MERMADMEN (The Mermen Trilogy #2) (10 page)

Liv swatted a giant bug circling near her face. “What are you going to give up this time?”

“What do you mean?”

Couldn’t they go inside and talk? The bugs were out in droves tonight, though they stayed clear of Roen. Probably too afraid. “I know how this works. She’ll want something from you to let me go.”

“Allowing you to leave is in her best interest, too.”

Astonished, Liv tilted her head. “Wait. You just delivered a scalding reprimand because I lied to you about Shane. So why don’t you be a true leader and set the example—cut the crap and tell me why she’s going to let me paddle away for a second time when all of the other mates are used as leverage against their men.”

Roen ran both hands down his face.

“Roen, there is absolutely no way for either of us to get through this if we don’t trust each other.”

“This,” he dropped his hands, “is the issue: You don’t trust me. You push back and you snarl and you think you know what’s best, when you are a landlover incapable of understanding this world or its true importance.”

Liv’s mouth fell wide open for several moments while she bit back her anger. “Okay. I’ve had about enough of the condescending mer-machismo, buddy. I may not be seven feet tall and have big fat bulging biceps, but I assure you my brain is as evolved as yours—if not more because I don’t have to share it with a big fat penis. So why don’t you go find yourself a pair of pants, put them on, and tell me why the island would
ever
let me walk out of here instead of dropping a tree on my head just to punish you?”

Roen kicked a little pebble with his bare foot off the pathway.

“You want me to cooperate and trust you?” she pushed. “This is the time, big man.”

Roen made a deep grumble. He knew she was right and it killed him. “Separating mates drives them mad. If you leave, it will only serve to weaken me—she gets her wish to watch me lose.”

Jason had mentioned that little part about going crazy. “I still don’t understand. The first time she let me go, it was a trade so you’d lead. Now she’ll want me to leave to hurt you?” she asked.

“Because the first time—” He stopped speaking.

“What?” she pushed.

Roen turned his head away. “A merman rarely gives his heart to anyone, even his mate. It’s what keeps us from becoming too vulnerable.”

“And?”

“And I promised I’d give mine to her.” He then looked into her eyes and despite the faint light, Liv saw a flicker of deep emotion. “I wasn’t able to do it.”

“Oh.” Liv could hardly breathe. Did that mean Roen’s heart was already taken? Because hers sure the hell was. “I’m guessing she wasn’t happy?”

“No. For her, it’s always about domination, winning and losing—the strong triumphing over the weak either mentally or physically. It’s like a religion to her.”

“Then let her win. Admit weakness and leave with me.”

“She’d never allow me to walk away. Even if she did, I made a commitment to end this and bring back these men’s women. I can’t leave things like they are and permit the suffering to continue.”

This was why Liv couldn’t help her feelings for Roen. He wouldn’t back down from a fight no matter how harrowing the odds. Still, it worried her. What if he died? What if she left and never saw him again? The thought broke her heart.

“What if I want to stay?” she asked, gently placing her hand on his arm.

“I won’t allow it. And you’d be nothing but a distraction not to mention leverage for Shane’s men. They know I have feelings for you.”

Liv felt a little flutter deep in her chest. He admitted to having feelings for her. Yes, duh, it was obvious. But hearing him say it felt so, so good.
Except, it’s not enough to make him want to be with you or believe we’ll work out.
That, of course, was her needy voice wanting what it wanted. The other voice inside her head knew he was right. Her being there only made Roen vulnerable. Especially now that he’d admitted she was his mate and fought to protect her yet again.

He added, “And even now as we speak, I’m barely able to keep myself from taking you right here in the dirt. Is that really what you want?”

“Yes!” Liv knew exactly what her body wanted: Him. Naked. Slamming his hard flesh into her over and over again until she died of ecstasy. She couldn’t stop thinking about it. As for her heart, it couldn’t possibly want him more than it did at this very moment.

He puffed out a breath and shot her a look of disapproval.

“Well,” she offered, “it doesn’t have to be in the dirt. There’s a nice bed inside.”

He shook his head. “This is no time for jokes, Liv.”

Who’s joking?
she thought.

He went on, “You now know you are my mate and exactly what that means. Do you think I want to again risk turning you into a maid? Do you understand how lucky you are to have escaped that fate the last time you were here?”

“Well, no. But—”

“But nothing,” he cut her off. “You are leaving. I will drive this situation to an end once and forever.”

Hearing him say that and thinking of his road ahead made her realize how selfish she was being. Here she was focusing on what she wanted—him—while he worried about saving thousands. “I’m sorry. You’re right, Roen. I’m the last thing you need to be worried about.”

“I’m glad you finally understand.”

That didn’t mean she wasn’t in the process of feeling like her entire world was caving in around her heart. Because it was. It felt like a cruel, cruel joke to finally be with Roen and hear him admit the truth about his feelings, only to be driven away again.

“So what do you plan to do after I leave?” Another big bug zoomed by and smacked her forehead and she began to wonder if the island was making them do it.

“Read,” he replied. “I’m going to read.”

“Uh. Okay. Reading is…relaxing.”

“No. I have to find a way to free the maids. If I can do that, I can remove the hold the island has over many of the men.”

“So you think there’s a cure?” This was exciting.

“Our folklore says the island changed us all at one point, giving us legs, and then decided to take them away from our women. The island doesn’t have magical powers. She can’t wave a wand and change a person into another creature. She is a life force that can communicate, influence, and trigger physiological reactions under certain circumstances.”

“You still think she’s alive?”

“I
know
she is,” he said. “However, she’s not a god.”

“She can make herself disappear and create storms. She can mutate women into monsters. I’d say that’s pretty damned impressive.”

The moon suddenly broke through the cloud cover and shined brightly on Roen’s face. She’d never seen a more determined expression in his eyes, like the man was mentally preparing for war.

Maybe because he is.
And the thought frightened her.

“Her abilities can always be explained by a physical or chemical connection,” he said. “She manipulates her chemistry and generates heat deep inside the ground. When she does, the moisture releases from the top of that mountain or vents around the island. It creates a mirage of sorts, reflecting the sun and the water back at whomever is looking at her. If anyone gets close enough, she has the means to create vibrations that liquefy the beach. In the case of the maids, she cannot transform a person merely by willing it. A catalyst is required.”

Liv felt like a child who’d been allowed backstage at a magic show. And there she’d been, believing that the magician really could make himself disappear. Now that strange orange or blue sky made perfect sense. The island had developed a sort of camouflaging ability like a chameleon or that color-changing octopus she’d once seen on the Nature Channel. There were hundreds if not thousands of examples of this in nature.

Still, despite not being magic, those abilities were pretty damned impressive.

Roen continued, “There are clear, physical limits to her abilities, which is why she needs us, but that doesn’t make her any less dangerous. And it does not negate the fact that she must be protected from the world. Without her, no one lives.”

“So how do you plan to bring the women back?” Liv asked.

“I don’t know yet. We instinctually bite women before sex, but the transformation only happens to our mates and no other women.”

“You bit me and nothing happened,” Liv said.

“You’re not the norm. You’re resistant to whatever is in the water and to our pheromones. We also did not have sex. So you present additional variables.”

Roen was dancing dangerously close to science-speak, and it was turning up her thermostat from “sizzling for Roen”—yes, it never stopped—to full-fledged bonfire of formidable lust.

“I can help you, Roen.”

“No. You’re leaving.” Roen took her hand and began pulling her back toward the front door of the cottage. “And I really must go now. The men are waiting.”

Yeah. She knew. And the thought of being separated again had already begun to turn her inside out. “I don’t have to be here physically,” she pointed out, stumbling behind him over the moonlit walkway. “I can take whatever books and records you have. I’m good at figuring out things like this—connections that can’t be seen with the naked eye is something I’ve obsessed over for years. We can Skype once a day and compare notes.”

Plus, at least this way she’d know what was going on and see him every day.
While you slowly go mad from being separated.

Roen stopped directly in front of the door. “Fine. I’ll have my men load everything into crates. You can take them with you in the morning.”

“In the morning?”

“The sooner you’re all gone, the better.” He reached for the door handle, twisted, and pushed it open for her.

Liv couldn’t move her feet inside. She didn’t want to leave him. “I want to stay with you tonight.”

“Absolutely not.”

“We don’t have to have sex.” Honestly, at this point, she’d take just being near him for a few more hours. God only knew when or if she’d ever see him again.

“Because I will fuck you and that’s not going to help either of us.”

Fuck.
Simply hearing him say the word evoked X-rated images of her riding his thick, hard shaft, their bodies glistening with sweat, their lips swollen from rough, needy lovemaking.

Liv’s toes curled over her leather sandals, and the muscles deep inside her core screamed with the most carnal sexual ache she’d ever experienced.
Dammit, forget the cuddling.
There had to be an XL condom somewhere on this godforsaken island.

“I’m pretty sure it’s exactly the sort of help I need, so speak for yourself, Roen.”

“Liv, I must be absolutely clear; nothing has changed between us. You and I cannot happen, because even if by some miracle I achieve my goals, someone will need to stay behind and protect this place and everyone knows bad things happen to landlovers here.” His voice dropped an octave. “Very. Very bad things.”

“Why does that someone need to be you?” she argued.

“Do you suggest I enslave someone else?”

“No. But—”

“But nothing. A leader puts his people first, his family first. And think what you will, but these people are my family. Including those creatures in the water. Good night, Liv.” He gave the front door a little push, opening it wider—a sign that the conversation was over.

Fight. Love. Die.
That was what Roen had said was their fate back in the great hall. He wanted everyone to have the chance to live a real life. Everyone except himself and her.

She smoothed her hands over her long hair and stepped inside the cottage past Roen and his harsh gaze.
Wait. Don’t let him push you away, Liv. You have a say. This is your life, too.

She turned in a huff. “What’ll happen when we’re apart if mates who separate go crazy?”

“If I live through this, I will find the solution. One hurdle at a time, Liv.”

“So, let me get this straight,” she began, seething. “You save the island, stay forever, and I find someone else. That’s your plan.”

“Yes. Because I
will
find a way to untie this noose around our necks.”

Liv felt her heart twist into an angry knot. He considered their relationship to be a noose while she thought their relationship to be a rare and precious gift. So few people got to experience something so powerful.

“And if you don’t live through this?” she asked.

“Then you will be free either way,” he said solemnly.

So he believed the connection between them would end if he died, even though that wasn’t how love worked. Yes, she loved him. She’d known since that day she’d first left him behind on the island, although it took a while to admit it to herself.

“I tried to come back for you, Roen. That morning you freed me from the island. I tried to come back for you. I asked myself what I’d be willing to give up to be with you and save you. The answer was everything.”

“What’s your point?” he asked.

“The island didn’t create what I feel, so you can’t ‘break’ it. And if you don’t believe me, just remember you said yourself, I’m immune to her.”

“I said you’re resistant, not immune. Either way, I’ll make sure you move on.”

He spoke like he truly believed he could conquer everything and anything if he put his mind to it.
Wrong.

“Of course,” she fumed, “because it’s all your choice. Not mine.”

“If you wish to put it that way, then yes. It is my choice.”

Liv shook her head in frustration. She couldn’t take being pushed away from him like this anymore. Whatever had happened in Roen’s life with his family and parents had skewed his perception of love. To him it meant placing the protection of the other and sacrificing one’s self above everything else. Sadly, it was what she loved about him. Even sadder, it was the reason he felt that pushing her away was the
only
way when there might be other options. He simply felt too scared to even try.

“And if you’re wrong, Roen? If I’m not able to move on? What’s your plan B then? Because I’ll be crazy, and you might be dead.”

He shot her a look. She’d definitely hit a nerve. “That won’t happen.”