Read Real Vampires Don't Diet Online

Authors: Gerry Bartlett

Tags: #Horror & Ghost Stories

Real Vampires Don't Diet (15 page)

"You drink at a lot of cesspools, fur ball?" Aggie snickered. "Now, listen up. You can't beat me, so don't try again." She actually grinned.

I couldn't believe it. While I stood here in frozen agony, my bodyguard and the badass Siren were trash-talking each other. I'd have loved to throw in a comment or six myself. But noooo. I couldn't even freakin' breathe.

"You gonna let up on Glory anytime soon? She hates being stuck like that. If she can't talk, she'll die."

"Naw, she's immortal. Or she
thinks
she is. Now once Circe gets hold of her, I'm pretty sure that'll be the end of her. Don't know. If Circe thinks Glory can be useful, she might send her out on missions. Like she does me." Aggie frowned. "Death might be better come to think of it."

"Stop the pity party and let my boss go."
Valdez sat and licked at a new bald spot on his left hip.
"Damn. Good thing I heal
fast, or I'd be butt ugly."

Aggie laughed. "Funny. Okay, I'll unfreeze her just because you asked so nicely." I fell to the deck. "Well, I'm glad you two are having such a good time. I hate being frozen. Aggie, if" I stopped when I saw the look in Aggie's eyes. One more word and I was a statue again.

"Let's get clear, shall we? I'm in a pretty good mood right now. Your dog is a fighter. I like that. But I want another kind of action. Soon. Yeah, you have three weeks, but I hate waiting. So I want regular reports. Something to keep me amused. Or I'll call you out just to play with you. Got it?"

Valdez and I both looked at Aggie and nodded.

I pushed down a serious case of nerves and blurted out what I was thinking. "I've got a question for you, Aggie."

"Fire away, but no guarantee I'll answer it." Aggie dipped a claw in the water.

"Why'd Circe bring you to
this
lake? In Austin, Texas? Seems a strange choice of location for a Siren."

"No kidding." Aggie looked up when there was a thunder clap. "But goddess knows best. And she'd heard there was a special male vamp here. One she really wants. One she hates with a passion." Triple thunder boomers. "I was supposed to ask for him specifically, but in the excitement of seeing and hearing Israel, I forgot." Aggie frowned when lightning sizzled so close, my hair haloed around my head like a bad fright wig.

"Who is this special male vampire? Maybe I know him." Wouldn't it be perfect if Circe wanted Simon Destiny anyway? I'm sure he had enemies all over the world. The man sucked out energy for a living. And, as a drug dealer, he was bound to have done people dirty more than a time or two.

Aggie sighed and Valdez and I both backed up from the blast of putrid fumes. "You got to give the goddess credit. She's big on women's rights and hates guys who are playboys. You know, the love-'em-and-leave-'em types?"

"Aggie, would you just give us a name already?"
Valdez obviously figured he and swamp thing were buds now. Surprisingly, Aggie didn't knock him off the dock. "Casanova. Circe heard that the vampire Casanova lives around here somewhere. Is it true?"

I glanced at Valdez.

"Oh, my God! It is! You hear that, Circe? They can bring us Casanova!" Aggie did her version of a break dance around the boat. Not a pretty sight, what with the sloshing and the fumes and all. The sliver of a moon shone brightly and night birds sang. Circe was obviously thrilled.

Me, not at all. Flo's brother Damian claimed to be the original Casanova and he sure had the chops to hold the title. He had dark Italian good looks and moves on women that made even starchy matrons dissolve into puddles of moaning ecstasy at his sultry

"Come and get it, baby" stare. He'd played a few dirty tricks on me, but no way was I sending my best friend's brother to hell.

"Now children, play nice." Aggie always read every thought in my head practically before I had it. She shook her finger in Valdez's face too. So he couldn't block her either. "And I already have enough holes in my body, shifter, thank you very much. Sorry if you like this guy, but what Circe wants, Circe gets. Right, Goddess?" Moonlight glinted on Aggie's upturned face. "She wants him. Plus two very, and I do mean very hot male vamps along with him. No substitutes." I felt tears fill my eyes. How could I do this to my best friend?

"Sorry, chickadee, but that's the deal. Be glad you know where Casanova is. Now all you have to do is figure out how to get him into my range. Piece of cake."

Valdez and I heard a rumbling sound and it wasn't thunder. What the

"That reminds me. I'm starving out here for some decent eats. I want a snack next time. Cake would be nice." Aggie's uneven eyes zeroed in on Valdez. "Twinkies you say. Yeah. Those would work. A case or two. I'm sick to death of this fish diet."

"Isn't there anyone else Circe would accept?" I couldn't see how I could do this. Sacrifice Flo's brother? I might as well stake Flo too.

"Forget it, Glory. You and Ray
get
with the program or resign yourselves to taking the hit." Aggie smiled up at the twinkling stars and the clear sky. Obviously her goddess was pleased she was spouting the party line. "You can make new friends. Suck it up, figure out a way to get that womanizing SOB out here, and all your troubles will be over. Except lor those split ends that lightning strike just gave you. I'm afraid your bad hair days are just beginning."

I opened my mouth, then shut it again. I was all out of snappy comebacks.

"Ah, I'm leaving you speechless. My work here is done. I'll be seein' you and when you least expect it. Bring those Twinkies next time. Don't think you can deny Circe, kids. Believe me, I tried and look at me now." Then she jumped over the side of the boat into the water with a noisy splash.

"
Bad nexus, Glory. Flo's gonna kill us
."

"No kidding. How can I do this to her?" I put my hand on his shoulder. "You all right, puppy?"

"Guess so. Feel like I just took a shot in the butt with a taser.
"

"You impressed Aggie. Me too. When she froze Ray and me, we couldn't move an inch. Not even an eyelash."

"Yeah, that freeze thing creeped me out. Never got stopped in my tracks like that before. I failed you."
Valdez took a step, staggered, then finally seemed to get himself together and walked to the elevator.
"Aggie whipped my ass. She was
toying with me, Blondie."
He hung his head.
"I couldn't take her."

"She's freakishly powerful, Valdez." I rubbed his ears. "You were incredibly brave to try to take her down, one-on-one." I took a shaky breath. God, Aggie really could have
killed
Valdez. I knelt down and gave him a quick hug, then wiped my eyes.

"Damn it, now do you see why we've got to do exactly what she says?"

"Yeah."
Valdez's warm brown eyes studied me for a moment, then he gave me a gentle head butt.
"Come on, Glory. Don't
wimp out on me now. We'll figure this out. We've got to. Can she really draw you to her like a magnet? "

"Afraid so. Ray tried really hard to get away from her. No go. She pulled him right back to her side. And she says she can do it from anywhere, even from as far away as my shop. I hope to hell we don't get a demo of that." I stood and looked out at the dark lake. No wind tonight so the water was calm. No sign of that Creature from the Black Lagoon either. But she was probably listening to our every word.

"Yes, Aggie, darling. You win this round. We're playing your game. So you'll be hearing from us. Soon. Happy now?" I swear I could hear her husky cackle from across the water.

"Come on, V. Let's go up and talk to Brittany. I want to contact the EVs and I'm sure she has a number where we can reach them. As far as I'm concerned, some EVs would be fine for a vamp sacrifice. I'd rather work on that angle than imagine what I could possibly say to Flo. What do you think?"

"I think we need to send that freak-a-zoid and her goddess back where they came from. If a few EVs go with 'em, even
better."

Valdez jumped on the elevator.
"Hit it, Glory. We're going up, and that Siren's going down."
We both winced when thunder shook the deck and lightning crackled mere feet from Ray's boat nearby. Okay, we were definitely taking the stairs.

Chapter Eight

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"Glory,
mia amica,
I tell you I was robbed." Flo, trailed by Richard loaded down with shopping bags, rushed into the shop close to midnight three nights later.

Three long nights when I'd been going crazy playing phone tag with Jerry and leaving messages for the Energy Vampires. Ray and I had talked on the phone to complain about lack of progress when he could get away from Sienna, which wasn't too often.

"Glory? Did you hear me?"

"Of course. What happened? Are you all right? They didn't steal your shoes, did they?" I quickly blocked my thoughts, which had been gloomy to say the least, and threw down the receipts I'd been trying to check. If Flo thought she had problems now, wait till she heard my news. No way was I spilling this without Ray by my side. He was coming by later. We'd do the deed then.

"No. This is a
disastro.
Worse." Flo grabbed my arm and dragged me toward the back room. "Can your clerk take over? We must talk."

"Sure. Bri?" My stomach clenched. Worse than shoe larceny? I glanced at Brianna who was wide-eyed. The shifter who helped me most nights abandoned the dress rack she'd been inventorying and moved closer, eager to hear the latest gossip. Flo was always good for a story.

"Sure, Glory. Not much going on right now. There's a customer in the dressing room." She gestured at Valdez, who looked ready to take on whoever had "robbed" my ex-roomie. "Maybe you should leave your dog out here, for protection. If there's a problem" Of course Bri hoped I would fill her in later, I usually did.

"You're safe. Flo's" Richard started to smile, but quickly got serious when Flo gave him a look that could have stripped paint off a wall. "Upset about something. Figure of speech. No actual robbery" Another look from Flo and he shut his mouth with a snap.

"My life is
terribile.
Ricardo, I love you, but you are a man, no?"

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