My Map of You (31 page)

The first time she and Dennis had spoken on the phone, the awkwardness between them had been palpable. A lifetime spent serving British tourists had provided her father with very good English, so that wasn't an issue; it was more that they talked around what they really wanted to say. Holly had persevered, though, determined that she and Dennis would manage to maintain some sort of relationship, even if it was going to take a lot of time and effort.

She'd made the first call just a few days after arriving back from Zakynthos, and now made sure they spoke to one another at least once a week. Dennis always answered, and increasingly he sounded delighted to hear from her. He was only just back at work now after the heart attack,
and complained to Holly at length about how much business he'd missed out on by being ill during the peak summer months. It wasn't true, of course, as his wife Paloma was now working all hours at the restaurant in Porto Limnionas instead of at the clinic, but it was the Greek way to have a nice old moan – a fact that Holly had picked up on pretty quickly since she started making her weekly calls.

They discussed his childhood, his work and, most often, Maria. Holly missed her half-sister with a surprising yearning that she felt might break her apart at times, so it was a huge comfort to hear what she'd been up to. According to Dennis, she was just like he had been as a child – cheeky, spoilt and liable to get into trouble on a daily basis. It made Holly love her all the more.

The only subjects Holly and her father did not discuss were anything to do with how she was conceived, and Aidan. Holly had no idea what Dennis did or didn't know about the situation, but he seemed to respect the fact that the subject of Aidan was off limits. She suspected that this was due to the man himself warning Dennis not to mention him, but whatever the reason she was relieved. She didn't want to think about Aidan, let alone talk about him.

It took a while for Dennis to answer today, and when he did the line sounded scratchy.

‘I am on my boat!' he told Holly proudly, and she giggled at the mental image.

‘I am happy for you,' she told him, and they slipped easily into chit-chat about the weather over in Greece and how many fish he'd caught that day.

‘I want to cook my fish for you,' he said after a time. ‘It is the best fish in the whole of Greece.'

Holly laughed again. There was nothing quite like a Greek man's humility.

‘When are you come?' he demanded.

There was an awkward silence and Holly chewed her bottom lip.

‘Soon,' she murmured. ‘I promise very soon.'

Dennis took a deep breath and Holly thought she could hear the sounds of water lapping against the sides of his boat. ‘I have things to say,' he began, clearly struggling. ‘I need to say these in person. I do not want to say them on the phone. You understand?'

Holly did understand, because she felt exactly the same way. She knew that he wanted to tell her about her mother, about what had happened all those years ago, but the idea of it still scared her. She was content at the moment, and the prospect of rocking the proverbial boat did not appeal. She wanted to feel like she knew this man better before he told her things about her mother.

‘Holly?'

She had been nodding into the phone without speaking, and now she hurriedly said yes, first in English and then in Greek.

‘I am very busy with work,' she added. ‘But I will come and see you all. I promise.'

This seemed to do the trick, and Dennis let the subject drop, launching instead into a long rant about how one of his older sisters was fussing around him like his mother and trying to make him sell his boat.

‘It is the most important thing that I love,' he said, before laughing and adding, ‘after my daughters. And my wife!'

Holly laughed nervously. Dennis was her father and she'd managed to come to terms with that in her head, but it still felt beyond weird to hear him refer to her as his daughter.

‘What you do tonight?' he asked her now. She realised that it must already be past 8.30 p.m. in Zakynthos, and asked him when he was planning to head for dry land.

‘You are as bad as my sister,' he bellowed with laughter. ‘I am a big boy. I am happier on the water than on the land, like Caretta caretta turtle.'

Holly didn't want to tell him that she had a romantic evening planned with Rupert, who they never really talked about either, so instead she muttered something vague about getting an early night. This earned her another playful rebuke from the other end of the line. According to Dennis, a young thing such as her should be out having fun, not sitting on the sofa staring at the TV. ‘It will rot your mind,' he warned, with more guffaws. ‘Maria is only watching one hour in the morning of television, then she is at the restaurant or going for swimming.'

It sounded like an idyllic way to spend your time.

‘I should go,' she told Dennis, not bothering to elaborate. One of the nice things about the Greeks, she'd learnt, was that they didn't require excuses. If she needed to get off the phone, then that was that. Dennis thanked her warmly for calling and made her promise to ring again the following week. For a long time after he'd hung up, she sat still in the same spot, trying to picture him as he pulled up the anchor and turned the boat back towards the shore. Zakynthos was still so alive in her mind that she could conjure up even the smell of the ocean if she
really concentrated. She'd fallen in love with the place, and getting over it was proving much more difficult than she'd anticipated.

Her phone rang again as she made her way back through the park, but this time it was Aliana.

‘You won't bloody believe what that Andy arsehole has done now!' was how she started the conversation.

Holly grinned. Aliana and her disastrous love life was just the distraction she needed.

‘Did
I mention you look gorgeous tonight?'

‘Only about twenty times.' Holly reached across and took Rupert's hand. He had insisted that they splash out on a taxi to take them to the mystery dinner destination and Holly could see the neon lights of the West End glaring in through the windows.

‘Where are we going?' she pleaded.

‘You'll see,' was all he would say.

When they pulled up outside a wall of stained-glass windows a few minutes later, Holly laughed with pleasure. No wonder Ivy had been so impressed – it was her restaurant namesake.

‘The Ivy?' she beamed at him. ‘I've never been here before.'

Rupert took her arm as the restaurant doorman stepped forward to open the cab door for them. ‘I know,' he grinned. ‘I thought it was about time you did.' He was looking very handsome this evening, in a navy shirt that made his eyes light up and grey trousers that fitted so snugly across the bottom that they made Holly's eyes light up too.

They were ushered straight through a small cloakroom area and across to their table, which seemed to be the only one left empty in the busy dining room. Despite the fact that the restaurant was full to capacity and the waiting
staff were buzzing around like bluebottles, The Ivy still managed to afford its guests a real sense of intimacy. The overhead lighting was muted, and a candle in the centre of their table was lit almost as soon as they sat down. Holly spotted Jonathan Ross sitting in a far corner and pointed him out to a grinning Rupert.

‘Play it cool, yeah?' he joked, laughing at the look on her face. She supposed he dined in places like this all the time with work, but Holly had never seen a real celebrity in the flesh before. She was glad she'd worn the dress that Rupert had bought her on their very first date – she had the feeling one of her own creations may not have fitted the setting quite as well.

‘Champagne, please!' Rupert told their waiter, who had already brought them water and bread and taken their coats away to be properly stored.

‘This place is amazing.' Holly sipped her water and smiled at him. ‘Thank you so much for bringing me here.'

‘Like I said, you deserve it.' He crinkled his eyes across the table. He looked so excited and happy – it was infectious.

They took their time ordering, with Holly eventually agreeing to try the oysters as long as she was allowed a glass of red wine afterwards. Rupert rather predictably chose the steak for his main, while Holly opted for skate wings with a brown shrimp and butter sauce. She'd been craving fish ever since her conversation with Dennis, remembering how amazing the fresh fish had tasted every time she'd ordered it back on the island.

Rupert told her about a new client he was working with who had started up a women's lingerie business from
scratch. Apparently this woman was Italian and only twenty-five. Holly whistled in appreciation, thinking what Aliana would say if she was here. Something along the lines of, ‘Aren't you jealous that your boyfriend is spending all his time with a hot young Italian bird?' But Holly didn't think that Rupert would ever stoop so low as to cheat. He was a better person than her.

The conversation moved on to her business, and Holly told him how well she'd done that day on the market.

‘You should think about expanding,' he urged. ‘I'm sure Flavia would meet us for lunch and give you some pointers.'

‘Maybe one day,' she smiled. ‘But I'm quite happy with how everything's going at the moment. I don't want to rush into anything.'

‘Well, whatever you think is best.' He clinked his Champagne flute against hers. ‘I think you're set to be a huge success.'

The first bottle was gone in no time and Rupert ordered a second, telling Holly to hurry up and drink her large glass of red so they could have another toast. It wasn't long before her eyelids started to feel heavy and her speech began to slur.

‘I think I'm pished,' she informed Rupert happily. By comparison, he seemed completely fine.

‘My little lightweight,' he joked, stroking her wrist.

Rupert hadn't seemed very surprised when Holly arrived back from Zakynthos and told him, through a flood of tears, that she'd discovered her biological father. After the shock news of what had really happened to her mother, it appeared that nothing could shake him – not even a
long-lost Greek father turning up close to death in a hospital bed. She hadn't told him about her weekly phone conversations with Dennis, though, and she wasn't really sure why. She wondered briefly if her dad talked to anyone about their chats over in Greece – and if so, who.

When Rupert accepted dessert menus, Holly shook her head. ‘I'm full,' she wailed. ‘Don't make me!'

‘Don't be such a wimp.' Rupert topped up her glass. The bottom of the Champagne bottle was wet and the freezing droplets fell on to her bare knees.

‘We'll have two chocolate fondants,' he told the waiter, who had magically appeared next to them.

‘Very good, sir.'

‘I thought we could go and visit my parents next weekend,' Rupert said now, causing Holly to choke on her bubbly.

‘What about the stall?' she spluttered.

‘Ivy will cover for you.' He pulled a face like an injured puppy. ‘They really want to meet you again, and my brother is coming too – I haven't seen him for months.'

‘I just don't know if it's …' She paused as two chocolate fondants were put down in front of them with a flourish, ‘ … a good idea at the moment.'

‘I think you'll change your mind.' He sounded very confident. Holly picked up her spoon and put it down again. There was something about his manner tonight, a certain smugness, that was beginning to grate. She told herself very sternly to stop being such a reactionary drunk. They could talk about this visit tomorrow, when she hadn't consumed two bottles of Champagne and a pint of red wine.

‘This is absolutely delicious,' Rupert informed her, licking the gooey inside of his dessert off the sides of his spoon.

She really was full, but perhaps this pudding would help her to sober up a bit. Taking hold of her spoon again, Holly struck it deep into the heart of the fondant, only to encounter something hard and unyielding in the middle.

‘There's something in my pud—' she began, but then stopped short as she turned to where Rupert was now kneeling beside her.

‘Oh my God!' she gasped, her hands flying up to her mouth.

‘Fish it out then.' Rupert's voice was shaking slightly.

Very carefully, Holly used her spoon to ease what she could now see was a diamond ring out from the depths of chocolate goo. Even covered in sauce, it glittered beautifully in the candlelight.

‘Holly Wright …' Rupert began. He'd taken her hand now and people were peering discreetly at them from neighbouring tables. The waiter, who was standing off to one side, looked as though he might start cartwheeling across the carpet with joy. Holly stared into the remains of her fondant and concentrated very hard on not throwing up her oysters, skate wings and gallons of booze.

‘Please look at me.' Rupert had leaned forward until his chest was pressed against her leg. She could feel his hand turning clammy in her own and sniffed loudly to stop the tears from falling.

‘Please sit down,' she pleaded quietly. ‘We can't do this here.'

‘Holly, for God's sake, I'm trying to propose to you.'
He said it through gritted teeth, but several people turned to look at them again. If ever there was a time for the floor to open up and swallow her, Holly thought, now was it. Rupert clearly wasn't going to get up off his knee, and now he was reaching across with a napkin to pick up the ring.

‘Please stop,' she whispered. The tears that she'd been trying so hard to hold back were starting to fall, taking her carefully applied mascara with them. The waiter let out a small, uncomfortable cough and backed away, while a large middle-aged woman two tables away actually shook her head in dismay.

‘Holly, I know you're scared. But I really love you and I think you really love me. I want to make you happy for the rest of your life.'

This should be the happiest moment of my life
, Holly thought, at the same time wondering seriously if she could make a dash for the front door and flag down a taxi in the time it took Rupert to get up off the carpet and chase after her.

‘You're the most amazing person I know,' he went on. ‘I want you to be my wife.'

He'd dipped the corner of his napkin into his water glass and cleaned the ring, which he was now holding up right under her nose. The diamond was obscenely large and Holly saw that he'd had today's date engraved on the inside of the gold band. Her heart should be bursting with joy, but instead she could feel it shattering into pieces.

‘You're being silly,' she tried instead, shaking her head to stop the tears.

‘I'm not being silly, Hols. I've never felt less silly in my life,' he said, pulling a slightly sheepish expression. He
was on his knees on the floor of The Ivy, after all, and still seemed absolutely in denial about the fact that she was stalling.

‘I think we should talk about this later,' she whispered. ‘This isn't the right place to have this conversation.'

Rupert's loving gaze dropped a fraction as he took this in, and Holly was sure she felt her heart actually break. There was a time when she used to imagine this moment happening, and in the fantasy she would always be thrilled. She would fall into his arms and they would live happily ever after. But a fantasy was exactly what it had always been. She had been trying to love him for so long, she hadn't even noticed that she never did.

‘We don't need to have a conversation,' he told her now. ‘All you have to say is yes. We can sort out all the details later, when we're alone, but right now I just really want you to say yes, Holly. I need you to say yes so I can get up off the floor and kiss you.'

‘Please,' she started to cry again. She didn't want to have to tell him the truth here, when he was in such a vulnerable position. Not with all these people staring at them, willing her to put the poor man out of his misery.

‘Holly, come on now.' Rupert was starting to get irritated. The apples of his cheeks had turned an angry pink and there was a hardness in his eyes that hadn't been there before. ‘You can't leave me down here all night. I know you love me. You do love me, right?'

Holly swallowed.

‘Answer me, Holly.'

She shook her head and tried to reach for his hand to pull him up, but he jerked backwards.

‘There's something you're not telling me,' he guessed, all traces of affection now gone from his face.

She nodded her head. ‘I do have something to tell you,' she said in a small voice. ‘But I really think we should go home first.'

‘
I
really think you should just tell me right here, right now,' he demanded. His face was a mixture of anger and fear, and Holly shut her eyes again to block it all out. She thought of Aidan, of how he had run his big hands into her hair, pulled her face towards his own and kissed her with a ferocity that made her chest burn.

‘Holly, I mean it. You bloody well tell me right now!'

For a few seconds, they just stared at one another, Rupert challenging and Holly defeated, and then she gave in.

‘I cheated on you.'

The ring quivered in his hand.

‘What?'

‘I slept with someone else.'

Rupert finally stopped leaning towards her and sat back on his heels. The ring was still in his hand, but he let it fall slowly into his lap. He looked utterly deflated and Holly felt self-loathing flood over her.

‘Who?'

‘Please can we just talk about this at home?'

‘WHO?' His shout caused several diners to jump in their seats. The waiter scuttled towards them looking concerned, but Rupert held up a hand to stop him.

‘This really isn't the place,' she persisted again. ‘Let's just go hom—'

‘No. I want you to tell me the bastard's name right NOW.'

How can he not know?
Holly thought, remembering how awkward she'd been that day in the garden, when Aidan and Clara had appeared and invited them out to lunch.

‘It was Aidan.' She said it as quietly as she dared, and Rupert snapped his head towards her irritably.

‘Who? Stop whispering and speak up, will you? I'm sure everyone here is just dying to know.'

‘Stop it.' Holly was properly crying now. Everyone in the restaurant must be disgusted with her, but none of them could hate her as much as she hated herself.

‘Aidan,' she said again. ‘Aidan from Zakynthos. My neighbour.'

There was an awful silence as Rupert glared at her. She knew he was picturing Aidan in his mind, picturing the two of them together, and slotting all the pieces into place.