Perfection (34 page)

Still considering the absurdity of my situation, I watch, amazed, as the blue and orange shoes begin to transform. They shimmer and whirl through colors till they are both the green shade of fresh-picked olives, ripe, juicy, and savory. One is still a sandal, and the other a closed shoe, but the heel heights are roughly the same. I hear footsteps—my own—as I make my first wobbly efforts across the paved stones of the open courtyard. The shoes continue to change as I take more confident steps. I can do this. I can go meet my mother now. It won’t be so bad. I am beginning to embrace my awkwardness.

The sandal straps expand and stretch over my toes as my
eyelids flutter open and the dream slips away, my sleepy eyes taking in the ceiling of my bedroom, a familiar cool and placid white. Will stirs next to me with a sigh, rearranging his pillow. Liza appears in the doorway. She comes closer for a hug, then rushes off, ready for morning cartoons, pancakes, and the rest of our Saturday. I linger in bed for another moment, enjoying the warmth as Will drapes his arm around me. Maybe these new shoes, mismatched but magically changing, will turn out to be a perfect fit.

A NOTE TO MY READERS

I have changed the names (except my own), and other details of persons in this book. I have not changed the name of a certain dog, which suited the animal and my story perfectly. Sometimes real life surprises fiction even in the details. I have, on a few occasions, changed the order of events, where those changes benefit narrative flow without altering a factual telling of the story. Otherwise, all dialogue and events took place as I remember and recount them in these pages.

I would like to thank:

—My family and all the friends old and new, near and far, who have watched over me while I rebuilt my life.

—Anna, for sharing the journey; Sara and Irena, for our many years; Tomas, for being there; Eliot, for making me laugh; Eliana and Avery, for their trust.

—My amazing agent, Elaine Markson, for embracing me from the beginning with unwavering affection and confidence.

—Everyone I have worked with at Voice/Hyperion: Ellen Archer, Pamela Dorman, Barbara Jones, Sarah Landis, Laura Klynstra, Susan M.S. Brown, Claire McKean, Christine Ragasa, and interior designer Sue Walsh. Your enthusiasm and hard work on my behalf have been an inspiration.

—Jeffrey Davis, for getting me organized.

—Jill Herzig at
Glamour
, for putting me to work (nothing like learning to write on deadline…).

—Don Symons, Ph.D., for our conversations, correspondence, and his evolved sense of humor.

—Jofie Ferrari-Adler, for his support.

—Cynthia, for our talks about
Jane Eyre.

—Elizabeth Gilbert, for her generous help and advice.

—Scott Adkins, and my other colleagues at The Brooklyn Writer’s Space.

—Clark, for bravely deploying his Number Two pencil on every draft; Leah, Leigh, and Suzanne, for reading the many rewrites; my other wonderful readers, for taking time to share their ideas.

—Monica, for helping me to keep all the balls in the air while I wrote this book.

—Sarah T., for keeping my feet on the ground.

—My yoga teachers, for leading me through this time of change.
Namaste
.

—My wise and patient daughter, for teaching me something new every day.

—Clark (again), for becoming, on short notice, a great father and true companion. I love our excellent new family.

Finally, I would like to thank The MacDowell Colony for an invaluable fellowship. At Wood Studio I truly found a room of my own.