Over (8 page)

"I made that clear before I left." She picked up a cracker and bit into it, spilling crumbs onto the table. "Sorry."

"No problem. Anything you want to talk about? I'm all ears."

She looked into his beautiful eyes. He looked like he actually wanted to listen.

"People often tell me their troubles as I tow them places. I'm good at keeping secrets." He gave her a reassuring nod.

Alyssa let out a slow, deliberate sigh. Did she dare open up? Maybe she should wait to make that decision until after the alcohol had left her system. "I really appreciate you opening your home to me, Rusty, but I'm suddenly exhausted. I hope you're not offended if I just go to bed?"

"Not at all." He stood up. "Let me show you to your room. It's just down the hall."

Still feeling the buzz, Alyssa held onto the table as she got up from the chair. She followed him down another hall and ended up facing several doors.

Rusty pointed to one on the left. "That's another bathroom and the laundry room. And that one," he pointed to the door at the end of the hall, "leads to the back yard. The one behind you is the guest room. Do you need anything? You didn't bring in a bag."

Alyssa shook her head. "It's in my car."

"Want me to fetch it for you?"

"I can get it."

"No, I'm steadier on my feet. I'll only be a minute."

"Can't argue with that." She dug her keys out of her purse and handed him the one that went to her car.

He took off, and Alyssa used the bathroom again. She really shouldn't have drunk that much. There had to be another way to deal with her life. She had been sneaking more of Chad's beers—and she didn't even like beer. He had to have noticed, but hadn't said anything.

Sighing she flushed the toilet. After washing her hands, she looked around the room. It was as Rusty had described. A full bathroom with a washer and dryer and shelving that held laundry items. She grabbed a washcloth and ran it under warm water and washed her face. Too bad she hadn't brought her creams, but she hadn't thought that far ahead.

When she got into the hall, she didn't see Rusty. Maybe she should have told him where the bag was. Her car was an embarrassing mess. She hadn't been taking care of it since Macy disappeared. That was something else that needed to change along with giving up alcohol. She had to get her life back, even though it would never be close to the same again. Living in limbo was done.

Alyssa went into the room that Rusty had said would be hers for the night. She found the light switch and turned it on. The first thing she saw was her bag sitting in the middle of a queen sized bed. Her keys were on top of the bag.

She closed the door behind her and stuck her keys in the purse and then dug her pajamas out from the bag. Soon she was in the middle of the ultra-soft bed all by herself. When was the last time she had gone to bed and not had to worry about anyone disturbing her? If one of the kids didn't need her, then Chad did.

Guilt stabbed at her for enjoying the peace. She shoved it away. After everything she had done for everyone all those years, there was nothing wrong with taking some time to take care of herself. Even with all the stress and heartache of Macy being gone, she had still taken care of Alex, Chad, and even Zoey.

Not that she minded taking care of everyone. Even Chad, who could take care of himself. Sure, she had spent a lot of time sobbing by herself—especially in the beginning—but she had also made sure that everyone was taken care. She'd had to step it up when people stopped bringing over meals.

Alyssa had taken that as her first small sign that it was time to move on with life. Things needed to return to normal as much as possible. They were still alive, and she needed to get herself together enough to take care of her remaining child. Alex was who she had to focus on now. She needed this time to pull herself together without distraction.

Before she could focus on taking care of Alex properly, she needed to mourn Macy. She would allow herself to grieve while she had this bedroom all by herself, and then she would plan the funeral—even if it ruined her relationship with Chad. If he didn't love Alyssa enough to give her what she needed, then she didn't need him in her life anymore.

She stretched and then rolled over, spreading herself across the bed diagonally. Closing her eyes, she saw Alex's face in her mind.

Hopefully, he wouldn't be too upset over her being gone in the morning. Chad would let him know that she was safe, and with Zoey still there, he might not even notice her absence.

She would have to ask Rusty how he dealt with the loss. How on earth had he been able to move on? He seemed to be happy enough. In fact, she would have never guessed what he had been through if he hadn't told her.

Memories of Macy filled Alyssa's mind in the dark silence. Tears came. "Why did you go, Macy? Didn't you know how much losing you would kill the rest of us?" She buried her face into the pillow and sobbed. Once the tears stopped—even they had had their limit—she sat up, wrapping her arms around her knees.

It felt good to speak to Macy. If she had died like Alyssa believed, maybe Macy could even hear Alyssa speaking to her. "Macy, I hope you know how much we all love you. Did you know before you took off? Were you only planning on being gone that night? The only thing missing, aside from you, of course, was your favorite purse."

Alyssa sighed. "Was there anything we could have done differently? I would give anything to go back in time and stop you from going. Or let you go and have Zoey and Alex go with you so you wouldn't be alone for a second. Did you mean to leave us? I can't imagine that you did. I know you left that message online, but there's so much doubt around that. Most everyone thinks you were forced to write that. Were you? I hope not. More than anything, I hope not."

She squeezed her knees tighter. "It rips me apart to think about anything bad happening to you. I should have been there to protect you. I tried, I really did. I looked for you until my body hurt. I begged others to help. Your dad, he's been getting the word out on his blog nonstop. And we get along again. We're not fighting anymore, Macy. Well, not until tonight."

Fresh tears filled her eyes, thinking about her fight with Chad. "We can't agree on what to do about you. I don't know if that'll tear us apart or not. I need to give you the memorial service you deserve. What if we never find you? Are we going to never give you a proper service? That's not right. But no matter what happens, Dad and I both love you with all of our hearts. Even if we can't be together anymore." Tears dropped onto her arms.

"Though I think us not being together would hurt Alex more than you. Hopefully, you're in Heaven or someplace good. I can't imagine you going anywhere else. You're so sweet. Feisty, yes." Alyssa couldn't help smiling. "No one could ever doubt your spunk. I'll never forget how mad you got when Dad and I tried to keep you from going vegan. You weren't going to take no for an answer. And you didn't. When I saw you buying your own food, I finally caved. Remember that? I wanted to take you to the gym with me, but you were afraid you'd see kids from school there. You used Dad's weights in the garage."

Alyssa felt a wave of relief wash over her. It felt so good to talk
to
Macy. She really felt like her daughter could hear her. She leaned back and fell into a sleep deeper than she had experienced in a long time.

Stress

Macy listened for noise outside the bedroom. Even with her ear pressed against the door, she couldn't hear anything. She would be expected up soon, but she didn't want to see either Chester or Rebekah before she had to.

She held her breath as she opened the door, careful to lift the door up slightly at the just the right spot so it wouldn't squeak. She had managed to open it without a sound yet again. Looking down the empty hall, she pretended she was a ninja as she made her way to the bathroom.

Her leg was fine, though she never did figure out if it had been broken or sprained. It had taken about six weeks to heal, and Rebekah had said she thought that was normal for a broken bone. Macy wasn't so sure, but she was just grateful that she had been walking around for a while.

Although as soon as she could get around, Chester and Rebekah had put her to work. She had to do all kinds of housework and for whatever reason, they still had her studying the community books.

When she was done in the bathroom, she listened to see if they were awake. She'd heard them late into the night. Even though they now lived in a house with every modern convenience, that didn't keep her from hearing their newlywed activities each night.

It disgusted her, but she did her best to keep perspective. It gave her more reason to work on her plan to get out of there. Chester had the house sealed tight. Most of the windows were nailed shut or otherwise made impossible to open. The loud, ear-piercing alarm was set at all times. He hadn't even told Rebekah the code to turn it off.

Looking around, she went into the living room. She walked to the window and peeked around the curtain and moved a blind up. It was light outside and she could see kids her age standing at a bus stop. Most of them were teasing each other and a couple others stood off to the side, looking tired and annoyed.

As much as she had hated school before being kidnapped, Macy would give anything to go back. She would even take the kids who had bullied her. Not only did Chester make them look like scared mice in comparison, but Macy had grown in her confidence. She had survived much more than she ever would have thought possible. She could stand up for herself against some insecure teens.

Macy watched the kids across the street. Had they been Heather's friends?

Heather was part of why Chester had gone so far as to keep their presence hidden from the neighbors. She was locked away at the local mental hospital because of everything Chester had put her through. If Macy was seen, people would know something was up. It was too risky.

Even Chester only went out at night, when he was certain no one would see him. His truck was hidden away in the garage, which had coverings over the windows. Rebekah never left the house either. She was mad about being ripped from the community, and wanted nothing to do with the world.

Macy also knew Rebekah had a warrant out for her arrest from her days in a band. She knew better than to ask Rebekah about it, but she couldn't help wondering if that played into her refusal to leave also.

A noise behind Macy startled her and she jumped back, putting the curtain back in place.

"Do you miss your friends, Heather?" Chester asked. He tied his bathrobe, looking nonplussed.

"Something like that." Pretending to be Heather had become a natural part of life. She no longer wanted to scream that she wasn't Heather.

"Maybe someday you can go outside again and see them," Chester said, referring to the kids outside. "But for now, we have chores. Your true mom is tired from the pregnancy, so you're going to have to do her chores today. Can you handle that?"

Macy held back a groan. "No problem." Doing the extra chores was a small price to pay if it meant keeping Chester's temper at bay.

Macy had expected him to be even angrier with her than he always was already about them being kicked out of the community, but he hadn't been any worse since being in the house. Rebekah was the one who had changed. She had been so kind to Macy before, but now the resentment was all over her face.

"Why don't you start with making breakfast?" Chester asked, his voice cheery. "Then you can take your mom hers in bed."

Macy went to the kitchen. In her real family, breakfast meant either cold cereal or something frozen stuck in the microwave, but living as Chester Woodran's fake daughter, it meant a huge production.

Macy would have to make waffles or pancakes from scratch and then make some kind of complicated egg dish—scrambled, which was easy, was not allowed. The whole thing would make a huge mess, taking her more than an hour to cook and then clean everything. Although she was glad to have electricity again. Living in
the world,
they weren't stuck with the community's insane rules.

The shower sounded as Macy gathered the ingredients. At least she would be left alone for a little bit. Even when Chester wasn't being a jerk, he talked nonstop. He never had anything interesting to say, but he had no shortage of things to rattle on about. Macy knew his thoughts on politics, farming, the news, how people treated him, what life had been like as a child, and a plethora of other topics.

She was sure he loved the sound of his voice so much he had to force others to listen to it also. It might not be so annoying if he wasn't so insistent his opinions were right and anyone who disagreed was wrong.

By the time Chester came into the kitchen again, Macy had everything on the table.

"That smells delicious, Heather. Why don't you grab a tray and take a plate in for your mom?"

Macy's chest tightened. She knew once she got into the bedroom, Rebekah's hate would be felt from across a room.

"Did you hear me?" Chester asked.

"Yes." Macy turned around and went through a couple cabinets until she found the tray he was talking about. She put a plate and silverware on and then filled everything.

She turned around and faced Chester, hoping he would take it into the room instead.