Savage Collision: A Hawke Family Novel (The Hawke Family Book 1) (33 page)

“Is it possible you are projecting the way you think Becca felt onto Danika? It seems to me, based on what she told you, that she loves you, and isn’t going anywhere, no matter what.”

Is that what I have been doing? Have I been ignoring everything Danika has said and done, and let my own mind create problems that don’t exist?

If that is what I have been doing…how the fuck do I stop?

The flashing lights and bumping bass make it impossible for me to stand still. I toss back the last of my drink and move to the dance floor to find Caroline. She has her ass ground against the crotch of a very attractive blond man in tight jeans and a white button-down shirt. His hands are all over her.

I grin at her as she winks and holds her hand out to me. I grab it and let her pull me to her.

Our hips bump together and she leans in, pressing her lips to my ear. “Thank God! You have returned to the land of the living. If you sat at the table for five more minutes you might have grown roots. Let’s see you get this thing going!” She smacks my ass and blondie behind her laughs and nuzzles against the back of her neck.

Looks like someone is getting laid tonight.

Shit.

I don’t want to think about sex. In fact, I have intentionally avoided anything sexual for weeks. Thinking about sex means thinking about Savage, and the fact I haven’t heard from him since he told me he loves me, in a fucking text message. I told him I wasn’t going anywhere and he disappeared on me—completely.

He’s okay. I know that. Nora has, somewhat reluctantly, provided me some tidbits of information. She says he has barely left his office, but always smiles and says hello to her. It has to be awkward. He probably assumes I told her everything, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I could never betray him like that. Yes, I told Caroline, but that’s different. Caroline is Caroline. Nora is his employee.

Caroline yanks on my hips, bringing me back to the present as she grinds her pelvis against mine, sandwiching herself between me and her new friend. I try to lose myself in the music, in the beat, in the sway of my body against hers.

Maybe this is exactly what I needed—time to unwind and forget the stress of the Savage situation and my dead story. Paul has disappeared again, and this time, I’ve given up hope of ever hearing from him. He made his choice—he chose the bad guys. Either that, or he is dead in the bayou. 

That thought sends chills down my spine but does nothing to discourage me from continuing.  I’ll just have to find another source for my story.

At least that gives me something to keep me occupied. I’ve been trying to make new contacts and find new sources over the last couple weeks, but people around Abello are tight-lipped. It certainly won’t be easy, but I’m up for the challenge.

Someone sidles up behind me—a hard, tall body plastered against my back. Something I haven’t felt in weeks grinds against my ass and I stifle a moan.

Shit.

I glance over my shoulder and find a dark-haired stranger grinning at me as his hands come around my waist.

“Hey,” he says, dropping his mouth to my ear, “you know, you are the most beautiful woman out here tonight. I love the way you move.”

Any other night, well any other night pre-Savage, that probably would have worked. I would have been out the door with him in ten minutes and fucking him within twenty. But the moment the words leave his mouth, I pull away from him and bolt toward the back of the club.

Someone grabs my wrist, halting my retreat. “Dani, where are you going?” Caroline’s wide-eyed gaze searches my face for an answer, but right now, I just need air and to get away from the hot, hard bodies, and my guilt.

“Caroline,” I plead, “please, let go.”

“No,” she says, getting in my face, “what happened back there?” She points toward the dance floor, where her blond partner is watching her expectantly and motioning for her to come back.

“Nothing. I just, wasn’t feeling it and I have to pee.”

She eyes me, clearly not buying the bullshit I’m putting out. She knows me too well and isn’t going to let this go.

“Fine. I’m coming with you, then.”

“What about blondie back there?” I look back to the dance floor and he’s still watching Caroline intently, although the dark-haired man with the raging hard-on has disappeared.

She waves to him and points to the back. He nods and turns around, disappearing off the far side of the dance floor.

Surprisingly, there isn’t any line for the bathroom. I enter a stall and take care of business, relishing the few seconds of privacy, because I know as soon as I step out, Caroline will be all over me again.

I flush and open the door. She’s leaning against the counter, her foot tapping in time with the music. “You going to tell me what really happened?”

After dropping my purse on the counter, I wash my hands and turn to her. “He used some cheesy pickup line on me and it reminded me how much I
hate
the club scene, and the men here.”

“Oh really?” she asks, a smirk on her face. “Since when? You used to love coming here.”

Sighing, I reach into my purse for my phone. “Since you know when. Now, drop it. Please.”

My heart lurches into my throat when I see Savage’s name on my screen with a new text message. After weeks of nothing, finally, he’s reaching out to me.

Some fucking timing.

I shudder thinking about that guy touching me and with shaking hands, I swipe the screen and open the message.

> I miss you. It probably isn’t fair for me to be contacting you like this, not when I’m still not in any place to try to fix things. But, I can’t stop thinking about you and wondering if you are okay. I can’t stop missing you. I need you to know I love you and I am really trying to make things right. I hope you can forgive me. <

“Danika? What is it?” Caroline leans in over my phone and reads the message. “Oh.” She slinks back and drops against the counter again. “So, what are you going to do?” The disapproval in her voice does not go unnoticed.

Turning to her, I glare. “What’s your problem?”

“You. You are my problem. You haven’t been
you
in a long time, Danika, ever since you met Savage. At first, I thought that was a good thing. You were maturing, settling down, but now, I think this guy is just wrong for you, and you won’t let it go.”

Wrong for me?

“No, I won’t let it go. Because I love him
—
”

“Sometimes love isn’t enough, Dani. He’s your first relationship, like
ever
, and you jumped into it without having any concept of what it means. You’ve been nothing but miserable since you met him and you’ve changed, and not in a good way.”

“Jesus, Caroline, how can you actually think that? Savage is the best thing that ever happened to me.”

She huffs and rolls her eyes at me. “Bullshit! You went from being happy and carefree, completely enjoying your life, to crying and being depressed, unless you were angry at him for something. A healthy relationship shouldn’t be like that.”

“Like you would know what a healthy relationship is. When was the last time you had one?”

The glare she gives me could melt the polar ice caps. “This isn’t about me, Dani, it’s about you and Savage.”

“Exactly! It’s about me and Savage, so you have absolutely no say in it. God, why can’t you just be happy for me?”

“I would be happy for you if you were
happy
, Dani. But you’re not.”

I can’t deny she’s right about that, I haven’t been happy the last couple weeks, how could I be? But to say Savage isn’t good for me, that this relationship isn’t good for me, couldn’t be more wrong.

“Care, you need to stop butting into my life. It’s none of your fucking business what goes on between me and Savage.”

“It is my business, Dani. I can’t stand by and watch you be miserable any more. You were happier when you were just being a slut.”

My hand whips out and my palm smacks across her cheek before I even realize what I’m doing. The sting of my palm connecting with her flesh and her shriek of surprise makes me shake my head and take a step back. I’ve never struck someone out of anger before, ever.

She looks at me with wide, confused eyes and presses her hand to her reddening cheek. “Jesus, Danika! You need to remember who your friends are.” She turns and flees the bathroom and I turn and stare at myself in the mirror.

Where the hell did that come from?

Caroline has called me a slut thousands of times and I’ve never been offended, not even once. Hell, I’ve called myself a slut more times than I can count. So, why did it set me off and turn me into the raging Hulk this time?

She’s just trying to look out for me, right? Am I deluding myself in thinking Savage and I will be able to work things out?

Savage.

He’s why that word made my blood boil.

For the first time in my life, I wasn’t with a man just to get off. Despite my bone-deep aversion to romance and relationships, I fell in love with him and being separated from him—even though I know it’s the right thing—has been excruciating. If we can’t make this work, I don’t know how I can ever go back to my old life of meaningless sex. Because, let’s face it, Caroline wasn’t saying anything that wasn’t true before Savage.

I grab my phone again and reread the message. I take a moment debating my response. After not speaking for so long, there are a thousand things I want to say, but none of them seem appropriate via text message.

< I miss you, too. I’m not going anywhere. I love you. Tell me what you need. >

Those damn little dots appear, and knowing he has been waiting for my response warms my heart.

> You. I just need you. I need you to believe that we can figure this out. <

< I do. >

> I’m sorry I’m not ready yet. <

< It’s okay. >

A desperate desire to get home overwhelms me. Being in this place feels dirty, and guilt weighs heavy in the pit of my stomach.

What the fuck was I thinking? Why did I let Caroline talk me into coming here? This isn’t my life anymore.

I bolt out of the bathroom and make a beeline for the front door. I can’t get out of here fast enough. I hail a cab and don’t look back. My phone buzzes and I look down.

> I’ll talk to you soon, I promise. <

< You better. >

> I will. <

I smile and clutch my phone to my chest. Maybe there is a chance. Maybe there’s still hope for us. But maybe Caroline is right. I just don’t know.

This day won’t end. I stare at the words on my screen, but they all blur together. Relaxing back in my chair, I scrub my hands over my face and groan.  Two more agonizing weeks, and still, nothing.  No resolution of my story, no resolution of the Savage situation.

“What’s your problem?”

I spin my chair to face the door to my office and find Caroline leaning against the frame, arms crossed over her chest.

“Nothing, I just want to get the hell out of here.” She walks in and slides up onto my desk, crossing her legs and folding up like a pretzel.