Mollywood (21 page)

“They’re good people.” I replied, sipping my sweet tea. We ate in silence. I started to wonder why exactly he’d bothered to ask me to lunch. I waited and waited for the dreaded ‘serious talk” and it never came. My mind wandered to Molly, and I wondered if my constant silence left her with the same exasperated feeling I was presently consumed by. It was a disturbing thought. Finally, I decided I’d had enough and it was time to head back.

“Well dad, thanks for lunch. I probably should get back to the shop…”

“Joe, wait. Please.” His sudden, pleading tone took me by surprise and I collapsed back in to the chair. Taking in my father’s appearance, I was struck for the first time at how he was beginning to look old. There were soft edges to the hard man that I had always faced off against.

“What is it, dad?” My tone was sharper than I’d intended it to be. He flinched a bit and I saw the flare of anger in his eyes. I’d seen that look many times in the mirror, and the realization sickened me. Then he sighed heavily and the tension went out of his frame.

“Joseph, I know I’m not the easiest man to love.” His woeful eyes cut me to the quick and my jaw hit the floor. This was not the way my father talked. My father talked about fiscal responsibility and the importance of serving the public. Love wasn’t a word I’d ever heard him say. “I had a hard life growing up. We were poor. So incredibly poor. I determined that I would make something of myself and that my children would never go to bed hungry…or want for anything. However, in my pursuit of success, I failed to give you and Tamryn the one thing that I now realize you two most likely wanted from me. My unconditional love.”

I sat there, immoveable and as used up as a crash test dummy at the end of a long shift. I had been prepared for an argument. Our usual squabbling. Some sort of backhanded compliment about my “little” shop or a lecture in regards to my pregnant girlfriend and the lack of a ring on her finger. The last thing I’d expected was my father going sentimental on my ass.

“Your sister has grown into a remarkable woman. But she’s god damn relentless. She called me last week at the behest of your mother. The two of them have been conspiring against me and they both are lobbying for us to sell the house in Naples and move back to Austin. She said it was time for me to ‘be the bigger man’ and cross the line that you and I had both drawn in the sand.”

I gaped at him, utterly astonished. I couldn’t imagine my parents in Austin again after all this time. The prospect of this was stressful in its own right, but from my vantage point on the hill I was already dying on, it had me teetering on the edge.

“I know it must sound absurd, but I never wanted anything but the very best for you. Just for you to be happy. When you told me that you were not going to follow me into the practice of law, I was blinded by my anger. I felt slighted, somehow, and I now realize that my wounded pride has cost me you. I was never there for you in the ways that I should have been. I thank God every day that you found such wonderful people to support you where I failed.”

“Good lord, dad. Are you dyin’?” There was an edge of sarcastic vitriol that I was unable to keep out of my voice. It would be just like my dad to decide to settle his debts if he found out he was terminal. That at least would make sense. He laughed, but it trumpeted out of him a sharp, humorless sound.

“No, Joe. I’m not dying. Nor am I having a midlife crisis or finding Jesus. Your sister told me that you might think this was some sort of, how did she put it, ‘old man reckoning’ moment. That isn’t why I’m here. I’m here to tell you that I’m sorry.”

Hearing the actual words come out of my father’s mouth was one of the most surreal experiences of my life. If you’d have told me that dogs could talk or that Mac could walk on water, I would have been less shocked. I scrubbed my hands over my face wearily before looking back at him.

“Sorry for what, dad?” Instead of answering right away he sat regarding me, with a forlorn expression I’d never seen on him before. When he finally spoke, there was a decidedly uncharacteristic warble of emotion in his voice.

“For my lack of support. I should have listened to you when you wanted to pursue woodworking. It’s obvious that you have a great gift and I should have nurtured it. Instead, I tried to force you down a path of my choosing. Then there was my lack of support when Jessica and the baby died.”

“Jack.” My voice was ominous even to my own ears. “His name was Jack.”

“Of course. Jack. When Jessica and Jack died, your mother and I weren’t sure what to do. She wanted to stay and help you. I convinced her to let Tamryn handle things since the two of you are so close. To be honest, I was afraid. You were in so much pain…it was more than I could bear to watch-you suffering like that.” Tears threatened to spill from his eyes and he blinked rapidly to keep them at bay.

I had no response. How do you reply to your father when he comes and apologies to you for being a dick? You can’t yell, or walk away. So I sat there and stared at him. A minute passed, then five, then ten. I just sat there. It was like the flywheel inside my brain just refused to engage so my mind spun in neutral. In the end, it was my father that rose.

“I didn’t mean to upset you, son. I know you have a lot on your plate with Molly and the twins. I just wanted you to know that your mother and I are here. We aren’t going anywhere this time. If you need to talk, you can call me. Anytime, day or night.” Pausing next to my chair, he faced away from me, staring out at the street with his hand on my shoulder.

“Son, one day, I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. I’m not here to make excuses for what I have done beyond admitting that I’ve made mistakes. Soon enough you’ll have your own children and then you’ll start to understand how confusing and ridden with pitfalls parenting can be. However, you need to know that I love you. You’re my son and I will spend the rest of my days trying to be the father I always should have been.”

His hand slid from my shoulder and I made no motion to stop him as he walked away. I’m not really sure how long I sat there staring at my half eaten sandwich, but when I heard someone pull out the chair across from me, I looked up and Molly was sitting there.

“Molly?” She had a look on her face that was hard for me to identify. Reaching across the table she took one of my hands in hers.

“Hey there, big boy. You alright?” The gentle lilt of her voice anchored me to the present and I pushed away the mental fog I had been sitting in.

“Yeah. No. Hell…” Squeezing my hand she slipped around the table and taking the chair beside me, she snuggled up next to me. Having her pressed against me brought a simple peace to my troubled mind and I dipped my face down to kiss her forehead. “I just had one of the weirdest conversations of my life with my dad, of all people. The last person I would have expected to ever blink first. This must be what a pinball machine feels like when it gets tilted.”

Smiling, Molly peered up at me from behind her long, beautiful lashes. Slipping my hand free from hers, I slid my arm around her and held her for a moment.

“So,” she said finally. “Was it a good talk?”

“It wasn’t a fight, so I guess it was. Normally my father and I end conversations by screaming at each other, at least for the last ten years or so.”

Nodding, she stayed quiet as she nestled against me. It was a distinctly Molly move. Without my saying a word, she knew that I needed to talk and so she just listened. Moments like this made me realize how foolish I had been to think what Jess and I had was love. I often looked back on my interactions with Jess like an actor remembering a role from far back in the beginning of their career.

When I met Jess, she was, in my mind, the perfect girl. My American dream, blonde, poised, together. I immediately saw a future with her the minute she told me her name. She fit the mold. She was like pure sunshine, and I even called her that. I was in love with the idea of us, and did all the things I thought I was supposed to do accordingly.

I did everything right. Everything by the book and look how that turned out
,

When she was gone I fell into darkness. Then all of her lies began to unravel, and I was humiliated and devastated. It’s like she’d been living two lives, and I realized I would never know what were lies and what were truths.

The only thing about our life together that I’d never questioned was Jack. I held that boy. I looked at his face. He was mine.

When I first encountered Molly last year, I existed in a fugue state of drinking, whoring, and working. You’ve heard of people having walking pneumonia? I was in a walking coma. Then she was there, and it was like I’d been struck by lightning. She shook me awake, and I promise you, it was nothing short of resuscitation.

Molly got me. We shared a long history. She knew what I was like before, and she put up with what I was now. She wasn’t always happy with me, but she intuitively understood the important things about me. The rest of it would sort itself out, I believed that as sure as I knew the sun would rise in the east. Most importantly, I loved her. It’s not a strong enough word to express what I feel, but it’s all I have to work with. I wanted her to feel the same about me, that she could count on me. That she could tell me anything.

I knew she kept things back from me about Draven. The only reason I knew anything about their marriage was because Mason’s wife is kind of a blabbermouth. And because I reacted so poorly, Molly kept her secrets locked inside. I couldn’t help being overprotective of her. I’d been looking out for her since she was a kid and now she was mine.

How I felt with Molly was so intense that sometimes I felt compelled to pull away.

We sat and people watched until an audible growl came from Molly’s stomach. Grinning at her, I sat up and motioned to the menu board behind the counter. I went and retrieved her requests and we moved inside. As she ate her lunch and I finished mine, we talked about simple things and enjoyed the brief window of calm. When the plates were empty and her “little stowaways” were satiated, Molly leaned against me again with a satisfied sigh.

“Joe?”

“Yeah little girl?” She smiled and wrapped her arms around my waist, resting her head against my arm.

“We don’t have to force the issue of our families getting together. If it’s going to stress you out maybe we could do it later.”

I shook my head, “Tamryn would have my head if I threw a monkey wrench into her big event.” Evil Joe threw a hellacious fit in the back of my psyche at this acquiescence. Unfortunately, we no longer had much of a choice. The sand in the hourglass was slipping away at an exponential pace. “We have to put them all in one room eventually. Better in a controlled environment than in the waiting room of a hospital.”

I nuzzled my cheek against her fragrant hair and she turned up to face mine. She looked anxious and pensive, and I saw volumes of questions behind her eyes. Knowing I had few answers and the ones I did have she wouldn’t want to hear, I gently pressed my mouth to hers. As I slipped my tongue between her lips, a gentle moan escaped her. Glancing up, I saw we were alone in the restaurant with the exception of two clerks at the counter. Both were too busy on their cell phones to even realize we were there. Helping Molly to her feet, I shot her an evil grin.

“Let’s go back home, I have
something
I want to show you.” She blushed at my double entendre and hurried out the door with me.