My Once and Future Love (24 page)

“I understand. We’ll talk soon. It’ll be my
turn to call.”

“Sweet dreams, Beth.”

“You, too, Jacob. Goodnight.”

I hung up the phone and sighed. Never long
enough, these chats. At least I managed to steer it away from phone
sex.

When I called next Sunday, Jacob didn’t pick
up the phone. I left a message including the next time he’d be able
to reach me.

The next weekend didn’t work out, either, but
I did receive a card for Valentines Day. The card came with a blank
inside and he wrote about the new management taking a lot of his
time, booking them Friday-Saturday-Sunday whenever possible.
Sleep, study, sing
, he said. A gift card to my preferred
bookstore was inside.

Michelle asked, “Has he not heard of floral
delivery services? A phone and a credit card are all you need.”

“I like books…”

“Yeah, but not for
Valentines
. Unless
it’s romantic poetry or something, and that would still be chosen
personally. Not a gift card that you could hand to anyone in the
world.”

“If he was here, he’d do something really
nice.” It was one thing for me to complain, another for someone
else to diss my boyfriend. I protected people I love.

“But he’s been too busy for you for two weeks
and at the wrong time of year, in my opinion. What are you going to
do on the fourteenth?”

“The usual. I’ll do my homework, order
Chinese, and watch the tube.”

“If that’s what makes you happy…”

Her concern was part of being a good friend,
but I was glad when she let me change the subject. She didn’t know
him well and couldn’t relate because she and Chris had been
together since they were sixteen. For her, no guy was good enough
unless he met Chris’ example. A great guy, for sure, and I liked
him, but he wasn’t my type. As my dad would say, she wore the pants
in that relationship.

I was naturally bossy enough without having a
guy
let
me be.

****

Every morning, he touched a kissed fingertip
to Beth’s photo on the way to his caffeine fix. Barely had a free
moment these days, and definitely not enough sleep, but it was all
for her. If he was going to transfer to an L.A. school for senior
year he needed cash. He constantly needed to be reminded what day
it was, but runnin’ twenty-four-seven would all be worth it if they
got a record deal.

If
.

If not, he might sleep all summer.

Jacob passed his latest roommate sleeping on
the couch. She shared a couple classes with him and handled their
merchandise table…when they had a table. Like always, he didn’t
mind helping out a friend as long as they chipped in.

****

When the rest of the month was made up of
more phone tag, my mood definitely plummeted. Hearing Jacob’s voice
on my machine just wasn’t good enough.

I called Vivian. We’d been exchanging letters
since she moved, but I hadn’t talked to her on the phone.

“Elizabeth, it’s good to hear your voice. How
are you?”

It was good to hear her voice, too. “Okay.
School is fine.”

“Just school?”

Damn, she was intuitive. “Well…I haven’t
talked to Jacob in weeks. His answering machine and I are on
intimate terms, though.”

“If he calls you back, you’re doing better
than I am, dear. I have to make surprise visits to be able to catch
him. I do worry he’s going to work himself to exhaustion.”

“It’s all work and his classes?”

“As far as I can tell. Elizabeth, he has a
photo of you on his refrigerator. I’m sure he hasn’t forgotten
you.”

Didn’t know where he found one, the sneak. “I
just worry, too.” All I did when my mind was idle, frankly.

“Well, I’ll nudge him to be more
conscientious. Is university what you hoped it would be?”

“I like it. Made a few friends, my neighbors
are quiet, and my classes have been pretty cool. The art stuff is
more applicable to photography than I thought it would be. I mean,
a photo can be art, but the principles of light and shadow and
style are relevant no matter what your medium is. That’s pretty
neat.”

“Well, I’d love to see your projects, if
you’re not too shy to share.”

“Eh, my drawings aren’t for human eyes just
yet. I cringe every time I have to hand them in to my professor.
But the next time you visit, you can look through my photo
portfolio.”

“It’s a deal, dear. Well, I hate to cut this
short, Elizabeth, but I have an appointment. Do keep in touch, and
I promise to tell my son to call as soon as I see him.”

“Thank you. Bye.”

She hung up and I set my phone on the cradle
with a sigh.

Maybe Mom was making something good for
dinner.

****

Jacob called Beth back every time she left a
message, but he never seemed to reach a time in her schedule when
she was home, or not asleep. The time difference was on a sticky
note next to the phone, but hell, he could barely keep track of his
own schedule, let alone hers. Might be his lack of touch with time
lately, but she seemed to be out more this semester, too. Was it
the classes, or had she met new people?

He tried to recall if she’d mentioned new
names.

“Hey, Jake, that’s us!”

“Yeah.” He slung his guitar on and walked
onstage. The crowd roared. After two months they were becoming a
well-known bar band.

One more concert with Bethie in his
heart.

The set would’ve amped him up last summer,
but all he wanted now was his bed. Every gig left him exhausted as
he put his all into giving the crowd the best damn show they’d see
that weekend on the off chance a scout was in the back. Their
manager kept saying big things would happen soon.

If he survived that long. Carrie drove him
home.

****

Another breast lump. One big enough to be a
marble and invading one of her ribs.

When the biopsy came back as cancer again, I
felt betrayed.

“How is it this big so soon?” I asked her
doctor.

“Cancer can be unpredictable. With an
aggressive strain like your mother’s, things can progress quite
rapidly. Of course, without any follow-up treatment after the last
surgery, I couldn’t guarantee a non-recurrence.”

“What follow-up treatment? Mom?”

She wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I didn’t feel the
size of the tumor warranted chemotherapy.”

“God, you’ve been in denial the whole time,
haven’t you? I can’t believe you’d do this to us.”

I stormed out of the office and didn’t stop
until the parking lot, so mad I was almost seeing red and kicked a
trash can, then the hubcap of a car.
Ow.

She told us she was cured. Told us she was
healthy and done with cancer. She
lied
. She knew the risks
and gambled with our family for…what?

“Elizabeth.”

“Don’t. Not now.” I was trembling, tears and
adrenaline fighting for dominance, and I didn’t want to regret what
I did or said next.

“The door’s unlocked.”

I wouldn’t look at her. “I’m going back to
school.” Hell, we were
at
UCLA Medical Center. The bus would
suit me fine.

She didn’t argue; a testament to her guilt.
She would’ve ordered me in the car if she felt she had a leg to
stand on.

Soon as I got in my dorm room, I called
Jacob. Didn’t matter what time it was, today of all days I needed
him. The line connected.

Laughter was the first thing I heard. Husky,
alto, female laughter. “Jake’s place. He’s in the shower so he
can’t come to the phone right now.”

Had to have dialed wrong. I looked at the
phone display.

“Hello?” she said.

I glanced at the clock. 6:10PM.

“Hello?”

That meant it was two in the morning in
London. Two in the morning with a sexy-Irish-accent-voiced female
answering
my
boyfriend’s phone while
he’s
in the
shower. On a Saturday.

Meant she went home with him from a gig.

“Is anyone there?”

No…oh, God, not today…not today…

I curled in a ball on my floor and
sobbed.

There’d never been such pain. Words couldn’t
describe the feeling of breaking apart—of literally breaking into
pieces inside. The phone buzzed with the dial tone then started
putting out the,
if you’d like to make a call
message. My
hands couldn’t be bothered to shut it off.

I had no sense of time until morning light
shone through my window.

Losing Mom and Jacob…I don’t know how I got
through that week. Probably looked like a zombie. When Jacob left
one of his “hey, sorry I missed you” messages, the tears started to
well again and I deleted it.

Michelle was the only person I told about
that
call. “God, Beth, I’m so sorry,” she said after I
blubbered all over her shoulder. “That bastard. What are you going
to do?”

“F-forget. My family comes first…and I’ll
need all my…my extra to pass my classes. I can’t deal with…with…” I
fell apart again.

She wrapped her arms around me. “You don’t
have to. From now on, he’s He Who Shall Not Be Named. Except he no
longer exists in this sphere. And if he bothers you, hand him over
to me.”

“Thanks…”

When Jacob started to say “hey, why haven’t
you called me back” I threw out the answering machine. I couldn’t
hear his excuses…not now.

****

Jacob stormed into his mother’s house. “Maybe
you
can tell me why Beth won’t return my calls!”

She set down the newspaper and arched a brow.
“Good morning to you, too. What did you do?”

“Nothing, Mother! I called back after her
last messages and I’ve left messages since, until today the phone
just rings and rings like she disconnected the machine. I have no
bloody clue what’s going on.”

“Darling, I’m as in the dark as you are. We
converse by letter and I haven’t received one in days.”

“Well, maybe she’ll pick up the phone for
you
.”

“I’ll ring when it’s a suitable hour, but
Jacob, we don’t shout in this house.”

“Yes, Mum.” He sat in the chair across from
her. “I’m scared…what if she’s been in some horrible accident?”

“Have you tried calling her parents’
house?”

“No… I could worry them for nothing.”

She sighed and moved next to him. “Do you
want me to send you back to California?”

He shook his head. “Not unless there’s an
emergency. I can’t take the time off school for a question.”

“Are you missing class now?”

“No. You’ll call tonight?”

She squeezed his hand. “I promise. I’m sure
she’s fine.”

He nodded, kissed her cheek, and left.

Scenarios had been running through his mind
for two weeks, getting darker and more disturbing as time passed
with still no answer. Beth never missed her time to call him.
Consistency and punctuality were defining traits. Maybe she was
just super busy with a project. Maybe she’d missed paying her phone
bill. Maybe his phone was having issues and not connecting her
calls. But what if she was sick or hurt?

What if she met someone else and didn’t have
the courage to tell him it was over? No…if she wanted to break up,
she’d make sure he knew, especially if he pissed her off.

Mum called right after he got home from his
last class. “I couldn’t reach Elizabeth, but I spoke to her
mother.”

“And?”

“She said she saw her yesterday. Elizabeth is
fine.”

“Did you ask her why Beth isn’t returning
calls?”

“No. She didn’t have long to chat. You’ll
just have to keep trying, dear, maybe from the house phone.”

“Yeah.” Dammit. “Let me know if you get
mail.”

“Sleep well, Jacob. I’m sure this will blow
over.”

“Goodnight, Mum.” He hung up.

Sleep might come, but it wouldn’t be good.
His dreams had been more like nightmares the past few days.

“Why didn’t I tell her I love her when I had
the chance?”

He kept calling, trying her dorm at all
hours, then finally leaving a message at her parents’ house.

A letter did come the next time post was
delivered.

His mother was at the door, envelope in hand,
when he arrived. “I’ll give you some privacy.”

He tore open the flap. One sheet of white
printer paper was inside. He opened the folds. One sentence was
written in the middle:
Stop calling me
. No explanation, no
signature…she didn’t even bother to yell at him.

“Jacob? What’s wrong?” His mother rushed to
his side and brushed wetness off his cheek.

He hadn’t felt the tears. “I’ll be outside.”
He broke away from her and strode to the garden door, slamming it
behind him

There wasn’t enough garden to outrun how he
felt and when he reached the old cottage, he punched the wall,
kicked the door, then slid to the cold ground wondering what the
hell happened.

“No, I’m not giving up. If she wants to end
this, she’ll have to say it.”

So, he sent e-mails, kept calling, and
finally tried her folks’ house again.

“Lawson residence.” The man had a deeper
voice than her father’s.

“I’d like to speak to Beth.”

“Who’s calling?”

“Jacob Lindsey.”

“Oh,
you
. Stop harassing my sister.”
So this was Andrew. In California?

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Leave Beth alone.”

“Is she there?”

“She’s out.” Bullshit.

“Sure she is. We’ve known each other for over
six years, mate. She owes me an explanation.”

“You made her cry. She doesn’t owe you
anything.”

“
I
made her cry?
Made
her
? I’ve done nothing all semester but work my ass off for
her! Is. She. There?”

“
No
. She’s at the hospital.”

His stomach clenched—what if her avoidance
was because she was sick? “Is she alright?”