Then, he releases me suddenly. I barely catch myself on the wall before he punches the other side of my head. This time, I go down. I don’t make a sound; the pain just makes me mute. My breathing is louder and I fight to stay conscious—I can’t imagine what he’d do if I was out cold—so I focus on the trail of light from his flashlight pointing to the ground next to his brown shoes.
He kicks me in the stomach. Once. Twice. Three. Four. Five times. At each and every kick, he grunts. I think I let my first scream free on the third kick. Or is it the second one? I don’t know. At this point, I feel only pain but my brain is in lockdown. I don’t think about running away because all I can think about is how much it hurts.
He grabs me by my hair, tangling his thick fingers in my wild locks, and pulls me toward his face, his other hand leveling up the lamp for us to see each other. His eyes are crazy but determined. The little muscle on his jaw is jumping more than ever and I don’t know what he sees on my face, but he likes it. He’s smiling devilishly; his teeth glint weirdly in the light. He looks like a real monster. “You are still afraid of me because you know what I can do to you.” He brings the flashlight hard against my face. My lower lip splits open and blood runs down my chin, flowing into my mouth. I swallow the metallic taste, fighting my blurring vision. “You still are the same worthless little whore.” He tugs hard on my hair but I can’t focus on the burn of pain on my scalp. “You thought I’d let you go with the tattooed low-life when you’re mine? Because you are mine, Skye. Mine!” My ears ring from his shout. “I got you first, and you’ll have nobody else. Nobody.”
He hits me again with the flashlight and I’m having a hard time focusing on his face. Blood is now oozing from my right eyebrow.
When he pushes me to the ground, I fall in a heap. My body is limp. My muscles and every part of my body is trying to fight the pain he’s inflicted on me and I don’t have the strength to stand on my own.
“You have nothing to say?” he taunts me and I hear the zipper of his jeans. Dear God. No. Oh no, no, no, no! He won’t do this! He can’t do this to me!
“Please, Sean. Let me go,” I beg him with my most weak and pathetic voice. I’m ashamed at this moment of my weakness, unable to fight anymore. I’m disgusted as much with him as I am with myself. I brace myself on to my hands, feeling tiny pieces of glass piercing my thin skin. He can’t do this to me! It’s not happening. It can’t be happening.
I hear his pants falling around his ankles. Bile rises in my mouth. I shake my head violently, only making myself dizzier. Bringing my legs up to my chest, I curl myself into a tiny ball.
“Whatever you do, Skye, you can’t get away from me. I am going to have you,” he sneers, lowering the flashlight enough for me to see he’s hard and I lose it. I puke next to his feet, my tears mingling with my vomit.
He grabs my throat and forces me back to lie down. He’s too strong. I feel his nails pierce the thin skin on my throat. I try to hit him, to kick him but he’s stronger than me. For the first time, I’m fighting back but it’s useless. It’s too late. It seems to arouse him even more as he grinds into me, grunting near my left ear, whispering things I prefer to block out. He punches me again on the right temple and I’m groggy. My arms fall limply at my sides, and I’m like a puppet in his rough and violent hands. He tears at my sweater, ripping it open and massaging my breasts hard. All I can hear is my loud breathing, his grunts, the sound of his skin hitting mine, and the noise of my clothes falling away from my body. I whimper under his assault, the pain of his fingers bruising the skin until they are throbbing. His short nails bite again and again, drawing out little tears of blood on my battered breasts.
He rips open my jeans and begins to pull them down and I choke on a scream. I kick out at him again, thrashing my legs wildly to make it more difficult for him, trying to buy some time. Unfortunately he punches me in the stomach and I scream again, and for a moment I am paralyzed. My throat is raw from my screams but there is nobody to hear me. I am alone here with him and he is about to do the one thing I thought he would never do. Who is this monster?
His fingers force my legs apart, my strength nothing compared to his. I know what he’s about to do but I can’t stop him. The muscles in my thighs are screaming but he’s not backing down. Not at all. It’s like his large fingers are morphing into claws, straining on my thighs until I cry out in pain and can’t fight him when he opens my legs for him. I don’t want to feel his fingers between my thighs, I can’t let him do this. “Sean! No! Please, no!” I scream as he tears at my panties and roughly touches me, growling my name. It is happening. It is.
I can feel two of his fingers claiming me with force, bruising me inside and out. And he’s not stopping. It’s not stopping. I don’t even know if I’m still screaming. I don’t know if the agonizing screams are only in my head, trying to drown out Sean’s presence. Or maybe it’s to distract me from the motion of his fingers, in and out. In and out.
I scream again, his touch hurting me around my wrists imprisoned in his hand while the other one is hurting me both physically and mentally. I can feel his erection against my hip; feel him move against me, taking an animalistic pleasure in hearing me scream and begging him to stop while touching me and rubbing himself against me faster and faster.
“Get your hands up! Now!” a male voice yells with authority, breaking the fog obscuring my thoughts and stopping my deafening screams.
Sean releases me suddenly and kneels with his hands up next to his head. Relief sweeps through me, my sobs shaking me so violently that I curl up against the pain. I hide my bare chest with shaking arms and pull up my legs. This simple move makes the pain between my thighs flare, causing me to sob uncontrollably, rocking back and forth.
“Miss, do you hear me?” a female officer asks me as she puts a warm blanket over me, hiding my naked body from the eyes of the other officers. They are all males and currently taking charge of an angry and naked Sean, who’s saying profanities about me, putting everything on my back. Only this time I know he’s wrong. It’s not my fault that he’s an abusive psychopath. It’s not my fault if he’s so fucked up in the head he needs to own me and do whatever he feels like doing to me. This time I know there’s nothing left in him to be saved.
I nod to the woman and sit up, pulling the blanket tightly around me. I can’t look at her face; I don’t want to see pity in her eyes. I’m not ready to face the looks of the others, but I’m ready to know how they found me so fast because Sean should have raped me before they got here. I know it. I’m not sure why I need to know this or why it is so important right now, but it is. For me it is important to know and understand why they are here. “How did you find me?” I ask, my voice raw from all my screams and loud sobs. It hurts to talk. It hurts to just realize what happened and how it could have been way worse. It hurts to know I should have done something before it went so awry. It hurts to have these people witness this.
“Your boyfriend, Duke Ashdown. He called your parents for them to attest that you were pursued by your abusive ex-boyfriend. It speeds the delay as we usually wait before looking for an adult,” she says, helping me to stand up and supporting most of my weight as my legs don’t cooperate. “However, before we talk about what happened we need to bring you to the hospital.”
I wince at the pain I feel everywhere and not only where Sean hit me. My head is pounding and I know I’ve got a concussion. This is far worse than I’m used to, though. “My parents? They’re here?” I don’t want them to see me like this. They can’t see me like this.
“No, Skye, but they’re on their way. Duke is outside though. I’m sure you want to see him as much as he needs to see you,” she tells me with a soft smile in her voice. She’s trying to ease my nerves.
I look up and see her smile falter. I know I must look bad with all the blood and the bruises Sean gave me, but what I don’t expect is there is not a hint of pity. All I see is compassion and it warms me. I hold my head higher and take a deep breath. I’m not going to hide because I have nothing to hide. I shouldn’t be the one ashamed, and I know Duke doesn’t want me to. I close the blanket tighter around me, making sure I’m safely covered. I’m not ready to tell Duke what Sean did; I’m not ready to see Duke’s pain once he knows Sean was about to rape me.
I limp against her but finally leave the building, and Duke’s voice makes me walk faster.
“Fuck! You’ve got the bastard so why can’t I go see my girlfriend? I need to know if she’s okay! Fuck, let me go!”
“Duke,” I say, my voice is raw and hard to hear, but it’s my voice and he recognizes it immediately.
He looks past the young officer and his dark eyes lock on my face. They widen and glisten. I really must look as bad as I feel. He winces and pushes away from the officer, who lets him pass. Duke runs to me but stops a breath from my injured body. I’m still leaning against the female officer, my legs more wobbly now that Duke is here in front of me. Fresh tears fall.
“Thank you,” I mutter between my sobs. The officer releases me into the security of Duke’s arms. His body doesn’t feel dangerous and threatening like Sean felt moments ago. Duke’s embrace feels like home. “You saved me,” I mumble against his chest where his heart is beating loudly. It’s really over this time.
“I thought I’d lost you,” he whispers to me, his voice broken. “I heard you scream.”
I tighten my arms around his narrow waist and shake my head against his chest. “Never. I told you you’d never lose me. Hush now.”
“But I almost did.” He kisses the top of my head. “You can’t imagine what it was like to believe I’d lose you, too.” He’s shaking against me, his muscles moving against my cheek as he’s trying to keep a hold on his emotions. “It was like I died, Skye. It would have killed me.”
I kiss the place where his heart is beating under his deep green shirt, now tainted by my blood. “I don’t think you grasp how much you mean to me. You won’t lose me because you’re the one who gives me the strength to fight.” And it’s the truth. I fought Sean. If I’d acted like I did before knowing Duke, he’d have had enough time to rape me and maybe even kill me. I fought him, and even though I wasn’t able to free myself, it gave the police enough time to come and rescue me before Sean was able to steal another part of me.
“Oh God. Skye!”
Duke releases me with a start and goes to my left to support my weight. I see Kate in Derek’s arms, crying. Her make-up is ruined by her tears, her light green eyes are bloodshot, and she is shaking like a leaf. Derek is pale and although he’s not as expressive as Kate, I can see how scared he is. All my friends are here and my parents will be with me soon.
“I’m fine.” I’m careful to keep the blanket around me so as not to show my ruined clothes. They don’t need to know the extent of what happened in there. I’ll tell them later, but they don’t need more on their plate right now.
Derek’s mouth drops open and Kate cries harder. Duke’s arm tightens around me and I whimper almost imperceptibly but enough for him to realize. He apologizes with a cringe. “Don’t try to make light of what’s happened to you. I don’t want you to play it cool when I know you’re in shock. Don’t shut me out again.” His dark expressive eyes are pleading, begging me and telling me how much he needs me.
I shake my head and smile at him as I see officers indicating in my direction to the paramedics. “I’m not, but I don’t want you all to freak out. In the end, he only had time to just hit me.” Sort of.
“Just? What—”
“Excuse me, miss, but we need to check your injuries. We have to drive you to the hospital before you can give your statement to the officers,” a middle-aged man interrupts Duke with a reassuring smile.
I look at the ambulance and sigh. As I nod, Duke walks me to it without a word, followed by a crying Kate and a mute Derek. We’re all shaken up, but I have yet to grasp everything that’s happened.
* * *
Once at the hospital, I don’t get a second alone with my friends. Several doctors check my injuries, making a report to testify that I hadn’t been raped but was sexually assaulted. The same police officer that gave me the blanket took several pictures of all my injuries. Even if I had to be naked in front of a woman it was difficult and added to my humiliation. Letting someone I don’t even know see the extent of my injuries on my breasts darkened by bruises already deep purple and my thighs where Sean’s nails pierced my skin ... it was really hard and made me feel lonely, weak, and broken. I cried but said nothing. I had to do this to be over Sean. I had to do this for me and for other women that could be his victims in the future. And I had to do this for my friends and family. I want to show them that I can be strong with all of this and that I’m not ready to cease all fight. I’m a survivor. Now I know it. And I realize I should have done this sooner instead of acting like I could just forget him and go on with my life.
I’m alone in a barren room with an IV in my arm. The sky is less dark as the minutes flow and I begin to feel tired. I know my parents are outside talking with the officer in charge of this case and Duke, Kate, and Derek must be with them. At least I know I won’t have to talk about what Sean did to me. The officer will do it for me.
I snuggle deeper into the firm pillow. I miss my pillow, my bed, and my clothes. I adjust the thin blanket over my body only covered with the hospital cloth. I should close my eyes and let the sleep win, but I’m afraid of the nightmares. I used to have nightmares every night because of Sean and he never did as much as he did tonight. I don’t know how I’ll heal from all of this, but I do need to talk with a psychologist. I can’t risk losing the life I was building before my abduction and only professional help will be able to do it.