Perfection Is Just an Illusion (Swimming Upstream #1) (3 page)

***

Anna

The whole place had the overpowering stench of thick cigarette smoke. Anna thought she would die of lung cancer if she inhaled. The floor was sticky from all the spilt drinks. Tiny shards of glass stuck out of the carpet and embedded themselves into shoes. The club was crowded and everyone seemed to be talking so loud that Anna couldn’t even hear herself think. A group of sad, old men were sitting off to one side gathered around a pool table that had seen better days. As she passed them she could feel their beady eyes on her. “That one is a definite nine out of ten,” Anna heard one of the drunks mumble.

She tapped Daniel on the shoulder so he would step back and make some room for her to fit into the group. He spun around and saw Anna for the first time. His eyes instantly doubled in size as he appreciated the view. Struggling to form actual words, he managed to mumble, “Wow!’ The others looked up and did a double take. The shy, little chunky girl had vanished and left in her place a stunning, confident, and happy Anna.

She wore a short, black, pleated skirt; her black leggings only emphasised the length of her shapely legs. Her top was a strapless, blue sequin top that didn’t quite reach the top of her skirt, leaving her taut midriff exposed. Her long hair was a mass of loose brown spirals, flowing halfway down her back. Anna’s fresh innocent face was set off by a sexy smile that acted as the centrepiece. And for the first time since the unexpected reunion with her friends her smile reached her eyes. Anna’s bubbling confidence was overflowing. She looked like sex on legs and she knew it. But she didn’t act as if she was better than anyone else. Those people who had criticised and ostracised her through her school years were now in total awe of her miraculous transformation. Anna had truly been converted from an ugly step-sister to a beautiful princess. And with James as her knight in shining armour standing proudly beside her, the picture was complete.

“Anna…you look so…fucking hot,” Matt spluttered, still struggling to form a coherent sentence. At that moment two long, warm, and muscled arms slid around her waist. James was there.

“Hey! Don’t even think about it. She’s mine.” James laughed, spinning her around to face him.

Anna quickly forgot about everyone else and became transfixed on James. But Anna could tell instantly something wasn’t quite right. His eyes darted around above her, scouring the crowd. Although she wasn’t sure what he was worried about, Anna prayed she hadn’t done something wrong. Her worst fears played out in her mind and she was terrified she had somehow embarrassed him.

“James? What’s wrong?” Anna queried nervously, looking up into his face.

His jaw was clenched and Anna’s stomach lurched. Sighing heavily, James leaned down and whispered into her ear, “You know, everyone in this room is looking at you, thinking how absolutely incredible you look.”

Relief consumed her. Anna let out the breath she wasn’t even aware she had been holding. “See sweetie, that’s where you’re wrong. Everyone is looking at me thinking who’s that bitch dancing with that amazing guy who looks good enough to eat?” Anna replied, pulling him even closer, if that was actually possible.

“Well, the answers to their questions are simple. The woman I am dancing with is my fiancée. And the reason I’m dancing with her is because I love her very much,” James said, kissing her lightly on the top of her head. “Do you know what…? I don’t think we should get married,” James suggested.

“What?” Anna’s coughed, her obvious alarm only made him chuckle harder.

“Well…I’ve been thinking about it and I think I like the word fiancée way too much to give it up. But then again, I think the word ‘wife’ would grow on me.” As his words sunk in, a wave of relief washed over Anna’s face, relaxing her so she snuggled in even closer.

The song finished and Anna decided she needed some fresh air and a time out. Hand in hand they walked out of the doors onto the almost vacant patio. Maybe it was the cold air that kept everyone inside or maybe it was the bar serving the cut-price drinks that kept the patio lonely; whatever it was, it didn’t matter. Anna and James were finally alone. Without hesitation, he wrapped his arms protectively around her waist. The only question was what he was trying to protect her from—the freezing cold or something far more sinister. Whatever it was, it didn’t matter; as long as they were together nothing or no one could ever hurt them.

“How are you holding up?” James asked sincerely.

Anna looked up into this eyes and saw something there she didn’t recognise. Something she hadn’t seen before. There was a fear there that scared Anna.

“I’m okay. How ’bout you?” she asked, unable to hide the tremble in her voice.

Squeezing tighter, James looked down into Anna’s eyes, “I’m fine. Promise, Anna. But you, you look so…so different, Anna.”

Suddenly nervous, Anna couldn’t help but blurt out the words as they registered, “Is that a bad thing?”

“Absolutely not,” James replied firmly and without hesitation. “You’ll tell me when you’re ready to go?”

“Promise.” Anna confirmed, then let out a sigh of exhaustion. Her eyes widened when the doors opened and Grant stepped out, invading their private moment. James too, felt the mood change. Anna’s whole body tensed and she pressed into him.

“Just tell me when you want to go and we’ll go. I can’t stay much longer anyway. I have training early tomorrow, but if you want to stay…just ring me and I’ll come and get you. Whenever you’re ready.” James was sincere. Anna knew that if she wanted to stay out he would come when she called. No questions asked. But right now, Anna couldn’t stomach the thought of being separated from him. Not even for a couple of hours.

“If you want to stay, Anna…” Grant interrupted, “I can drop you home. No trouble at all.”
Grant seems strange
, Anna thought. She couldn’t understand after all they’d been through why he would still go out of his way to help her.

“Thanks, mate,” James responded, emotionlessly shaking Grant’s hand. Anna sensed James’s hesitation. There was a wariness there she’d never seen before but it was unmistakable. “There you go, Princess, lots of options. It’s up to you. What do you want to do?”

“I’ll come home with you,” she stated matter-of-factly, looking up at James. Anna couldn’t bring herself to look at Grant but murmured her thanks.

Grant just shrugged his shoulders and headed back inside. James watched Anna as Grant left; she physically relaxed as soon as he moved away from her. He felt her exhale the breath she’d nervously been holding. Whatever it was she didn’t want to tell him, it definitely had some connection to Grant.

“Come on…” James grinned, untangling himself from Anna. “One more dance then I’ll take you home. We’ll just say I have training early tomorrow,” James promised, grabbing her hands and led her back onto the dance floor.

While the old familiar songs played, James and Anna separated and began to bounce to the pulsating beat. Anna noticed most of her friends had already partnered off for the night. It was as if they played a sad game of musical beds to see who ended up with whom. It was a game that had been going on for years. Anna couldn’t help but think about how shallow it seemed. As long as the girls were skinny, blonde, and they wore a tight fitting top, they were a worthy partner. Anna remembered hearing stories of them waking up the next morning and couldn’t even remember the girl’s name. They truly were pathetic, superficial people. All of a sudden Anna’s eyes filled until they let a slow but steady stream of salty tears run over her cheeks.

Quickly she grasped James’s hand. “Get me out of here, please,” she whimpered. He was thrown into a state of shock. She tapped a few people on the shoulder and waved a half-hearted goodbye, not stopping to care about those she missed, just wanting to escape.

James helped her into her jacket before ushering her out the door and onto the street. Unsteady on her feet, somehow Anna managed to scramble into the front seat without saying a word. The whole trip to the hotel, not a word was spoken. Anna was frozen in her spot, sobbing steadily. James drove in silence, every few moments stealing a glance in her direction, confusion etched into his face as to what could have happened to make her that unhappy.

***

James

James’s mind was going a million miles an hour while Anna’s seemed to have stopped functioning altogether. She had fallen into an almost catatonic state. She looked numb. James pulled into the parking garage and switched off the ignition.

He looked over at Anna, reaching out to gently put his hand on her elbow. “Sweetheart, we’re here,” he said, no louder than a whisper, but she failed to react. Her eyes that had earlier this evening been filled with love and happiness were now empty and distant. While physically Anna may have been only a few feet from him, emotionally she might as well have been on the moon. Anna had vanished and now all that remained was an empty shell.

James climbed out and walked around and opened Anna’s door. Still she remained motionless. Reaching in, he unlatched her seatbelt and scooped her up into his arms. She didn’t flinch or even acknowledge him. Gently, as though she was made of glass, he tried to back out of the car. He almost bumped his own head on the roof, but Anna still failed to show any signs of life.

He carried her up to the room but still she remained silent. Delicately, James laid her in the centre of the king size bed and stepped back. Anna just curled into the foetal position. She was broken. Somehow, his sweet Anna had been broken. As he watched her with concerned eyes, he realised she was completely unaware of her surroundings. “What can I do?” he almost begged, praying for some kind of reaction, any kind of reaction. It didn’t matter as long as she moved, made a sound, looked as though she was still in there. But he got nothing.

Panic swamped James. How was he supposed to bring her out of this? How could he save her? What the hell happened? Who did this? James was trying his best to understand, but he just couldn’t. Anna had completely shut down and in doing so shut him out. Nothing he did reached her. Anna was stopping him from saving her. Unsure of what else he could try, James ran her a hot bubble bath.

The hotel suite was exquisite. No expense had been spared. It was a five star luxurious hotel, with views to die for. They had a room on the top floor overlooking the glistening green lake and fountain which dotted the air with a white froth. The room itself had a separate lounge dining room, a king size bed, a double spa bath as well as the biggest television James had ever seen. Each day someone would come in and arrange fresh towels in the bathroom, put crisp clean sheets on the bed, and arrange bright, beautiful bouquets of flowers on the table.

James didn’t know what to do next. He was completely out of his element. Willing to try anything once, he switched on the spa and watched as it began to spew bubbles into the fragrant water. James himself felt putrid. He stank of cigarette smoke and he knew he was in desperate need of a shower. The stench of the smoke from the club had penetrated his clothes and was trapped in the pores of his tanned skin. He knew Anna must have been feeling the same, if she could feel anything at all. Her thick hair was filled with the smell, and smiling to himself, James remembered almost gagging as he carried her upstairs. Desperate, he again tried to talk to her but she just stayed still, trapped in herself.

“Anna, did you want a bath? It will make you feel better, sweetheart.” James was trying his best not to smother her but he was beyond desperate. At last, a reaction! James never thought he would be so excited to see someone lift their head and look up at him with sad, tear-filled eyes.

“Mmm,” was all Anna managed to murmur. But that didn’t disappoint him. Nothing could. He’d gotten a reaction. And for the first moment since he’d put her in the car James felt like he was making progress. Maybe his Anna wasn’t completely lost to him.

James sat down carefully on the edge of the bed and removed Anna’s shoes. He was so sincerely concerned that he couldn’t pull his eyes from her. Sweat dotted his brow as he sucked in a deep breath. And when Anna sat up and reached for James’s hand his heart missed a beat and he felt like he was falling. With his hand in hers, their fingers intertwined, Anna’s face broke into a half-hearted smile. Slowly, she lifted his hands to her lips and lightly kissed each of his fingertips. One by one. James’s strong, calloused hands were warm against her soft cheek. And as James exhaled the breath he’d been holding, he realised everything would be okay. No matter what happened they could survive this. They would survive this. Together. The way it was supposed to be.

Refusing to break the connection now he had her back, James couldn’t help himself. In one fluid motion he swept Anna up into his arms and carried her across the room in a few short strides. When he put her down Anna’s shaky legs barely supported her, but somehow she managed to hold her own. The bathroom smelt like vanilla, overpowering the stench of cigarettes.

It was just after midnight when Anna lay sleeping soundly in James’s arms. Lying there in the darkness, Anna snoring softly beside him, James couldn’t help but feel disappointed by the way the day had turned out. He’d hoped for a nice, quiet, romantic dinner for just the two of them but instead it had ended in silent tears and a void that James wasn’t sure he could hurdle.

Rolling over, James glanced at the clock. It was already after two and he was still wide awake. The dreaded alarm would go off in only a few short hours and drag his weary body back to the pool. And as much as the thought of turning it off appealed, James knew that to be the best you had to put in the effort, which meant getting up at stupid o’clock and following the black line. Besides, when Anna was her normal self again she would kick his arse if she found out he skipped a training session. Especially if Anna had any inkling he missed it on her account.