"So how does your life of crime relate to you taking off at four-thirty?" I asked.
"Oh. Yeah. Well, in addition to everything else, I also had to go to court. You know, destruction of public property, breaking and entering, burglary, all that.
”
"Yikes."
"Yeah. But you know what, it turned out to be the least of my worries. I was freaked out that I was going to get sent to juvie, but all they gave me was a hundred and twenty hours of community service."
"That's a lot of time."
"Yeah, but it wasn't bad at all." Kaia began walking slowly down the bleachers, talking softly so no one overheard us. "My grandmother's in a nursing home that the state runs, so I did my community service there, reading to the old people."
I stopped walking. "Oh my gosh. The first day we met Grady, you said you had to go read to old people. I thought you were just trying to make yourself sound saintly, but you were really doing community service?"
"Yeah, well, I actually finished the community service a long time ago. I just go there now because I want to. I didn't do it much over the summer though. You and I were having so much fun, I just didn't get around to it very often. But they miss me." She dipped her head. "And I guess I missed them too."
We reached the bottom of the bleachers and the bell rang, but we didn't head straight for the doors the way everyone else did. "Kaia, why on earth would you keep that a secret? It's really sweet."
"Hmph." Kaia cocked her head to the side. "Yeah, I guess. It doesn't do much for my bad girl reputation though."
"Maybe your bad girl reputation isn't everything it's cracked up to be."
Kaia obviously wasn't interested in hearing my thoughts on that one. She shrugged and walked toward the open gym doors. "Whatever. Hey, come on. I've got a limited amount of time here. Let's go practice."
I followed her through the doors and stopped abruptly. I wasn't terribly surprised to see Grady across the hall. I'd kind of expected he might be waiting for me. But the guy standing next to him, talking animatedly and gesturing wildly with his hands totally threw me for a loop. It was Derek.
Grady noticed me first. He smiled his easy grin as Derek continued to talk and gesture.
"
…
But limits
can
have infinite values. If you take the limit of 'f' as 'x' approaches infinity
…
" Derek's voice trailed off as Grady pushed himself away from the wall and crossed the hall to take my hand. Grady bent down and pecked my cheek with a kiss.
Derek's mouth dropped open and stayed that way.
I froze.
Grady didn't seem to realize anything was amiss. "Hey there. How was your day?"
"Fine," I said faintly.
"Better than last night?" he asked.
"Um
…
"
Derek snapped his mouth shut, then opened it again like he was going to say something. Thankfully, Kaia jumped in.
"Derek," she said authoritatively, "come with me." She grabbed him by the elbow and pulled, but he didn't budge. She tugged on his arm again but got nowhere.
Grady massaged the knuckles of my hand with his thumb.
That
seemed to snap Derek out of his stupor. Shooting a seriously dirty look at me and Grady, he allowed Kaia to lead him away.
Grady shook his head, bemused. "There goes a guy who cares way too much about calculus. Did you see that look he gave me?"
I tilted my head up at Grady, but didn't feel confident enough in the steadiness of my own voice to say anything.
He didn't seem to notice. "Derek's a smart guy, but he really needs to lighten up."
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. "Are you guys friends?"
"He's in my math class and he seemed okay, but I don't know. Seriously, who cares that much if a limit has infinite value?"
Grady squeezed my hand. "Listen, I know you've probably got practice." I nodded as he spoke, and his face took on a slightly dejected look. "So you won't be able to go to youth group with me right after school. I can send somebody back to pick you up later if you want."
I shook my head. "No, after practice I'm going with Kaia to read books at the nursing home."
Sure, she hadn't exactly invited me, but
…
well, she had now.
Grady smiled his million-watt grin and kissed my forehead. "That's my girl."
"It's really a Kaia thing," I said. "I'm just tagging along."
"Good for both of you, then." Grady slipped his arm around my waist and gave me a half-hug. "I'd better take off. Do you want me to walk you to practice before I go?"
God no. What if Derek was there with Kaia?
"No thanks, I wouldn't want you to be late."
"Call me tonight?" It was a question rather than a command.
"Sure."
Grady put his finger under my chin and tipped my lips up to his. I didn't protest, but again, I found myself staring at his closed eyes. I forced myself to slam my own eyes shut and attempt to kiss him back. It wasn't my best effort ever.
Grady broke the kiss and grinned at me, then loped down the hall. I trudged to the wrestling room, dreading the confrontation that might be in store for me. For once in my life fate seemed to be smiling upon me, because Derek was not prowling in front of the doors waiting to pounce on me.
I opened the door cautiously and peered around. Nobody there but the Lincoln girls. I sighed with relief and went in. I practiced with the other girls for about ten minutes before Kaia finally joined us. She made a beeline for me and waited until we'd finished running through the dance number we were working on. "Can I borrow Barbie for a few minutes?" Kaia asked when we all slid into the splits to end the routine.
The other girls nodded and started practicing the routine again, leaving an empty spot where I would have been. Kaia and I walked over to the corner of the wrestling room. She leaned against the wall and crossed one ankle over the other. "Man, Derek is pissed. He said you totally blew him off last night, and now he thinks you were playing him. He thinks you were Grady's girlfriend all along."
I buried my face in my hands. "I wasn't playing him. Not at all. But I can't be with him. Tim's his brother."
"Who?"
"Tim!" I said loudly, exasperated. "Rachel's boyfriend
…
the one who wanted to trade me with Rory. The one I
just
told you about?"
"Yeah, sure, I got it. But you said you didn't sleep with him."
"Of course I didn't."
Kaia shrugged. "Then I guess I don't see what the big problem is, or why Derek needs to pay for it. Sure, Tim wanted to sleep with you, but you didn't. So what?"
"So
everything
. After that night, I swore Rachel and Tim would never try to pimp me out again. I slept with a guy named Cody the next day. And a few times after that, just to make sure."
"You're not a virgin?" Kaia's eyebrows shot up in astonishment.
"No, not since the summer before ninth grade."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"It never came up."
"Oh come on, you could have told me a hundred times before now. I can't believe you never told me. And I thought I was the slutty one." Kaia gasped and clapped her hand over her mouth.
I crossed my arms over my chest, my fists balled up and jammed into my armpits. I scowled at Kaia. "And that's exactly why I didn't tell you. Cody wouldn't shut up about it. When I started school that fall, everyone at Totem Falls knew. I'd only had two real girlfriends, and I guess they weren't all that real anyway, because they said I was turning into a slut like my sister and they didn't want to hang out with me anymore."
"I'm so sorry." Kaia's voice was barely above a whisper, it was hard to hear her over the shouts of the cheerleaders in the background. "I didn't mean it that way at all."
I relaxed my fists and hung my head. "Yeah, I know. It just still really hurts. I spent all of last year with no friends and guys constantly trying to get into my pants."
"Did you sleep with anyone else?"
"No!" I barked.
"Was it that terrible?" Kaia's voice squeaked anxiously.
I shrugged and shook my head. "The first time hurt like a sonofabitch, that's for sure. After that, no, it wasn't that bad. I think I might have even come once."
A voice behind me made me jump. "Word to the wise, if you
think
you might have come, then you definitely didn't." Lisa, one of the Lincoln girls—and apparently also a ninja—leaned her head into our conversation. "Are you guys gonna practice or not? We're still holding space for you Barbie, and the kick line's kind of ragged without you guys."
"Shoot, sorry. Yeah, we'll be right there."
Lisa raised one eyebrow and gave me an impish grin before running lightly back over to the rest of the group.
I looked at the clock. "Oh crap! Is it seriously that late already?"
Kaia glanced above the doors at the clock too. "Yeah, crazy."
"Hey, can I come with you to the nursing home today?"
"Sure, if you want to. They'll make you read to them, so don't think you're just along for the ride. Some of those old people can get pretty feisty."
I smiled. "I don't mind."
"So is this fulfilling some sort of lifelong ambition of yours?"
"No, but it is getting me out of youth group with Grady."
"Great, I'm so glad I can be your cover."
"Come on." I jostled her a little in the side. "It'll be fun. What kind of books do you read to the old folks?"
"I'm working on
Anna Karenina
right now."
I stuck out my tongue. "Okay, I totally take that back. It's not going to be fun at all."
When we walked into the nursing home, it was clear that Kaia had a lot of fans. Just about everyone said hi to her or came up to give her a hug. It was also clear that there was an awful lot of bad vision and dementia in this place, because I got almost as many hugs and kisses as Kaia did. I knew there was a family resemblance between us, but it was kind of crazy how many people mistook me for her. The identical cheerleading uniforms probably didn't help the confusion either. At some point I stopped correcting everybody and just said hi and hugged them back. Contrary to my long held beliefs, the old people did not smell like library books or feel dusty to the touch.
We didn't stay long. I had to get back to the school for driver's ed. I think Kaia wanted to stay later, but she didn't complain as she drove me back to the high school. "I can see why you didn't quit after your community service was up," I said to her.
"Yeah, they grow on you."
"Do you think I could come with you again sometime?"
"Anytime you want."
I smiled. "Thanks."
After Kaia dropped me off in the school parking lot for driver's ed, I leaned with my back against the chain link fence that surrounded the football field. I knew that it was only a few minutes to six. I was going to have to face Derek, and as sick as the thought made me, I just wanted to get it over with.
I spotted Mrs. Dutton's little blue sedan cresting the hill to the parking lot. I pushed myself away from the fence and walked over to the asphalt. Mrs. Dutton parked and got out, walking around to the passenger side. "Hop in, sweetie," she said.
I got in the driver's seat while she settled herself next to me. I didn't know if it would be better or worse to already be in the driver's seat when Derek got in the car. I would have to turn around and look at him specifically. Catching his eye couldn't just be a convenient accident, I'd have to make it happen. But when he got in, of course I would have to turn around. I couldn't just sit there like a statue and refuse to look at him. That would be way worse.
I sat there, over-thinking it, until Mrs. Dutton cleared her throat. "Sweetie? Go ahead and fasten your seatbelt, we can get started. You're it tonight."
Startled, I turned sideways in my seat to face her. "What?"
She nodded. "The other two students have dropped the class."
"Are you serious?" My voice was a little higher pitched than I meant it to be. Ashley I didn't care about at all. In fact, good riddance. But Derek? He'd dropped driver's ed? Because of me?
Mrs. Dutton nodded again. "It happens all the time. Kids try an evening class, decide missing dinner isn't all it's cracked up to be, and drop out. I'm glad you decided to stay enrolled. I'll teach you to drive like a pro. You'll be the next Mario Andretti."
"Who?"
"Never mind. Driving instructor humor. Bear with me."
"Okay." My mind still whirled. Derek was so pissed off at me that he'd dropped driver's ed. I could barely believe it, but Mrs. Dutton's encouraging smile stayed firmly in place. He really wasn't coming. I clicked my seatbelt and ran through my pre-flight checklist, but I was kind of on auto-pilot. I turned the key in the ignition, took my foot off the brake, looked over my shoulder, and stepped on the gas. The car lurched forward and Mrs. Dutton jammed her foot on her brake pedal, bringing the car to a jerking halt with the front two tires on the grass at the edge of the chain link fence.
"Reverse, sweetie. On second thought, maybe no Mario Andretti for you."
As we drove, I loosened up a little. Maybe it was for the best. I couldn't keep seeing Derek, not with Tim being his brother. What if Tim brought Derek with him one of these nights when he tapped on Rachel's window? The thought was enough to make my stomach turn.
Plus, I could never go to Derek's house. What if I bumped into Tim? Or Tim and Rory? Or, god forbid, Tim and Rachel? No. It sucked, but I couldn't be with Derek. There was no way.
"Are you okay?"
I looked over at Mrs. Dutton. "Yeah. Why?"
"You've been sitting at this stop sign for about a minute and a half."
"Oh." I shook my head and gave a tiny laugh. "I was waiting for the light to turn green." I looked both ways and drove through.
"You have a lot on your mind, don't you?" Mrs. Dutton asked.
"Yeah. I guess I do."
"Oh, sweetie." Mrs. Dutton's voice was full of sympathy. "I know how hard it must be. I've seen the way your mother treats you. She takes better care of her dogs."