Savage Winter (21 page)

“I do not want to go to Windhawk’s lodge, my mother. Do not ask it of me.”

“I would go myself, Joanna, but I have too much to do. I do not think Windhawk will be there,” Sun Woman said, speaking what she knew to be a falsehood. She knew with the blizzard that Windhawk would not have left his lodge, and she knew Red Bird wouldn’t be there since she had just seen her entering Gray Fox’s tipi. Sun Woman would go to any lengths to help Joanna and her son. She felt guilty because it had been at her urging that Red Bird had gone to Windhawk’s lodge in the first place. She, like everyone, knew that Windhawk didn’t love Red Bird.

“I will go if you think Windhawk will not be there,” Joanna said.

With a shake of his head, Windhawk refused the food Red Bird set before him. Standing up, he walked out the entrance and stared over to his mother’s tipi, which was barely visible in the raging snowstorm. He wanted to go to Joanna and rip the long knife’s baby from her body. It hadn’t escaped his notice that she had been unusually quiet when he had visited her and Morning Song the day before. Windhawk was sure he had read guilt on Joanna’s face. There had been many questions he had wanted to ask her, but he had pushed them to the back of his mind. From the size of Joanna’s stomach, it wouldn’t be too long until the baby would be born. He dreaded the day she would give birth to the white man’s baby!

No matter how Joanna had ripped his heart apart, Windhawk couldn’t bear to think of her leaving. He would never allow her to go to her white lover. He didn’t yet know what to do with her, but he did know he would keep her in his village so he could see her and be near her. No, perhaps he would send her to the other Blood village to stay with her friend Amanda. She could have her baby there, then he wouldn’t be near when the child was born.

Thinking that he couldn’t stand being in the lodge with
Red Bird any longer, he placed a buffalo robe about his shoulders and went out in the storm.

Red Bird slammed the wooden dishes together and placed them in a leather pouch, knowing it was snowing too hard to take them to the river to wash them. She was tired of Windhawk’s looking right through her as if she didn’t even exist. Tonight, she would make him want her. She knew very well he hadn’t been with another woman since the Flaming Hair. Red Bird was angry that not once had he looked at her with eyes of desire. Tonight, she was determined to change that. She dared not wait any longer to put her plan into motion.

When Windhawk returned, he went straight to his mat without even glancing at the Piegan woman. Lying down, he folded his arms behind his head and stared at the top of the lodge. He heard Red Bird moving about and glanced over at her. He watched with little interest as she walked toward him and dropped down to remove her moccasins. She stood up and raised her gown over her head and dropped it to her feet. His mind wasn’t really on her as she moved slowly toward him, completely naked—he was thinking of flashing violet eyes and flaming red hair.

“I stand before you ready to offer myself to you, Windhawk,” Red Bird said, dropping to her knees.

Windhawk’s eyes ran over her nakedness, and it registered in his mind that Red Bird was very beautiful. Her skin was deeply bronzed and smooth—but his body craved soft, creamy white skin; her breasts were large—while the ones he ached to touch were smaller, with rose tips; her hair was black and hung down to her hips—the hair he longed to bury his face in was red-gold and curled and spiraled as if it were alive; Red Bird’s eyes were soft brown—the eyes that haunted his dreams were deep violet-blue, and a man could lose himself in them.

Suddenly, he wanted to rid himself of Joanna’s domination. She ruled his every thought and deed. He couldn’t still the ache that dwelled deep inside of him. Perhaps Red Bird could drive away his demons, he thought, as he reached
forward and jerked her down beside him. He molded her body to his and pushed her curtain of dark hair aside to fasten his lips on hers!

He heard her deep intake of breath as his lips traveled down to nudge her breasts. He felt nothing inside when she moved her body against his, and he cursed the feelings for Joanna that wouldn’t allow him to take Red Bird.

He tried to tell himself that Joanna had betrayed him, but still his manhood would not swell with passion for the Piegan woman. He reminded himself that Joanna was now carrying another man’s child within her body, but still no desire flamed to life in his body.

Raising his head up, he looked at Red Bird in confusion. Her eyes were passion-bright, and she was breathing heavily, but it sparked no want in him.

Shaking his head, he pushed her away. “I am sorry, Red Bird. I cannot give you what you want, and you cannot fill the emptiness within me.”

He watched her features harden as she sprang to her feet. “You are the great Windhawk! How can you want a woman with the pale white skin? I am the daughter of a powerful Piegan chief—it is not good that you insult me in this way. Have you no thought for my feelings?”

“I have no intention of insulting you, Red Bird. I will send you back to your father, if that is your wish.”

“No! You cannot shame me in front of your people and mine. I will not go back to my father in disgrace because I was spurned by you!”

Windhawk stood up. “Then perhaps you should look for a husband among my warriors. I have a wife, and I will take no other.”

Red Bird’s face became a mask of fury. “You mean you do not want one of your own kind for your wife! You would rather have a weak, white-faced woman. If you love her so much, why do you not bring her to your lodge? I have heard that she carries your child…why do you not feel happy about that?”

Windhawk’s eyes narrowed. No one knew it was not his child that Joanna carried. He was sure there were many of his people who were wondering why he didn’t bring Joanna to his lodge.

“I will speak no more to you of this. I am not your husband that you can ask anything of me. It was not my wish that you come to my village.”

Red Bird dropped to her knees, thinking she might have said too much. “Do not send me away, Windhawk. Allow me to stay in your lodge and care for you until I know what to do with my life.”

Windhawk didn’t want her in his lodge. He knew his people were thinking he would soon take her as his wife. He felt guilty that he couldn’t give her what she wanted from him. Pity and guilt caused him to speak more kindly to her.

“You can stay for a time. I will search for a husband for you, if that will please you.”

Red Bird lowered her head so he didn’t see the hatred in her eyes. The white face would pay for the insult that Windhawk had given her. She would make Flaming Hair pay for this affront to her pride somehow, she thought bitterly.

Windhawk reached down and helped Red Bird to stand. “Come, put your clothing on. It is cold.”

Hearing a gasp, Windhawk turned to the entrance to see Joanna cover her mouth with her hand. He could see the tears running down her face, and he knew she was thinking that he and Red Bird had just risen from his mat.

Red Bird moved against Windhawk and gave Flaming Hair a vicious smile, knowing the white woman would draw the wrong conclusion.

Joanna seemed to be glued to the spot. She tried to leave, but her feet wouldn’t obey her command. The pain in her heart was so acute she felt as if she had just died inside. She hadn’t known one could feel such pain and still live. Her eyes sought Windhawk’s, and she saw his dark eyes narrow to sparkling slits.

“What do you want?” Windhawk asked her.

“I…I came for…your mother asked me to get…blankets,” she said, backing toward the entrance. “I…am sorry…for…your mother said…forgive me,” she whispered, turning around and running from the lodge.

Windhawk flung Red Bird away from him. He hadn’t done anything wrong. Why did he feel this deep hurt at what Joanna must be thinking? It was not he who was the betrayer. Joanna was the one who had cast their love aside. Why did he want to go after her and take her in his arms, explaining to her that he had not taken Red Bird to his mat? He wanted to hold her next to him and speak of the love that burned in his heart for her.

Shaking his head to clear it, Windhawk knew he had too much pride to allow Joanna to see how much power she had over him. He walked to the entrance and flung the flap aside. He saw Joanna enter his mother’s lodge, and the urge to follow had left him. He was Windhawk—chief of the Blackfoot! No woman, not even Joanna, could make a fool of him.

Joanna sat dry-eyed, feeling the heart within her break. She remembered the time Windhawk had whispered words of love in her ear, speaking of his eternal love. Her body began to tremble, and she pulled a warm buffalo robe over her. Now, Windhawk had replaced her with the Piegan woman, and she wondered if the hurt of seeing them together would ever heal.

If I were dying, it would not hurt this much, she thought as she lay down and closed her eyes, trying to shut out the vision of Red Bird in Windhawk’s arms.

Sun Woman looked up from her cooking and noticed Joanna’s strange behavior. “Did you not get the blankets I sent you after, my daughter?”

Joanna shook her head as tears ran down her cheeks. “Why did you not tell me that Red Bird had moved into Windhawk’s lodge?”

Sun Woman walked over to Joanna. “I do not think that woman is important in my son’s life. If you wanted Windhawk, you could have him back. A woman knows how to get a man to want her.”

Joanna gazed upward as tears washed down her face. “I will never, never, allow your son to touch me again! He has betrayed me and our child. I will never forget the sight of Windhawk and that woman…they were…”

Sun Woman pulled Joanna into her arms and cradled her as if she were a child. “Cry, my daughter, and I will cry with you. I did not know that you would find my son and that Piegan woman on the mat. It is my stupidity that has caused you hurt tonight.”

Joanna sobbed brokenheartedly. “I hurt so badly, my mother. I love him so much.”

“Hush, hush,” she soothed. “The time will come when my son will come to his senses. A woman can do no more than wait for a man to make up his mind.”

“I will not wait for him to decide if he wants me,” Joanna said, raising her head. “I will put him out of my mind and out of my heart!”

“Often one says things in hurt and anger that one has cause to regret later on, my daughter. Do not be guilty of speaking in haste.”

“My mind is clear, my mother. I know what I saw, and nothing you can say will wipe it from my mind. You and Morning Song have told me many times that Windhawk loves me. Does it seem like love to you if a woman’s husband sends his wife away and takes another woman to his lodge? Does it seem like love if a man does not accept his own child?”

Sun Woman could only shake her head. She had no answers to Joanna’s questions!

In spite of the snow and the high winds, Joanna walked down to the river and leaned her head against a tree without really feeling the cold. She was still horrified by what she had witnessed between Windhawk and Red Bird. She had thought that Windhawk might take Red Bird for his wife, but actually watching him holding the Piegan woman’s naked body in his arms had been so very painful to her that she couldn’t seem to get it out of her mind.

Suddenly Joanna raised her head. She had done nothing wrong that would give Windhawk the right to treat her in such a degrading manner. Her worst fault had been in thinking she was meeting Harland because she thought he was in trouble. Her eyes sparkled, and she felt like the old Joanna again. She would not allow Windhawk or anyone else to push her around! She felt ashamed at how meek she had been acting. Squaring her shoulders, Joanna knew she would never allow him to shame her again.

Suddenly, an intense pain ripped through her body, and she locked her hands around the tree trunk and bit her lower lip to keep from crying out. The baby was letting her know that it was about to be born.

When the pain subsided, Joanna felt shaken. She made her way slowly to Sun Woman’s tipi. Pushing the flap aside, she entered, hoping she could make it to her mat before another pain ripped through her body.

Sun Woman laid her sewing aside when she saw Joanna’s face. “You have been gone a long time, my daughter. I began to hope you had returned to Windhawk’s lodge so the two of you could talk out your differences.”

Joanna eased herself down on the buffalo robe. “Your son
has another wife. My visit to his lodge earlier today was the last time I will ever go to him!”

Sun Woman studied Joanna’s face and noticed how pale it was. It was her fault that Joanna had caught Windhawk and Red Bird together. She had been so sure that her son had not lain with the Piegan woman. She had thought that if Joanna and Windhawk could talk to each other they would be able to put their bitterness aside and make a home for her unborn grandchild.

Joanna grabbed her stomach and doubled up in pain. “Help me, my mother! I think the baby comes.”

Sun Woman came to her and dropped to her knees. “It is not yet time for the child. I had thought it would not be born for another full moon.”

Joanna waited for the pain to pass before she could speak. “I thought so too, but I was mistaken. I must have counted wrong, or the baby is coming early.”

Sun Woman laid her hand on Joanna’s shoulder. “I must tell Windhawk he is about to become a father.”

Joanna grabbed her stomach once more and doubled up as another pain ripped through her body. “No, I do not want Windhawk to know I am having the baby. Stay with me, my mother—please, do not leave me alone!”

Sun Woman watched Joanna with a troubled expression on her face. She knew it was too early for the pains to be coming so close together. “I will be right back, Joanna. I am going for help.”

After Sun Woman left, Joanna relaxed as the pain subsided. She remembered that a Blackfoot woman was not supposed to cry out while giving birth—she hoped she wouldn’t shame herself when the pains became more severe.

A short time later, Sun Woman returned with Swift Walker, a wife of one of the lesser chiefs. She assured Joanna that Swift Walker had delivered many healthy babies.

Joanna couldn’t help but wish for She Who Heals. She knew that if the medicine woman had not died she would be
here to attend her. Joanna missed the dear old woman more than ever at that moment, because She Who Heals had always brought her comfort when she needed it.

As the night lengthened, Joanna’s pains became much more severe. Her body was drenched with perspiration, and she bit her lip until it bled, trying to keep from crying out. Moaning softly, she tossed and turned as her whole being seemed to be locked in a world of pain. A white-hot flash burned into Joanna’s eyes, and she placed her hand over her mouth to keep from crying out.

Hour after hour, one pain followed another. Finally, Sun Woman stood up and looked at Swift Walker.

“The baby is turned wrong. I will go to my son and ask if he wants to save Joanna or his child.”

Swift Walker nodded her head in understanding. She knew the Flaming Hair and the child might both die, but there was a chance that one of them could be saved at the sacrifice of the other’s life.

Sun Woman threw back the flap and entered Windhawk’s darkened lodge. The fire was smoldering and gave very little light to the darkened corners. She made her way to Windhawk’s mat. It crossed Sun Woman’s mind that she had been right—Windhawk and Red Bird did not share the same mat. Red Bird’s mat was located near the fire, while her son’s was against the back wall of the lodge.

Windhawk heard his mother’s movements and sat up. He watched her approach, knowing something must be wrong because she would never come to his lodge in the middle of the night unless there was a good reason.

“Joanna is having your baby, my son. She is in much pain…I fear it is very bad.”

Windhawk stood up and turned his back, lowering his voice so Red Bird wouldn’t overhear. “You mean she is having the long knife’s baby,” he whispered.

Sun Woman took his arm and turned him back to face her. “My foolish son. Joanna never lay with the long knife. The baby she is having is yours.”

“That is not true! Did not the white woman tell me that Joanna had been with the white man?”

Sun Woman felt anger at her son’s blind pride, but now was not the time to argue the point. “I have come to you to ask if you want me to save Joanna or the child? The baby is turned wrong.”

She heard the sharp intake of Windhawk’s breath, and he reached out and gripped her by the arm. “Are you saying that Joanna might die?”

“Yes, you must choose which one you want me and Swift Walker to save…Joanna or your baby? The choice belongs to you alone. You must tell me what to do.”

Windhawk turned his back and lowered his head. He had never faced a more important choice, and he had never felt less able to make a decision. His mother wouldn’t understand his reasoning just now; to her, Joanna’s unborn child was the grandchild she had long awaited. He would never sacrifice Joanna’s life for the long knife’s child!

“You know what to do, my mother. Save Joanna,” he said in a painful whisper.

“No!” Red Bird cried out, coming up beside Sun Woman. “Save the baby! I will be a mother to the child. Allow the white woman to die!”

Windhawk spun around and grabbed Red Bird by the hair and yanked her forward. “You have no say in this, woman! Go to Joanna and save her life, my mother.”

Sun Woman nodded and made a hasty retreat while Windhawk still held Red Bird in a painful grasp. “Never dare to interfere in my life again. I did not want you here. I took pity on you and allowed you to enter my lodge because you said it would cause you shame if I did not. I do not like to look upon your face. Go from me!”

Red Bird was raging inside. “You dare to pity me—Red Bird, daughter of a great chief?”

“I grow weary of hearing what a great chief your father is. I will talk to you no more. Go from my sight,” Windhawk said in a deadly calm voice.

Suddenly Red Bird felt fear; she pulled free of Windhawk’s grasp and backed away. She had heard about the effect Windhawk could have on people when he was angry with them, but this was the first time she had witnessed it herself. It was strange—he didn’t even raise his voice, and still she felt terrified of him.

Windhawk walked out of the lodge and stopped before his mother’s tipi. He wanted to enter, and yet he feared to. He was filled with silent rage that the baby of the long knife might be killing his Joanna. He was glad the child wouldn’t live, but there was fear in his heart that Joanna might yet die.

He heard footsteps crunching on the frozen snow and looked up to see Farley approaching.

“I have word that Joanna is having your baby,” the old man said.

“She is having the white man’s baby,” Windhawk answered angrily.

Farley’s eyes narrowed in on Windhawk. “Come with me…I think it is time for you and me to talk.”

“No, you have nothing to say that I would want to hear, old man.”

“I think you will want to hear this. I am going to tell you the truth about Joanna and the long knife.” Farley walked away, knowing Windhawk would follow.

When Windhawk entered Farley’s tipi, he saw that Tag was asleep. He sat down beside the old trapper and stared into the fire.

“I want to hear about the long knife,” he said without looking at Farley.

Farley placed more wood on the fire and then sat down. “It is not right that I must tell you this. You should know it in your heart. Joanna asked me not to tell you what happened to her, but I cannot keep quiet any longer and watch as the two of you tear each other apart.”

Windhawk gave Farley a dark look. “I do not want a sermon, old man. If that is what you brought me here for, I will
not stay. Tell me now about Joanna and the long knife, or I will leave.”

Farley let out a long breath. “First, I will have to tell you about Claudia, the white woman. She has hated Joanna for as far back as I know. She is jealous because she wanted the long knife, but he loved Joanna and would not look at her as a woman.”

“It would seem to me that the woman had much to be jealous of.”

“Now, that’s where you are wrong,” Farley said, lapsing into his own brand of English. Windhawk gave him a warning glance, and he switched to Blackfoot. “Joanna was friendly to the long knife, Captain Thatcher, but she never loved him. He was good to her and Tag at a time when they needed a friend. If she had loved him, she would have married him at the fort a long time ago. In the white world, Captain Thatcher is very wealthy and has much to offer a woman, but Joanna chose you over him, as you will remember.”

Windhawk looked skeptical. “Joanna ran away from me to be with him.”

“No, that is not what happened at all. You know about the letter Joanna received, at least, what she thought was a letter from Captain Thatcher telling her he was in trouble and needed her help. The letter was actually from Joanna’s uncle. Claudia had written it so Joanna’s uncle could get her and Tag back. You know how her uncle controlled their life and caused them to run away in the first place.”

Windhawk’s eyes veiled in thoughtfulness. “Yes, I know that Joanna was frightened of her uncle. But the long knife was with them when I found her.”

“You will not want to accept this, but as I told you, the captain has been very good to Joanna and Tag. When Captain Thatcher feared Joanna’s uncle had captured her and Tag, he rode to Fort Union to try and help them. You have my word, he never laid a hand on Joanna, nor would she allow it if he had.”

“If what you say is true, why would the white woman tell me Joanna had been with the long knife? Why did she tell me Joanna was going to have his child?” Windhawk asked, beginning to see that he might have been mistaken to believe the worst of Joanna. At the time, he had been so eaten up with jealousy that he had taken the white woman’s word as the truth.

“As I told you, Claudia hates Joanna. She would do anything to hurt her. While Joanna was her uncle’s prisoner, she told Claudia of the love she had for you, and that she was carrying your baby. Think, Windhawk! Why would Claudia, who thought she was going to die by your hand, bother to tell you such lies? What woman who faced death would weave a web of untruths?”

Windhawk shook his head. “I do not know the way a white woman thinks.”

“In this case, I do,” the old man said. “Claudia thought she was going to die, and she wanted to punish Joanna. The only weapon she had at hand was Joanna’s love for you. It is a sad thing that her lies worked. You have helped Joanna’s worst enemy destroy her. You, the man who says he loves her and is supposed to protect her from all hurt, has been the instrument of her downfall.”

Windhawk jerked his head back as if the old man had struck him. “I thought…”

Farley cut him off. “I know you can count, Windhawk. How many moons does it take for a woman to deliver a baby? This baby can only be yours.”

Windhawk stood up slowly. “May Napi grant me mercy! It is as you say. I have been the woman’s tool to harm Joanna.” Windhawk’s eyes were dark with grief.

Farley nodded his head. “Joanna never betrayed you, Windhawk. It was you who turned away from her.”

Windhawk looked at the old trapper. Everything that Farley said was true—he knew that now. “My punishment will come before this night is out, old man. The child I thought was not mine will die.”

Farley stood and placed his hand on Windhawk’s arm. “I hope you will not suffer, but I am angry that you have done this to Joanna. It was you, not Joanna, who turned to another. It is you, not Joanna, who is guilty of betrayal. She wanted this child even though you did not claim to be the father. I was told by Swift Walker that Joanna might lose her life. If she does, I feel pity for you.” No one had dared speak to Windhawk with such disrespect, and Farley didn’t know how the young chief would take his words. He was unafraid as he watched Windhawk’s face darken. There was complete silence as Windhawk’s eyes rested on the old man.

“I have not taken Red Bird to my mat. I could not…I did not want to.”

“How was Joanna supposed to know that? Did you tell her?”

Windhawk closed his eyes, then turned and left silently. He knew the old man had spoken the truth. Inside him, shame raged like a fever.

He rushed across the village and entered his mother’s tipi, and his eyes fell on Joanna. Her eyes were closed, and she looked terribly pale. Windhawk’s eyes went to her stomach, and he saw that she had already delivered the child. He noticed his mother wasn’t in the tipi, but Swift Walker moved aside to allow Windhawk to approach Joanna.

Going down on his knees, he touched her glorious red-gold hair. “Is she well?” Windhawk asked Swift Walker. He couldn’t bring himself to ask about the child, knowing the child whose life he hadn’t considered worth saving had been his own flesh and blood. He knew the child was now dead.

“She has had a very hard time, my chief. She sleeps to regain her strength.”