"I love you Charlie, and whenever you need to talk, I'm here for you."
"I know, Mom. I love you too."
As I reached over to give my mom a hug, I look at the door and sighed.
"But all of this doesn't explain why you invited Derrick over."
My mom pulled away from my embrace and gave me a sympathetic look.
"Listen Char, I just thought that if you two sit down and talk about your problems, then maybe you could patch things up."
"Mom, how many times am I going to tell you that my relationship with Derrick is over? I'm with Michael now."
"I understand that Char, but I also saw something else in you when you started to date Michael. I noticed that your heart is not with Michael, it still with Derrick."
"And how you know that?"
"Believe me, I was young once too. I know you still have feeling for Derrick, and I also know that you can't establish another relationship until you fully let go of your past experiences. I don't know what happened between you and Derrick, but what I do know is that you need to resolve your situation before you can fully be happy with Michael. That's why I invited Derrick over. So you two can talk."
I looked at my mom as tears started to roll down my face. Even my mom figured it out about my feelings for Derrick! If she can see through it, can anyone else?
"Don't cry baby. Everything is going to be alright."
"No, it not Mom! How can I pursue a relationship with someone if I'm still in love with my ex?
Michael is a great guy. He's everything a girl would want in a boyfriend. He's smart, funny, sweet, compassionate, and handsome. I love him but I don't have the same love that I have for Derrick. Derrick has always been the man I should be with, but I can't go down that road again."
"Char, no matter what Derrick has done to you, if you love him enough, you can forgive him."
"He cheated on me, Mom. He cheated on me with Theresa Sherman."
"I see. Is that why you two had that fight in the gym? Is that why you had to transfer? Because of Derrick."
"Part of it, but not all. Theresa is really mean to everyone, so she had it coming."
"Is that why you said you don't want to be with him. Because of that?"
"He said he changed, but how do I know that?"
"You'll know. In your heart."
I looked at my mom and nodded my head in agreement. Maybe I knew all along about my feelings for Derrick, I probably just didn't want to admit it.
Maybe Michael is my safety net
, I thought as I looked at the kitchen door.
"I think I need to talk to Derrick," I said as I got up from the kitchen table.
"You sure? Maybe you need time to think this over."
I smiled. "No Mom. I'm fine."
I turned and walked out with a nervous feeling in my stomach. As I stepped into the living room, I wanted to turn around and run back into the kitchen. But I knew I couldn't. I had to face this head on. I had to admit to myself my feelings for Derrick and what this meant for us. As I walked into the living room, Derrick looked up from the photo album he was viewing and smiled.
"Hey. Is everything okay? You two were in there for a while."
"I know, and I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize. I know you probably were giving your mom the riot act because she invited me over. Believe me; I didn't have anything to do with this."
"You don't have to explain yourself, Derrick. My mom confessed to everything."
"If you want me to leave, I will."
"Don't," I said softly.
I went up to Derrick and took his hand into mine. I looked into his hazel eyes and smiled.
"What's going on, Char?" Derrick asked in a perplexed tone.
"I think we need to talk about us."
"What you want to talk about?"
I had to take several breaths before I could tell Derrick my feelings.
"I think I haven't been honest with you about my feelings for you."
"Charlie..."
"Let me talk please. Derrick, you have always been my first love. You have been everything to me. When I found out that you were cheating on me, it tore me up inside because I thought you were the one I was going to be with forever. When we broke up, I felt like a part of me was missing. I thought I had it back when I started dating Michael, but when I saw you at Range, all the feelings I had for you came back in a major way. I tried to deny it and move on, but I can't. Derrick, I'm still in love with you. I never stopped loving you." I tearfully confessed.
Derrick looked at me and put his hand on my cheek. Just feeling his touch on my skin made my knees weak. What have I gotten myself into? I just professed my love to Derrick. How am I going to pursue a relationship with someone I cared for and could possibly love, but be in love with my ex-boyfriend!
"Do you know how this make me feel? I have been waiting to hear those words from you for so long. At first, I thought you weren't sure about your feelings for me, but now I know for sure that you want to be with me."
Tears started to stream down my face as Derrick leaned toward me and kissed my tears. He looked at me and smiled.
"I love you so much Charlie, and I promise I will never hurt you again."
"You better not," I said through tears.
"I promise," Derrick said as he put my face with his.
As we stood in the middle of my living room in total silence, all the memories of the past few months flashed through my mind. But the thought that lounged in my brain was the night Michael and I made love. That night was one of the most magnificent nights of my life. Being close to him intimately made me feel like a different person. I never felt that connected to someone before. The way he made me feel that night and every night made me wonder about what I'm about to do with Derrick. I know that my feelings for Michael had to be love because I wouldn't have given myself to him otherwise.
As Derrick was about to kiss me, the thought of Michael started to fade as I moved my lips towards Derrick's. I knew I should have been thinking about what I should do with my relationship with Michael, but the only thing that was on my mind was kissing Derrick, and that what I was doing in the middle of my living room.
Several months had passed since I confessed my love to Derrick, and now it was the beginning of March. Between working at Chris' uncle's dealership and playing basketball, Michael had been extremely busy and decided to postponed the party until he had a free weekend. Now I was on his doorstep, trying to determine if I wanted to help him with this party or go home.
Ever since I told Derrick how I felt, I've been miserable. I have been distant from my friends, and from Michael. I know he's wondering what's been going on with me, but I don't have the heart to tell him that I have feelings for him and someone else. I love Michael, but I can't face him with this secret lingering inside of me. Considering that I haven't seen him outside of school in weeks, I'm able to hide my doubts a little better. As I was about to ring the doorbell, Michael opened the door with a huge grin on his face.
"Hello beautiful," Michael said as he pulled me inside of his place and gave me a sensual kiss on my lips.
"I thought you said Chris was going to come by after school?" I managed to say after we pulled apart. Michael can still take my breath away with his kisses.
"He had some errands to run before he came over. Also Ashley is riding with him," he said as he sat down in an arm chair.
"I know. Ashley called me last night. I'm glad that she's spending time with Chris. He's a great guy."
"Yeah, I know; enough about them. Let's talk about us," Michael said as he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me over to him.
"And why do you want to talk about us?" I asked as I straddled myself across Michael.
"Us is my favorite topic," he said playfully.
"Oh really," I said as kissed Michael on his forehead.
He became serious when he looked into my eyes.
"I noticed that you have been distant, and I know it doesn't have to do with me working lately."
I swallowed a lump that was forming in my throat as I gave Michael a childlike glance.
"I don't know what you talking about, sweetie."
"I'm not blind baby. I know something is bothering you. If something is going on with you, you can talk to me."
I carefully placed my hand behind Michael's neck and smiled.
"Nothing is going on with me. It just that I have a lot on my plate with school, that's all."
I didn't think Michael believed what I just said, but after a few minutes, he nodded his head in agreement.
"I agree. In a few months, we'll be graduating. Can you believe that our years in high school are almost over?"
"I know. Before we know it we're graduating and heading off into the real world."
"But we still have a few months to live our high school lives. And of course, there's our prom."
I wrapped my arms around Michael and smiled.
"The biggest night of our lives,"
"Do you wish you were still at Parker, since prom and graduation is coming up?"
"If you would have asked me that when I met you, yeah I would have said I did, but now, I don't anymore. I'm actually anxious to see how Belmont gets down at prom."
"I thought you had enough with homecoming?"
"No baby. That was just an oversight that I care not to relive. Besides, that was just an incident caused by one person. I don't think that will happen again."
"I don't think so either."
"What is the theme anyway?"
"I don't know. Probably 'A Night Under the Stars' again."
"It doesn't matter, because I will be there with the finest guy at Belmont."
"And I will be with the sexiest girl at Belmont," Michael said as he started to kiss my neck.
Although I had feelings for Derrick, I was still purely attracted to Michael. I would love to see him in a tux. I would also love to slow dance with him under the dim lights as people watch us from afar. As I was stroking his soft blonde hair, I realized that he was the only guy that made me do crazy things. When I'm with Michael, I felt like I could do anything. Being with Derrick was different; I was always sort of conservative around him, because that's who Derrick is. But with Michael, he showed me a side of myself that even I never knew existed.
I lifted up Michael's shirt and pulled it over his head. I slowly moved my lips down his chest, causing him to moan. He peeled off my shirt and threw it on the floor. He unhooked my bra and took it off me, mesmerized at the sight in front of him. He leaned over to my shoulder, giving tiny kisses as he made his way to my neck.
I reached down and unbuttoned his jeans, while he did the same for me, pulling them off my legs.
And just like that my mind quickly shifted away from Derrick as Michael and I started to kiss passionately.
~
We were laying on the floor in pure bliss. Michael was lying beside me looking up at the ceiling, while I had my head on his chest. I could hear his heart beating fast as if it was going to leap out at me.
"Wow. Your heart is going wild."
"I know. It's because of you."
"I didn't know I could do that to you."
"You do everyday."
I smiled as we leaned toward each other for a kiss. As I looked at the mahogany clock hanging on the wall, I realized how late it was.
"Time really does travel fast," I said while sitting up.
"What's the hurry? We have plenty of time," Michael said as he was trying to pull me back down.
"No we don't. Chris and Ashley should have been here by now."
"I'm glad they weren't," Michael said while laughing.
"You're right, but the party is about to start in an hour. We haven't even decorated. We haven't even got dressed yet," I said in a panicky tone.
"Calm down girl. Don't worry about it. We will have everything under control before everyone gets here. Now why don't you get dressed while I get everything ready."
I smiled as Michael kissed my forehead.
"Sure,"
As I got up from my comfortable position, I went toward the bathroom to take a much needed shower. As I turned on the water, I let out a long sigh. The feelings I thought were lost with Michael came back today with a vengeance. I didn't know who I wanted to be with. I love Michael, but Derrick has always been my first love. As I stepped into the shower, the thought of Michael and Derrick surfaced into my mind as the warm water begins to smack me in the face. I didn't know who to choose, but I better make my decision soon, because I didn't know if I could handle playing with two men's emotions.
Where is Chris?
I asked myself as I was putting out a bowl of chips on my coffee table. Chris was the one who thought of having this party and he's nowhere to be found. As I looked at my watch, I realized the party was about to start and I hadn't even got dressed. As I looked around the apartment, I had to smile at how good the place looked. I did a great job putting everything together in a short time. As I went over to my stereo, I put on Drake's new CD and waited for Charlie to come out of the bathroom.
"Char, how long you going to be? I have to get ready too," I yelled to the bathroom door.
I went over to my closet to pick out a blue colored Polo shirt and dark blue jeans. At the moment, it didn't matter how I looked for the party. I really didn't want to have this party. But since Chris decided to invite people, I couldn't cancel. As I was looking for my blue tennis shoes, I decided to opt for another outfit, when Charlie walked out of the bathroom looking gorgeous as ever. The time she took getting ready was well worth it as she sashayed over to me wearing an aqua blue off the shoulder shirt over a black miniskirt. Loose curls were cascaded around her beautiful face as she gave one of her brightest smiles.
"Sorry I took so long. I had to work with my hair for a little bit."
"You look amazing," I said as gave her a kiss on her cheek.
"Thank you Mr. Collier. Now why don't you start getting ready while I finish getting everything together?"