Once in a Lifetime (41 page)

"You didn't think I would?" He sounded hurt.

"I don't know. I don't know what I thought. I just knew I had to call you."

"You were right. And I don't know if it matters now, but just for the record, I've been in love with her ever since I met her. And I was too stupid to get up the guts to say it." He felt a lump rise in his throat and he could hear Barbara cry softly into the phone. "I'm not going to lose her now, Barb." She nodded. "I hope you never will."

Matthew drove to New York as fast as he could, thinking every moment of Daphne. Every phone call, every meeting, seemed indelibly etched in his mind, and now it all ran through his head like a movie. Once in a while he smiled at remembered words, but most of the time his face was grim. He couldn't believe this had happened. Not to her. Not to Daphne. So much had already happened in her life, so much sorrow and pain, so many events that required unlimited courage. This couldn't happen to her now. It couldn't end like this, but he knew that it might, and the thought that she might die before he arrived made him drive even faster.

After driving to New York as fast as he could in the snow, Matthew arrived at Lenox Hill at two thirty in the morning. Most of the lights were out in the lobby and there was no one in the halls as he went upstairs. He went straight to the desk at intensive care, and then Barbara saw him. She had sent Tom home long before and insisted that she wanted to stay. The nurse had told them a little while before that the night would be decisive. Daphne couldn't hover much longer where she was, either she would start to improve, or she wouldn't make it.

"Matt?" He turned at the sound of Barbara's voice, wishing it were Daphne. She couldn't believe how quickly he had come. He must have flown over the icy roads. He was lucky he hadn't wound up in the same state as Daphne.

"How is she?"

"The same. She's putting up one hell of a fight."

He nodded grimly, and there were deep grooves under his eyes. He had been working like a demon, and now this. He was still wearing the old cords and heavy sweater he had been wearing when Barbara called him. He had left a hasty note for the night staff and run out the door, grabbing his coat and his keys and his wallet.

"Can I see her?" Barbara's eyes searched those of the familiar nurse and she looked at her watch.

"Why don't we wait a few minutes?"

"Nurse"--he turned to her and gripped the desk with powerful hands--"I've just driven seven hours from New Hampshire to see her."

"All right." It didn't matter now. And maybe an hour later it would be too late. Liz Watkins led the way down the hallway to the open door, and there she lay, immobile, swathed in plaster and gauze, hooked up to all her machines in the bright light. Matthew felt an almost physical shock when he saw her. It had been only two weeks since her last visit to Howarth, and suddenly she looked so different. He walked slowly into the room and sat down in the empty chair at her side and gently stroked the pale hair as Barbara watched. She turned and left the room behind Liz. She didn't want to intrude, and the nurse searched her eyes. But she felt better now that she knew there was a man. It wasn't right for a woman like Daphne to be alone. And the man with the soft brown eyes looked perfect for her.

"Hello, little one." He touched the delicate cheek with one hand, and then sat and looked at her for a long time, wondering again why she hadn't told him about Justin. Maybe he was even foolish to hope now, maybe she had never cared about him, and never could. But if she ever woke up again, he was going to tell her that he loved her. He sat there looking at her face for close to an hour and at last Liz returned to the room to check her. "Any change?" She shook her head. The fever had gone up slightly. But he never left the room, and she didn't ask him to. He sat there until the shift changed at seven, and Liz told the morning nurse what was going on.

"Why don't you leave him in there, Anne? He's not doing any harm, and how do we know? Maybe it makes a difference. She's fighting for her life."

The other nurse nodded. They both knew that at times people survived who originally seemed like they would never make it, and if having someone she knew in the room would help, they wouldn't stop it. Liz stopped in to say good-bye, and took a last look at Daphne. She thought she looked a trifle less pale, but it was hard to say. He certainly looked like hell, a shadow of beard had appeared on his face and the circles under his eyes were even darker than they had been.

"Can I get you anything?" she whispered to him. It was against the rules, but she could bring him a cup of coffee. But he only shook his head. And when she left, she saw Barbara asleep on the couch. She went home, wondering if Daphne would still be there when she got back. She hoped so. She thought about her all day, and found herself rereading parts of Apache, which was her favorite. And when she came back on at eleven o'clock that night, she was afraid to ask. But the nurse told her that he was still there, and so was Daphne. Barbara had finally gone home that afternoon to get some rest. And Daphne was still holding her own, but barely.

Liz walked silently down the hall until she reached her door and looked in, and she saw him standing over Daphne, looking into her face, almost begging her with his eyes not to let go.

"Would you like a cup of coffee, Mr. Dane?" She whispered the name they had told her. Apparently he hadn't eaten all day, he had just drunk a steady stream of coffee.

"No, thanks." He smiled at the door, the beard was thicker now, but his eyes were strong and alive and his smile was gentle. "She's doing better, I think." The fever was gone, but she hadn't stirred all day. He had watched them change her assorted tubes and he hadn't flinched. He had stood there and stroked her hair as he did now while Liz watched him.

She walked slowly to the bed. "It's amazing, you know. Sometimes I think people like you make the difference."

"I hope so." They exchanged a smile and she left and after a while he sat down again, watching Daphne's face, and the sun was coming up over New York when she finally moved. He sat very tense in his chair and watched. He wasn't sure what kind of sign it was, but then she opened her eyes and looked around the room. She seemed puzzled when she saw him and then she drifted off again, but only for a few minutes. He wanted to ring for the nurse, but he was afraid to move, and for a moment he was afraid that he might have drifted off himself, and possibly dreamed it. But she opened her eyes again, and looked long and hard.

"Matt?" Her voice was barely more than a whisper.

"Good morning."

"You're here?" Her voice was thin and thready and she didn't seem to understand, but she smiled and he took her hand.

"Yes, I am. You've been asleep for a long time."

"How's Andrew?"

"He's fine." He was speaking to her in a whisper. "And you're going to be fine too. Do you know that?"

She smiled faintly at him. "I don't feel so hot." He chuckled at the understatement. He had kept his vigil for twenty-eight hours, fearing for her life. "Not feeling so hot" was certainly one way to say it.

"Daphne ..."He waited for her to open her eyes again. "There's something I have to tell you." He felt a lump in his throat and he stroked her free arm as she looked at him and nodded slightly.

"I already know."

"Do you?" He seemed disappointed. Had she known all along and didn't want to hear?

"You're ... getting ... married ..." Her eyes were big and blue and sad as she looked at him and he stared at her in amazement.

"Do you actually think I've been sitting here, waiting for you to wake up, to tell you that I'm getting married?"

A small smile dawned on her face. "You've always been very polite."

"Not that polite, you dummy." The small smile grew and she closed her eyes and rested for a minute. When she opened them again, he was watching intently. "I love you, Daff. I always have and I always will. That's what I wanted to tell you."

"No, you don't." She tried to shake her head but winced instead. "You love Harriet ... Boat ... or whatever her name is. ..."

"Harried Boat, as you call her, doesn't mean shit to me. I stopped seeing her after I told her I didn't love her. She knew the truth. The only one who's never known it is you."

She looked at him for a long time, taking it all in. "I used to feel guilty for what I felt for you, Matt."

"Why?"

"I don't know ... I thought it wasn't fair to ... to you ... or to Justin." She looked at him again for a long time. "I left him."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought you were in love with someone else." They were both still speaking in whispers. "And you said ..."

"I know what I said. I thought you and that Greek god of yours were getting married."

She smiled at him then, a lifetime showing in her eyes. "He's a jerk."

"So were we. I'm in love with you, Daff. Will you marry me?"

Two huge tears crept from her eyes, and she coughed as she began to cry. He kissed her eyes then, and put his face next to hers. "Don't cry, Daff ... please ... it's all right ... I didn't want to upset you. ..." Then she didn't love him at all. He felt like crying too, but he only stroked her hair as she tried to regain her composure. "I'm sorry ..." But then he heard her voice again and he froze where he stood.

"I love you too ... I think I fell in love with you the first day I met you...." Her eyes looked into his, and the tears ran slowly down his cheeks.

"I love you more than I can tell you."

Liz Watkins came in then, to say good-bye to him before she left, and she stopped as she stood in the doorway. She had heard Daphne's voice and she saw their heads close together. She knocked softly then and came into the room. She was going to ask how Daphne was, but she could see as she approached the bed. They were both crying, and Daphne was smiling.

"This looks like a happy group."

"It is." He answered for his future wife. "We just got engaged."

"Can I see the ring?" Her eyes glowed. She could tell instantly from looking at Daphne that she would make it. The crisis was past and the worst was over. "Where's the ring?" she teased in her soft voice.

"She ate it. That's why she's here." Liz laughed and left them alone again and Matthew looked down at Daphne with a smile. "Is next week too soon?"

"Will I still have this headache by then?" She looked very tired but incredibly happy.

"I hope not."

"Then next week is fine. Will Andrew be home?"

"Yes, and that's another thing I want to talk to you about. How about putting him in the New York School?"

"And have him live at home?"

"I think he's ready."

She was still smiling as the morning nurse rolled in a cot, and opened it next to her bed with a determined smile. "Doctor's orders. He said that if you don't get some sleep, Mr. Dane, he's going to give you a general anesthetic."

When the nurse left the room, he stretched out on the cot, and reached up to hold Daphne's hand. She had gone back to sleep, but it was no longer an ominous sign. He knew she would be all right, and as he drifted off to sleep he smiled to himself. What fools they had been. He should have told her a year before, but it didn't matter now ... nothing did ... except Daphne.