Packed and Ready to Go (13 page)

“
Do you think you could lose your job?” Worry flickered in her eyes.

“
Don’t stress. We’ll be fine.” I bit into my lamb chop and chewed slowly. “There will be many nights when I’ll work late or sleep on the couch in my office. You’ve got to hang in there with me. It’s going to be hard enough. I expect the sales people will need me even more as they try to find new jobs or apply for unemployment, or cry in their soup. Some of them will be upset. But you can’t start thinking the worst of me just because I don’t call when you expect or I don’t show up for a few dinners.” Some of this was true. The rest gave me an excuse to be absent from home more often and it was coming so easy, it made me giddy.

“
Yeah, okay, I’ll chill out, but after this is all over, maybe we can plan a trip or something. We’ve got an anniversary coming up. Maybe we can go away and do something together.”

“
Yeah. Sure we can.” I agreed even though I had no intention of going away anytime soon. I needed to deal with Sasha and work. With all the havoc facing me vacationing never entered my thoughts. But I pretended.

“
How about we leave the dishes until the morning?” Tracy said when I couldn’t eat another morsel. She rubbed my crotch with her toes. Only she could manage to be so gentle and arouse me at the same time.

I enjoyed the evening more than I thought I could. Being with Tracy, I didn’t have to worry about holding my stomach in, or if I held my erection long enough to satisfy her. With her, I could be lazy. The thought of not worrying about performing made my penis stiffen. One glance at my watch told me I still had to wait.

“
Let’s hand wash the dishes like we used to do before we had all these fancy appliances.”

Her face lit up. “Are you serious? You’re going to wash dishes?”

“
After that meal, I’d do anything for you.” I grabbed her ass.

I drew water in the sink and she cleared the table. After we finished she asked, “Are you ready to complete what you started on the sofa? I think you owe me a little sumthin-sumthin.” She brushed her hips against me before kneading my shaft through my pants.

My promise to Sasha paled as Tracy snuggled against my chest. For the first time in weeks I wanted to make love to my wife and nothing could keep me from it. Tracy’s soft curves were like a siren, revving up every cell in my body. My loins warmed.

I climbed the stairs behind Tracy, dropping my shirt, my tie and belt in the hall leading to our bedroom. By the time I reached the bedroom door, only my silk boxers remained in place.

In the middle of our bedroom she turned to face me. Her soft eyes danced with excitement. She was so easy to please and tonight I wanted to make her happy.

She removed my boxers and I removed her gown.

I groped her large breasts, one in each hand. She released a low growl that meant she liked what I was doing.

“
I’ve waited for you for weeks.” She pushed up on her toes and kissed me.

Instead of responding, I backed her to the edge of the bed and captured her tongue. I didn’t want to talk. I wanted to be inside of her. I climbed on top, pushed her legs apart with my knees and drove deep inside of her. She was warm and wet. Each thrust into her wet center was deeper than the last as I buried my guilt.

Chapter Eleven – Tracy

Without turning on the light in the darkened bedroom, Walter nestled his nose against my neck. His heavy breathing sounded like a wild animal stalking our room. He skipped the foreplay and went straight to the main attraction. His hurried actions reminded me of our rushed love-making in my dorm room before my roommate returned and interrupted us. My thoughts slipped back to his weak excuse for his absence, refusing to accept his explanation.

If he put half as much energy in our marriage as he did in his work, our relationship wouldn’t be near death.

I ground my hips against him, trying to slow him down. This precious moment needed to last long enough to make me believe in him, again. The passion between us exceeded anything I could remember for months.

Walter pumped against me as if he’d forgotten the fine art of shared orgasm. His eyes were squeezed so tight, tiny lines formed around them.

Was Walter enjoying me or the act? I turned my head away and envisioned Marco. Marco
looked like the kind of man who knew how to treat a woman. He looked like the kind of man who built pedestals for his woman. He looked like the kind of man who could hold me close and be proud to call me his woman.

I doubt Walter even realized I was under him. He grunted and panted like his was a solo mission to reach ecstasy. But no matter how much noise he made, or how hard he pushed, he never lit my flame.

He pumped faster.

His body grew rigid in my arms.

I wrapped my legs around his back, whispered a few ahs and threw in a few ohs. Walter was so self-absorbed, he probably didn’t even hear me fake my way to ecstasy.

When his body went still with his orgasm, I contracted my muscles, and threw in a few quivers before pretending to fall limp.

Walter had given me five full minutes before collapsing. Maybe I didn’t love him the way I used to. Or maybe I expected too much. Thinking about Marco while Walter tried so hard wasn’t fair. Walter was under a lot of pressure at work.

“
After Crystal’s wedding, everything is going to be better.” I ran my fingers across his chest. “Weddings always stress people out.”

“
It’s not supposed to. Crystal and Max should be the ones stressed.” Walter rolled off of me and onto his back, and clasped his fingers behind his head. “I think you just need to learn to relax. You’re way too uptight, Tray.”

“
Oh, so I’m the problem,” I drew away from him. As usual, he managed to make me the crazy one.

“
No, I didn’t mean that. You think everything should be perfect. Even people. And nothing is perfect. Ever.”

I grabbed the extra pillow and held it against my body. Walter had to be wrong. Even if perfection wasn’t something to expect every day, I didn’t think I was asking for too much. I felt like someone had raked their nails against the insides of my stomach.

I tightened my hold on the pillow, pulling it tight enough to push down the panic.

The next morning, Walter was gone by the time my alarm clock rang. The bedroom was dark, except for the hint of sunrise peeking through the slats in the blinds. I tried to ignore everything he’d said last night. He had his reality and I had mine. Before I left the house I peeked at my packed bag. Knowing they were still waiting for me helped just a little.

I skulked into my office and dropped my bag on the desk. After yesterday, I felt like a kook. I couldn’t picture that woman who called her friends in tears, or the one escorted out of the building. The whole scene reminded me of a soap opera drama. I winced as the image clarified in my head. I saw myself the way Carla and Ursula must have seen me.

The list of activities I needed to finish before the end of the day was as long as my arm. But I sat at the desk, and crossed my legs like a woman with nothing but time. My leg swung back and forth in a steady cadence while I scrutinized the events of last night, without the romantic lighting or the sweet taste of merlot on my tongue. Fear clogged my throat. We had to make our marriage work, the thought of divorce made it almost impossible for me to breathe. Life without Walter did not exist in the creases of my mind. He was persuasive. The ultimate salesman and I wondered if I had just bought another one of his show stopping performances.

I decided not to push the thought too far away, but to keep an earnest eye open for another sign. My heart was still scorched from the pain of his last affair with his assistant Tonya. The skinny little hussy quit when I found out about their midday tryst on his office sofa. She was young, pretty and had stroked his massive ego by performing fellatio and typing memos all in the same day, like it was a skill taught in college.

Walter swore his loyalty to me and told me she meant nothing. He even sought counseling. Crystal was only fifteen. I wasn’t ready to let my marriage disintegrate. Instead, I found a way to believe his apology.

I sighed, then picked up the phone to hear Walter’s message again. Listening in earnest this time for any nuances I might have missed.

Some telltale background noises like heavy breathing or soft music. I repeated the message two times but heard the same thing I heard last night—only his voice.

I intended to start on the pile of work on my desk, but called my dad first.

In my most chipper voice I could fake, I greeted him as soon as he picked up the phone.

“
Girl, I’m fine, just fine,” he said in his easy manner.

My father trusted me, so I had to be honest with him. “I’m worried about you, Dad, about your health.”

“
Oh, now your mom’s got you all worked up. I’m feeling fine. Everybody slows down when they get my age. You wait and see,” he chuckled.

“
Just the same, I want you to see a doctor.”

“
Aww…”

“
Please don’t be upset with me, but I’ll make an appointment for tomorrow.”

“
Um…” he snorted. “Can’t go tomorrow, I’m meeting Ray and some others. We’re playing poker.”

“
I haven’t even told you what time the appointment is yet.”

“
Doesn’t matter. Can’t make it.”

“
Dad—”

“
Tracy, maybe another day.” He paused for a moment as if he wanted to find a more appropriate time. “I’ll go after the wedding, but only if you promise to buy me lunch too.”

“
Why? Why do you want to wait until after the wedding?”

“’
Cause I’m grown.” He laughed. “And I want to eat at that place you always take your mother to on Chestnut Street.”

I grinned. “Okay, I’ll make the appointment for the week after the wedding. And you promise to go with me without being difficult?”

“
Can’t promise I won’t be difficult, but if the Lord’s willing, I’ll go.”

“
Okay, Dad. Now make sure you remind Mom that a car will pick you both up the evening before the wedding. That way you won’t have to drive.”

“
How sweet, honey. You know we’re looking forward to this. You and Walter aren’t sparing any expense, are you?”

“
We only get to do this once, so why not?”

“
Is Walter’s crazy mother coming up? I don’t want to spend too much time around that poisonous woman. It’s a wonder he turned out so good with a crazy mother like her.”

“
You have to ignore Evelyn. She’s had a difficult life, that’s all.”

“
Yeah, I’ll bet it was difficult. You can’t spew that much poison and be Miss Happy-Go-Lucky. She won’t be staying with you guys, will she? ’Cause if she is—”

“
Don’t start. You and Mom are staying here. Evelyn and Walter’s brothers are staying at a hotel. And you’ll be on your best behavior around her, won’t you?”

“
Aren’t I always on my best behavior?” he asked. “Just ask your mom, she’ll tell you.”

“
You always are. I love you,” I said.

I sat back in my chair and laced my fingers. Suppose my father was really sick? He was my constant, I still leaned on him. Before that thought could burrow too deep, I shook it away, turned on the computer, and pulled up the spreadsheets to review the financial closing.

“
Buon giorno,
good looking. How was your lunch with your friends?” I looked up to find Marco standing in my door in a custom-made suit that made him look like Adonis. I opened my mouth, but my brain faltered and no words came out. He took a seat and gave me a look that almost brought me to orgasm. A smile like that from Walter and my life would have been blissful. If Marco knew how many times I made love to Walter with him on my mind, he might have bolted out of my office.

“
I stopped by to see you yesterday, but you were gone. You must have banker’s hours.”

I gave him my full attention. “I had to leave early yesterday. Something came up.”

“
How was your lunch?” he asked again. His dark eyes penetrated mine.

I looked away and forced my legs together.

“
Whenever the three of us get together we have a good time.” I ignored the warmth spreading up my spine.

Part of the tattoo on his hand peeked from beneath the cuff of his shirt. “How did you handle Crystal’s graduation?”