Authors: Tawnya Jenkins
Travis
I have never ran so fast in my life, and it still wasn’t fast enough to catch her. My heart shatters as I watch her car skid out of my parking lot. Part me wants to get in my truck and follow her but part of me knows I should give her space. The battle waging inside me is wreaking havoc on my insides. My stomach is twisted in knots and my head is pounding.
The minute I saw that look on her face, I should’ve wrapped my arms around her and not let go. She needs me now more than ever and I let her down. I pull out my phone and attempt to call her, I have to tell her I’m here for her. She needs to know that she can trust me, that I trust her. I need to tell her that I relate to her pain, I know what it’s like to lose someone you love and feel helpless. I need her to know how much I love her.
A memory of Sam pops into my head.
“Give me my game controller babe, you’re going to make me loose.” I begged her as she snatched it from my hands.
“Not until you tell me how much you love me,” she smiles that sweet smile at me.
“Fine…fine, I love you more than there are stars in the sky.”
“Lame,” she replies and removes one battery from my controller.
“I love you more than there are grains of sand on all the beaches in the all the world.” I say.
“Nope, still lame.” She chuckles.
“Um…I love you more than triple chocolate chip brownies,” I smile, I know they’re her weakness.
Her arms wrap around my neck as she smiles, “Aw baby you always know the way to my heart.”
The sound of Chloe’s voice comes over her voicemail, pulling me from stroll down memory lane.
Chloe
Travis chases me all the way to my car, but I lock myself securely inside. As I peel out of the parking lot I am just in time to see him in my rear view mirror. I will never forget the look of hurt and confusion on his face. It broke my heart to leave him but I had to. I wouldn’t let him get hurt because of me. He might be heartbroken for a while but he would be alive, which is more than I can say for myself.
I drive straight through, back to the home town that haunts my dreams. I don’t stop to eat or sleep only for gas, I’m exhausted. Finally I arrive back to the house that broke me. It’s dark, no lights are on. I try to call Mac a few times but get no answer. I have a ton of missed calls from Travis along with a variety of texts I hadn’t bothered to keep track of, I can’t check them now…I just can’t.
As I unlock my door and step into my house, an eeriness washes over me. When I flip on the light switch nothing happens. I tip toe through the foyer and creep into the living room and that’s when I see him. The moon is piercing through the skylight in the ceiling causing the blood beneath my feet to glisten. I gasp as I take in the sight of Mac laying near my feet. He has a gash on his forehead, blood stains his face, but it’s the cut on his abdomen that I focus on. It’s in the exact same spot that mine is, only is bigger and deeper. I collapse to the floor, unable to support my own body any longer, the fight in me dwindles. He has taken everything from me now.
I don’t cry when I make the 911 call, not one tear escapes from my eyes. I won’t allow it, I have to go back to the numbness, it’s my only chance of survival. Fighting the urge to call Travis is almost unbearable. I want to run to him so badly that it physically causes me pain to not dial his number into my phone. The police show up and snap a lot of photos, one of the detectives takes my statement. He tells me that Cole escaped prison years ago, that they have been unable to locate him or his father since then. They have alerts out statewide but all they can recommend is that I keep myself alert.
I’m sure Mac was alert, but it didn’t save him. Nobody attends my father’s funeral, it was more like a grave side service; except I was the only attendee. He is buried with my mother. I stand here now looking at the freshly piled grass and the reality of it all soaks in. I drop to my knees and cry so hard it makes my stomach ache.
I’m so disappointed in myself, why hadn’t I just come back home, why did I ever leave in the first place. I knew he was sick, but no I had to move on; start over. Now what do I have to show for it. It doesn’t matter where I run or how fast, he’s out there and he’ll never stop. My father and Mac never stood a chance. They were merely innocent bystanders; it’s my fault they’re dead.
I don’t stay for Mac’s funeral, I didn’t figure his family wanted to see me and I couldn’t face them anyways. They would all have questions; questions I couldn’t answer. I know it was selfish of me but I just couldn’t do it, I’m not strong enough anymore. He’s won; he broke me. I hazily remember selling my childhood home and I certainly don’t remember how I got back to my dorm room a week later.
Katie is stunned to see me, she hugs me and tries to talk to me about Travis and my dad; but I don’t listen. I beg her to keep my secret, he doesn’t need to know that I came back, he doesn’t need to know that I have my own apartment or that Mac is dead. He needs to stay away from me, I never should have allowed him to get that close.
I have taken a leave of absence from the University. I use the money I received from my inheritance to rent this apartment and put the rest into my savings. I haven’t left my place in, well I actually don’t know how long it’s been or even what day it is. I’m lucky if I get out of bed these days. It just hurts too much, the pain of it all is just too overwhelming and I don’t know what to do anymore. I have contemplated killing myself, it wouldn’t be hard to overdose on some medication or even throw myself off of a bridge. My dad’s voice in my head is the only thing that prevents me…and then there’s Travis.
When my phone rings I nearly jump out of skin, it’s a number I don’t recognize and I immediately get tense. Taking a deep breath I answer.
“Hello?”
“Hi-uh Chloe?” A man asks.
“Who wants to know?”
“My apologies,” he chuckles, “I’m Caleb. I got your number from Travis. I own Retribution and I was just calling to see if you were still interested in a job.”
“Caleb?” I ask, that name sounds familiar. “I-I don’t know, it’s not really the best time for me right now.”
“Oh, I understand. That’s unfortunate, I have heard great things about you from your instructors and I think you’d make a great addition to our team. Are you sure there is nothing I can do to change your mind?”
“I don’t think so, not right now at least. I appreciate the offer though I really do. I just, well I’m not sure I want a career as a Lawyer anymore.” I admit.
“Oh?” He says. “May I ask why?”
“It’s actually kind of personnel, just going through a major life crisis right now.”
“Ah, I see. Well Chloe, if I may offer some advice,” he pauses.
“Um, okay.” I answer.
“Everyone goes through a life crisis at some point, life has been known to throw us all curve balls once in a while and rarely plays fair. You have to decide if you want to allow the ball to hit you smack dab in your face or you want to come at it swinging. Now, when I first heard about you I pegged you as a heavy hitter, and to be honest I didn’t get where I am in life by being wrong.” He says with pride.
Something about his description appeals to me, I do want to be a heavy hitter. I do want to get Cole and every other horrible person in the world that wrongs an innocent person. I want to attack that person with everything I have because people like Mac and my dad aren’t here to defend themselves anymore.
“Chloe? You still there?” He asks.
“Yeah, I…I think maybe I will give it chance after all.”
“Excellent!” he exclaims, “I knew I was right about you.”
“I just um have one small request.” I say.
“Name it,” he replies.
“Could you maybe not tell Travis that you talked to me or that I’m working there,” I ask.
“That could be difficult since he is the one in charge of security, but I’ll see what I can do. He’s been off all this week, seems he’s dealing with his own life crisis. Can you be there tomorrow at 8am?” He asks.
Hearing that Travis hasn’t been to work in a week makes my heart sink. Maybe it’s not because of me. Maybe he just, got busy with a fire or started school or something. I agreed to meet with Caleb in the lobby of his building at 8 in the morning and then I did something stupid…I checked my voicemail. They’re all from Travis, taking a deep breath I hit the number 1 to listen to them and brace myself.
First message
:
Chloe? Come on Chlo, please don’t do this, you don’t have to do this alone. I’m here for you, we can deal with this together. I love you Chlo, please call me.
Next message:
Please, blue eyes. I-I don’t know what to do here. I know you went home, but I don’t know where home is. I know that this place doesn’t feel like home anymore, not without you. It’s empty, I’m empty without you Chloe. Please let me in.
Next message:
Katie just picked up your stuff, are you back? What happened? I’m dying here. I die a little more every day that you’re gone.
By the time the last message plays I’m already balling my eyes out.
Last Message:
Do you remember when I told you I wanted to be the one you ran to? Well now it’s my turn to run, Chloe. Just tell me where you are and I will run to you. I will run as far or as long as I need to in order to have you here in my arms where you belong, where you’re safe. I’m so damned scared right now Chloe I can’t think straight. Katie won’t tell me anything other than you’re alive but I can’t even believe that until I see it for myself. I need to see you, hold you. I thought I knew what pain and lose felt like until I watched you drive away. I understand your poem now, I know what darkness feels like because that’s what I’m living in now. Darkness. There is no light without you blue eyes and I’m insanely scared of the dark. Run to me Chloe, it’s your turn to save me from the darkness now; only you have that power.
End of new messages.
Well that was a mistake. I want nothing more than to make that pain in his voice disappear, to chase away the darkness like he did for me but I can’t. I can’t go to him, I’ll be bringing the danger straight to him, no it’s better this way. In time he’ll see. I allow the sadness to soak in, I will have to figure out a way to live with it. I know it won’t go away; he’s a part of me now but I have to let him go.
Travis
“Trav…hey man wake up,” Brian hovers over my bed.
“Go away,” I reply as I throw the covers back over my head to avoid the light coming from my window. The only light I want to see is Chloe, but she’s gone. I don’t deserve to live in the light anymore.
“You can’t stay like this man, it’s been two weeks. She’s not coming back.” He reminds me.
“Get.Out.” I shout and hurl a shoe at his face.
The door slams and I’m back to being alone. A feeling I’ve gotten all too familiar with. I was fine before she came into my life, before she brought my world to a standstill with those damn blue eyes and that perfect smile. The way she would bite her lip when she was nervous, the way her laughter chased away all that was wrong in the world. She’s just a memory to me now, like all the other woman from my past she took the easy way out.
When my mom died I was 10, I thought it broke me. My dad taught me to be tough. He taught me to believe in true love, which I didn’t until Samantha. God she was beautiful, her golden blonde hair and soft pink lips. Those gorgeous green eyes, she was my whole world until I walked in on her screwing my boss. I wanted to rip his head off. She fed me the same sob story,
it was an accident…I didn’t mean to hurt you…please forgive me.
Right, she accidently fell onto his dick. She spat on my heart that day and then tore it out when she took her own life. Not many people know what I went through then. It was a dark time for me and it took me a long time to get where I am now. Even that pain doesn’t compare to this.
When I saw Chloe at that club I knew I was done for, she gave new meaning to love at first sight. Don’t get me wrong she frustrated the shit out of me, but I knew that first moment that she was the one. She was the vision of perfection, so much innocence and so much fire in such a small package, I craved it. I craved her. When I saw her face that day at the mall it broke me down. It was a different kind of broken for me, she penetrated straight through the wall I built. One look from those blue eyes and I was a goner. I should’ve known it was too good to be true.
When I heard about what that douchebag tried to do to her, what he got away with I wanted to kill him…slowly. I’ve never been more terrified of losing someone in my entire life. After my dad died I didn’t think I would ever let anyone in again. And now I’m sitting here wallowing in my own self-pity. My dad would be severely disappointed in me if he saw me right now. I’m pathetic.
I keep hoping she’ll call, but she doesn’t. I ask Katie every time she comes over but the only response she ever gives me is some bullshit about when she’s ready to talk she’ll talk. What about when I’m ready. I had thought about using my company to have her tracked down but I don’t want to scare her, part of me is still hoping she’ll come to her senses. I haven’t been to my office in days, Brian took over for me; he’s the only I would trust with it.
I spent a lot of time learning as much technology as possible, the thought of security always intrigued me. Something about being able to spy on someone and keep tabs on them was highly appealing to me; if only I had put up some surveillance in my apartment all those years ago I could’ve avoiding walking in on Sam calling Jack…Big daddy. The memory made me nauseous. After my dad passed and left me a considerable inheritance I was able to start my own security firm and build it from the ground up. I need to find something else to focus on, something else besides the way her skin felt under my touch, the way her eyes widened when she got excited or nervous….the way…shit, that didn’t work at all.
I decide to focus on finding this Cole person, maybe if I can find him and put him away, she’ll coming running back to my arms. Yes, that’s the perfect plan…I’ll get to work on tracking down this asshole myself.