“You like this,” he whispered angrily over my face.
I closed my eyes and let his statement simmer through me. He didn’t phrase it like a question because he obviously already knew the answer.
“What if I squeeze harder? Will you like that just as much?”
It was a threat. One that I liked more than I should have.
He didn’t wait for me to respond before he tightened his grip. Air was stuck in my lungs. Fear was pulsing through me
—
not because I was worried he would hurt me, even though I should have been, but because I was worried I was on the verge of telling him the truth.
“Yes,” I finally replied. “And I want more of it.”
My mind showed me what more felt like. It took me back to that night in his bedroom when he’d kissed me for the first time. I’d had zero experience before that moment. Garin had plenty, and I found that intimidating. So, before I’d gone to Garin’s that night, I’d taken a few sips of vodka from the bottle I’d found in my freezer. I’d wanted him, and it was time to finally tell him.
Vodka was now running through my body, but that was where the similarities ended.
Now, there were secrets between us.
And lies.
And years of anger over me leaving Atlantic City.
And coldness.
I was lost in a wind of dark memories and guilt, and it was all thumping inside my chest. His eyes were tearing through me, and I was losing the ability to keep it all hidden.
“Kyle…” His grip tightened once again, bringing me back to him. Bringing me back to the feelings his hands caused. Bringing me back to the tingling and wetness.
“Yes?”
His thumb grazed the base of my neck where my pulse hammered away. His eyes told me the thought crossed his mind. A harder squeeze was all it would take.
“Tell me what I want to know.”
If I could lean forward and kiss him, I would. But the way he was holding me wouldn’t allow for that. I was caged, unable to move, barely able to breathe, and all I wanted was his lips on mine. So, if I couldn’t take it, I could ask for it. “Kiss me.”
“That’s what you want?” His jaw flexed when he ground his teeth together. “My hands are around your fucking neck, and you want me to kiss you?”
“More than anything. Give me all your anger.”
His chest was rising and falling. His lips were parted in a way that they looked enraged.
“I can take it. I can take all of it, Garin.”
Seconds passed.
They felt like the longest seconds of my life.
Then, squeezing my throat even tighter, his mouth crashed against mine, and he slammed my back into the wall. Where I had once been overtaken by numbness, I now felt everything. From the gentle sparks in my toes to the throbbing in my nipples. The roughness of his lips owned me, and my entire body was responding to each lashing. I did nothing to fight it.
What I did was beg for more.
My hands went to his chest to feel the man he had become. In high school, he was so scrawny. Now, my fingers skimmed across planes of pure muscle, ripples that bulged under his skin. He was so much harder, so much more dominant than I’d expected.
He deepened our kiss as I slid my hands up his neck, his tongue swirling around mine. I combed through the thickness of his whiskers, stubble I’d never felt on him before. A coarseness that I fantasized scratching up the inside of my thighs. I reached his cheeks, and suddenly, I was in the air, my legs wrapped around his waist, my back still on the wall.
The space between us was gone. We were shirt against shirt, breasts against chest. Lips so intertwined, it felt like they’d never been apart.
And it was perfect.
It was too perfect.
All these years, I’d wanted to know what it would have felt like had I not left his apartment that night and had begged him to take my virginity. I was getting a taste of that now. It made me want more.
And it made the guilt grow.
And the guilt made it hard to breathe.
“Garin…”
I pulled my mouth away, but his didn’t go very far. It moved to my neck, biting across my throat and down my collarbone and over the tops of my breasts.
“Mmm,” I moaned.
“You want this to stop?” He lifted his face, his eyes holding mine.
Was I capable of telling him to stop? Not at this point. Not after being reminded of how good he could make me feel.
“No,” I said.
He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth, pulling it away from the teeth that were grinding into it. “I want to torture this fucking lip.” His eyes only confirmed his words. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”
“And go where?”
He kissed the outer edge of my cheek, his deep voice tickling around my ear, turning me on even more. “To a place where I can give your body everything it needs.”
He set me on my feet as he waited for my answer.
An answer that was already on my tongue.
A tongue that watered to taste more of him.
I was going home tomorrow where I could dwell on the guilt for the rest of my life. But, tonight, I wanted to feel some pleasure even if I didn’t deserve it. And I wanted Garin to give it to me.
I took his hand and led him to the door.
Five
Kyle
My throat was so dry. I couldn’t swallow. Every time I tried, I choked on the thickness of my tongue. It was swollen, stuck to the roof of my mouth. The taste was worse than morning breath. More like days’ and days’ worth of morning breath plus bile.
I rubbed my cheek into the pillow, not understanding why it was so firm. Why there was no give. Why it felt like muscle, not feathers or fluff.
“Don’t open your eyes too fast,” a man said. “Whatever they gave us was some heavy shit.”
I pushed away from whatever my head was lying on and opened my eyes as I sat up.
“Ow!”
I screamed, covering them with my forearm.
He was right; I shouldn’t have opened them too fast. The light stung and made my head pound. The little I could see was all blurry and rushing in circles, like I was inside a washing machine on full spin. Sweat covered my skin. My mouth watered.
I was going to throw up.
“Take some deep breaths. It will get better,” he said.
I leaned back into what must have been the headboard and sucked in mouthfuls of air before blowing it out through my nose and inhaling more. I knew the voice that kept speaking to me. Even though it had changed over the years, it was a voice I would never forget. It was deeper now. Sexier. I just didn’t understand how he was able to talk to me in person. I had a flight to take me back to Tampa early this morning, and there was no reason I shouldn’t be on it.
Maybe I was on it, and he’d decided to come with me. Maybe the spinning in my head was really turbulence. But then, why didn’t I remember checking in at the airport?
“Tell me we’re on the plane.”
“We’re not.”
“Tell me I didn’t miss my flight.”
“You missed it.”
“Shit.”
Still covering my eyes, I tucked my head between my knees and tried to take more deep breaths. “Was I that drunk?” My stomach churned. “Don’t answer that. I don’t want to talk about what I drank. It hurts too much.”
“We were both pretty drunk.”
I remembered both of us drinking. I remembered ordering more drinks. I didn’t remember much else besides…him kissing me. It was a little cloudy, but I could visualize the hallway we were in. My back was against one of the walls. His hands were around my throat, and there was tongue and biting and moaning.
Lots of moaning.
Had we done more? I reached down and rubbed my thighs. I was wearing pants. They felt like the same ones I’d worn to the funeral. I wiggled my butt and felt the pull from my panties. My shirt and bra were on.
That didn’t mean I hadn’t been naked at some point.
I sucked in the walls of my pussy, trying to feel for that familiar tenderness that was usually there the day after I had sex.
“We didn’t fuck.”
How did he know what I was thinking?
“If I’d fucked you, Kyle, you wouldn’t have to try to remember it. It would be the only thing you’d be thinking about.”
I rubbed my temples, trying to dull some of the pounding. “A little conceited, aren’t you?”
“I’ve wanted to fuck you since I was fifteen years old. If I got the chance to finally be inside you, I would have fifteen years of making up to do. And it would be something you would never, ever forget. So, no, I’m not conceited. I just know what I’m capable of and how I’d want to make you feel.”
I didn’t care how much it hurt or how badly everything inside my head was spinning, I had to see the expression on his face. So, I spread my fingers slowly, letting in a little light at a time.
The sweat on my skin was starting to dry, and the dampness in the air was hitting me now.
“Why do you have the air-conditioning on?” I asked. “It’s freezing in here.”
“The air isn’t on.”
I had one eye open, focusing on him, while I gradually opened the other. Everything was hurting even worse now that I could see, but that didn’t take away from his gorgeous face. A face with long scruff and messy hair that was leaning against a wall.
A wall…not a headboard.
And beneath him was a cement floor that was the color of dirt.
“Where are we?” I asked, slowly peeking around the room.
There was a toilet just to my left with a pedestal sink, both made of rusty metal. A bottle of soap and a tube of toothpaste lay on the sink. The door across from us had a square cutout in the center, filled with thick rusty bars. On the next wall was a rectangular window directly under the ceiling.
No color, no tile, no paint. Just metal, rust, and dirty cement.
“Is this your bathroom?” I asked although he still hadn’t answered my first question.
My bathroom in The Heart was nicer than the one in Garin’s hotel, which seemed really odd.
He shook his head. “No.”
Why was I so cold?
“Then, where are we, Garin?”
“From what I’ve been able to piece together, I think we’ve been taken.”
“Taken? Taken where?” Everything inside me was suddenly shaking, including my voice. The sweat was back; the churning had returned. The whole room was spinning.
“The guy who opened our cell wouldn’t tell me, and he shut the door too quickly for me to grab him.”
“OUR CELL?”
I pushed myself off the ground and wrapped my arms around my stomach. My chest was heaving, my pulse racing. The air was closing in on me. It felt like there were hands squeezing my throat. And then there was this awful taste in my mouth, like I’d been sucking on a piece of hard plastic. But there was nothing between my lips, nothing around my neck.
Just me, Garin, this cell, so many unknowns, and not nearly enough air.
Stop fighting it, Kyle.
“I can’t breathe.”
I tried yanking my collar away from my throat, but my tank top wasn’t anywhere near it. The movement only made it feel tighter. Three clumsy steps, and I was at the sink, splashing cold water on my face, gulping it down. It didn’t help. I still couldn’t breathe.
Tiny flashes of light sparkled at the corners of my eyes as I paced in a small circle. They weren’t pretty; they were a warning that I was going to pass out. I needed to breathe. Nothing was going in; nothing was coming out.
Breathe
.
Garin’s hands were on my shoulders.
Breathe
.
“What’s the worst design you ever made?”
“What?” I panted, looking up through the pieces of hair that had fallen over my eyes. I was holding my chest because my throat was too tight to touch.
“Worst design,” he said. “Tell me about it.”
Relax, Kyle.
I shook my head. The plastic taste wasn’t as strong, the tightening starting to loosen just a little. “It was supposed to be a calla lily.”
“And?”
The shaking stopped, and the room was no longer spinning.
“It looked more like a tulip.” I inhaled through my nose and exhaled slowly out through my mouth. “Client hated it. Made me redo it, and the second one was just as bad.”
“Why?” He gripped my shoulders even harder.
“I can’t do flowers. Never have been able to.”
“Too detailed?”
“I’m just not a fan.”
“I’ve never heard a woman say that before.”
I shrugged, feeling his fingers bear down on me. “They die too fast. I’d rather have something that lasts a little longer.”
“So, no chocolate?”
I laughed, enjoying the warmth I was feeling from him because I didn’t know how long it would last. “Oh no, chocolate lasts. It goes straight to my ass where it has the potential to stay forever.”
“You’re breathing again.”
“I know.”
To make sure it stayed that way, I focused on Garin. He was in the same clothes he’d worn to the funeral, but now, his shirt was untucked, and there were stains on his pants. His scruff had definitely thickened, and the look in his eyes had deepened. As deep as when he had been kissing me.
“How long have we been here?” I asked.
“At least a night. Maybe more. I woke up only a few hours before you. It took you longer to sleep off the meds.”
He’d mentioned something about that earlier, and I’d ignored it. At that point, I thought I was in his hotel room. I wished I could go back to that thought. That image was perfect.
“What do you think they gave us?”
He sat us down on the floor, turning so that he faced me. His hand left my shoulder. I missed it the second it was gone.
“I don’t know, but something strong enough where they were able to transport us without us waking up.”
Air had fully returned to my lungs. It was my stomach I couldn’t get to relax now.
“Who’s
they
?”
“I’ve only seen one guy. I don’t know who he is.”
Garin was over two hundred pounds of muscle. It wasn’t just one guy who had drugged and transported the both of us. There had to be at least a few guys. If they took us, they wanted something from us. And if they wanted something from us, something told me they’d do anything to get it.
Anything
.
How much time had I lost in this cell? How many days had I lain on that dirty cement while our captor watched us, planning on what he was going to do?