Only Love (38 page)

My heart only raced more. “Because that was the official statement. Don went on record saying Carlos had, as well as the shop owner.”

“And you?” Her expression went hard now, her gaze sharp now. “What did you say to the officials?”

I let air escape through my nose, then tried to pull in, tried to breathe again. “I told them Carlos shot first too.”

Her hand resting on my chest went heavy, and then it sank from there, falling to her lap. I watched her stand, whispering something about going to bed, but I read between the lines of that statement.

She wanted to be left alone.

Clicking off the TV, I stood, making sure I left her present for me on the coffee table. I made my way to the door after that, glad I’d decided to leave my shoes on when I came in.

There were so many things I was unsure of now; if fixing this relationship was an option. If I even knew who Adam was anymore.

Or worse, maybe I knew
exactly
who he was.

I thought back to when we first met in the hallway outside my apartment. I remember having reservations about him because of his line of work, thinking he was no different than the others. However, slowly, but surely, he chipped away at the wall I’d put up, forced me to set aside my preconceived notions, and convinced me that I was wrong about him. There was even a moment when I questioned whether my views of the police department and what they represented in this community as a whole had been wrong.

I wasn’t wrong, though. Unfortunately, I was beginning to believe I’d been right all along.

Adam confirmed my belief that cops all looked out for each other first, and the people of the city second. Ironically enough, the death of Javi’s brother was what solidified my general distaste for local law enforcement. Seeing how that case was handled was what did it.

Adam caught me staring at him while sipping the last of my drink. I meant to look away, but my eyes froze on him while having this internal conversation with myself—a conversation I’d been having a lot over the past week since finding out his connection to Manuel and Carlos’s case. It didn’t surprise me that Adam simply turned away instead of asking me what I was thinking, or why I was watching him. He knew why—knew I was angry with him for not being the person I thought he was, for not being any better than any of the other cops on the police force. There was no longer a separation between him and them in my head. The only difference was I had feelings for him that made me soften in his favor. But not when it came to this, though. This case was the first of many dominoes to fall, creating a ripple effect that had changed so many lives, too many to count.

I couldn’t take it anymore, sitting there at the table with him, doing my best to pretend that things hadn’t changed, but they had.
Drastically
. If I didn’t remove myself from Adam’s presence, I couldn’t guarantee that some of the things rattling around inside my head wouldn’t tumble out of my mouth. If they did, there’d be no taking them back.

Rissa’s spoon clattered to the floor and I hurried over to get it. Adam hopped up from his seat too, but I stopped him. When he heard the harsh, “I’ve got it,” fly from my mouth, he halted and stared as I stooped and picked up the utensil myself. There was a loaded silence in the room as I walked to the sink to rinse the spoon before placing it back on Rissa’s plate. Deciding I wasn’t all that hungry, I cleared my plate and started the water for dishes.

The sound of Adam’s chair scooting across the floor made a heavy sigh escape my lungs. I needed space; I could feel that, but something inside me wouldn’t let me say those words. Not again. The last time I pulled away from Adam we both spiraled, which taught me one thing: we needed one another. That fact was even truer now than it was then, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to be alone for a little while. At least while I sorted things out.

His footsteps approached me from behind and stopped when he was just about close enough to reach out and touch me if he’d tried. I could feel how uncomfortable he was before he even said a word, but when he did, he confirmed as much.

“Mind if I get the dishes tonight?” he asked. I stared at the suds piling up in the sink and poured a couple capfuls of bleach into the water as well while I considered his offer. I knew he only meant to be kind, to lighten my burden, but still I turned him down.

“It’s fine. I can handle it.”

He fell silent and I knew he wouldn’t let my dismissive tone slide this time. When his hand rested on my shoulder, mine went still beneath the stream of flowing water and my eyes closed.

“Aubrey, I want us to be able to talk about this. Please don’t shut me out. It’s been days and you’re still freezing me out.”

Of course shutting him out and shutting down wasn’t what I wanted to do, but this was out of my control. What he told me the other night had flipped a switch inside of me. What was going on between us wasn’t the result of a conscious decision I’d made.

“Adam, I honestly don’t have anything to say.”

He released a heavy sigh and stayed close. “That’s not true. You’ve got a
lot
to say. I can see it all over your face, in your eyes… when I can actually get you to look at me.”

I could feel my blood coursing through my veins at record speed when my heart thumped wildly inside my chest. There was so much built up inside of me that I was honestly afraid to start speaking my mind because I might say too much, but still Adam pushed.

“It’s okay that you’re mad. I just want us to be able to talk about it,” he reasoned.

Slamming the handle to the faucet, interrupting the flow of the water, I turned to face Adam and looked him in his eyes. He seemed worried, but determined—determined to lay everything out in the open.

“I’m mad as hell that you didn’t do the right thing, Adam! You were given a chance to right a wrong and you didn’t. Twice!” I blurted, thinking of the second chance he was given when the case was reopened. My lower lip quivered as I fought against the urge to cry. The look on Adam’s face when my words struck him was indescribable. “You made me think you were different, but you’re not. You’re just like all the rest.”

He reached out to touch me, and when I took a step back from him, his expression became more deeply saddened.

“Aubrey, I’m still the same guy.”

I was already shaking my head before he finished speaking, disagreeing with that statement. “No… no, you’re not.”

He was at a loss for words, but I wasn’t. “A woman had to bury her sixteen year-old son, Adam, her sixteen year-old son who also had a kid of his own. And justice was never served!
Manuel swore from day one that Carlos wasn’t the one to shoot first, but no one would listen because of the part he’d played in it all
.” The details came back to me like a whirlwind. “Don walked and you helped him.”

“I—”

“You didn’t see anything, but lied and said you did,” I interrupted. “Where’s the right in that?”

All he could do was stare for a moment before his eyes quickly darted away from mine. There was nothing he could say because everything I’d just accused him of was true. He’d done those things.

“Daddy,” Rissa called out, reaching for Adam to take her from her highchair, wringing my heart at the sound of the word leaving her mouth. Adam lowered his head and didn’t even make moves to rescue her from the seat. Instead, I crossed the room and got her myself, leaving him to stand alone in the kitchen while I took Rissa to her playpen. Completely unaware of the tension, she played as if nothing was going on.

I’d just taken a seat on the couch when Adam followed me into the room. I sat there, staring at the wall instead of at him. He took in a deep breath and was only able to speak his first syllable before the sound of commotion in the hallway stole both of our attention. There was yelling, several voices, both male and female, but above them all… I heard Gabby’s shrill scream.

“
No! No! She didn’t do anything!
” she yelled out, causing me to hop to my feet.

Rissa stopped playing and turned her face toward the door when Adam raced to it. I was right behind him. A hand went up to halt me and I recognized that look in his eyes; he wanted to protect me. Our disagreement hadn’t changed that. Neither of us knew what was unfolding on the other side of the threshold, and he went into defensive mode instinctively.

“Take Rissa and go into her room. Close the door and stay there until I come get you,” he asserted.

“But that’s Gabby!” I reasoned, nearing tears without even knowing what the situation was.

Adam’s eyes were pleading. Without another word, I scooped Rissa up in my arms and rushed into her room. There was so much noise that twice I nearly defied Adam’s request and went to the hallway outside my apartment to see what was going on. Gabby yelled out again and this time I could hear plain as day that she was crying, sobbing uncontrollably. My heart pulled me in her direction and my eyes went to Rissa who was beginning to whimper too. She was scared just like I was. I had to go to Gabby, despite Adam’s command.

I gave Rissa a kiss that calmed her a little, and then handed her a few more stuffed animals. She was content enough for me to go see about my
other
girl. I couldn’t leave Gabby out there and not go to her.

The scene in the hallway was like something straight out of a movie. There were cops everywhere, guns drawn, which made me search for Gabby that much harder. In the midst of the uproar, I spotted her crying in Adam’s arms while he restrained her from behind in a bear-hug, trying to calm her down. But how could she be calm, I wondered when my eyes landed on a sight that made my heart stop cold in my chest. There, in the middle of the hallway, was Gabby’s mother, on the ground in cuffs. A few officers hovered over her with loaded weapons while a team ventured inside the apartment cautiously.

My eyes locked with Gabby’s and she managed to wriggle out of Adam’s grasp, or maybe he released her when he realized she was trying to come to me. Either way, within seconds, I had her in my arms and she was crying against my chest like it was the end of the world. Taking another look at her mother lying there on the floor, I imagined that was
exactly
how Gabby must’ve felt. Blood trickled down from her mother’s slightly swollen nose and from a gash on her arm, making it apparent that she must’ve put up a fight and had to be taken down by force right before Gabby’s eyes. Just thinking about it, I held her closer as she struggled to catch her breath in between sobs.

“They can’t take her from me,” she moaned and my eyes became clouded with tears. She’d already had such a hard life and now this. My mind reeled with thoughts of what would happen to her, thoughts of her being thrown into the system and tossed around from foster home to foster home. She wasn’t strong enough for that. She put on a tough front, but Gabby’s heart was big and she wore it on her sleeve.

This was bad.
Really
bad.

In that moment, my eyes caught Adam’s and there was so much sorrow in them that I couldn’t turn away. His expression was hard to read as the activity in the hallway began to die down. Two officers lifted Gabby’s mother from the floor and escorted her down the hallway. I turned Gabby’s head away from the sight as they took her away, but I still couldn’t look away from Adam.

What was that look about?

A man stepped off the elevator with several other officers following behind. He looked official, wearing a suit and tie with his badge hanging from a chain around his neck. He gave the men with him the last of his instructions and watched as they ventured toward Gabby’s apartment where I imagined they would be going to investigate further.

Adam finally came toward Gabby and me, now with his eyes trained on the ground. His hands were in his pockets and I felt my stomach tie in knots for no apparent reason at all. It just did—almost like a warning that things were about to go from bad to worse.

…which was exactly what happened.

Adam was a few feet away from my door when the man in the suit stopped him, sending my heart into shock when he reached to shake Adam’s hand. Gabby went still in my arms, tears ceasing as we both watched Adam reluctantly return the gesture.

“Good work, Holloway. As always, your gut was right on this one.” The man tipped his chin down at Adam once, giving him a tight smile, pride brewing from deep within him when he did. He moved on to the other officers and carried on with his business, completely unaware of the storm he’d just started inside of me, the one that threatened to tear apart what was left of my relationship with Adam.

Adam took a step in my direction and was just getting ready to explain when I stopped him, moving Gabby and me inside my apartment. I gripped the side of the door and forced myself to look into his eyes—eyes that had once been the symbol of peace in my life. But lately? They seemed to be hiding so much, things I had no idea Adam was capable of.

“This was you?” I asked, only able to get the words out in a whisper. “How could you do this?”