Night of the Creepy Things (3 page)

“I think it's time you proved just what a scary place this is!” Gool said. “So I'm inviting all you Rotten Students to make your own horror videos.”

We just stared at him. Was he
serious
?

“Make the scariest videos you can,” Gool continued. “On Halloween night I'll come back to Rotten School. And I will judge them.”

“What do we win?” Joe Sweety shouted.

“Could I have that bug back?” Beast asked, pointing to the bug on Gool's neck.

Gool sipped from a bottle of water. “The boy or
girl who makes the best horror video,” he said, “will win a small role in my next movie. As you probably know, the movie is called
EEK IV: Revenge of the Warts
.”

Everyone cheered and clapped.

Sherman Oaks leaned forward from the row behind me. “I've been watching
EEK III: The Warts Are ALIVE!
on my shoe,” he said. “It's way scary. Made my whole foot shake!”

But I wasn't interested in Sherman's shoe. I was thinking hard about the video contest. I knew I could win it. And once I had a small part in B. A. Gool's movie, I knew I could talk him into giving me a
bigger
part.

Bernie B. was going to be a movie star!

Kids stood up and started back to class. I pushed my way up to the stage. I put on my best smile—the one with the adorable dimples in both cheeks—and stepped up to B. A. Gool.

“Nice to meet you,” I said, sticking out my hand for a handshake. “I'm Bernie Bridges. You can call me Bernie. I'm your contest winner. I just want to say thank you in advance. I'd like to tell you a few of
my best movie ideas. And I…”

But he wasn't listening to me.

He was gazing at Beast with a big smile on his face. Beast stepped onto the stage, and Gool patted him on one hairy shoulder. “Nice costume,” B. A. Gool said. “I like all the bristly animal hair and those insane monster teeth! Great costume, kid. You totally scared me.”

He hurried away.

I burst out laughing. Of course, Beast wasn't
wearing
a costume! Actually, he was looking a lot better than usual.

“Beast, I think he liked you,” I said.

Beast licked my hand. “Thanks, Bernie.” He pulled another bug out of his hair and offered it to me.

“No thanks,” I said. “I'm a vegetarian.”

I grinned at him. And suddenly…suddenly I had a fabulous idea for a horror movie.

You probably go home every day after school. Our school is a boarding school. That means we all
live
here.

It's totally sweet. No parents. Just one grown-up—Mrs. Heinie, our dorm mother, snoops and spies on us and tells us what we shouldn't be doing that we do anyway.

My buddies and I live in Rotten House. Just like B. A. Gool did when he went to school here. That night, I called my friends into my room to tell them my movie idea.

Feenman and Crench sat on the floor and leaned back against a wall. They were sitting under my favorite poster—the big poster of ME! They kept punching each other in the shoulder to see who would scream first. It's kind of a sport.

Chipmunk sat in my armchair. Beast dropped down onto the edge of the bed and started pulling feathers out of my pillow. Billy the Brain stood by the door, reading a book.

“What's that book about?” I asked Billy.

He shrugged. “Beats me. It's in French.”

See? I told you he's a total brainiac.

I passed out cans of Foamy Root Beer. It's our fave. The foam is so thick, it stays on your face for hours.

“Where's Belzer?” Feenman asked, landing a hard punch on Crench's shoulder.

Crench had tears rolling down his face, but he didn't scream.

At that moment, Belzer stumbled into the room. He carried a huge metal bucket. He dropped it in front of Beast.

“I picked as many as I could find,” he said.

“Good work, Belzer,” I said. I touched knuckles with him.

Belzer was sweating and panting hard. Guess the bucket was heavy.

“What's in there?” Feenman asked. He leaned forward and stuck his face into the bucket. “Ohhh, yuck! That's totally
sick
!”

“No way it's sick,” I said. I reached in. “Haven't you ever seen a toadstool before?” I held up a mushroom.

“Gross,” Chipmunk said, hiding his eyes.

“The toadstool is actually a member of the marsupial family,” Billy the Brain said. “It's related to the Australian kangaroo. Its brain is located under the floppy cap, which protects it.”

“Wow. Billy knows
everything
!” Crench said.

“Billy, I thought a toadstool was a mushroom,” I said.

Belzer shook his head and moaned. “All I know is, the stupid things squirted toadstool juice all over my school blazer.”

Poor guy had brown stains up and down his jacket.

“It's worth it, Belzer,” I said, slapping him on the
back. “This is gonna help us win the Horror Movie Contest.”

“I don't get it,” Crench said. “You're gonna make a movie about a bucket of disgusting toadstools?”

“Better than that,” I said. “Listen up, dudes. Listen to pure genius. Our video is going to be called
Attack of the Toadstool People
.”

They stared at me. Feenman and Crench stopped punching each other's shoulders.

“We're gonna paint faces on all the toadstools and shoot them up close,” I said. “The toadstool people will attack the school—and Beast will be their leader.”

Feenman frowned. “Beast? Why Beast? Don't you want a
human
star?”

“Are you kidding?” I said. “We can't
lose
with Beast as the star. He
already
scared B. A. Gool!”

Chipmunk hugged himself. I could see he was shivering. “Too scary for me,” he said. He dove under the bed.

“Chipper—come out of there!” I cried. I tried to pull him out by the feet.

“Let go, Bernie. I'm not coming out till the
movie is finished!” he called in a soft, trembling voice.

“Hel-lo?…Bernie? I think the movie
is
finished,” Feenman said.

I spun around. “Huh? What do you mean?”

Feenman pointed at the bucket. Empty.

Beast had a big grin on his face. “All gone,” he said.

Beast ate the entire bucket of toadstools.

He wiped his mouth with the back of one hand. “I like 'em better with sauce!” he said.

I took a walk on the Great Lawn. Walking always helps me think. I needed a new movie idea—something Beast wouldn't eat.

It was a clear, cool October night. Stars twinkled in a cold, black sky. The apple trees along the path shivered in the breeze. Every once in a while I heard the
thud
of an apple hitting the ground.

Attack of the Apples Falling on Your Head
?

No. Not scary enough.

I had my head down, eyes on the grass, thinking hard. And I bumped right into Jennifer Ecch.

“Raise your head. Look into the camera,” she said.

“Excuse me?”

She had a camcorder pressed to her face. She had it pointed at me. I tried to duck away, but she followed me with the lens.

“Sugar Nose, aren't you
thrilled
that I'm making a movie about you?” Jennifer asked.

“Don't call me Sugar Nose,” I groaned.

Jennifer is the biggest, hulkiest, strongest girl in school. For exercise, she pulls
trees
out of the ground! And that's just for a warm-up!

I call her Nightmare Girl because she's totally in love with me. Do you know how embarrassing it is to be in fourth grade and have a girl call you Sugar Nose in front of all your friends?

I covered my face with one arm. “Jennifer, please stop!” I cried.

“I can't stop, Honey Breath,” she said. “I'm taping your every move. You're the star of my horror video.”

“No, I'm not,” I said. “I don't want to be in your movie. I'm making my own movie. Please—go away.”

She got a pouty look on her face. “Cutie Patootie, don't you even want to know what my video is called?”

“No, I don't,” I said. “And don't call me Cutie Patootie.”

“It's called
Bite Night
,” she said.

I stared at her. “Hey, not bad,” I said. “Good title. Is it a vampire film?”

She grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me into a tall hedge. “Here, Sugar Nose. I'll show you what
Bite Night
is about.”

I howled. “STOP! I'm begging you—STOP!”

I squirmed and struggled, but I couldn't get away. She wouldn't stop biting my neck. She had huge horse teeth, and I think she sharpened them with a file!

I cried. You're giving me RABIES!”

Finally she pulled her teeth back. She made some loud, lip-smacking noises. Then she checked her camcorder.

“Good scene,” she said. “You did some good screaming. But I think we need to shoot it a few more times—just to make sure.”