MERMADMEN (The Mermen Trilogy #2) (14 page)

“Roen, I don’t want this.”

“I won’t hurt you. I can control my urges. Except one. I need you. I need to be inside you.”

She shook her head from side to side. “It’s not enough, Roen.” She maneuvered around his kneeling body to stand. She wouldn’t be able to say what was in her heart with their skin touching. “I love you. And I know you think it’s not real or some effect of being mates, but I know I love you. If we sleep together, I won’t be able to let go.”

His head fell forward, and he ran his hands through his mussed hair. “I don’t think this confrontation will end well. I feel it in my gut.” She knew he referred to the brewing fight.

So the man who never fails is afraid of failing.

“I think that’s fear talking,” she said. “And I think it’s why you’ll succeed. Because you will do anything in your power to not fail. It terrifies you too much.”

He slowly rose from the floor and took a seat on the couch. “I’m glad you’re so confident, but I’m not, which is why I decided I need this. You. Me. Once. I don’t want to leave this world not knowing what it’s like to be with my mate or without giving her the pleasure only I can provide. We need this, Liv. I need this. I realized it the moment I thought you were dead, eaten alive by the maids. All I could think of was how I would’ve given anything for one more day with you.”

He hadn’t gone as far as saying he loved her, and it didn’t matter. She felt his love, and every little cell in her heart swelled up with sadness. She too wanted this, but… “It’s not enough, Roen. I want you. All of you. Not just one night or even one week. I want you. And I think—no—I know you’re going to push me away again, and it will break me, Roen.”

“I think you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

He really didn’t understand what she’d gone through when they’d separated the first time. Or, perhaps he did. How the hell would she know? He had never truly opened up. Either way, after several months of feeling like her heart might dislodge from her chest every time it took a beat, she eventually got to a point where she could function again and start thinking about important things like going back to school. But make no mistake, life felt different. She felt broken inside. Living had lost its meaning, and the best she could hope for would be going through the motions and faking her way through every breath.

“What I had after leaving you wasn’t living, Roen. It was surviving. And there is no doubt in my mind that the moment you’re able, you’ll send me away, claiming that you’re saving me when you’re really saving yourself.”

“I’m not worried about myself—that’s ridiculous,” he replied.

“Then tell me what’s really going on inside that head of yours. Say the truth—hard, cold, and ugly. I think we owe each other that much.”

“Are you sure? The truth isn’t always pleasant.”

“Yes,” she clasped her hands together and lifted her chin, “tell me honestly why you keep pushing me away.”

“Because, despite wishing things were different, I will never be able to give you what you need: to come first.”

“Roen Doran is a man who finds a way to get what he wants despite the odds. Why don’t you believe we’ll figure something out?”

He looked up at her, mildly irritated. Or frustrated. Or exasperated, like she was. “Why do you continually doubt that I’ve thought this through? I watched my parents try to form some semblance of a normal life, and it destroyed my mother. I finally know it’s because the island always came first. Not her heart, not his children.
This
island. Worse, he put us in danger, and when my mother took us away to protect us, it drove them both mad. Not only because of the separation, but because deep down inside, they probably knew he’d failed us.” Roen looked up at Liv with deep pain in his eyes. “They loved each other. It didn’t work. It won’t work for us.”

“We’re not them, Roen. We’re not—”

“Liv, I want you more than anything. But what will such selfishness accomplish? Only pain in the end, because I cannot ignore the facts. Somehow my mother avoided becoming a maid. I have no doubt it was because my father made a deal with the island, and I have no doubt in my mind that my mother, Lyle, and I were used to make him obey, including murdering innocent people. Do you honestly believe for one second that I would want that to be our life? Or our children’s? Because it will be.” He sighed bitterly. “I cannot separate myself from this place. I will never be free of her, but I’ll die making sure you are.”

Liv stood there for a moment, feeling her heart pound away in her chest, urging her to reason with Roen and make him understand that they might find a way. Only, she could easily see their story playing out in an identical tragedy. More importantly, she couldn’t stand to see the torment in his eyes—torment over what might happen to her because of him.

So what’s the right thing to do? For him and for me?

The answer wasn’t very pretty.

She sat down beside him and placed her hand over his. “I’ll help you, then,” she said glumly. “I’ll read through the texts and find out what I can about how the mermaids are transformed, and I’ll help you find a way to break our bond.”

He flashed a weak smile. “I thought mates only went crazy after they were separated.”

She shrugged, trying to bring the conversation to a less depressing place. “We’re both mature adults. We’ve both come to the conclusion that we can’t be together under the circumstances. So, why not try to find a way to help each other and help ourselves?”

“I thought you believed our feelings were irreversible,” he said skeptically.

“Maybe I’m wrong. Wouldn’t be the first time. But I know if I really love you, I’ll do what’s right, even if my heart’s not in it. Just as long as you’re sure this is what you want.”

“Yes. I mean no.” He rubbed his face. “I only know I don’t want to ever put you in harm’s way, and this place—my world isn’t safe for you. I’m not safe for you.”

No. Probably not. She might get turned into a monster or squashed by the island, who didn’t want landlovers around. What had Roen said? They were like a virus.

She popped from the couch and clapped her hands together, masking her devastation and wanting to keep a stiff upper lip—he had enough to worry about already. “So let’s rip off the Band-Aid and get to work.”

Roen rose from the couch, and Liv couldn’t help notice his semi-aroused state.

He noted where her eyes locked. “Sorry.” He shrugged. “I can’t help it. I still want you.”

“I know how you feel—think I’m going to go take a cold shower now.”

Roen made a small laugh, and it warmed her heart. Everything about him did. “I was thinking the same.”

Triple X images of the two of them showering together exploded in her mind. “I’ll go back to the cottages,” she said hurriedly, needing to get the hell out of there.

“No. It isn’t safe. The situation is delicate and fighting could break out at any moment. There’s a shower down here. You use one of the bathrooms upstairs.”

“Okay. Good plan.” She bolted from the room.

CHAPTER TWELVE

After a long, cold shower to shock her body back into a semi-coherent state, Liv had gone to check on Dana, who still slept peacefully in one of the spacious guest rooms. It had been a trying few days, and the fun was only getting started. Liv could feel the ominous, angry energy in the air every time she took a breath. Even the hair on the back of her neck knew that this latest episode with the cruise ship was only the beginning. A damned frightening thought. Liv had never seen anything so horrifying—blood and bodies filling the harbor.

Those poor, poor women.
And poor them because whatever came next, it couldn’t be good. Which is why Liv wanted Dana away from there as badly as Roen wanted Liv gone.

How the hell are we ever going to get off this damned rock?

Liv’s thoughts returned to the conversation with Roen about the island having limits to her abilities and how the camouflage truly worked. The point being that an underlying physical connection or chemistry was used to make everything happen. The island was not a witch with magical powers. She was an expert at smoke and mirrors. A master of illusions.

And deception.

What was Crazy Dirt trying to hide with all of these rituals and rules and displays of power?
What does anyone who wants to stay in power try to hide? Their weakness.

So it stood to reason that every action Crazy Dirt took, every threat she made, only served to cloud the truth. A truth that might help them figure out how she pulled the strings—to create the maids, control the men, and reach across the ocean into someone’s head.

Liv quickly dressed, throwing back on her long black stretchy dress and black leather sandals. She wrapped her long dark hair into a ponytail and scurried downstairs back to the library, carefully checking the hallway to ensure she did not bump into Roen in his towel. Seeing Roen wet and fresh from a shower would end her thinking for the day.

With the coast clear, Liv entered the library slash aquarium, her brain tingling with excitement, knowing she was onto something. It was like the time she’d run a study at the university, monitoring the brainwaves of people when shown pictures of people they knew. Family, friends, and spouses—the brain would light up in a very special way when it saw a face the subject loved. This was nothing new in the scientific world, though it sparked an idea.

Liv then placed couples in two separate rooms and hooked them up to brainwave monitors. She then showed one of the subjects pictures of people they loved—mother, friend, brother, child, and finally their significant other. The brain lit up with each image; however, when the subject thought of the person in the other room, who stared at a white wall, that person’s brain showed a small flicker of light. That’s right. The subject staring at the wall showed activity when their significant other thought about them. All the way from the other goddamned room. Miraculous. It led her to believe that emotional bonds between people—love being the strongest—were physical, too.

“Liv? What are you doing?” Dana’s groggy voice came from the other end of the long room. She wore the same black dress and had her long brown hair in a braid down one side.

“I’m standing here spinning inside my head. How are you feeling?”

Dana slogged her way over. “My arms still hurts a little, but at least I’m alive—something I can’t say for Cindy or those poor other women.” Dana stopped a few feet from Liv and wrapped her arms around her stomach.

Liv gave Dana’s shoulder a squeeze. “I know, honey. I know. But I promise, Roen will find a way to get us home.”

Dana’s eyes widened. “I don’t want to go home. I want to see Shane.”

Not this again. And changing subjects…
“Do you remember my thesis paper?”

Dana rolled her eyes. “You mean the one where people’s brains are like giant radio antennas and we go through life trying to home in on our ‘one true love’? You mean that one?”

Liv grumbled disapprovingly. That had only been a part of her theory meant to explain how people who’d never met fell instantly in love. “I’m talking about the piece related to love and connections between people happening on a physical level we can’t see or measure.”

“Oh. That,” Dana said dryly.

“You laugh, but it’s real. And obviously the people here have evolved with a stronger connection. Maybe they even have some sort of heightened ability to tap into each other or humans or—I don’t know.” She only knew that Roen, his people, and their home had their own distinct evolutionary and biological story. The fact they only produced male offspring was proof of that.

“I didn’t laugh,” Dana pointed out.

Liv shot her a look.

“Jeez. Just kidding.” Dana held up her palms. “What’s your point?”

“I’m not sure yet. I feel like I’m missing something. Something big that could help Roen and those men.” Liv placed her hand on her hip, staring at the thousands of books. It might take years to find patterns and uncover what made this island tick. Didn’t they have a computer for cross-referencing information?

She’d have to go see Roen. The thought made her heart speed up and her body heat. She wondered if at that very moment Roen found himself becoming inexplicably aroused because of their bond. She laughed. Wouldn’t that be convenient if they were a couple?
Liv to Roen. Liv to Roen. Wake up your penis, I’m coming to bed now.

Liv shook off her ridiculous thought. “Dana, I have to go find Roen.” She jerked her head for Dana to follow.

“I’m going to head back upstairs and take a shower.”

Liv eyed Dana suspiciously. “You promise you’re not going to leave this house?”

“Why would I?” Dana said. “There are monsters out there.”

“Because you’re still under the delusion that you want to be claimed by a merman?”

“I won’t leave. I promise.” Dana held up her right palm.

“I’ll be right back.” Liv went out into the hallway and immediately found a “red skirt” with a tattoo of an enormous sea serpent covering half his body. The man had long black dreads, huge arms, and looked like he ate people for breakfast.

Liv straightened her spine. She needed to get used to not feeling intimidated by these huge men.

“Where’s Roen? I need to talk to him,” she said.

The goliath man frowned at her and opened his mouth, surely to deliver some macho-merman gibberish meant to demoralize her.

I don’t have time for this.
“Eh!” She pointed her finger in his face. “Don’t you dare start. Tell me where Roen is, or so help me fish gods, I will find a way to turn your gonads into tiny caviar unfit for a gas station sushi roll.”

The man flashed her a concerned look, clearly pondering if fighting her would be a better option versus bothering Roen.

“I’m in a hurry, if you haven’t noticed,” she added.

The man pointed toward the dining room, which led to the kitchen. “Through the kitchen, take a right. You’ll see a short passageway and stairwell leading down.”

“Thank you.” Liv went on her way, grinning proudly until she reached that dark stairwell with stone steps and a closed door at the bottom. It looked like it led to a damned dungeon.