Savage Winter (23 page)

Joanna took a deep breath. “Apparently, you were right, my mother. It would seem she has done well in healing your son’s wounds.”

“If you believe that, then you are blind.”

“What does it matter? Windhawk and I are not right for each other. It seems all we do is hurt each other. I will not challenge Red Bird for a place in his lodge.”

“Joanna, sometimes when the love is strong between two people, they will hurt each other without intending to. I believe this is what has occurred between you and my son. You should want to find out the truth.”

“It also happens when the love is only on one side. Windhawk is at fault for what is wrong between us, my mother. I shoulder no blame in this.”

“No one is above making mistakes, Joanna. You must take your share of the blame. The one great fault in all of this is that you and my son listened to others and not to your own hearts.”

“Perhaps, but it no longer matters. Red Bird still lives in Windhawk’s lodge, does she not?”

“Not as his wife. Windhawk has no wife…but you.”

Sun Woman closed her mouth. It would do no good for her to tell Joanna that her son was in torment and loved her with a strong love that most women would never find in a man—Joanna would have to find this out for herself.

It was a cold night, and Joanna could hear the wind howling as she sat beside the fire, nursing her son. Sun Woman and Morning Song had gone to visit Gray Fox’s wives, and she cherished this time alone with her son.

She smiled down at the baby, who was growing strong and healthy on her milk. His dear little face peeked out of the blanket, and Joanna touched his hand softly.

Sun Woman tended to be the doting grandmother, and while Joanna realized how Windhawk’s mother loved the child, she was afraid she was spoiling him. Every time he cried she would pick him up.

A blast of frigid air announced someone’s arrival, and Joanna looked up to see Windhawk! If she had been prepared for him, she could have hidden her startled glance, but she hadn’t known he had returned to the village.

Joanna’s eyes were drawn to his handsome face. When he removed his buffalo robe and hung it from the lodgepole she saw he wore no shirt, and her eyes wandered fleetingly across the broad expanse of his muscular chest. When she looked at his eyes she saw that they were drawn to her breast, where his son was nursing hungrily.

Joanna felt a tightening in her throat as he walked toward her and dropped down beside her. She watched speechlessly as his hand trembled when he reached out to touch the soft hair on his son’s head.

“I have missed you and our son,” he said, looking deep into Joanna’s eyes.

“I…did…not know you had returned.”

She read so much feeling in his velvet-soft eyes that it frightened her. His desire for her was not disguised, and she wanted to look away, afraid of what other emotion she would discover in those dark eyes.

“I just arrived. I rode hard all day so I could see you before you went to bed.”

He reached out his hand and gathered up a tress of red-gold hair, allowing it to sift between his fingers, and Joanna was too stunned to react.

“I have thought of nothing but you and our son, Joanna.”

“Why did you go away?” she couldn’t help asking.

His hand drifted up to her cheek. “I left so you could have time to think about the things I said to you. I was a coward, Joanna, knowing if I stayed near you I would want to…” He dipped his head, and Joanna knew he was going to kiss her. She wanted to pull away, but, instead, her lips parted in eager anticipation.

Windhawk groaned softly as his mouth touched hers. Joanna realized that she was being drawn under his magnetic spell and moved her head to the side.

“No, please!” she cried.

“You always say no when you mean yes, Joanna,” he whispered. “I have hungered for your lips,” he whispered against her mouth.

“No, Windhawk, do not do this!” she cried, placing her hand over her mouth.

Windhawk took her hands and held them in his. “I can see by your eyes that you want me, too, Joanna.”

“N…no!”

He looked deeply into her eyes and saw the firelight reflected there. “One of the many things I have always admired about you is your honesty, Joanna. Why do you fear to admit the truth to me, as well as to yourself?”

“Windhawk, your mother and sister will be back soon,” she said, in an effort to save herself. She feared that her weakness for him would overrule her good judgment.

“No, Joanna, I saw my mother before I came here. I asked her to give me some time alone with you.”

Seeing that her son had fallen asleep, Joanna pulled her gown together. Windhawk reached for the child and raised him into his arms.

“Joanna, there are no words to describe what it feels like to be a father. I find myself wanting to tell everyone about him. I think of the time he will ride his first horse. I can envision when he is older, when he will walk beside me, looking to me
for guidance. I am so proud of him, and I thank you for giving him to me.”

Joanna felt a sob building in her throat. No, she wouldn’t allow Windhawk to make her forget all that was wrong between them. “I am sure these feelings will pass. I think you want something when it is new to you, but once you have it, you will tire of it and cast it aside.”

Windhawk’s eyes narrowed. “You were my wife, and yet you know so little about me.”

“I know all I care to know. I know you tired of me soon enough and replaced me with Red Bird.”

“I told you I have never been with Red Bird,” he said in a deadly calm voice.

“She tells a different story. Perhaps the two of you should get together and decide what is the truth.”

His face became a mask, and she could see a muscle throbbing at his temple. “I will have her punished if she has told you this.”

“Do not punish her on my account. All I want from you is for you to leave me alone.”

His eyes swept her face. “I will never leave you alone, Joanna. How can I? You are the mother of my son,” he said in a deep voice.

Joanna shrugged her shoulders. “Red Bird told me she would give you sons.”

Windhawk laid the baby down and grasped Joanna’s wrist. When he stood up, he carried Joanna with him. “I will hear no more of this! I have told you the truth, but you choose to not believe me. Will it make you feel better if I send that woman away?”

Joanna saw his face was a mask of fury, but she herself was angry. “I do not care what you do with her—it will not make me change my mind about you. As soon as spring comes, I am leaving.”

Her announcement fell like a wave of silence over the tipi. She could see Windhawk’s eyes go to his son and then
back to her. She flinched when he grabbed her by the shoulders and hauled her against his body.

“I would not try that if I were you, Joanna. I will never allow you to take my son away.”

“I will not leave without him!”

“Then you will not go!”

“You cannot hold me here against my will. The moment I became accepted as a Blackfoot you had no power to hold me as a captive.”

His lips curled into a snarl. “You may no longer be a captive, Joanna, but you forget—I am the chief of the Blackfoot—my word is law. If I say you stay, you stay!”

She flung her head back. “Do you think to win me with your soft ways?” she taunted. She didn’t realize until it was too late that she had pushed him too far.

Windhawk picked her up in his arms and carried her toward the buffalo robe at the back of the lodge. Joanna kicked and struggled, fearing what he had in mind.

“I will never submit to you willingly, and if you take me by force, I will hate you!” she cried.

His smile had no humor in it. “I know what it takes to make you submit, Joanna. Why should I have to take by force what I can have with the touch of my hand?”

She drew in her breath, more determined than ever not to let him see her weakness for him. Flinging back her head, she struggled all the harder.

Windhawk set her on her feet, and before she knew what was happening, he had lifted her gown over her head. Joanna crossed her hands over her breasts, backing as far away from him as she could get before bumping against the wall of the tipi.

“Do not do this, Windhawk,” she whispered through trembling lips.

His eyes moved hungrily over her body, and she knew it would do no good to plead with him. She cautioned herself to remain passive and not to give in to the warm touch of his
hand. She knew from past experience that she would never be able to resist him.

He bent down and removed her moccasins, and Joanna did nothing to try and stop him. She felt herself begin to tremble as his eyes traveled up her legs, across her stomach to her breasts, then finally to rest on her face.

She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth as his hand moved up her leg. Don’t feel, she warned herself. Make your mind a blank, she pleaded silently. When she gained the courage to open her eyes, she saw that Windhawk had removed his clothing and was standing before her naked!

She drew in her breath as her eyes wandered over his magnificent body. When she looked at his face, she saw his eyes were filled with passion.

Windhawk pulled her into his arms, and her body melted against his. She had forgotten how good it was to feel his hard, muscular body pressed against hers. As his hands traced tiny patterns across her back and then slid down to her waist, she remembered how he could render her mindless with a caress.

Windhawk was sprinkling kisses over her upturned face. “Remember, Joanna, remember how good it was between us?” he asked hotly against her ear.

He had spoken her name the way he had pronounced it before he learned to speak it correctly. She remembered all too well that in the past, at times when he had been making love to her, he would often lapse into the old way of saying her name. That, more than anything else he had done or said thus far, was her undoing.

She felt herself moving backward as he lowered her onto the soft buffalo robe.

Joanna fought against the warm, wonderful feelings of pleasure that spread throughout her body with the intensity of a raging forest fire. She felt as if she were in a drugged state—a puppet that Windhawk could manipulate merely by pulling the strings. His soft, stroking hands were playing havoc with her peace of mind—reminding her of the times when he had introduced her to sensuous experiences.

There was no question of her remaining passive when she felt so alive for the first time in many months. Her body had been starved for Windhawk’s touch for so long, and she seemed to have no control of her own.

Windhawk’s lips traveled over her face, and Joanna could feel his warm breath on her skin. His ebony hair slid softly across her lips, and she closed her eyes. Her awareness of him seemed to seep into every pore of her skin.

Oh, my love, my dearest love, she thought, as his burning kiss invoked memories of the times when they laughed and loved together. Joanna knew she was a hopeless prisoner of her feelings for this man. She hadn’t stopped loving him, if anything she loved him more than ever. Until now she hadn’t realized how much she had missed him. Loving him and watching him with Red Bird had been a physical pain, knifing into her heart. She had tried to push her love for him aside, but she hadn’t been in the least successful.

“Joanna, Joanna,” he murmured against her ear, reminding her of the first time he had taken her body. How tender and sweet he had been that autumn day so long ago when he had introduced her to the world of touching and feeling. He had been so patient when he showed her how wonderful it was to be his woman.

When Windhawk pulled back and gave Joanna a questioning look, she threaded her hands through his ebony hair and pulled his head forward to her parted lips, forgetting for the moment that they had hurt each other deeply since that first day when they had become as one.

His mouth seemed to burn her tender lips, and Joanna thought she would die from the intense yearning he invoked in her. She knew she would be sorry tomorrow if she surrendered so easily tonight, but she couldn’t pull back now…they had gone too far for that! Her body was a mass of quivering flesh, yearning for the touch of Windhawk’s hand.

“How far I have traveled to find myself going around in a circle, Joanna,” Windhawk breathed in her ear.

Not understanding his words, she looked into his eyes, which were velvet soft. Her breath came out in a sob at the tenderness she saw there.

“What do you mean?” she couldn’t resist asking.

He lifted her chin and brushed her satiny cheek with his lips. “No matter where I go, my footsteps always bring me back to you, beloved.”

His words hit her in the face like a dash of cold water! Suddenly, Joanna felt great fear. What was she doing? Was she so weak that she allowed Windhawk to pull her under his spell with the touch of his hand and a few soft-spoken words? She pushed against him, feeling a fear so wild that she cried out. To her surprise, he moved back. Rolling away from him, she scrambled to her knees.

Windhawk’s burning eyes ran the length of her naked body with the devastating effect of an earthquake. Joanna’s whole body was a trembling mass when he smiled slightly.

“I always said that you were the perfect woman…I have not changed my mind.”

Joanna felt a hot wave wash over her, and she could do no more than stare into his dark, expressive eyes. Her eyes widened as he swung to his knees and knelt beside her.

“You can run, Joanna, but like me, you will find you are running in a circle.”

She shook her head in a silent denial.

Windhawk’s eyes rested on her flaming hair, and he reached out to touch it. “Must I tell you of this love that burns in my heart for you? Did you think my love for you was such a small thing that it would not endure? Did I not once tell you that my love for you would reach out to you even beyond my death?” His voice was deep with feeling.

Joanna felt herself swaying toward him, but she stopped herself from making contact with his body by placing her hand against his chest. Oh, he was good at using silver words, she thought. He had not become the leader of the fierce Blackfoot warriors without being able to manipulate people. Did he also say these same things to Red Bird? She wouldn’t make the mistake of believing him again.

“Go away, Windhawk. Please, leave me alone—I do not want you.”

Joanna watched as his dark eyes narrowed; she wasn’t prepared for his quick action. When he reached out and jerked her forward, her body slammed against the hard, muscled wall of his chest, and she gasped.

He forced her face up to him. “I will leave you alone, Joanna, because when I take you, it will be because it is what you want. I think the time will come when you will come to me,” he said lazily, as his eyes drifted down to her lips, waiting for her to deny his words.

“Never!”

He shoved her away from him and smiled ever so slightly. “Never is a long time, Joanna. I think you will come to me before too many moons have passed,” he said, standing up and pulling on his buckskin trousers.

“You must think very highly of your prowess with women, oh mighty chief of the Blackfoot. Do not hold your breath until I come to you, Windhawk…I can assure you that day will never come. As far as you and I are concerned, there never was a forever.”

He smiled indulgently. “Time will prove which one of us
is right, Joanna.” He looked past her to where their son lay sleeping.

“I almost forgot the reason I came here. I have come to give my son a name.”

Joanna wrapped herself in a buffalo robe and stood up, astounded that he could switch from adoring lover to a cool, businesslike manner so quickly. If he could turn cold and indifferent to her so easily, she would show him she could do the same. Her stomach was tied in knots, and her heartbeat had not yet returned to its normal rate, but she raised her eyes to him, pretending indifference.

“I was wondering if you would get around to my son. Why has it taken you so long?” she asked, in a voice that plainly showed her irritation.

“I suppose because the thought of having a son was too new to me, and I had not chosen a name.”

“What you mean is you thought my baby was not your son, so you did not bother to choose his name!”

“I have decided to call him Little Hawk,” he said, ignoring Joanna’s outburst.

“That will be a strange name when he is as tall as you are,” she said, trying to find fault with his choice of name for their son. She knew that whatever he decided to call the child would only be his name until he grew older.

“It will be his name only until he earns his own name,” he said, reminding her of what she already knew.

Joanna nodded. She knew she had no say in what her son would be called. Windhawk was not only his father, but he was also the chief of the tribe.

She watched as Windhawk picked up his sleeping son and smiled down at him. “Little Hawk, my son, the time will come when we will ride across the prairies together to hunt the buffalo. For now, I give you into your mother’s keeping…when you are older, I will see to your training.”

Little Hawk yawned and drifted back to sleep, not knowing
or caring about the conflict that raged between his mother and father.

Windhawk handed the baby to Joanna and swept out of the tipi with the same swiftness with which he had entered. Joanna stood silently, watching the flap swing to and fro in the wind. She felt as if she had just been released from the destructive grip of a summer hurricane.

Lifting Little Hawk to her face, she kissed his smooth cheek. Joanna had no notion what the future held for her and her son. She only knew that if Windhawk had persisted tonight, she would at this very moment be in his arms. She hadn’t realized until tonight how much she had missed his lovemaking. He had taught her the sensuous feelings of her mind as well as her body. How could she pretend indifference to him when her body ached for his? Joanna smiled without humor. She hadn’t pretended indifference tonight…Windhawk had clearly known what she had been feeling! How could he not when she had practically begged him to make love to her?

Joanna was disgusted with herself that he could so easily sway her to him. Windhawk was more dangerous to her than the pack of wolves who had hounded her and Morning Song, because he had the power to destroy her soul, while the wolves could only have destroyed her body. She knew that if he reached out to her right at that moment she would have had to fight herself to keep from giving in to him.

Joanna had to admit to herself that she had wanted Windhawk to hold her in his arms and whisper words of endearment in her ear; in fact, she had secretly been disappointed when he had relented so easily.

She laid Little Hawk down on the buffalo robe and lay down beside him. She had once loved Windhawk with all her being, but that was before she had discovered what he was really like. Joanna could never love a man who would swear his eternal love to her and then quickly turn to another woman. Windhawk had the power to make her body
react to him, but her mind was strong, and she would never forgive his deceptions. She wished with her whole heart that he had been the man she had thought him to be.

Joanna remembered her mother once saying that if you lived with a man long enough, his true self would surface. That was what had happened to Windhawk. Her picture of him had once been distorted by her love for him—she could now see him clearly. It wasn’t so much that he had taken Red Bird into his lodge that made her angry…although Joanna resented that fact. It was more that he had lied to her by telling her he had never lain with the woman. Had she not seen them together with her own eyes?

She pulled Little Hawk close to her, and the baby curled up snugly against her. How she loved her tiny, dark-skinned baby, but she couldn’t afford to let the love she felt for his father touch her heart again.

Joanna’s eyes drifted shut, and she was asleep before Sun Woman and Morning Song returned.

Windhawk entered his lodge and walked directly over to Red Bird, who was busy mending one of his shirts. He jerked the shirt out of her hand and threw it aside angrily. “I want you to gather your belongings and leave my lodge at once!”

Red Bird blinked her eyes and looked up at him. “Why would you say this to me? You cannot insult me…am I not the daughter of a great chief?”

“Yes, your father is a good man, but his seed is as buffalo dung!”

Red Bird stood up slowly, facing her accuser. “My father will hear of the way you have treated me. There will be blood spilled between the Piegans and the Bloods when he learns of your insult to his daughter.”

“I myself have already spoken to your father about you; I told him how you have come between me and my wife. He was sorry for the way you have shamed him. He has asked me to tell you he is willing to take you back if you wish to go home.”

Red Bird’s face lost its color, and she began to see all her
hopes turn to bitter ashes. “I love you! How can you do this to me?”

Windhawk’s eyes narrowed. “I have never given you any reason to love me. I will hear no more of this. I took pity on you, and, against what I wanted, allowed you to move to my lodge because you begged it of me. My doing so has cost me the woman I love.”

Red Bird’s eyes were blinded by tears. “I offered you all I have to give a man, and you cast me aside for that white face…”

Windhawk held up his hand. “Do not speak against her. Leave my lodge now!”

Red Bird saw the anger in Windhawk’s dark eyes and knew it wouldn’t be wise to say any more. Inside her burned a fire of hatred and revenge, and it was directed not only at the white woman but at Windhawk, as well. She had wanted him more than any man she had ever known, but now she would destroy him when she got the chance.

“You will pay for this,” she threatened between clenched teeth.

“I already have. Go, I have asked my friend, Gray Fox, to allow you to stay with his wives until you know what you want to do. I know about the lies you told Joanna—you are fortunate that I allow you to get off so easily. If it were not for the respect I have for your father, I would have you severely punished.”

A light not unlike madness burned in Red Bird’s eyes. Reaching down to her moccasin, she withdrew a knife and lunged at Windhawk. “If I cannot have you, Flaming Hair will not either!” she cried.

Windhawk grabbed her arm and twisted it behind her, applying pressure until she dropped the knife. He shoved her down and stood over her.

“You are very fortunate that you still live, Red Bird,” he hissed. “I will see that you leave my village before the full moon has passed.”

Red Bird scrambled to her feet and rushed out of the lodge.
She knew it was a miracle she was alive. Windhawk was not known for his leniency to those who crossed him. Hatred and revenge burned in her heart, and it was directed at the Flaming Hair. If Windhawk was going to send her away, she would have very little time to seek her revenge!

Windhawk lay down on his mat and stared upward. He could only imagine what lies Red Bird had told Joanna. If he wasn’t guilty of unfaithfulness, he was certainly guilty of being a fool. He knew he could have had Joanna tonight if he had persisted. She might not love him anymore, but he could still control her body. Why had he pulled back tonight when he had her ready to surrender? Because he wanted to see her eyes soften with love when he took her to his body.

Joanna had been all he had hoped for in a wife. She had brightened his days and made his nights exciting and unforgettable. Now, she had given him a son, and he felt the invisible tie that would unite them for eternity. He was confused—how would he go about winning back her love and trust? It didn’t matter how loudly he proclaimed his innocence, she wouldn’t believe him after seeing him and Red Bird together. How would he prove to Joanna that he had been a victim of circumstance the same way she had? Never had he faced anything that was of such great importance. He must not fail!

Closing his eyes, Windhawk wondered how far he would travel before the circle brought him back to Joanna forever. One thing he was sure of—he couldn’t stay in the village where he would see Joanna each day without wanting to take her to his mat. He was restless, and a fire burned in his loins. He had to get away for a time. Why did he keep running away when all he wanted to do was stay?