“He’ll come around.”
“No, he won’t,” he said firmly. “Jared hates the guy. He’s determined to make you see things logically.”
I shook my head. “Stop this now.”
“No. I don’t want you to get hurt. I can give you everything you need.”
I felt my hands shake. “I don’t love you, Alex. I never will.”
My words stung him. He stared at me for a moment then averted his gaze. I could tell that he was wounded. “That’s because you’ve never given me a shot.”
“And I never will. I’m in love with someone else.”
“No, you aren’t.”
I felt my anger explode. “Stop telling me how I feel!”
The couple at the next table flinched at my words.
“What don’t you get?” I hissed. “I love Ethan. I love him, not you.” I stood up and marched away from the table. Alex followed me and I heard his footsteps behind me.
“Sadie.”
I continued to walk. I burst through the doors then walked up t
he street. I wanted to go home.
“Sadie
!” He grabbed my arm and held me still. “Please stop running from me.”
“Then stop chasing me,” I snapped. I jerked my arm away and continued to walk
away.
“Sadie,
just give me a single date. I know you could fall for me.”
I ignored him. I didn’t know how much clearer I could make myself. Ethan was the one—it was him.
“Please don’t hate me. Jared wanted me to do this. I would never hurt you. You know that.”
I stopped and glared at him. “You’re being completely disrespectful to me and Ethan. I’ve known you for years and I’ve never expressed any interest in you. You’re hurtin
g me by trying to manipulate and control me. I love Ethan. That’s it—end of story.” He stared into my eyes then sighed. He placed his hands in his pockets then looked past my shoulder. It seemed that I finally got through to him. When he stared into the distance, his eyes widened in surprise. “What?” I snapped.
A smile broke on his face. I didn’t like the look. He nodded over my shoulder. I turned around and felt my heart drop. Ethan walked out of
a grocery store. He was holding a small child in his arms, a young girl, and a beautiful woman walked beside him. She wore a wedding ring and smiled at Ethan affectionately. She held a small boy in her arms. Ethan took the bag of groceries from her hand and held it for her. It was obvious they were a family—Ethan was married.
I felt my heart fall out of my chest. Ethan told me he wasn’t a liar or a cheat, but he clearly was
both. He had been lying to me this whole time, taking me as his innocent mistress. I tried to find a logical explanation for the sight before me but I couldn’t think of one. Without thinking, I started to follow them down the street. Alex walked beside me without speaking.
The child in Ethan’s arms giggled as he carried her. The woman walked close to Ethan and touched his shoulder with hers. When people passed, Ethan moved closer to her, protecting her against the strangers. I felt my heart break at the sight.
Tears poured down my face as I followed them. I wasn’t sure what I was doing, but I continued to trail them like a spy. Alex held my hand but I jerked it away. When we arrived at a small townhouse, Ethan put down the small child and inserted his key in the door. It was obvious that was their home.
“I’m tired,” the small girl said with a yawn.
“I’ll put you to bed in second, honey,” Ethan said as he got the door open. Ethan let his wife and kids walk inside first before he stepped through.
“Ethan!” I yelled. I don’t know why I did it. It just came out.
He stopped and looked at me. His face broke into panic when he saw the tears stream down my face. When he moved down the stairs, I turned on my heel and walked away. Alex walked beside me, placing his hand on my waist.
“Sadie!” Ethan screame
d. He started to run after me.
I stepped toward the end of the sidewalk and waved down a cab. I knew I couldn’t outrun him.
“Sadie!” he yelled.
When he finally reached us, Alex punched him in the face as hard as he could. Ethan stumbled back and grabbed his nose. He was bleeding.
I jumped in the cab without looking back. Alex slid onto the seat next to me and slammed the door shut.
Ethan pounded on the window with his fist. “Sadie! Listen to me!”
“Drive!” I yelled.
The driver stepped on the gas and sped away. I let the tears fall down my face. I didn’t bother to wipe them away.
Alex placed his arm around my shoulder and held me to him. I didn’t want him to touch me but I was too depressed to care. “You wanna come back to my place?”
“No,” I snapped.
He fell silent.
The cab drove back to my apartment. When the car pulled over, I bolted out and walked
inside. Alex walked beside me.
“Go home, Alex,” I snapped.
“I’m not leaving you when you’re like this.”
I glared at him. “Leave me the fuck alone.”
“At least let me walk you to your door.”
“Good night, Alex.”
Alex was smart enough not to follow me into the elevator. I came to my apartment then slammed the door behind me. I locked it then turned off all the lights. I grabbed Koku from the ground then carried him into my room. I got under the covers and held my little dog into my neck, weeping openly. I sobbed loudly and ran my fingers through Koku’s hair. He licked my tears away and whimpered next to me. Minutes later, I heard Ethan bang on my front door. I didn’t move. He continued to pound on the door for several minutes, calling for me. I still didn’t move. I grabbed my phone and turned it off before he called me. If he heard the phone, he would know I was in the apartment.
After half an hour, Ethan finally stopped trying to break down my door. I tried to sleep but I couldn’t. I just stared at the ceiling as the tears fell from my eyes. I felt so stupid for ever trusting Ethan. The man took my virginity and he didn’t even care about me. I had the worst taste in guys. I always fell for the heartbreakers. I really loved Ethan but my heart made stupid decisions. I was an idiot.
12
I called in sick to work the next day.
“What’s wrong?”
“Uh, I’m just under the weather.”
My dad was quiet for a moment. “Can I bring you something?”
“No, Daddy. But thank you.”
“Um, does Ethan know?”
I really didn’t want to hear his name. “Yeah.”
“Well, he’s standing outside, looking like someone just died.”
“Oh, he’s waiting for someone.”
“You?”
“No. Just ignore him.”
“Are you sure everything’
s okay?”
I tried not to cry. “I’m fine, really.” I heard the familiar bell
ring on the door. Then I heard my father speak in the background before he spoke into the phone.
“Uh
, Ethan wants to talk to you.”
“Tell him I’m not feeling well.” I hung up.
I rolled on my side and tried to go to sleep. The reality of my life was too painful. My heart had never been shattered like this. I didn’t even know how to respond. I wasn’t hungry or thirsty. I had no desire to do anything. It was only a matter of time before Alex told my brother. I had a feeling Ethan would get his ass kicked at work. Good. He deserved it.
I finally showered then
moved into the living room. When I tried to watch television, everything reminded me of Ethan. I tried to listen to music but the love songs just made me sad. I went back to my room and climbed into bed. Koku never left my side. I knew he was worried about me. He whimpered as he cuddled next to me. My dog was back to being the only man in my life. At least he wouldn’t hurt me. At some point, I fell asleep.
When I heard the pounding on the door, I woke up. I wasn’t sure who it was. It could be Ethan or my brother. I walked to the front door and saw Jared through the peephole. He looked desperate. His eyes were wide with panic.
“Sadie, please open the door,” he begged.
I sighed then unlocked it
.
As soon as he saw me, he pulled me into a hug and held me tightly. H
e said nothing while he held me, which was a relief. I had nothing to say anyway. The tears started to fall from my eyes. My brother kissed my forehead and continued to hold me. I always felt safe with him. I knew he would never gloat about being right. And I knew he was genuinely sad that it hadn’t worked out with Ethan.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered.
I said nothing.
“Please tell me what I can do.”
“You’re already doing it.”
He ran his fingers through my hair while he held me. “It’s going to be okay, Sadie.”
“No, it isn’t.” I pulled away and wiped my tears. “I appreciate you checking on me, but I really want to be alone right now.”
“I can’t stand this.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Please let me stay.”
“You can’t help me this time, Jared.”
“I hate seeing you in pain.”
I smiled. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “Did you talk to Ethan?”
His eyes turned angry. “That fucker isn’t worth my time.”
I nodded. “You’re right. He isn’t.”
“If he has the nerve to show up here, let me know, Sadie. Then I’ll beat the shit out of him.”
“I know.”
“Do you still want me to go?”
I nodded.
“I’m just a few stories up. Call me if you need me.”
“Okay.”
“I love you, Sadie.”
“I love you too.”
“This is killing me.”
“I know that too.”
He kissed me on the head before he disappeared into the hallway. I closed the door then
locked it. All the lights were turned off so it looked like I wasn’t home. If Ethan came back, I wanted him to think I vacated the apartment. A few minutes later, I heard him pound on the door.
“Sadie! Talk to me!”
I sat on the couch and stared at the blank television screen.
“Sadie, it’s not what you think. Give me
a chance to explain myself.”
I walked into my bedroom and grabbed my ipod. I put the earphone
s on and listened to techno music—something without lyrics. His voice and the pounding on the door disappeared. My phone was off so he couldn’t call me. Koku nuzzled my neck as we lied on the bed. Somehow I fell asleep again. My dreams were of Ethan and they were painful. I just wished this agony would disappear. I wished I had never loved him. I wished this wasn’t happening.
The days passed in the same way. I told my dad I had a bad case of the flu and I wouldn’t be coming into the shop at all th
at week. He seemed worried.
“Are you sure you’re alright?”
“Yeah,” I said, coughing into the phone. “I just need to rest.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll talk to you later.”
“Sadie?”
“Hmm?”
“Why does Ethan come here every morning?”
“Uh, I don’t know.”
“Is everything okay between you two?”
“Yeah.” I hung up on my dad. I felt guilty for being rude but I couldn’t talk about Ethan right then.
The week passed by like a blur. Ethan came to my apartment every day and hammered on the door. Every time he did this, I turned on my ipod and ignored him. I knew he would give up eventually. He had a wife and kids to worry about, not his mistress.
Jared brought me groceries and tried to cook me dinner, but I just told him to leave. I still didn’t want to be around anyone. Only a week had passed, but I felt sickly thin. I hadn’t been eating anything. I just didn’t have an appetite. I always felt nauseated. Every time I thought about Ethan, I felt like throwing up.
Alex came by a few times but I ignored him
too. Even though Ethan and I broke up, I was still pissed at Alex for trying to manipulate me into being with him. I didn’t care how much he claimed to love me. He put his needs before my own. How could I ever be with someone who was so selfish? But then again, what did I know? I always had feelings for shitty guys—the worst kind. And I let one of them take my virginity. I would have to live with that for the rest of my life—my worst mistake.
I finally decided to go back to work the following week. I could only act sick for so long. I showered and dressed myself and forced my body to leave the apartment and
my beloved Koku. I wanted to stay with my little dog all day. He was my safe haven. When I walked up the sidewalk, I saw Ethan standing outside, just like he did every day. I really didn’t want to see him or talk to him. The last thing I wanted to do was fight in front of my dad. When Ethan saw me, his eyes widened.
“Sadie!”
I walked past him. “Leave me alone, Ethan.”
“No,” he snapped. “Listen to me.” He grabbed my arm, but I jerked it away.
“Touch me again and I’ll scream for help.”
His eyes softened in despair. “Please listen to me, Sadie. Please.”
“Fuck off, Ethan. Go away and leave me the hell alone.” I walked toward the door.
“Just listen to me! That wasn’t what you thought it was.”
I tried to open the door but he held it closed. “I couldn’t care less, Ethan. Now let me pass. I never want to see you again—I mean it.”
“I wasn’t cheating on you.”
“I’m sure,” I said sarcastically.
“That was my sister.”
I rolled my eyes. “Nice try.”
He pressed his weight against the door and b
locked the entrance. “I’m not lying.” He clenched his jaw as he stared at me. “That was my sister and niece and nephew. I can prove it to you, Sadie.”
I shook my head. “Fuck you.”
He opened his wallet and showed me a picture of the woman. “She’s my sister. Please tell me you see the resemblance? We are fraternal twins.”
I didn’t look. “Get out of my way, Ethan.”
“Sadie, listen to me.”
“No
, you listen,” I snapped. “I gave myself to you and you turned out to be a lying cheat like my brother said you were. You didn’t trust me to go out with my friends alone, but you were the one fucking a wife behind my back. If you have any decency, please just let me go. I need to be alone and get back on my feet. All you’re doing is torturing me.”
“No,
I’m not leaving because I didn’t cheat on you.”
“Then why were you all going
into your apartment?”
He sighed. “Because I live with them.”
I narrowed my eyes.
He ran his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t want to tell you th
at just yet. I wanted to wait until you came over for dinner.”
“Tell me what?”
“That my sister’s husband passed away a few years ago and now I’m their sole provider. I can’t afford my own place in addition to their apartment, so we just live together.”
I was still suspicious. “And why would you want to hide that?”
“Because I’m totally broke. I pay for everything, and I’m saving for the kid’s college tuitions. What girl wants to be with a man that already supports a family?”
My eyes softened. “That changes nothing, Ethan.”
He smiled. “So you believe me?”
“I—I didn’t say that.”
“Come over after work and I’ll prove it to you. She’s my sister—that’s it. I’m not married or cheating on you.”
“Really?” I felt my heart thaw from
the ice.
“Yeah,” he said with
a smile. “How could you ever think otherwise?”
“I—I don’t know.”
“If you hadn’t avoided me, I could have explained this a week ago.”
“I’m sorry.”
“And why the fuck were you with Alex?”
I felt my heart fall.
“You were the one caught in a dead lie. You weren’t where you said you were, and your brother was nowhere in sight. If anything, I’m the one who should be pissed. I did nothing wrong. You’re the liar, Sadie.” His eyes looked like they would burst in flame.
“I didn’t mean to end up with Alex. It—it just happened. I swear.”
He stared at me. “And how did that come about?”
“I was with Jared and he set me up with Alex. I didn’t want to be there. When I was running from him, I ran into you. I’m sorry, Ethan. I’m not lying.”
He still looked livid. “You should have fucking called me.”
“I know. It won’t happen again. I’m sorry.” I was afraid I was going to lose him again, but this time it would be all my fault.
He wanted me to stay away from Alex because he wasn’t trustworthy and he turned out to be dead on about it. I didn’t listen to him. “Ethan, I mean it. I’m sorry.”
His eye
s softened. “I want to stay pissed at you, but I can’t. I’ve missed you so much this past week.”
“I missed you too.”
“Promise me you’ll talk to me next time you’re angry with me.”
“Done.”
“Thank you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“And I don’t want you alone with Alex anymore. I didn’t want it to come to this but he crossed a line he can never uncross.” He paused as he stared at me, daring me to defy him.
“Ethan.”
“No. I was right the entire time. You denied my request because I wasn’t being reasonable, but I was. I don’t want you to be around someone that is intent on making you leave me. I would never spend time with someone that acted that way. Out of respect for me, you will do this. I will not compromise on this. You can do whatever you want, go wherever you want, hug whoever you want, but not Alex.
I sighed.
“I understand.”
He raised an eyebrow, surprised that I actually agreed. How could I not? He was totally right. I didn’t trust Alex at all anymore. If the situation was reversed, I would be just as pissed.
“I mean it, Sadie.”
“I know.”
“He lost his friendship privileges.”
I nodded.
He sighed. “I wish I didn’t have to go to work right now.”
“Me too.”
He grabbed my face and kissed my forehead. “You’re mine as soon as I get off work.”
“I’ll be waiting. Koku too.”
He smiled. “I’ll see you then, baby.” He kissed me again then walked away.
“Ethan?”
He turned around and looked at me.
“I really am sorry about everything.”
“I know.”