Resurrecting Harry (25 page)

Bess set the brush on the vanity and pushed her still damp curls to and fro. She cursed herself for the places on Erich’s body her mind was undressing and for craving him the way a man would crave water in the desert — as if her very life depended on another kiss or graze of his hand.

From the bathroom she could hear the pipes clanking and the water shutting off in the shower. It was replaced by the water running at the sink, and her thoughts jumped to him toweling off his rippled abs and lean-yet-strong calves. The fantasy continued and she imagined him slipping on the cotton robe she’d just bought him.

When the door knob started jiggling, she stood and pivoted toward him, adjusting the tie to her housecoat to maximize her cleavage.

“Angel, would you like me to order up some tea before we go to bed?” he asked as he emerged into the room.

She straightened her back and squared her shoulders. “No. What I need is to crawl into this bed next to you and for you to hold me tight. I need for you to make all of this go away.”

He wrapped her in his embrace and kissed her deep. As she hoped, his arms blocked out the rest of the world, and she surrendered herself to these new feelings. Desire and adoration for Erich lived side by side with her love for Harry.

“I know Harry will never fade from your mind or heart,” he whispered against her quivering lips, as if he could sense her conflicting emotions.

“But Harry’s gone, and you’re here. It’s not his arms I want right now, it’s yours.”

Erich responded by capturing her mouth again. With each passing minute her need had pulsed and grown until she was sure she’d die without his touch, yet when his lips caressed hers, the desires weren’t squelched; they grew.

His hands stroked her back, cradled her head and intensified her longing. Her fingers tangled in the collar of his robe with a passion she’d never known. She needed him closer, wanted him to possess her.

As recent as a few days ago, she never would have believed anyone but Harry could own her heart. Now she was lusting after the flesh of a man who might be gone tomorrow, a man who felt like a life-long companion, even though he was closer to a stranger.

His strong fingers separated the robe, letting the sash fall away, as his mouth clamped down on her neck. A shiver rode her spine, drawing a gasp. His hand slipped beneath the white cotton, and the touch of his bare flesh sent waves of electricity pulsing through her.

“Please, Erich.” W
hat am I begging for?
All she knew was his touch made her weak.

His lips brushed her ear. “All in good time, my pretty little angel.”

Pretty little angel.
Harry’s pet-name for her, and she swore it was his voice, not Erich’s. She shook off the thought and stepped back. Dropping her arms and letting the robe glide off her body, she refused to let those memories destroy this moment.

Standing nude before a man who’s not my husband. What am I doing?

He’s gone.

Erich’s eyes caressed her body same as his hands, flowing over every inch and curve. “You’re so beautiful, Bess.”

“And you...” She reached out to him. What could she say? So young, so strong. If she thought too much about what a perfect specimen he was, the doubts would resurface.

His fingers fumbled with the tie to his own robe, but soon it too fell to the floor. The sight of him stole her breath, let alone the ability to form words.

Everyone today, from Martin and Gail to the firefighters and policeman to the clerk at the clothing store all questioned what this handsome, young man would want with a widow. They doubted the validity of his affection so much that they accused him of burning her house down — or worse — trying to kill her.

Foolish, vengeful accusations; not all that different from the ones Harry’d made against Gail. Bess now knew what others thought didn’t mean squat. She could trust Erich to care for her, maybe even love her.

Only that was relevant.

Before he touched her again, Bess had to let the past go. Just as the fire had burnt the last of his belongings, she needed to put his spirit to rest. Erich had been right from the very beginning.

No séance. No calling Harry back. Not forget. Never forget. He’d been her whole world, and he would always live in her heart. But if she spent her life pursuing his memory, there’d be no room for Erich.

And she needed Erich.

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

She must look like a fool, the way she’d stood there staring at him while letting go of her past. “No. Just admiring how perfect you are.”

He stepped closer, let his knuckles slide against her cheek. “I’m nothing without you, Bess.”

“I don’t want to talk.”

A playful smirk danced across his face. “You don’t?”

“No. I want to make love with you again.”

That was all the encouragement he needed. Two quick steps and his arms came around her. She buried her head in his broad shoulder and let him lift her feet from the ground. Mere seconds later, she was in the middle of the bed with the weight of his body on her. He nibbled at the lobe of her ear, and his hot breath caressed her neck as he pulled her tighter to him.

It would never be close enough.

She locked her arms around his neck, lifted her hips from the bed to meet his. Soft moans mewed from somewhere inside, involuntary. She leaned her cheek into his, just shaven soft and the clean, powder scent of the shaving lather made her head light. He tipped his head, his mouth searching for hers. His eyes closed; he was the picture of sheer bliss. She hesitated, and then let her fingers trace his hair line, the fine blond hair against his pale skin.

This moment couldn’t be faked, even by a masterful conman. More than physical nakedness, he laid himself out bare straight to his heart. He declared his needs and desires, and she knew she could take it as gospel.

She pressed against his shoulder, and his eyes flittered open as he rolled to his side, bringing her with him. “What is it? Something wrong?”

“Not as long as you’re with me.” She gripped his chin between two fingers, smiling at him, and then drug her nail the length of his throat.

His body shivered in her arms, but he tipped forward, pushing his forehead to hers and gasping in pleasure. “The things you do to me, Angel.”

His reaction. His words. His tone. Martin had said he could be one of Harry’s brothers, but it was more than that. The differences were many, but the similarities that existed were eerie.

And the address book. Easily explained, but still.

His lips caressed hers again as his strong fingers danced along her spine, his arousal pulsating against her thigh.

The air in the room sparked, and her skin tingled. She guided him to his back and straddled his waist. His eyes widened and his lips parted as his hands slid up her thighs to her stomach.

Their connection, too intense for the short time they’d known each other. Star crossed-lovers? Or what had Joseph said — bound souls?

There was a time that she believed her soul was bound to only one other. But
that
just wasn’t possible.

Was it
?

She circled her bottom against his pelvis. His body shuddered beneath her, thrilling her. His back and neck arched, and his eyes closed as his fingers inched their way up her body. “Bessy,” he cried.

It couldn’t be.

“Air-iec,” she whispered, purposely drawing out the syllables and accenting the vowels. If it were true — if her Harry was somehow inside Erich — he’d find a way to answer her.

Erich startled, and his eyes popped open. Her beautiful brown eyes locked to his, as if she was searching deeper than the surface.

Harry’s parents and siblings pronounced his given name with the heavy accents from their homeland. The name the neighbors thought they heard — Harry — stuck. Bess knew the story, and in their most private moments would call out for the man behind the celebrity. But only one man — or one soul — would know that.

Had she just identified him? If so, Jaden’s binds would be lifted, and he could explain everything to her, but the part of him that had grown as an individual stared down Harry’s soul with jade eyes. He didn’t want the ghost to be the one she loved.

“Did you just call me Harry?” He tipped his head, averting his eyes from her. The last thing he wanted was for her to see the confusion and pain. If she could feel Harry in him, he’d won his bet with Jaden. Yet, the words cut him hard and deep. “I can’t do this, Bess. I want to be with you, baby, but I can’t be a stand-in for him.” His hands gripped her hips, and he tried to lift her from his body, but she ground back down against him. He acquiesced, not willing to fight.

“No, please, Erich. I didn’t say his name.”

“That’s sure what it sounded like.”

“Er-ich,” she repeated, less drawn out, but keeping the focus on the “ah” and “eh” sound.

He held her gaze, despite the fact he could feel tears rimming his eyes. “Promise me this is about us, and the here and now. Not some way to hang on to—”

“I swear it, Erich. It’s you I want.”

With her declaration, his arm came around her hips as he pushed himself up, leaning against the headboard.  Face to face and eye to eye, his fingers dug into her as he lifted his hips, burying himself deeper inside her. He could see her let go of the notion, and his opportunity to be honest with her slipped away. They couldn’t build a future on a foundation of lies. But how could Erich ever live in Harry’s enormous shadow?

She gripped his shoulder and gasped as he bucked up against her with an unbridled passion.

His right hand slid up her spine, resting in her hair. He pulled her tighter and pressed his lips to hers, kissing her as she was the only one who could quench the thirst that threatened to take him down.

“Say it,” he mumbled against her mouth and then clenched her bottom lip between his teeth playfully.

“It’s you, Erich.”

Unsatisfied with that answer, he grasped her waist, pulling her down as he thrust up. “Say it,” he pleaded.

His passion crashed against her like the ocean’s waves. So close to succumbing, she groaned. “I need
you
, Erich.”

He fell back, hitting his head against the headboard as if her words had weight and they’d delivered a sucker punch, but he didn’t still — couldn’t stop. Sliding his hands against her flesh, he teased her breasts and tantalized her neck. Ever closer he pushed her toward the abyss of ecstasy. Sweat dripped down his face and neck. She was on the edge of enraptured bliss, but he wouldn’t know release until she said the words he longed to hear. It had to come from her first. “Say it, Bessy.”

Spasms of pleasure raked her body, and the words she’d held behind defensive walls spilled from trembling lips. “I love you, Erich.”

His spine tightened again, and his neck rolled back. He groaned through parted lips and pulled himself back to her, enveloping his body around her. He brushed his cheek to hers and whispered in her ear. “Me too, Angel. I love you too.”

The heavy odor of sulfur and charred wood still permeated the air. The sun hadn’t even cleared the trees yet, and the grass was still wet with dew. They were serenaded by the wren’s chorus as Erich lifted the fire department’s rope that circled the house, giving Bess access to what was left of her property. She’d been asked to consider the house and all its contents a loss by those in charge, and Erich had advised her there was nothing to be found except more pain, but Bess — with a renewed strength — insisted she look for one item.

What item, she wouldn’t say.

Again, Erich examined the structure, charred girders, holding up pieces of crossbeams. Very little kept the whole thing from collapsing to a pile of rubble, and he knew walking among the remains was begging for another tragedy. “Bess, please, tell me what you’re hoping to find and let me go look. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“What I need is my responsibility not yours.” She walked toward what used to be the back door when she could have just as easily stepped into what was once the kitchen through the large gaping hole.

He grabbed her sleeve, holding her back. “Whatever it is, it’s worth your life?”

She averted her eyes. “I don’t know that you can understand this, it’s just something I have to do.”

He understood all too well what it was like to hold something so tight and dear, but what could he do? He couldn’t break her conviction. As close as they were, he knew Harry and his memory would always remain between them in some way.

Since his rebirth, he’d come to recognize Harry’s faults, embraced his strengths, but understood that the only thing Erich shared with that soul was memories, and now Bess’s heart. But the guilt of carrying the truth was pressing on his chest like a two-ton elephant. It wasn’t only that he kept an important fact from the woman he loved, but the actuality that he’d told her a lie.

Yes, it was Harry’s code delivered from Erich’s tongue — and even though he knew now they were two different people, the memory came from within, it wasn’t a message from beyond and, if anything, it had been Erich giving Bess the solace she so desired, not Harry answering her plea. Now, with the time, distance and lessons learned; he was beginning to question just how the man he used to be would react to all of this.

He tapped his toe against the ground and bounced his knee. She’d been in there too long with her memories — spent too much time in a structure that wasn’t sound, tempting the fates to deliver yet another blow. Against his better judgment, he entered the rubble, determined to pull her back to safety.

Bess stood in the same place the kitchen table had twenty-four hours earlier. As if trying to place things in her mind, she took careful measured steps to her right and then began pushing the ash and chunks of burnt wood around with her feet. Scorched, bare wires hung just above her head, reaching toward her like tentacles of an octopus. Not knowing what else to say, he whispered her name.

She flipped an acknowledging look over her shoulder, but then dropped her eyes back to the search. “Don’t ask me to leave, Erich. Not ‘til I feel like I’ve really looked.”

He stepped up behind her and squeezed her shoulders. “What are we looking for?” Under his grip, her muscles hardened, her posture firmed and she exhaled a little whimper of self-disgust. He pulled her closer, trying to show support, and she melted into him.

With her movement, his eye caught the faintest glint of silver sparkling amongst the black soot and realized the item she searched for was Harry’s wedding ring. The same small piece of metal that had bound Harry and Bess had been an introduction tool for her and Erich. Now, it lay amongst the ruins, symbolic in a way. Maybe another man would have been jealous, but Erich knew putting Bess on the road to living didn’t mean breaking the bind to Harry’s long-gone presence, but helping her find a way to honor her past without losing herself in it.

He was all too aware she knew that, but also realized the process of letting go while embracing the memories was the near impossible task she faced. Taking slow, conscious steps around her, he bent down and picked up the two bands and the chain that kept them bound. He rubbed the ring in his fingers, amazed that the tarnish wiped away and the silver sparkled underneath.

Bess’s arm came around his hip, and her head fell to his shoulder. “You found it! Thank the Heavens.”

Her words tightened the ropes of guilt clenching his heart. He needed to tell her some sort of truth, find some way to make her understand, but how with Jaden’s restrictions? His pride had let a golden moment pass last night. Despite her explanation for calling his name in the way she had, somewhere inside she accepted the truth. She’d recognized him and vocalized it. Instead of embracing the opportunity, he’d turned her away from it and hid behind his new face like a coward.

He’d find a way to make her believe, but first things first. “You have what you came for. Let’s get out of here before what’s left crumbles around us.”

She nodded and squeezed his hand, leading him out through the once-was door. Once outside and away from the disaster zone, she twisted toward him. “I know I’m being disrespectful given what we’ve shared, but please, can I have Harry’s ring?”

He dropped his chin and closed his eyes. “I know your heart, Bess. And I’ll give you the ring, but I want to take you somewhere first.”

She accepted his words and looped her arm through his, no longer concerned with what the neighbors thought. Her new-found comfort taxed his heart until it felt heavy as a rock.

Receiving her weight, he led her away from the house, the past. If they were going to face the future as one, they needed to face the truth, but Erich couldn’t help but question his decision. If history was an indicator, every time he followed his heart, the results were disastrous.

Jaden warned him Bess’s path had been altered the very moment she’d met him on the street, and his charge — his whole goal — was to change it for the better. Was he unburdening his heart for her or was this another selfish move?

The moment he’d seen the shimmer of silver among the ashes, he knew where they needed to go so he could make her see the truth: the park Bess had mentioned to him a few nights earlier, the one where Bess and Harry had shared a passionate embrace and soul-caressing kiss in the pouring rain. Their love hadn’t been doused that night, and the fire didn’t have the power to destroy them either. Their souls had reclaimed each other. Despite what Jaden had warned — that she’d never believe — he was all too aware she felt it. She had called out to him, and he’d been too afraid to answer, or too proud to accept the man she longed for, the one he’d left behind.

“Erich, what are we doing here?” she asked as he guided her through the arbor at the park’s entrance.

“Just indulge me for a few minutes.” He led her straight to the tree she and Harry had taken refuge under the last time they were here. Stopping, he gripped her hip and spun her to him. He then took her hand and laid it flat against his chest. His heart pounded until he was sure it could burst through his flesh. “Feel that?”

She nodded, her eyes wide. “What’s wrong? You’re scared?”

“My heart beats for you. I’m right here, right now, because wherever you go, I’ll be right beside you.” He dropped to his knees in front of her, hugging her waist and laying his cheek against her stomach. “Harry should have done
this
more, Bess. He should have said out loud that it was always you. You were his strength. You made him weak. The only spotlight he ever craved was your loving gaze. It filled him with pride.
That’s
what he lived for.”

She slid her hand under his shoulder, tried to lift him. “What are you talking about? How would you know what Harry felt or wanted?”

“You know the answer to that, Bess. You feel it in your soul, and I see it in your eyes.”

Her fingers touched his temples and traced the lines of his jaw. “Is Harry speaking to you again?”

“No!” He covered her hand and held it against his cheek, leaning into it and closing his eyes to the tears pressing against them. “No, it’s not channeling. I’m not a medium, a spiritualist, or anything like that.”

Compassion and confusion faded from her face, and her fingers stiffened on his cheek. Her touch went cold. “What are you trying to say to me?”

He straightened his back so he could look up into her face while still holding her hand tight. “It was always you, Bess. Without you, he was nothing but a wayward dreamer with no plan, no motivation. And I know when you look in my eyes, you see the soul inside me.”

“I don’t understand.”

He gritted his teeth and pushed the words out. “Yes. You. Do.”
All you have to do is believe.

“I’m tired of games, Erich. I don’t want to play anymore. Just tell me.”

He pushed himself to his feet and walked by her. If he could he would, but the simple truth was tied up in a tight ball at the back of his throat. Forbidden words for him to speak until Bess said them first. “I can’t. You have to say it and believe it.” He spun back to her, reached for her hands. “Just think about it, Bess. Think about the two of us and you will know.”

Her eyes lit up, but a tear slipped down her cheek. She raised a trembling hand to her cheek and spoke in short, clipped speech. “The similarities...the code...the address book...the way we are in bed together.”

He stepped closer and reached out, touching her arm. “Yes.”

“Harry? He’s inside you somehow.” Her voice quivered, and her hands trembled.

As the words slipped from her mouth, the force that was constricting him slipped away. He took a deep breath, letting his chest expand fully. On the exhale, the words spilled from him. “From the other side, Jaden — I think he must be your guardian angel — made a bargain with Harry’s soul. He gave him a second chance at a life with you if he— No. If I could convince you to stop the séance you had planned and save you from a life of pain, heartache and loneliness.”

She rolled her eyes and shifted her weight. “Guardian Angel? I think your fever is coming back.”

“You’ve felt Harry’s presence in me. I see it painted on your face.”

“There are similarities. And he used you to talk to me.” She spoke the words in an even cadence. Slow. Rhythmic. Who was she trying to convince? What was she trying to talk herself out of?

“It’s more than that, Bess. You just have to summon that rock-strong courage you have and believe with all your heart, no matter how outrageous it seems.”

She shook her head and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. “You’ve absorbed yourself in his life, and he communicated with you. You feel like you know his heart.”

“I didn’t channel Harry, Bess.  I could speak the code, because I wrote it. Or I have Harry’s memory of writing it.”

She furrowed her brow and stepped back from him, wrapping her hands tight around her waist. Closing herself off from him and the painful words. “Why are you doing this, Erich? If you’re through with me, just leave. Don’t stomp on my heart before you go.”

There was only one way to make her accept the truth. “Harry came up with the scheme a week after Gail pulled her stunt with the letter from his Mom. The two of you were getting ready to leave for a set of shows back east the following morning.  He sat at the desk in the parlor. You’d made tea and sat in that old chair that belonged to your mother.”

She lifted her trembling hands to her cheek, pushing away the tears. “How? Why? It’s just not possible.”

“Jaden told me if I didn’t convince you to give up chasing Harry’s ghost, you’d live your remaining years devastated and alone. He said it was Harry’s fault you were so miserable, and he’s right. You deserved better, baby. He set you up for that future. Can you ever forgive me for all the mistakes I made in that life and this new one too?”

Flames flared in her eyes, as bright and strong as the ones bursting from the house yesterday. He stepped closer, but she threw her hands up between them, holding him at bay. He hesitated, but decided it better not to push another step closer.

“Stay away from me! I trusted you! Gave you my heart, my body, and to you it was all some super, slick game? What’s your ultimate plan here? You
do
want to replace Harry, take his spotlight and steal his life. Martin was right!”