Noble Hearts 03 - The Courageous Heart (31 page)

“And that is exactly what I intend to do.”

“Returning my daughter to me to face her punishment was part of that deal.”

“Was it?”

Matlock stood above Pennington, red and shaking with rage. Pennington was unmoved. Roderick swallowed a giggle. He couldn’t have asked for a better show. Someone was definitely going to die.

“If you renege on our deal,” Matlock
warned Pennington, “then I will expose your plot
to kill Richard and
see that you are hanged as the traitor we both know you are.”

“Do you know that?” Pennington shifted, leaning back in his chair
and playing with his damn chess piece
as if he was perfectly comfortable. “Who am I a traitor to? My interests always have been those of England.”

Matlock jerked as though he would either punch the man or pull away. Pennington stared, daring him to do either.

The standoff was broken when Pennington sighed and said, “You can have your men tomorrow.” He waved Matlock away as though he were a servant bringing him bad news. “Do what you need to do to prepare until then.”

Matlock balled his fists, jaw clamped tight. Pennington went back to eating his dinner. After several more tense heartbeats Matlock whipped around and stormed back to the end of the table where Roderick
was
lapping
up
the confrontation.

“Keep an eye on her,” Matlock ordered him. “If she makes any sort of move away from the inn, let me know immediately.”

“Yes, my lord.” He bowed, licking his lips.

“I want to know everything. If Ethan Windale is still helping her, I want to know. We’ve let that wolf run free for far too long.”

“I’m sure he’ll pay, my lord.”

Matlock narrowed his eyes. “Oh, he will.”

Chapter
Eighteen

Dear Joanna,

The most horrible thing has happened. No sooner was I caught up i
n the peace of the Holy Land the
n war reared its ugly head, destroying everything. I know that we came here to free the good people of the kingdom of Jerusalem from the scourge of Saladin and his armies, but the reality of our mission has destroyed any faith I had in this crusade being a just cause. What is more, my own personal faith in myself and my steadfastness has been shaken to its core.

I will start with the horrors of war, because the horrors of love are
far more terrible to write of.

We arrived at Acre to discover our allies already in place for the most part
,
but weakened by disease. King Richard
quarreled
with our allies almost at once. He supported Guy of Lusignan in his claim to the throne of Jerusalem, but Philip of France and Leopold of Austria support Conrad of Montferrat’s claim. We sailed all the way to this Holy Land on a God-sent mission only to be mired in European politics. This is not a holy crusade, a bid to free good Christian people from their Muslim oppressors. It is nothing more than an excuse for the rulers of England, France, and the Holy Roman Empire to rattle their swords in an attempt to intimidate each other.

I suppose there is a bright side. During the siege of Acre Ethan was once again the hero. He has become so skilled with a sword that all but the most vainglorious foes avoid him in battle. King Richard was still very ill during the siege, but he fought, shooting his crossbow from the ramparts while being carried in a stretcher. Ethan was one of the two knights selected to carry the king’s odd chariot. He gave our king such support and encouragement that I would be surprised if Ethan does not receive some sort of recognition on returning home.

That was the only bright spot in a victory that would descend into shame all too quickly. After the battle, when the city was secure in our hands, King Richard and King Philip raised the standards of England and France over the walls. Leopold of Austria raised his standard as well. And our King Richard tore it d
own and cast it into the moat.

It was an insult so deep and so shocking that Leopold immediately withdrew his troops and sailed for home. That is not the worst of it. King Philip who has been ill this whole time as well, recently left after arguing with Richard over who should maintain control of Cyprus.
Cyprus! As if any good Englishman should care about Cyprus.
King Richard is now alone, abandoned by his allies, but as bloodthirsty and intent on conquest as ever. I fear for the safety of the souls who are left to fight with him.

And now I come to a confession that runs much deeper than the mere betrayal of alliances and kingships. Joanna, I have betrayed my own heart. You know that I love Ethan more than I love the sun or the moon, more than I love the land of my birth and the home I was raised in. Ethan is my life and my soul. And I have been unfaithful to him.

The mood in our camp was tense after Leopold left. Ethan was spending so very much time with King Richard and his retinue. I was not worthy to be in the king’s presence, so I was left to my own devices. Sir Baldwin is the only soul that I have grown close to besides Ethan. I fear I ha
ve grown far too close to him.

What was I to do, Joanna? Alone, surrounded by peril and war, separated from my master, I turned to the only comfort that was offered to me. How sweet that comfort was! Baldwin is good and kind and handsome. Yes, he has teased me on occasion and there have been times when he hasn’t known how to comfort me in my distress. But his affection has always been so open and so genuine.

I lost myself to him, Joanna. But I felt so alone, so hopeless. Forgive me for clinging to the one person who offered a steady shoulder and a warm embrace. Forgive me for finding a few moments of joy amidst this tragedy of kings and conquests. But it
was
good to feel loved, if just for one night. I will never know the love that my heart truly desires. Now all that remains is for me to learn to live with myself for succumbing to second best. I don’t know where this will lead, what will become of me or Baldwin or Ethan. I don’t know what to do.

I wish with all my heart that you were here to console me and to lead me in the right direction. You know these things so much better than I do. I am adrift and hopeless, alone in a strange world without you.

Yours, Toby

Joanna pulled her brother’s cloak over her shoulders and tugged her hair out from the neck.
S
he twisted to
glance
at the bed
where Ethan still lay sleeping. Her heart dropped to her stomach in a confused knot. He always had been the most beautiful man she had ever known. In sleep he seemed like the most innocent as well. If only
he actually was
.

She tiptoed around the foot of his bed, ducking low
where
the roof slanted
,
to look out the t
iny window into the courtyard.

It was bad enough that she had gone to his bed in a moment of weakness. She’d been afraid. He had come so close to dying for her that her heart had been turned inside out.
The comfort he offered had been the balm her soul needed.
For one glorious moment she had thought things could be as they should have been.
But
when they’d gone down for dinner, when she’d been forced to sit with friends who knew just how weak she was, reality choked her
.
Ethan had yet to prove that he would save Aubrey, Crispin, and Jack.

Yet her heart was so weakened by the promises he had made that she’d gone back to his bed when the sun set.

Her relief at the sight of an empty yard was marginal.
She slipped
away from the window,
through the loft, running for the stairs.

“Where are you going?” Ethan’s groggy voice stopped her.

She froze, breathing quickly, and turned to face her shame. “I’m going to the Tower,” she told him, not meeting his eyes. “I have a job to do.”

He narrowed his sleepy eyes and pushed himself to sit. “What?” The blanket slid away, revealing his
muscled
chest and stomach.

The sight of him filled Joanna with a longing almost powerful enough to make her stay. He had told her he loved her.
The girl she was had shivered with happiness.
But she had heard
his
empty promises before.

“
The
kitchen staff at the Tower
needs help
while the king is in residence,” she
made
up excuses, longing to leave
. “
Lucy
has told me that they’ve all been run ragged these last few months. I can’t leave her in the lurch.”

Sleep cast a confused fog over Ethan’s face. “Someone else can do it.” He threw the covers back and stood, his body displayed in all its perfection. “I
want you to stay with me
.”
A lazy grin made his already beautiful face dazzling. “There are so many things I want to say to you.”

“I need to be at the Tower,” she pressed on. “If anything changes with Crispin and Aubrey and Jack I need to be there. Maybe there’s still something I can do.”

“Crispin, Aubrey, and Jack,” Ethan huffed, shaking his head. “What about me?”

She didn’t have the strength to be angry with him. “You can take care of yourself.” She turned to go.

“Will they let you back into the Tower after yesterday?”

She
paused
. The thought hadn’t crossed her mind. She hadn’t stuck around long enough to see if the story of her assassination attempt had made it out of the banquet hall.

Ethan started towards her.

“I really have to go.”
She
dodged his arms when he came close enough to embrace her
. “We can talk later.”

“Later?” He frowned. “Wait, Joanna, no!”

She froze at the top of the steps and winced. Her face burned red with guilt. Slowly she turned to him. “Ethan, last night was a mistake.”

“Last night was
not
a mistake!” he argued with her, voice low and tight.

“I was upset
and I was scared. I thought you would die at the king’s hands.
I shouldn’t have-” He silenced her by
laying a hand on the side of her face and bending to capture her lips.

For one trembling moment she gave in to his passion. It had always been her weakness. She would have gone to the ends of the earth for his kiss, for his touch when they were younger. But then he had gone to the ends of the earth instead.

Heart hardening, she broke away. “I have to go.”

She
left him and
scrambled down the steep stairs and out of the stable. The yard was deserted but smoke already rose from the inn’s kitchen chimney. Joanna tugged Toby’s cloak tighter
.

“Joanna!
” Ethan called out the tiny window. “Let me at least come with you.”

“No
.” She headed for the street, turning and taking a few backwards steps. “I need to do this on my own.”

“No you don’t!” he contradicted her. “Let me help you.”

The frustration in his voice twisted her stomach with guilt, but she jogged on,
out into the street.
If he truly wanted to help her, then he would stay out of the way and let her do what had to be done.

The Tower was already bustling by the time she arrived.
She took in a breath as she approached the gate and steeled herself for whatever might come. If she was arrested and locked away there was a possibility she could be with Aubrey.

“Morning, Joanna,” the guard Delbert greeted her with a smile and swung the gate open for her. “You’re looking lovely today.”

“Ssh,” his mate scolded. “Are you daft, man? Don’t talk to
her
.”

The suspicion in the second guard’s eyes as Joanna walked through the gate sent her pulse pounding. He wasn’t the only
guard to give her a wary look.

By the time she reached the kitchens t
he head cook was too busy to spare a word for her
.
Joanna marked the way the woman stared at her and kept her distance. She had no interest in drawing attention
so
did the tasks she was given without a word.
Even the drudges in the scullery watched her and whispered when her back was turned.

Lucy was making her way across the Tower yard with an armful of laundry when Joanna stepped out of the kitchen
,
heavy bucket of hot water
in tow
. The moment Lucy saw her crossing towards the White Tower she changed her path to intercept her.

“You’re the talk of the Tower this morning,” Lucy informed her without prea
mble, a twinkle in her eyes.

“I noticed,” Joanna mumbled.

“
Y
ou
didn’t
really
put something in
the king
’s broth, did you
?
Delbert heard it was horse piss, but I told him he was a ridiculous lummox.
”
She laughed at her own joke.

Joanna
forced herself to laugh along with her
. “If I had tried to
put horse piss in
the king
’s broth
do you think I would
still
be here? Do you think I’d be alive?”

“No,” Lucy laughed. “I keep telling people it’s a ridiculous rumor. You know how people talk
when you’re new
. What did you do then? Spill his ale in his eggs?”

“Something like that.” Joanna’s
fake smile hurt her face
.

As quick as she’d been to laugh, Lucy turned serious. “Be careful, Joanna. I’ve seen girls sacked for far
smaller
rumors before.
The Tower is a tough place
.
Truthfully, I’d leave if I had someplace to go. There should be more to life than scrubbing the king’s chamber pot.
”

All Joanna could do was nod. “I’ll be careful,” she croaked. She cleared her throat. “I need to get this to the
soldiers
in the White Tower before it goes cold.”

“You do that,”
Lucy said. The twitch of her mouth was either worry or suspicion.

Joanna didn’t wait to find out which it was. She lugged the bucket of water the rest of the way across the yard, spilling some on herself as she climbed the stairs. The guard at the White Tower door let her in
without a word, as if someone had told him she was royalty
. She kept her eyes lowered as she carried the steaming water to the middle of the main hall.
It was full of
soldiers
preparing for the day.