Read Running Back To Him Online
Authors: Evelyn Rosado
“Enjoy your Mangosteen Madness while you can ladies,” Mrs. Ferriss says, “that’ll be one of the last highlights you’ll have before you’re in my office first thing Monday morning.”
As we pass the exit, I catch Mr. Alonzo giving me a slight smile and head nod as if to say, good job youngster. I smirk back, winking at him.
As soon as Mrs. Ferriss releases us, my arm throbs in pain. “Christ, I can’t believe a woman that tiny can have a Vulcan Death Grip like that on my arm,” I say. “Even though this costume is thick, it’s gonna leave a bruise. It was totally worth it though.” Justine nods, smirking in unison with me.
As we exit the building, our victory lap is interrupted by Kellen and Mackenzie walking towards us.
“Uh-oh,” Justine says, “Incoming.” We halt in our steps. And I feel Justine’s green eyes pelt the side of my face like a downpour of hail that can crack a car windshield.
I can’t help but chide myself for
not
thinking this moment wouldn’t happen. I knew they were going to be here.
My chest tightens as I see Kellen, holding Mackenzie’s hand. I just want to slap my Chewy hat on my head and fade into a deep, secluded corner, pretending Kellen didn’t see me. But it’s too late. The cat is out of the bag. Or should I say the head is off the Wookie.
Mackenzie looks beautiful in a strapless navy blue dress that hugs her hips. Her golden hair flows down her back. I can’t stop looking at how their fingers are intertwined together.
But something doesn’t feel right. They don’t look like the happy couple, perfect for the cover of Brides Magazine. Looks like trouble in paradise.
Kellen doesn’t match the happiness on Mackenzie’s face. In fact, it’s the total opposite. Kellen isn’t walking with his normal confident stride. Him wearing a slim fit, gray pin-striped suit and chocolate brown wingtips; should add some more pep to his step. But his shoulders are slouched and he has bags under his eyes. And speckles of facial hair dot his cheeks. It appears he got dressed twenty minutes ago.
The way she’s walking with him, looks like she’s dragging him.
Mackenzie appraises me; meeting me with her eyes and then they appraise my purple hair and my Chewy getup. I look at Kellen and he looks away, unable to prevent himself from flashing his trademark smile. Yeah, Kellen, get a good look, I’m back, the old me is back.
“Nice…dress,” Mackenzie says sarcastically. “Fitting…I guess.” She rolls her eyes, shaking her head. “This is the girl you rebounded me for? Ugh.”
Kellen frowns, parting his lips to speak, but words don’t fall from his mouth. Mackenzie squeezes his hand tighter. Kellen catches my eyes, which speak to me. They appear to want to say so much, but for whatever reason he doesn’t verbalize what’s on his mind…or his heart.
“Well,” Mackenzie says, “now that the worthless small talk is out of the way, we can get our evening started.”
“Mags, I’ve been waiting all night to see you.”
“You shut your mouth up. You fix your mouth to speak and I start telling…everything,” Mackenzie squeals. Kellen’s eyes lock to me.
“I only came here because of one reason. And it’s not for you Mackenzie. It’s to be with Mags.”
Mackenzie’s lip press tight. “You say another word and I tell everyone. I run to the newspaper and to the TV reporters.”
“Do what you need to do. How about I tell them for you,” Kellen says, his voice commanding. “Tell them how you blackmailed me into getting back with you. Tell them how you said you’d tell everyone about how I have trouble reading.” Breath is stolen from my lungs. Kellen comes closer to me and grabs my hand. I’m trembling. I feel like my knees are going to buckle at any moment. “Mags, I’m sorry I ended things with you. I was afraid. You’re the strongest person I know…have always known. But I’m not afraid anymore. I learned that from you. How not to be afraid. How not to be ashamed of myself.” I clench his hand tighter. “I don’t care what people think or what they’ll say. It doesn’t define me. I know I’m getting better by the day and I thank you so much for helping me. I can’t do it without you.”
“You’re finished. Done, you hear me?!” Mackenzie pulls out her phone. “All I have to do is push one button and you can kiss your college football dreams goodbye.”
Before her heels can clatter against the cement, Micah appears out of the corner of my eye.
“Not so fast, Mackenzie,” Micah says joining us. “I happen to like a little worthless small talk.”
The orange spray tan sheen on Mackenzie’s skin fades to sheet white.
“W-what are you doing here Micah?” Mackenzie says, her voice chattering. She bites down on her lip so hard that she’s going to draw blood; it’ll look like she’s wearing red lipstick instead of pink.
Micah looks at me and nods slightly.
“Kellen,” Mackenzie says, her voice stammering, “let’s go inside and get a drink. I’m thirsty.”
“Tell them Mackenzie. Tell them our little secret,” Micah says. He nods his head to acknowledge Kellen. And Kellen returns the nod.
Mackenzie pulls Kellen, but he doesn’t budge, his feet stuck to the ground. “What’s going on?” Kellen asks.
“Look, man I gotta come clean before she stirs up any more shit,” Micah says pulling his hands down his face. “Mackenzie didn’t break up with you because of your bad game.” Kellen’s face fills with confusion. “That Thursday night before the game, she came over to my place totally wasted and we hooked up.”
Kellen looks at Mackenzie, whose eyes are locked to the ground. “Is this true?” Kellen asks, his face rising red. He yanks his hand away from her. Her silence is all the answer he needs.
“Look, Kellen, I didn’t know she was your girlfriend at the time,” Micah says. “Mackenzie even told me she wasn’t seeing anybody at the time. I’m just a guy, doing what guys do, ya know? I found out you and Mags were together because she rehabs me.”
“Don’t believe him sweetie, he’s lying. That’s all he does is lie,” Mackenzie pleads. Kellen refuses to acknowledge her.
“You know what they say right? Pics or it didn’t happen…” Micah says whipping out his phone.
Justine’s jaw drops. “This is incredible,” Justine says, reveling in the drama.
“How do you think daddy’s little innocent angel, Mackenzie would feel if she likes to do shots of tequila and is into threesomes?” He scrolls through his phone, smirking. “He’s thinking about running for Congress next year isn’t he? All it would take is one upload of the pics and your life…
and
his is over.”
She lunges for his phone but she isn’t quick enough for him.
“What do you want from me?” she screams. “Money? Pick a number.”
Micah chuckles. “You can’t buy me, toots. I just want an end to the madness you’ve caused people.” Kellen turns around and walks away from us, his hands clenching his hair, ready to rip it out of his scalp.
“I didn’t think you’d show up,” I say to Micah.
“I got caught in traffic. Sorry,” he replies. “Are we done here, Mackenzie?”
She stands there about to pop like a kernel in hot grease. We all wait for the move she’s about to make: coming at my neck with a knife or jumping out in oncoming traffic. She does neither. “Losers,” she utters under her breath and slithers off into the pavilion.
“I thought fireworks only existed on the Fourth of July,” Justine says.
“C’mon Justine,” I say throwing my Chewy mask on top of my shoulders. “Let’s go.” I stroll away from Kellen and Micah.
I wink at Micah. “Thanks for that. You really didn’t have to involve yourself in this mess.”
“Anytime,” he says smiling.
“Well now that this shit is all over, you might as well spill the beans,” Justine says. My nostrils flare and my eyes round with anger.
“What do you mean?” I ask through wide eyes, squeezing her arm tightly. After all that’s just happened, I’d rather let my feelings for Kellen wither and die in secrecy like a rosebush in the chill of November.
“What you think I didn’t know how you felt? I’m your best friend. I knew from the start,” she says.
“What beans?” Kellen asks with a wrinkled forehead.
I duck my head down towards my chest, my eyes darting around on the concrete. The spotlight is on me—exactly what I’ve been craving for months. And I don’t like the feeling it gives me. The silence around us grows tense.
I’ve never been put on the spot so hard in my life. I’m gonna kill Justine after this. The intensity from the sets of eyes on me right now is gripping and I break out into a cold sweat. The only thought on my mind is to run as fast as I can, but I can’t move. It’s time to face the music.
“I…” I stammer. I suck in a huge swath of thick air and brave through it. I look Kellen right in his blue eyes. “This fake romance…it wasn’t only about getting our names out of the dumps.”
Kellen’s face flashes with puzzlement. “I don’t get it.”
My eyes flush tears that stream down hot cheeks. “I’ve been trying to find the right time to tell you. The other night at Atwood I was going to tell you…but it didn’t happen.”
He plants his hands on top of his head. “What are you saying?” he asks.
I blink away more tears, but my tear ducts have a mind of their own. “I’ve had a crush on you since we were kids. All this time I just hid it. When we got together, it was fake in the beginning, but lines got blurred and it just sparked something in me deep that I didn’t even know was there anymore.”
“I don’t know what to say.” His bemused guise sends pins through my skin.
I dip my head. “I was scared of how you’d react if I told you the truth. We used to be so close. And I became invisible to you. I wanted to you to see me…the
new
me. The new me with boobs and hips and a flirty laugh, somebody that all the boys in school wanted and thought was hot.” I slam my Chewbacca head on, further embracing who I really am at my core. “But obviously it didn’t work. No matter how much I try to run away from who I really am, the real me will always show. I love reading Harry Potter novels. I spend all my Saturday afternoons in thrift shops looking for fifty-year-old vinyl. I can quote every Samuel L. Jackson line in Pulp Fiction. And for God sakes, I wear stupid Star Wars outfits to the school dance.”
I hear Justine’s signature giggle pierce through the fur of my costume. “But that’s who I am,” I say. “And if you can’t see it, then you’re missing out on a great girl.” I droop my shoulders. “I’m sorry for not being one hundred percent honest. It was wrong of me.”
I don’t bother to wait for Kellen’s reaction. I just high tail it back to my car. Thank the sweet lord that this costume hat has eyes that I can see through or I would have fallen face first on the curb.
I don’t know what Kellen’s thinking right now. The only thing on my mind is the heavy anvil that’s been lifted off my conscious. I feel free. Free of pretending. Pretending to be something I used to hate. Now I can finally go back to being me. The weird me. And that’s quite alright.
After I drop Justine off, I drive around downtown and end up at the parking lot at Atwood Stadium. I walk over to the gate and surprisingly it’s open. I walk over to middle of the field, my head still spinning, and lie down on the fifty-yard line. I exhale deeply and look up at the purple sky. It’s the first time I’ve not only breathed since we got to the dance, but all year long.
It feels like I can finally live without the strain of looking through life through someone else’s lens. I get to start anew. And that’s exciting.
I hear the gate by the maintenance office creak open. I reach for my pepper spray in my pocket of my costume. Hopefully it’s just one of the workers here. Or hopefully not—because I’m not supposed to be here and that’s trespassing. They’ll throw me in jail with this damn Chewbacca outfit still on. Great, now I’ll have convicted felon on my rap sheet. Mom will have to bail me out and lecture me about how I’m a wayward teen. I sit up, bracing myself for any potential danger.
“It’s probably just a stray dog,” I mutter to myself trying to calm my racing heartbeat.
I see a shadowy figure emerge from the flickering light by the concession stand. It’s Kellen. My already sky rocketing heart is now beating into warp speed. He’s taken off his suit jacket and just wearing a white shirt and slacks, with a loosened tie.
“For some reason, I had a hunch you’d be here,” he says nearing where I sit.
My eyes are drawn to the white lines on the field—and not him.
“I actually want to be alone,” I say. “That’s why I came here. You know…Saturday night…empty football stadium…brown, furry alien costume…kinda screams the words leave me alone.”
“I totally get that.” He hands me a bottled water. It’s ice cold and dripping with moisture. “Here,” he says, “I figured with your Chewy suit you’re in desperate need of h2o.”
I smirk lightly, reluctantly twisting the cap off and guzzle the contents. I’m so thirsty, some of it spills out of the corner of my lips. So much for being ladylike. I wipe my mouth; the fur on my forearm absorbs the moisture.
“What do you want Kellen?” I play with the plastic belt across my chest, counting down the seconds until he leaves.
“I want you.” My breath hitches and I look up at him. His eyes are stark blue. “I want the real you. The real Mags. The one who I used to have spit contests with. The one who performed magic tricks for me in my bedroom all summer. I want her.”
My heart is skipping beats. “Kellen—”
“You played the biggest magic trick on me of all. All the signs were there. I just was too stupid to see them. Even before then, growing up, I should have known, but I was too caught up in football to realize how special you were.” He swallows hard, his face breaking apart like he’s slowly realizing how much of a dunce he is and how he knows he can’t do anything to fix it. “This…whole pretend romance thing wasn’t the best of ideas…for the both of us. You’re right, we’re two different people. Maybe at one time we were the same, but life leads us in two different paths and here we are. But that’s not a bad thing either. Mags, you’re an amazing person, so beautiful, inside and out, funny, sweet, and you have so much to offer not only to a guy, but also to the world. Me? People love me and look up to me, like I’m some hero because I can score touchdowns. But I’m still afraid inside. I’m still a coward.”
As I look up at his defeated eyes and trembling lips, I want to tell him to stop defacing himself. I want to tell him that he’s an awesome person, that he’s the most awesome person that I know and that everyone makes mistakes, but my pride won’t let me cut through the hurt my heart feels.
“I’m just some scared little coward that couldn’t stand up to Mackenzie,” he continues. “I was too ashamed of the world finding out about my struggles reading and I couldn’t confront it. And I hurt you in the process. It’s crazy how I can be on top of the world, but really I don’t have the heart of a lion like everyone thinks I do. It hurts to come to that realization. It hurts for me to even say those words.” He tilts his head back, eyes up to the sky. “But what hurts even more is the fact that even though we came together for this stupid plan, after a while, I couldn’t tell the difference between what was real and what was fake.”
My body jolts. Is he saying what I think he’s saying? He clears his throat. “I know it was pretend, but I was struggling to keep my feelings for you under wraps,” he says. “I didn’t know if you felt the same.” He loosens his tie a little more and droplets of sweat dampen his brow. “Now that I know how you
really
feel…I feel even more like a dirtbag.” Out of my periphery of my eyes, I see his face, dejected, glaring at me. “I know saying all of this right now means nothing, but you know it and I know it. When we’re together Mags…we make magic.”
The pit in my stomach bounces all around inside of me. Kellen slightly shuffles and then turns to walk away. “Goodbye,” he says in a muffled tone.
Tears blur my vision to where I only see his white shirt and gray pants fade away towards the gate.
“Don’t go,” I say, not loud enough for him to hear. I can’t muster up the strength in my soul to say it so he’ll turn around and wrap his arms around me. I want to say it so bad every bone in my body aches. I want to scream it at the top of my lungs and run after him.
I stand up, but my legs don’t move, planted to the turf. I hear his car door open and close and his engine roar.
I stand there, in my costume, broiling, perplexed, and sulking for a while. And it seems like forever. The night is still. All I hear is the pounding of tears that fall from my chin onto the turf. Every so often I hear tree branches scratch up against something. I welcome the sound—it drowns out the sound of me crying.
***
After a few more minutes of sniffling, I stand up and decide to head on home. My butt is hurting extra hard and I’m starting to get irritated as the fur of this costume is scratching the back of my neck. Hopefully it doesn’t leave a nasty rash tomorrow morning. But if it does, it’s the least of my worries—now I have to go through life knowing that Kellen feels the same way as I do. And there’s no chance of us being together. And waking up to that bitter fact on a cold pillow totally sucks.
I waddle my Wookie feet across the field to the gate in a sour, defeated trot. I guess this is how it feels when a football team loses at the last second and has to make that dejected walk back to the locker room.
I exit the stadium, surprised to see Kellen sitting on the hood of his car. The sight before me shocks the hell out of me.
Kellen sits on the hood of his Camaro, wearing a black top hat, and clutching a black, magic wand.
I cup my hands over my mouth and nose, my eyes widening so far my eyebrows stretch up to my scalp.
“Lettttt’s maaaaake maaaaagic,” he says with the same zest I used to say to him back in his bedroom when we were kids. The shock of seeing him say that steals the words from my lungs. “I was going to stand out here all night if that’s what it took.” I walk closer to him, chest heaving tiny, shallow breaths.
“Mags, I know what’s happened over the last few weeks is a bunch of bullshit.” I pace towards him and now we’re inches away from each other. I feel the moistness of his tender voice against my mouth. “I’m totally a douche for what I did,” he continues, “but those few weeks were the best weeks of my life. I realized a lot thanks to you and I’ve realized a lot about myself and the biggest thing—”
“Shut up,” I say, stopping him mid-sentence, reaching up and clutching the sides of his face and pulling him into my lips.
I lean back and coil my hands around the back of his neck, becoming lost in the taste of his moist skin of his lips. I capture his tongue, his sweet breath lingering above my swollen lips.
I feel all of the pain melt away and I can forget the desires to be someone that I’m not. As he holds me tightly, none of it matters.
“Wow,” he says, unlocking our lips, smiling, . “No more pretending, huh?”
“I never was to begin with,” I reply, licking my lips.
“I let you slip out of my life before…I’m not going to let it happen again.” I believe him when he says it. He wraps his arms around me tightly. Tighter than he ever has before.
“You know your gray suit doesn’t match with the top hat. But still, this is unbelievably dope.”
“Hey it was last minute. You know how hard it is to find a top hat and a magic wand at this hour?” I chuckle. “But really? The wand and top hat were yours. I kept it the entire time. I found it in my basement.”
“You had them the entire time?” Delight and bewilderment color my voice. He nods, smirking.
“So what happens from here?” I ask, nestling my head between his chest and shoulder.
He tilts my head up by my chin and looks deeply into my eyes. The world stands still.
He smiles like only Kellen Murdock can smile.
“We make magic.”
And that sounds like an amazing beginning.
THE END