On a Snowy Christmas Night (16 page)

“It’s me. I keep meaning to oil the hinges.” He walked into the muted glow provided by the intermittent security lights with something draped over his arm.

“What is that?”

“A blanket.” His teeth flashed white.

She laughed. “You’re not serious.”

“Dare you to find out.” He took her hand again and pulled her toward the ladder to the hayloft.

“Is this where you brought all your girlfriends?”

“Okay...look, I only had two in high school and one in college. Happy?” He tapped her backside and motioned for her to go first up the rungs.

“What about grade school?”

“Doesn’t count.”

“Then what about—”

Jesse’s mouth covered hers, cutting her off. He took advantage of her parted lips, pushing his tongue inside, hot and demanding, until she struggled for air.

As he drew back he touched her tightened nipple through her sweater. “You want to get up there before somebody catches us.”

“There better not be any strange animals up there,” she said, grabbing hold of the rails and putting a foot on the first rung.

“Oh, yeah, there might be a cat, so don’t scream. Luther’s harmless.”

She felt Jesse come up behind her, but he didn’t crowd her as she took her time to find her footing.

The loft wasn’t as pitch-black as she’d expected. Ambient light from below helped guide her to a spot where she waited for him to catch up.

“There’s a small floodlight up here,” he said while shaking out the blanket. “But I don’t want to draw attention.”

“I’m sensing a trend here—you like roughing it, don’t you?”

“If it was up to me we’d be in my room getting naked.” Hooking an arm around her waist, he hauled her against him. “But I’ll settle for making out.” He traced her ear with the tip of his tongue. “Unless you’d rather go back to the party.”

A teasing remark about the dirt she could get on him never made it past her brain. She sighed at the feel of his lips grazing the side of her neck, and when he started using his teeth to gently scrape right where he knew it drove her crazy, she sank to the blanket, pulling him down with her.

The floor underneath wasn’t nearly as hard as she’d expected. But of course Jesse suffered the brunt of it by cradling her to him. He pulled her the rest of the way onto his lap while he kept kissing her, and she couldn’t understand why his kisses seemed different each time. Even when all they had time for was a brief brushing of lips it seemed more passionate. The thought that soon there would be no more kisses nearly crippled her. She turned her mind to more pleasant thoughts.

“Are you comfortable?” he asked.

“Very.” She loved being right here, her cheek pressed to Jesse’s heart. “The first time I saw you was in this barn.”

He shifted to look at her. “When?”

“The day I arrived. You were standing at the door. I thought you were one of the hired hands.”

“Most people claim they can spot a McAllister from a mile away.”

“I can see that...eventually I would’ve noticed the resemblance, but that day Cole and Jamie drove in behind me. Your mom, Rachel and Trace all came out to greet them but you watched from the shadows.”

“I was probably too grubby.”

For the first time, Jesse had lied to her. She didn’t know what gave her that impression. Maybe it was his slight hesitation or the increase of his heartbeat but she was fairly sure she wasn’t wrong. “You seem to like Jamie so I’ve wondered about that.”

“Jamie’s great. She’s perfect for Cole. The whole family’s crazy about her.”

“Think they’ll get married?”

“Hmm. I hadn’t thought about it. They’ve only known each other five months, but I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Shea pulled back to look at him. “You’re kidding.”

“She was a guest here the second week Rachel opened.”

“I assumed they’d known each other for years.” Shea thought back to the few times she’d been around them. They were so comfortable together. The entire family treated Jamie as if they’d known her forever.

“You’re quiet.” He slid his hand under her sweater.

“Huh? Oh, I was just thinking about how everyone seems to love Jamie. It’s nice.” She was a little jealous, but she wouldn’t admit that part. “Jamie’s an easy person to like.”

“So are you.” He unfastened her bra clasp.

“You don’t have to say that. It’s not true. I know I don’t let people in. It’s not in my nature.”

“No, it’s not, and there’s nothing wrong with being introverted. Some people would say the same about me.”

“You?” Shea smiled. “You know everyone.”

“I’ve lived here most of my life. Of course I know everybody, and sometimes I wish I didn’t.”

That surprised her. But then it wasn’t so easy to think now that he’d pushed aside her bra and palmed her breast. “But you came back. You love it here.”

There was another one of those tense pauses. “I do, but...Jesus.” He withdrew his hand.

She moved off his lap.

“What are you doing?” He sounded irritated.

“Trying not to ruin our night.”

“Nobody’s going to ruin anything.”

She held his face in her hands and kissed him. “You can tell me anything, or you can tell me nothing. We introverts have to stick together.”

He flashed a smile. “I wish we were in my room right now.”

“Me, too.”

The words were barely out of her mouth when she heard something. Voices. Just outside. Jesse heard them, too, because he tensed and put a finger to her lips.

She nodded.

The voices grew louder and closer.

“Kids,” he whispered. “Probably in here sneaking a beer. We’ll wait them out.”

She nodded again.

Then Jesse pulled up her sweater, rubbed her nipple between his thumb and forefinger and she slapped a hand across her own mouth to keep from crying out.

16

J
ESSE
KNEW
SHE
couldn’t make a sound, and he was relentless. His mouth, his hands...they were everywhere. The rat was enjoying holding her hostage. She’d think of a way to pay him back, she decided. But for now she pressed her lips together, closed her eyes and shivered when he slowly unzipped her jeans.

Below them the kids—sounded like two boys and a girl—were talking and laughing and giving no indication they were in a hurry to leave the barn. Luckily they’d moved deeper into the building and weren’t directly beneath the loft, but still...

Shea sucked in a breath, but that only made it easier for him to slide his hand inside her panties. With his other hand he pushed up the hem of her sweater and bared her breasts. Since it was too dark to see, he found his way with his mouth. He latched on to her nipple and drove her crazy with quick featherlike flicks of his tongue.

His hair was short but she managed to grab two handfuls. She tried to force him to stop, which he finally did, in his own good time, and only so that he could kiss her until she was breathless. She let him lay her back, slowly, quietly, and when she was able to reach, she stroked the heel of her palm up his fly.

Even through the thick denim his erection felt hot and urgent. He was turned on. For her. She thought about that comment about Jesse being too slippery to catch. But here he was, with Shea, wanting her. Wanting her so badly that he couldn’t wait until they were able to sneak upstairs. And that was after having made love twice this morning. The hugeness of the idea was almost too much to hold inside her head.

She found the tab of his zipper, but he was too hard for her to pull it down easily. He must’ve realized she wasn’t giving up and he took over the job. Greedily, she reached inside his jeans and closed her hand around his erection. He hissed through clenched teeth and jerked against her palm. A nervous giggle tickled the back of her throat and she shuddered trying to quash it.

Jesse leaned in, his lips close to her ear, and whispered, “Do something for me.”

She nodded.

“Lie back. Let me touch you.”

His request confused her. He hadn’t stopped touching her. Then he moved her hand away from his cock, placing it palm down on the floor beside her hip, and she understood. It was going to be torture not moving, not uttering a sound, not touching him back. Incredibly sexy, too.

Vaguely she was aware that the kids were still below, their voices no more than indistinct murmurs. She’d have to watch herself and not get carried away. Not easy when Jesse was teasing and licking his way from her collarbone to her neck. One of his hands threaded through her hair, lightly massaging her scalp. The other worked the waistband of her jeans, inching it lower until he embedded his fingers beneath the denim.

She fisted her hands and pressed her lips together as he dragged his mouth over her breasts and then lower.

His jaw was smooth on her belly. He’d shaved recently, probably right before the party. His beard grew quickly and it was dark and dense. And when he was careful not to mark her, God, how she loved the feel of his chin’s rasp on her skin first thing in the morning. But then she also liked the silky feel of it at the end of the day when they crawled into bed.

Since being stranded in the shack, they’d also spent a night together in her room. They’d agreed hers was the best option. Located in the guest wing, it was safely away from the family. She could swear his new mission in life was to make her scream. He shoved her jeans and panties past her knees, and she bit her lip hard to avoid gasping. Cool hands spread her thighs as far as they could go, then his hot tongue parted her. She rolled her head, tried to grab Jesse, but as he zeroed in on her swollen clitoris, she had to use the heel of her hand to silence her cries.

Good God, he was going to drive her out of her mind between the flicking and the sucking. This time Shea did get hold of Jesse’s hair, and she tugged twice, wishing she could shout at him to stop so they could go somewhere private—though the threat of getting caught made her tremble even harder.

“Give me one of those.” A male voice that hadn’t lowered in pitch yet broke the silence.

The kids had moved. It sounded as though they’d relocated directly below the loft.

“You guys know better than to smoke in here,” the girl said, and Shea felt Jesse tense and go still.

“Relax. I’ll be careful.”

“You light that cigarette and I’m going back to the house. I mean it.”

Someone struck a match.

“Fine. See you guys later,” the girl said, and Jesse moved his hand and sat up.

“Damn. Wait. Okay. I’m putting it out.”

“It’s too cold out here, anyway.” The girl’s voice had already faded as though she’d left the barn.

Jesse sighed and pushed Shea’s pants up her thighs. She took over while he moved up and ran the back of his hand gently across her cheek. “I bet they light up again,” he whispered in her ear, then brought her sweater down.

He got to his feet, and she sat up, fumbling to fasten her bra. Sure enough, the striking of a match echoed in the silence. Jesse snapped and zipped his jeans while she took care of hers. Then he motioned for her to stay put.

He didn’t head for the ladder but moved to the edge of the loft. “You boys had better not be smoking,” he said in a low, stern voice.

“Shit!”

The kid’s high-pitched squeak made Shea bite her lip to keep from laughing.

“We’re leaving.” The other boy had a deeper timbre.

“Good idea.” Jesse stood with his arms crossed, watching, presumably until the boys left the barn.

“Could they see you?” she asked when he turned back to her. “Did they know it was you?”

“They wouldn’t look up. I know their parents but not them personally.”

“Poor guys.”

“Yeah, right. They’re ranch kids. They damn well know better than to be smoking around this much hay.”

“Plus, they ruined the mood.”

Jesse chuckled. “My mood is just fine.” Taking her hand, he pulled her to her feet and put his arms around her.

She looped hers around his neck and moved her hips against him. He wasn’t as hard as before, but getting there. Evidently he was right. The interruption had been nothing but a speed bump for him. “What do we do now?”

“What do you think?”

Shea laughed. “Someone else could show up.”

“We’re going inside.”

“We still have the same problem whether we go to your room or mine. Both sets of stairs are in full view.”

He kissed her lips softly, tenderly. “You go up first. I’ll follow ten minutes later.” He lightly rubbed her nose with his. Hugging her tighter, he heaved a slow contented sigh that tugged at her heart. “On our way out I’ll turn on more lights.”

“Think they’ll come back?”

“Not them, but others might have the same idea. Ready?”

She nodded and stood back to dust off her clothes. “Remind me never to wear this sweater for a roll in the hay again. It’s like a magnet.”

Jesse laughed. “Roll in the hay?”

“Yes, I’m getting the cowboy lingo down.”

“I’ve never used that term in my life.” He plucked hay off her left breast, then cupped its weight. “Of course, I’m not much of a cowboy,” he murmured.

“You’re not helping.” It was crazy how easily he could have talked her into sinking back down to the blanket. She had no willpower when it came to him. Scary. Except it wasn’t. Jesse seemed more familiar to her than Brian ever had, even after they’d lived together nearly three years.

His odd remark finally clicked. “What do you mean you’re not much of a cowboy?” In answer, he kneaded her breast, and she swatted his hand away. She bent and scooped up the blanket before either of them got any stupid ideas. “Why did you say that?”

“I don’t know.” His sigh was far from contented now. He sounded annoyed. “The blanket’s full of hay. It’s getting all over you.”

All right, she wouldn’t press. But she hated the feeling his words and grim tone had left her with. The blanket was already folded in half, and she folded it in half again. He was right...more hay had stuck to her sweater. “Well, this is great. No guessing where we’ve been and what we were doing.”

“Leave it.” He took the blanket from her and tossed it onto a railing. “I’ll take care of it tomorrow.”

“Okay.” She smiled, even though her face was in shadow and he couldn’t see her. Continuing to dust herself off, she headed toward the ladder.

“Wait.” Jesse exhaled sharply. “That was a thoughtless remark. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Fine. I won’t give the matter a second thought.” She touched his face to reassure him, and he caught her hand.

He gave it a gentle squeeze. “Cole and Trace, they’ve been here through the hard times. After our dad died, Cole poured his heart and soul into learning every aspect of running this place. His entire life has been dedicated to this ranch. Even Trace, for all his strutting and horsing around, worked his ass off while his high school friends spent their weekends partying. Trace never complained. The Sundance always came first. He’s a smart guy and could’ve done well in college but he didn’t go. Didn’t even give it a try. He chose to stay here and help Cole.”

“College isn’t for everyone,” she said calmly, trying to ease his mounting tension. God, why now, why here? She’d suspected something was eating at Jesse and she very much wanted to hear him out. But they needed privacy, a place to sit without fear of someone disturbing them. She could suggest they continue in her room, though she had the feeling that once he stopped talking, he’d withdraw again. He’d shut her out. “Do you regret choosing a different path than your brothers?”

“Not really. Cole went for a year of school before Dad was diagnosed but he hated being cooped up in a classroom. He quit and came home. Even when the place was making money, he and Trace were outside working right alongside the hands. They love the land. They love what they do. There’s nothing else for them but the Sundance. The ranch is their life.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” There was no place to sit except for a bale of hay. She looped an arm through his and steered him toward it.

“Where are we going?”

“Right here.” She sat first and hoped he’d follow suit.

He hesitated, and she held her breath, hoping the moment hadn’t been lost. Finally he lowered himself to the spot next to her, letting his thigh touch hers.

Shea shifted so that their upper arms touched, too. Oh, how she wished she was better at this. Did Jesse need the closeness, or would she scare him off? Should she simply listen, reserve comment? She had no idea what he expected from her, or how she could best be his friend.

One thing she knew for sure, she didn’t want to be this frustrated and nervous while they talked. She breathed in deeply, slowly let it out, repeated the exercise, letting go of anything that might interfere with the moment.

“We should go inside.” He shifted, moving his leg slightly away from hers.

She clasped her hands together, sick that she’d already failed. “Talk to me,” she said.

“There’s not much to say. I don’t know why I brought up that crap.” He sighed.

“Must be a reason.” Her voice shook a little. She hoped he hadn’t noticed. But she couldn’t worry about it. All her energy was focused on staying put and not running away because this was hard. Outside her comfort zone by a mile. But this was also Jesse. She had to see this conversation through.

He’d turned to look at her. The light was better here near the wall, and he could see her face. She could see part of his, though not his eyes. “What’s wrong?” he asked, closing one large hand over both of hers.

“Please don’t try to change the subject or make this about me. I want to hear about you.”

He frowned. “I’m not doing anything. You’re shaking.”

“Oh.” Her tiny whimper of defeat sounded pathetic. No, she wouldn’t crumble. Not now. “Look, I want to be here for you, be your sounding board, but I’m really bad at this kind of thing and all I want to do... God, Jesse, I don’t want to screw up....” She stared down at their entwined hands. “Will you just talk to me?”

Even though she’d averted her gaze, she felt his stare. She’d said too much. Why couldn’t she have kept her mouth shut? She should’ve bolted while she could. It was so much safer.

He let go of her hands, and her heart sank. Then he slid his arm around her and pulled her against him. His body was warm and his heartbeat steady. He kissed her hair, gently rubbed her arm. She felt safe. The idea was startling and intimate, and ironically reignited the urge to run. But she understood a lifelong habit couldn’t be overcome in one night.

Still shell-shocked, she almost laughed. A few minutes ago she’d been trying to calm herself in order to soothe him. Now he was doing it for her.

“You’re brave,” he whispered.

“I’m not. I’m really not.”

He smiled against her cheek, then kissed her. “Remember the other day at the shack when I told you about how I offered to quit school after my dad passed away?” he asked, and Shea nodded. “When my mom and Cole told me it wasn’t necessary, that I should finish college, I was mad. I thought they were being stubborn and irrational, but more than that—” he took a deep breath “—I felt useless. Disposable. They might as well have said they didn’t need me.”

“Oh, Jesse...” She twisted around to look at him. “That isn’t true. They would never feel that way. Not your family.” She stared into his shadowed eyes, hoping she could make him see. “Never.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” He shrugged, and she wasn’t sure he believed his own words. “I was young and grieving and trying to find my way in life. I really wanted to come home, share the burden and make this ranch the best spread in the county. Like any kid, I wanted my parents to be proud of me. Even though my dad was gone, I imagined him smiling down at me, thinking that’s my son, a true McAllister. He belongs at the Sundance.”

“Your mom does feel that way—your brothers, Rachel, they all do.”

He gave her a faint smile and squeezed her thigh. “You just met them.”

“I don’t care.” She shook her head. “I know I’m usually not a good judge of people, but I’m not wrong about this. The morning Cole and Trace brought us home, when I was sitting in the kitchen with your mom and Rachel... They were being so nice. They were genuinely concerned for me, and I was feeling weird, not knowing how to act or what to say, and then I had this epiphany.” She’d spoken so fast she had to stop to take a breath. “All my life my value has been my intelligence. I wasn’t appreciated for being kind or funny or for simply being a child. I was my father’s pet, my mother’s pawn, my teachers’ greatest accomplishment.