On This Day (15 page)

M
y head and heart feel light as the ceremony comes to an end, and the minister dramatically introduces “Mr. and Mrs. Michael Fairbanks” to the guests, and everyone claps and cheers. All I can think is that
it’s over!
Woo-hoo! This wedding is finally over, and I can actually breathe now. Certainly it was beautiful and sweet, and just as expected, I shed a few tears. Jenny and Michael looked so totally in love, so completely happy to be making their vows. It really was awesome!

But the truth is, I feel only relief as we parade down the aisle past the rows of smiling guests. Oh, I know there’s still the dinner and all, but that should just be plain old good fun. Then about midway down the aisle, I notice Jason again. It’s almost as if I forgot he was here. He’s intently watching me, but he’s not smiling now. I can’t quite read the expression on his face, yet suddenly I feel
worried. What if he suspects that something is wrong with me? What if he somehow knows I’ve changed my mind about our engagement? But have I really changed my mind? Or am I simply tired and confused? Maybe I need to just forget about everything, like Elizabeth suggested, let it chill for a week or so. Besides that, I feel like I go back and forth by the minute—like I’m the queen of flaky.

Okay, that’s it. I’ll just set aside my doubts for today. I won’t say a thing to Jason about any of this. And for all I know, it might be history by tomorrow. I’ll come to my senses and realize that Jason really is the best guy for me, and we’ll go home and back to planning our lives together, and everything will be just peachy. Besides, how embarrassing would it be if I had to deal with this before the dinner tonight? What if I sent Jason packing, and I then had to explain to everyone, including Jenny, why my fiancé had suddenly disappeared? Not cool. Definitely not cool.

So my new and revised plan is to wait until we’re home to figure this out. Don’t make any decisions for several days. Then if I’m certain this is wrong, I’ll deal with it in a sane and sensible manner. I’ll break the news to him gently while we’re alone. Someplace where he won’t be totally humiliated. Okay, it’s settled. I will handle this anywhere but here and now. That, I know, would be a total disaster.

We’re back at the lodge and regrouping now, giving congratulations, laughing, and feeling a sense of group relief. The photographer is snapping candid shots of the wedding party, and
everyone seems relaxed and happy when suddenly Michael grabs Jenny by the hand and takes off.

“Come away, my beloved bride!” he yells in a dramatic way. And I can tell by Jenny’s surprised expression that she’s clueless as to what’s going on. He leads her back across the grass, almost running, and straight toward the lake. Naturally the wedding party is curious, and we’re not about to let them escape before the rest of the festivities, so off we all go, chasing after the newlyweds, hollering and hooting as we follow them. I’m sure it’s quite a spectacle for the wedding guests, who are still dispersing, to see all these formally attired people tearing down the grassy hill in a wild mob, especially after the rather traditional ceremony that just took place. We catch up with the bride and groom at the water’s edge, but then Michael swoops Jenny up into his arms and carries her down the wooden dock, where he gracefully deposits her into a dark green canoe. With a huge grin, he carefully climbs in across from her and begins to row.

“Where are you two going?” yells his brother.

“Taking a little break,” Michael calls back. “Don’t worry. We’ll be back in time for the dinner.”

The photographer’s assistant is yelling at us to move away so they can get a shot of the lovely maritime escape, and I have to admit it’s a very romantic scene, with the couple still in wedding clothes, Jenny’s dress puffed all around her, hopefully not getting wet, as they slice through the bright blue lake with beautiftü snowcapped mountains in the distance. Breathtaking, really.

By now the rest of the guests have caught on to the crazy getaway, and everyone is standing near the edge of the lake, watching and laughing and making their own comments.

“He’d better get her back in time for the first dance,” says Michael’s dad with a wry smile.

“He’d better not mess up that dress,” adds Catherine with concern.

The canoe pauses about fifty yards into the lake, and the two of them turn around to wave, and Jenny blows kisses at us, using both hands, and calls out, “Thank you! Thank you!” And Michael yells, “See you all at dinner!” Then they turn back around and continue on their first journey together as husband and wife. So romantic.

“Hey, Ingrid,” says an all-too-familiar voice. I turn to see Jason coming up behind me. “How’s it going?”

I force a smile. “Okay.”

“Just okay?”

“Guess I’m kind of worn out from all the festivities.”

He nods. “Want to take a little walk?”

I shrug and look around. Quite honestly, it seems my work as maid of honor is finished now. I have no real excuse to avoid spending time with my fiancé. Well, other than the sad fact that I don’t want to. “Sure.” I reach for his hand as if everything is just fine. What is wrong with me?

We walk along the edge of the lake until we come to a log bench, where Jason invites me to sit down. That’s when I start getting worried. I mean, this is a pretty romantic place, and I’m wearing
a strapless gown and looking pretty hot, if I do say so myself Does this mean he wants to make out right now? Because that’s honestly the last thing I want to do at the moment. With all my crazy doubts, I have absolutely no desire to get romantic. Why did I let him lead me away from the crowd like this? What was I thinking? Could I be losing my mind? Maybe it’s PMHS—post-maid-of-honor syndrome.

He’s reaching for both my hands, and I can tell this is going to be one of those
moments
. He’s probably about to say something sweet, something that will make me doubt my doubts. He may even cause me to completely cave to my earlier resolutions to end this thing. Oh, how can I be so fickle?

I take a deep breath and slowly look up at his face, allowing my eyes to meet his. I’d give anything to be somewhere else right now. But what can I do? Help!

“I’ve really been wanting to talk to you, Ingrid,” he says in this quiet and serious voice that catches me off guard. “I thought about calling you last night and then decided to wait…”

I watch him without saying anything. Something is wrong. Maybe even seriously wrong. Or is it possible that he suspects I’m having doubts? Is he worried that our relationship is in crisis? I feel terrible now. Like it’s all my fault.

He clears his throat. “I have something important I have to tell you …

Now I’m really curious. Is this related to his job? He mentioned the possibility of getting transferred to Chicago a few weeks
ago. Have they made a decision? If so, he could want to move our wedding date up. How will I handle that?

“What is it?” I ask, feeling even more nervous. “Tell me.”

“It’s about us …,” he begins, then stops mysteriously, as if waiting for something.

“What about
us?”
I ask impatiently.

“Well, I don’t know how to say this, Ingrid, but I … uh … I met someone. Someone else—you know what I mean?”

I just stare at him now, unsure if I’m hearing him right. But I don’t say anything, and he continues. He’s still holding both my hands, and I’m sure his palms are actually sweating—or maybe it’s mine. Because I do feel slightly sick.

“At first I thought it was a passing thing. Just one of those last flings I’ve heard guys sometimes have before they get hitched.”

I see his lips moving, and I know he’s still talking, but it’s like I can’t really hear him. Like there’s this rushing, buzzing sound in my ears and in my head, this loud humming that totally obliterates the rest of what appears to be a very matter-of-fact and methodical explanation. And I actually feel numb, physically numb, as if I’m going into shock. Total shock. This cannot be happening—it’s unreal. Jason is dumping me!

I
know I must look frightening to the wedding guests as Phil and I exit our row and walk down the aisle and past the other rows. Suzette looks at me with a slightly disapproving expression. I’m sure she would’ve taken the time to open her fancy little handbag and use her pretty compact to fix her face before she stood up to walk past all these people. But I’ve never been like that. Even Jeannette teases me about how I refuse to primp in public. And now I hurry down the aisle with, I’m sure, black smudges of mascara all over my face. Oh well. It’s not such a huge thing, compared to the state of my life and my marriage.

“I need to go to the ladies’ room,” I say to Phil, leaving before he has a chance to get in a word. Then I hurry back toward the lodge and straight to the rest room. I’m tempted to go up to our room, but I’m sure he would follow me up there, and then we’d be
forced to talk. And I’m just not ready for that. I don’t want to hear about it right now. Not while we still have Jenny’s wedding dinner ahead of us. Somehow I must pull myself together.

When I see my reflection in the mirror, I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry. I really do look hideous. I get some tissues and do my best to remove the streaks of black mascara from my cheeks.

“Need a hand?” says a voice I am certain belongs to Suzette.

I sigh and turn around to face her.

“You’re a mess,” she says as she opens her purse and pulls out several items, then begins working on me without even asking whether I mind. And the truth is, I suppose I don’t really care. “I’m guessing this isn’t as much about your niece’s wedding as it is about the state of your own marriage.”

I shrug without speaking. She’s wiping something cool on my cheeks that actually smells a bit like cucumbers.

“Well, if you want to save your marriage, you’re going about it all wrong.”

“Save
my marriage?” I repeat.

“Hold still.” Now she’s doing something around my eyes, and despite my reservations about this woman, the gentle touch of her fingertips feels surprisingly soothing, and I’m thinking that if she ends up having to support herself, she might be good behind a cosmetics counter. “What I’m saying is that if you want to keep Phil, you’ll have to do better than this.”

Now I feel like screaming. What is wrong with this woman? But I simply take a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds, then
slowly exhale. “What makes you think I want to
keep
Phil?” I ask in a calm and controlled voice.

She laughs. “Well, of course you do. I can tell by the way you’ve talked about him that you really do love him. It’s as plain as day.”

“Really?”
I feel the skepticism oozing from me. How can this woman be so incredibly stupid?

“Oh, Elizabeth, you know as well as I do that it’s not easy to start over, especially at our age. So we have to make some concessions along the way; it’s how you keep the status quo. And what’s the big deal, really?”

Other women are coming into the rest room now, and I give Suzette a look intended to shut her up.

“Intelligent women know there are many ways of getting what they want,” she continues, oblivious to listening ears, or perhaps she thinks they don’t know what she’s talking about. To be honest, I’m not sure I know.

I turn around and look in the mirror. Other than the reddened eyes, I look almost normal. “Thanks, Suzette,” I say to her. “You really have a talent for this.”

She smiles. “Well, thank you! I’ve had a lot of practice.”

“Now I should be getting back out there,” I say as I move toward the door.

“You’re really ready to face him now?” she says in a hushed voice.

I shrug. “I don’t know …”

Then she takes me by the arm. “I know just what you need, Elizabeth.”

Of course, I know she’s about to invite me to the lounge for a drink. “No, thank you,” I tell her as I push open the door.

“Well, that’s where I’m heading. Jim is already up there. Sure you don’t want to join us? You could invite your handsome hubby to come along too.”

And that’s when I see my “handsome hubby” just across the lobby, his eyes fixed on the ladies’ room door as if he is guarding it. Great, now I have my own personal stalker. “Thanks anyway, Suzette,” I tell her. “I don’t think either Phil or I would be good company right now.”

“You know where we are if you change your mind.”

I smile at her, give Phil a weak wave, and then slowly walk over to where he’s waiting. As I walk, I try to think of an excuse, any excuse, to avoid spending time with him right now. But before I come up with anything, he is by my side. “Let’s take a walk,” he says, linking his arm with mine as if to prevent me from running.

“You missed a cute scene,” he tells me, speaking in a normal tone as if everything between us is perfectly fine. “Michael and Jenny made a great getaway in a canoe.”

“You mean they’ve actually left?” I’m a little concerned now, since I know that my sister would have a complete fit if the newlyweds didn’t show up for the fancy dinner. And who knows what Michael’s mother would do?

“They promised to be back in time for dinner,” he tells me as
he leads me outside. “I think they just needed a little breather—you know, some space.”

I don’t say anything as he leads me across the lawn and toward the lake. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s rented a canoe for us, too. That would be one way to have my undivided attention. But wouldn’t he be worried that I might try to push him overboard when he confessed to his affair? Or perhaps I would simply jump in the lake myself, although I suspect it would be difficult swimming in this dress. Perhaps that wouldn’t matter. Perhaps that would be the end of all my—

“Elizabeth?”
He says my name rather loudly as if he’s been trying to get my attention. “Are you listening to me?”

“What?” I snap back.

“I was talking to you, and you were off in the twilight zone.”

“Sorry.”

“Right. I was just saying that you’ve got me pretty worried.”

“I’ve got
you
worried?” I want to laugh at the irony of this.

“You’re acting so odd today. First you blow up at me for forgetting to bring black socks, of all things.”

“That again?” I want to brush that away. Wasn’t that days ago? And yet I still feel irritated. Why is he not able to do things like pack his own socks, for Pete’s sake?

“Well, you got so bent out of shape about it. And I can tell you’ve been avoiding me all day. It can’t be because of the socks.”

I make a pathetic attempt at a laugh. “Yeah, right.”

“So what’s going on?”

We’re walking along the path by the lake’s edge now At least there doesn’t seem to be anyone around. Even so, I do not want to have this conversation right now. “Nothing’s going on,” I say in an unconvincing tone.

“Then why are you acting so weird?” he continues. “And what’s the deal with your
new friend
, Suzette?”

“Nothing,” I say with irritation. “Jeannette just wanted me to keep an eye on her. She was, uh, having some personal problems, and we didn’t want her to make a scene and spoil anything.”

He sort of laughs. “Yeah, I bet that woman is very capable of making a scene. In fact she made a scene with me earlier. She said the strangest things, Elizabeth. Is she some kind of a nut?”

“Yeah,” I say, hoping I can end this. “She’s a real nut.”

Then I notice a couple sitting on the bench up ahead. I can tell by the gown that it’s one of the bridesmaids. As we get closer, I see that it’s Ingrid, and she seems very distraught. I want to stop and ask her what’s wrong or if I can help, but Phil sees them too, and he redirects our path away from them.

“Give them some privacy,” he whispers as he whisks me away.

“But Ingrid looks upset. Maybe I should—”

“Maybe you should butt out, Elizabeth, and just mind your own business.”

That makes me angry. Seriously angry. I stop walking and turn to look at him. “What right do you have to tell me what I should or should not do, Phillip Anderson?”

He blinks in surprise. “I’d think that being your husband would at least give me the right to an opinion.”

I roll my eyes. “My husband? Sure thing!” Then I turn and stomp away.

“Wait, Elizabeth,” he calls as he comes after me. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. But it’s just that I’m worried. You’re acting so strange today. What’s going on? Is it something I said or did?”

“What do you
think
is going on?”

He frowns. “I don’t know what to think anymore.”

I’m going straight for the lodge now, walking as fast as I can through the grass in these heels. I have no idea what I plan to do once I get there. I sure don’t want to end up in our room and get trapped into finishing this hopeless conversation. Maybe I’ll join Suzette and Jim in the lounge after all. I wonder what Phil would think of that.

“Hey, Phil.” My brother-in-law, Eric, comes over. “How’s it going?”

Phil manages a smile. “Great. That was a beautiful wedding. You must be feeling proud of that girl of yours.”

Eric sighs. “Proud and a little sad. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to give her up today.”

I pat him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, Eric. You know what they say about daughters, don’t you?”

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter’s a daughter the rest of her life.” I shrug. “Looks like you’ll be stuck with her.”

He grins now. “Maybe you’re right.”

“If you guys will excuse me,” I say quickly, thinking this is the perfect getaway. “I promised Suzette I’d join her for a quick drink before dinner.” I wink at Eric. “I also promised Jeannette that I’d keep Suzette out of trouble, if you know what I mean.”

He nods. “Yes, Jeannette told me that she and Jim were having a little problem and you were riding herd on her.”

I smile. “Yeah, you could say that.”

“Hey, Phil, can you give me a hand with something?” Eric says, and now Phil looks at me with a helpless expression.

“See you later,” I call lightly as I make my escape.