much time Jacqui had spent fending for herself, he ought to quit seeing her as some delicate flower he had to shelter. He’d told the crew she was tough and she was. Jacqui was strong and independent and more than capable of looking after herself and him besides.

He didn’t know how to take that at all. No one ever took care of him. Not unless they’d been paid to.

He lifted the wrapped sandwich.

“Thanks,” he said around a coiled tightness lodged behind his collarbone.

He had to resist the urge to plant a kiss on her as he left.

*

Piper and Bastian
gave her a lift home, since it was on the way to their hotel. Jacqui was grateful. Roni had cornered her in the kitchen after dinner, wanting to know, “Is something up between you and Vin?”

“Like what?” Jacqui had asked innocently.

“I don’t know,” Rhonda had mumbled as her teenaged daughter, Cinda, arrived from staying late at school for a play rehearsal. Cinda wanted Auntie Jacqui’s full attention at that point, thankfully cutting short Rhonda’s inquisition.

“I’ll be worrying about your boyfriend,” Piper said as Jacqui directed her husband onto her street. “This is you, right?” Piper angled her cell phone toward the back seat so Jacqui could see it. “I’ll send you a friend request. Will you message me that he’s okay?”

“Sure, but he’s, um, just a friend. Long story, but he’s buying my house and we’re both still in it, that’s all.”

“Oh. Sorry. Just assumed,” Piper said. “Although, Bastian was ‘just staying’ in my parents’ house when we met. Be careful with that.” She gave her husband’s shoulder a nudge, saying, “Right?”

“Hey, there was no downside for me. I’m thrilled with the way it turned out. This one?” he asked with a glance at Jacqui in the rear view mirror as he signaled for her driveway.

“That’s right.”

As he parked and his headlights bounced off her white garage door, Jacqui could see Piper’s profile, soft and filled with tenderness as she gazed at her husband. It gave Jacqui a pang. She had gazed at Russ like that, but always with an underlying plea for it to be returned.

“I’m happy, too,” Piper said in a way that sounded really sincere and loving.

“See? No downside,” Bastian said, tone intimate as he gazed back at her.

Jacqui stopped him getting out to open the door for her. “Thanks so much,” she said as she left the SUV. “Have a safe trip and let’s keep in touch. It was really lovely to meet you both.”

As she glanced back to wave at them, she saw they were wrapped up in each other. Bastian had a hand under his wife’s chin and they were leaning in to share a kiss.

Jacqui’s heart gave another twist.

They were so happy.

It was so depressing.

Her argument with Vin came back to her along with a rush of annoyance and a fresh bout of embarrassment at almost kissing him. Why couldn’t she have what Piper and Bastian had? She was supposed to have had it with Russ and she hadn’t. She wanted it. She wanted to love and
be loved back
.

Emotion propelled her up the stairs, past her anxiety and grief and hurt into impatience with her own self-pity and good, old-fashioned anger.

Russ was dead.
She
still had a life to live.

V
in thought it
was odd that some of the upstairs lights looked like they were on when he pulled in after two. He left his truck outside so the garage door wouldn’t wake Jacqui, but the dryer was going when he walked through.

Muttley lifted his head from sleeping on his mat by the back door, made a malcontented noise and rose to circle, turning his back to Vin as he curled back into sleep with a snuffled exhale.

Vin dropped his keys in the bowl on the kitchen counter and glanced in the living room. The sofa was empty.

He would usually plant himself there for an hour or so, flicking channels until the adrenaline buzz wore off. Tonight, concern had him climbing the stairs two at a time.

He was really good at compartmentalizing. He’d developed the skill as a kid being shifted from one home to the next, one school to the next. There had been no point poisoning his mark on the math quiz because he was seething over sharing a room with a kid who stole his things. He had learned to push aside emotion-infused personal problems by challenging himself to do well at things he could control—academics, physical fitness, fighting fire.

So he hadn’t dragged his mixed feelings about Jacqui’s love life into the rescue basket as he’d pulled that young woman off the mountain. The conflicted thoughts came flooding back at him, however, as he got to the top of the stairs and saw Jacqui was in the master bedroom.

She wore his plaid shirt again over the top and jeans she’d been wearing at Rhonda’s. He would have expected her to wear something of Russ’s, heading into the space she’d shared with her husband, but she’d slung Vin’s shirt over the rail at the bottom of the stairs when she had pulled it clean from the laundry the other day. She must have been cold and it had been convenient, he supposed.

The house was built with the expectation of a family. There were two spare bedrooms up here, one that was furnished as an office and the one he was using. There was also the full bathroom and a roomy alcove with a rail that overlooked the front room. Russ’s gaming stuff was still set up there, covered in dust, but it would have been a perfect play area for little kids if the couple had had some.

Smack in the middle of the hall was the double-door entrance to the expansive master suite with its vaulted ceiling. On the back wall, a half circle window was set above French doors that opened onto a balcony overlooking the creek that ran just beyond the border of this small acreage. The room was big enough for a sitting room along with a king bed. Off to the right, two sets of sliding closet doors on either side formed a hallway into the spacious master bath. Neglected ferns hung in there, guarding a two-person tub along with a shower that doubled as a sauna. He knew the ferns were neglected because he hadn’t realized there were plants in there until it was almost too late to save them.

The thick, smoky-blue carpet cushioned his step so Jacqui didn’t seem to hear him approach. She was dusting the clock and nightstand very thoroughly. The bed was stripped and the vacuum was in the corner, but she’d already used it because there were fresh lines on the pile. He didn’t suppose it was worth mentioning he had run the thing around in here the day before collecting her from the airport, expecting she would use this room.

“I guess I didn’t need to shower at the base,” he said. “I thought I might wake you if I did it here.”

She startled and glanced up as she set the clock back on the nightstand. “You scared me. I didn’t hear the garage door.”

“I parked outside. What are you doing still up?”

“Reclaiming. My life, not the house. Don’t worry.” Her smile didn’t fully form before it faded into an intent scan of the room. “Tomorrow I’ll start sorting, but I like a clean, organized workspace.”

The crackling energy she was projecting fed his, making him shift restlessly. His mind kept wandering back to nearly kissing her—which was hardly a suitable replacement for his dark memories of her husband’s accident.

He rubbed his damp hair, trying to erase all the jumbled images inside it. He made himself look around the room and remember that Russ had spent quality time with Jacqui in here but, at the moment, there was no evidence of it. It could have been a room in a catalogue for bedroom furniture.

“It’s like my desk at the base,” she said. “All the paperclips have to be in the bin before I can do any real work. Gives me a sense of readiness and control.” Her gaze slid sideways toward him. “Sound crazy?”

“Not at all. We’re very particular about our ’chutes and cargo boxes. Gotta know everything will deploy properly when needed.”

“That’s me. Whiteboard markers holstered with the caps cocked.” She carried the dust rag into the bathroom.

He caught a waft of pine, but didn’t bother mentioning he’d also given that room a spit polish before she came home, too.

She wrung out the dust cloth, then washed her hands and came out drying them on a small towel. “How did the rescue go?”

“Okay. She was upside down in a tree well, but conscious and had a whistle so we found her pretty fast. Leg was broken, but it wasn’t the worst I’ve seen. Should mend okay.”

Jacqui nodded. “That’s good.”

“Everything go okay at Rhonda’s?”

“Yeah, I was stressed out for nothing. It was fine.”

He thought again about the core of self-sufficiency she possessed. Sure she’d been set on her back foot over the loss of her husband, but she would rally.

Judging by her presence in this room, she
was
rallying.

It was good to see, but it made their chat in the truck about her right to see other men all the more significant. Was she really thinking of dating? She was right.
He
wasn’t ready for that. A cold, cubic weight lodged in his chest at the mere thought.

“Did you see the plate in the fridge?” she asked.

“Didn’t even look, but I’m not hungry. I’ll take it for lunch tomorrow.” All the bachelors would look at him like Mutt did when he smelled the barbecue. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Was the dryer still going? I didn’t hear the buzzer.”

She seemed really wound up. He almost would have accused her of being on something, but he’d never seen her take anything except a glass or two of wine, maybe a margarita on a hot day.

“Yeah,” he answered. “I thought it was strange that you were doing laundry in the middle of the night. Are you okay? Do you need help with anything?”

“No, I was going to wait for the sheets then sleep in here, but it just occurred to me that you should move in here. You could do that this weekend,” she said decisively. “And I’ll take the guest room.”

“Jac—”

He watched her use the corner of the hand towel to erase a fingerprint smudge from the closet door.

“This is a lot,” he said gently. “You don’t have to do it all this weekend.”

“You don’t have to help empty his closet if you don’t want to. I can do it.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Don’t judge me, Vin.” She opened the closet and threw the towel into a hamper, then slid the door closed again, turning on him with a set chin, arms folded.

“I’m not.” He stood taller. Frowned. “Where did that come from?”

She gave him a pithy look that told him she might not hold a grudge at him for running out to save a snowboarder, but she had not forgotten their words in his truck.

“You think I’m letting go too quickly and easily,” she accused. “You think that if I start seeing someone, it will call into question my feelings for Russ. How? How could anyone possibly doubt that I loved him?”

He sighed and rubbed his hair again.

“You’re right, okay? You’re right that it’s no one’s business who you sleep with. But it still impacts me if people think you’re sleeping with
me
.” He couldn’t say the words without a guilty heat stinging under his skin.

She dismissed that with a toss of her nonexistent hair.

“
Are
you thinking of…?” he asked tentatively. He was way too interested in the answer.

“Getting back on the bike?”

“Who is this joker? I’m going to knock some manners into him.”

“He doesn’t matter.” She looked at her slippers. “The only thing that makes him significant is that when he said it, I was appalled. The idea of sleeping with anyone except Russ sounded like cheating. Then I came home and you told me I
couldn’t
and—” Her eyes glittered with resentment. “Now I want to sleep with the lower half of town just to piss you off.”