Packed and Ready to Go (12 page)

I used the voice command to call Sasha while I sat in traffic. “Hey,” I said when she answered.

“
Hey yourself. Heading home?” This was routine. I always called her before I walked in the door of my house. Calling from home was risky.

“
Yep.”

She hesitated for a moment. “I’m sorry about how I broke the news to you last night. I didn’t know how else to say it. I imagined telling you in some romantic setting while candles glowed, but then I blurted it out. I wasn’t trying to get pregnant. I know we didn’t…” She stopped. “But you know…”

“
I’m fine. W-we’re fine,” I stuttered.

She laughed softly. “Walter relax, it’s a baby, not a bomb. We’ll handle it. As soon as you tell Tracy you’re leaving, we can start making plans and everything will be fine.”

The pressure on my chest tightened, making me squint through the pain.

“
Do you want to stop by for a quickie? I think being pregnant makes me horny. I’ll get you out the door in an hour.” Her voice softened.

“
Aw Sasha, that’s not fair. You know I can’t.”

“
I know, but I don’t like the way we left it this morning. We need to talk some more.”

“
We’ll talk.” I changed lanes.

“
When are you coming back?”

“
Let me see what kind of mess is waiting for me at home, and then I’ll let you know.”

“
Home is here with me. You’re going to a house,” she cooed, her sexy voice filtered through the speakers.

I should have been resentful. She made my life twice as complicated, but I couldn’t be angry with her. I’d used her to satisfy my sexual fantasy and now it was time to pay the price. I just didn’t realize it would be so high.

“
What are you wearing?” I needed to hear the sweet lilt of her voice a little longer. Nothing in Tracy’s tone would be sweet when I walked through the door.

“
Stop by and see for yourself.”

“
I can’t. You know I can’t.”

“
How much longer, Walter?” This was becoming her favorite question. The longing in her voice whined in my ear. I wanted to hold her and tell her everything would work out. But I couldn’t be convincing.

“
Soon Sasha, soon. I’ll come by the store for lunch in a couple of days. How’s that?”

“
Can you come with me to my doctor’s appointment this week?”

I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat. Determined not to let her down, I scrambled to say the right thing. “Sure, let me know what day and I’ll make the time.” I tried to sound happy, but with the shake-up going on at work I didn’t want to be out of the office. Sitting in a doctor’s waiting room didn’t sound like a wonderful way to spend the day even if nothing was going on.

“
Thanks.”

I knew she recognized this was a major step for me. “I’ll let you know when.” Then she hung up.

I pulled into the garage beside Tracy’s Cadillac. The pressure on my chest increased. I turned off the ignition, gathered my keys, my briefcase and my lies. After several minutes I forced myself out of the car, squared my shoulders.

As soon as I opened the door the smell of roasting meat filled my nose. The lights were dim. It took my eyes a moment to get acclimated to the darkness. The dining room table was set with a lace tablecloth we had purchased in Belgium. A giant candle thingy glowed from the center of the table.

If I didn’t know better, I would have thought Tracy was entertaining a lover. But Tracy was loyal to me and would never think about treating me as badly as I treated her. In all the years we’d been married, she never even looked at another man. The extra weight she’d put on was like an added insurance policy for me. Even though she was still very attractive, she didn’t think so, so I didn’t have to worry.

I dropped my briefcase on the kitchen floor and headed for the bedroom to find her. This was not the scene I expected when I got home. I was exhausted and wanted to sit like a vegetable and watch ESPN.

“
Walter?” Tracy called.

I walked into the dimly lit family room. Jazz played from the Bose system. Tracy sat on the leather couch with an expression on her face that I couldn’t read. She didn’t look like a woman ready to fly into a rage. The message I left must have worked better than I had imagined. I should have tried it months ago.

“
What the fuck is going on, Tracy?” Those weren’t the words I expected to exit my mouth, but I was drained and wanted to be left alone.

I wasn’t prepared to spend a romantic evening with her. Not after everything that had transpired in the last twenty-four hours. I didn’t have the required stamina.

“
I was going to ask you the same question. Minus the profanity of course.” She patted the sofa next to her and offered me a glass of wine that had been sitting on the coffee table.

I continued to stand in the middle of the room and watched while she took a long swallow from her glass.

From the lacy gown she wore, the food cooking, the dim lights, I knew what she had planned, and my heart twisted in my chest. All I wanted to do was go to bed without hurting her again. I felt like a jackass. I should have been cooking her dinner and serving her wine. I wished I could be the man she saw when she looked at me. And even with her full breasts, curvy hips and skin so lush it invited me to touch, I couldn’t perform.

I was willing to betray Tracy, but I couldn’t betray Sasha. Not on the same day—that was Sasha’s rule. Somehow Sasha could accept the fact that I made love to Tracy as long as I never made love to the both of them on the same day. And this morning before leaving for work, Sasha had wrapped her lean legs around me and I surrendered, so happy she wasn’t upset by my reaction to the news.

I crossed the room, accepted the glass of wine from Tracy, and sat on the sofa beside her. “I’m so exhausted.” I sipped the Merlot and began my Oscar-winning performance.

“
Like hell you are. Before you go to sleep, maybe you need to tell me where you were all day and night.” She stared at me, her eyes were as cold as the polar ice cap and about as welcoming, too.

She was looking for some telltale sign I was lying, so I focused on the part of my story that was true. “Don’t start any shit with me, Tracy. I left you a message.” I averted my eyes and rubbed the cleft in my chin.

“
The hell you did. I checked the messages as soon as I got home today and the phone hasn’t rung once since I’ve been here. There weren’t any messages on the recorder and I checked. I called you nine hundred times on every phone listed to you.”

“
You didn’t get the one I left for you at work?”

“
At—you left a message for me at work? Why the hell would you leave one there? I don’t work on Sundays.” Her eyes narrowed. “Come on Walter, even you, the master prevaricator, can do better than that.”

“
Why would I lie to you? You know what I’ve been going through at work,” I kept my voice level. “I left a message as soon as I could this morning.”

“
Umm humm,” she said. But I knew she didn’t believe me.

“
Dammit Tracy, you know what a mess the company is in. We are meeting night and day to figure out how we can…how to save jobs.” I raised my voice. “Every time something comes up, I can’t stand up and say wait a minute I need to call my wife and get permission first.” I set the glass on the table so hard wine spilled. “I’m under enough pressure trying to prove myself as the only black VP. I have to demonstrate leadership and guidance—how would it look if the CEO calls an immediate meeting and I can’t show up until I clear it with my wife?”

“
All day, Walter. All day long and you couldn’t tell me where you were? You couldn’t reach me? I went to your office and no one was there.” Tears gathered in her eyes. “I drove down. There wasn’t any meeting going on. You must think I’m some kind of idiot.”

“
The meeting was in the board room on the tenth floor. I got a message to you as soon as I could. I didn’t want to call you here at home during the night and wake you up, so the first opportunity I had this morning, I left a message for you where I thought you could get it. In your office.” I picked up the phone from the base and shoved it into her hand. “Check it now dammit. Check it!” My excuse was flimsy thin, but I was pulling it off. A bead of sweat rolled down my chest.

She didn’t take her eyes off of me while she dialed the number. The cold stare was eerie. I picked up my glass, and took a sip of wine, hoping to disguise my nervousness. I crossed my legs while she punched in the codes.

She listened.

I watched.

Disappointment washed over me for the pain I was causing her. At least a small portion of my story was true.

She placed the headset on the couch between us. “Well,” she started, then stopped. In a more gentle voice she said, “I was so upset this morning I left the office before nine and never went back.

Tears streamed down her cheeks. Her lips puckered. “You are such a bastard. The last few years everything in this marriage has revolved around you and what you wanted or needed. You can’t begin to imagine what the last twenty-four hours have been like for me. All because your company is having a crisis. Well, Walter, I’m having a crisis too.” Her hands went to her hair and she ran her fingers through her short curls.

I gathered her in my arms, pushing my nose against the tender part of her neck. She smelled like lavender. I ran my hand across her back and down to her butt. The thin fabric did nothing to shield her soft flesh from my touch.

My body warmed up. Even the discomfort in my chest melted away as she wrapped her arms around me, teasing tension out of my shoulders with her fingertip.

With my lips pressed against her ear, I whispered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to worry,” I kissed her several times before moving to her neck. “I called you as soon as I could. We were in a strategy session. No phones, no computers. I was probably the only one standing in the bathroom stall leaving a message for his wife. All the other wives understand. You’ve got to trust me, Tracy. We’ve been down this road before and you said that was behind us.” I tried to soften the look in my eyes to get her to give a little, too.

When I released her, we sat in silence listening to the music. I pulled her back against the cushions and rubbed her thigh to placate her. Inching closer to the thick patch of hair between her legs.

Without saying a word she loosened my tie. No matter how much she wanted to, I wouldn’t make love to Tracy tonight.

“
Tray, I’ve been in a seventeen hour meeting that started yesterday afternoon. The only thing they fed us was dry sandwiches and weak coffee. I’m starving and so exhausted I barely made it home this evening. Please, let’s have dinner first.”

She looked disappointed. “I cooked
my
favorites, tonight.” She uncoiled her legs and stood up. “Lamb chops, roasted potatoes and broccoli. I even made dessert—walnut cake.”

“
Can I have some of your favorites?” I followed her into the kitchen. She tugged on the camisole to pull it lower over her hips. She was so conscious of hiding what she believed didn’t look good. But the view was perfect. I loved her curves.

Dinner was delicious. Tracy hated to cook, but she worked wonders in the kitchen. I even went back for seconds and polished the succulent lamb bones. I smacked my lips, quite pleased with being able to deceive my wife.

“
Where did you think I was?” I asked between bites.

“
I don’t know what I thought.” She hunched her shoulders.

“
Yeah, you do,” I chuckled with a mouth full of food, but I didn’t dare say it.

She laughed. “Yes, that’s what I thought.” She placed her elbow on the table and placed her chin in her palm. “Maybe we need to set up some kind of signal for when this stuff happens.”

“
Like what?”

“
I don’t know. But—”

“
It’s going to be pretty bad, Tracy. I’m talking about a massive layoff.”

“
How many?”

“
We’re going to close the plants in Rhode Island and Florida. Most of those people will lose their job. A few will be transferred to other plant sites. My staff will be cut in half and—”

She reached across the table and ran her hand along my cheek. “Are you going to be okay?”

“
I’ll be fine, but I don’t trust Joe. Remember the promotion he promised me that I haven’t seen yet?”