Authors: Kristin Wallace
However, a lack of coffee trumped any misgivings he had about stopping the urge to reach out and twirl a strand of Julia's wild red hair around his finger. Seeing his dad at the table rather than Julia brought instant relief, along with a touch of disappointment he refused to acknowledge.
“Morning⦠son,” John Graham said, the corner of his mouth kicking up as pleasure filled his eyes.
“Hey, Dad.”
Guilt followed on the heels of relief. Seth had been so wrapped up in his own personal turmoil he hadn't visited with his dad as much. To be truthful, Seth had avoided his father because the old man knew him too well. Even a stroke wouldn't keep John Graham from seeing the turmoil in his son's eyes.
It was too late to run now, so Seth forced a relaxed smile and headed for the coffee pot. A bit of caffeine would help get his brain functioning.
“Where is everyone else?” Seth asked, wondering if he was going to get the double pleasure of looking at both his dad and Julia over the breakfast table.
Talk about an unsettling morning.
“Julia⦠left for work. Grace went⦠to see⦠Sarah and the⦠baby.”
“Already?” Seth grinned at his dad over the coffee cup. “Looks like you're not going to be seeing your wife very much anymore.”
John let out a wheezing chuckle. “No⦠it is good⦠to see her⦠so happy though.”
“It's good to see you so happy.”
Seth knew how hard things had been for his dad after his mother passed away. After losing Beth he understood his father's devastation even more. Yet, his dad had somehow been able to move on and find love again with Grace. Seth didn't know if that kind of peace was possible for him. Even now he woke up some mornings to find his pillow wet with tears.
“You never stop⦠missing them,” his dad said. “Loving them.”
Seth left off contemplating the depths of the black liquid he'd been nursing. “Who?”
“The one you lost,” his dad said. “You don't have to⦠stop missing them⦠but you can⦠let another person in. A heart⦠expands to accept⦠love.”
Talk about hitting the nail on the head. “How do you do that?” Seth asked, in sheer awe. “Mom used to be the one to read my mind.”
“I had⦠to learn⦠on the job,” said, with a wistful smile. “You are⦠so like⦠her.”
Seth had heard people say that before. Before his stroke, John Graham had been a powder keg of energy. Always the one cracking jokes and entertaining everyone within earshot at parties. Susan Graham had been quieter, more introspective. She'd understood Seth better than anyone in the world. She'd been so good at looking inside a person and seeing the things they kept hidden from the world.
Like Julia did.
Seth's mind skittered over the thought like a stone skipping across the water. Julia was not like his mother. Sure, she could read people, but other than that the two couldn't be more different.
“You have a lot⦠on your⦠mind lately,” his dad said. “You always seem⦠somewhere else.”
Somewhere? Try a million places. “I've got a big meeting tonight at church. About Meredith Vining.”
“I heard.”
Surprise flooded through him. “You know?”
“The stroke⦠did not affect⦠my hearing,” his dad said, pointing to his ears. “What are you⦠going to do?”
“Fight for Meredith. For what's right.”
“That's good. She has⦠changed⦠settled down. Her music is⦠so full of worship. Others⦠see that, too.”
“I hope so.”
“Something else⦠is troubling you. Besides Meredith.”
Seth scraped a hand across his cheek, wondering how much he should say. “How did you know Grace was the one? Did you worry you were just lonely or wanted companionship? Do you love her the way you loved Mom?”
“Lots of questions,” his dad rumbled.
“No kidding.”
“Grace is⦠the woman who made me want⦠to live again.”
Live again. Words Seth understood. He'd been experiencing the sensation of coming out of a deep sleep the last couple months.
His dad's expression turned earnest. “Son, love can be many things. Grace is not your mother. What I feel for her is different. Susan was my childhood sweetheart. We grew up together. Raised a son. But losing her changed me. I'm not the same man I was, and Grace is what I need now. Just like you are not the same man you were.”
Seth was struck, both by the words and the fact that his father hadn't stumbled over them at all. “I'm not sure I know who I am without Beth.”
“Beth answered a need in you. The needs of a young, inexperienced man,” his dad said. “You are in a different place, and what you need has changed. When you meet the woman who meets them you will know. It won't make the love you feel for Beth any less. She'll still be there.”
“But how did you know it was Grace?'
“Once I realized she was the first person I wanted to tell when something good happened. Or something bad. When I woke up and had her on my mind. That's how you'll know, too. Are you⦠asking because of⦠Amy? Do you think⦠she is what⦠you want?”
Seth chuckled inwardly. His father's speech had been perfectly clear when talking about Grace, but any other subject brought forth halting words. That had to mean something.
Unfortunately, Seth didn't have an answer. “I don't know.”
His dad leaned back and folded his arms. “I didn't⦠think so. So⦠who has you⦠tied in⦠knots?”
Another question he couldn't answer. “No one, Dad.”
For a moment, Seth thought his father might press. Instead, John Graham shook his head. “Stubborn.”
“How am I stubborn?”
“You get it⦠from me,” his dad said, lips pulled down in a sort of half-frown. “Won't see⦠the truth⦠until it bites you⦠in the rear.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You are not⦠ready to hear it. The answer to⦠all your questions is simple⦠but you will have to⦠take a leap of faith⦠to find it. You will have to⦠listen to your heart and⦠learn to let go.”
“I'm not sure I can.”
“You're my son,” John Graham said clear as day. “Of course you can.”
“Miss Richardson, you've put Councilman Granger's wife next to Councilman Ingall's wife.”
Julia's current job was to mark out where the chairs would go for the ceremony with little red flags. She'd been hunched over in a very uncomfortable position for far too long. A glance to her right revealed the tips of Mrs. Manning's navy blue pumps. Julia had been hoping to avoid the mayor's wife today to no avail. Mrs. Manning had interrupted six times already.
As she straightened, Julia had to remind herself that the flags were meant to go in the ground and not in someone's eyes.
“I'm sorry?” Julia asked.
“Isabelle Granger is seated next to Nadine Ingall.”
“
Okay?
”
Had that come across as too flippant? Must have because Mrs. Manning's nostrils flared like a bull after spotting a red cape.
Mrs. Manning looked down her nose at Julia. Quite a feat as the mayor's wife stood a good six inches shorter. “Please reassign their seats.”
“Why do they need to be separated?”
Madam Pain In My Rear stalked away before Julia could get an answer.
“Isabelle Granger and Nadine Ingall can't stand each other.”
Julia spun around. Her erstwhile second assistant had appeared out of nowhere. “Hi, Amy. Did you finish up with the plantation manager?”
Of course, Amy nodded. “Yes, it was a successful meeting.”
“That's good. What were you saying about the Granger and Ingall women?”
“They hate each other.”
Oh, a small-town feud. Interesting. “Why?”
“They haven't spoken since Isabelle accused Nadine of cheating her out of the Miss Barley & Grain crown.”
Well that seemed pretty tame. “A beauty pageant?”
“Our most prestigious beauty pageant,” Amy said. “The winner goes on to the Miss Southern Jewel pageant.”
“Oh, that does sound prestigious.”
Was she flippant again? Julia imagined so. Amy's pretty blue eyes were shooting
ignorant Yankee infidel
vibes.
“One year the Miss Barley & Grain Queen went on to win Miss Southern Jewel and then to the Miss South Georgia Pageant,” Amy said.
Julia decided to avoid a flippant comment so she could get to the real story. “Where does the feud come in?”
“Isabelle had won every local pageant in three counties, and she was the favorite, but Nadine ended up winning. Isabelle accused her of persuading one of the judges to vote for her.”
Oh, juicier and juicier. “What kind of persuasion are we talking about? Did Nadine do favors for the judge?”
“She made a cake.”
“A cake?” Julia asked in bemusement. “That's it?”
“Nadine always won the baking contest at the local county fair, and everyone knew Horace had a sweet tooth.”
“Crowned by chocolate,” Julia said. “Beautiful.”
“After that they swore never to speak to each other again, and they haven't.”
“How long ago was this pageant?”
“Twenty-two years.”
“They haven't spoken to each other all this time because of a cake?” Julia asked in disbelief.
Amy seemed to grasp the silliness of the ancient feud and gave a rather embarrassed shrug. “Perhaps their egos won't allow them to be the first to apologize. If you don't need me here, I can head back to the office to redo the seating chart. I'll look it over to make sure there aren't more mistakes.”
“I hardly think not knowing about a twenty-two-year-old cake war qualifies as a mistake.”
Amy's eyes widened like a kewpie doll. “I wasn't accusing you of anything. It's just that you might not know these little details since you're not from here.”
Taking a deep, calming breath, Julia fixed a pleased smile on her lips. “Sure, you go ahead and look over the list. Don't want any cat fights over the salmon cakes.”
“Salmon
puffs
.” So saying, Amy sashayed across the lawn. Julia watched the other woman go, wondering if a walk like that was learned or if came naturally from generations of Southern breeding.
“I'd like to puff her right in the mouth,” Julia grumbled, bending down to try and finish her flag planting for the hundredth time, and vowed to shoot herself before ever agreeing to do a favor for Sarah again.
****
Near sundown, Julia dragged herself home. Her back ached, her knees hurt, and her feet felt like an elephant had stomped on them. She literally hobbled up the stairs to her room.
Nice. She'd turned into a ninety-year-old woman.
Attempts to sleep proved fruitless. Closing her eyes brought images of Amy and Seth dancing yesterday. They'd looked so⦠right. So perfect. All that blonde sweetness next to his dark hotness.
“
Agh!
”
Forget it. Rolling out of bed, she grabbed the phone, and dialed Meredith's number.
Meredith picked up on the first ring. “Hello?”
“Do you run?” Julia asked.
“Not if I can help it.”
“You can't help it today,” Julia said. “Meet me at Lake Rice.”
“Something wrong?”
“My whole life is wrong.”
Meredith gave a little laugh. “I'll be there in half an hour.”
Meredith stood waiting by the path when Julia ran up. “You came on foot?” she asked, her nose wrinkling in distaste.
“That's the point of going for a run,” Julia said.
Julia insisted they stretch before they set off. In deference to Meredith's strenuous objection to real exercise, they walked. Silence enveloped them for several minutes, but Julia could feel Meredith glancing over every so often.
Finally, Meredith had apparently waited long enough. “You're going to have to give me a clue as to why we're here.”
Something in her friend's gaze caused the floodgates to open, and Julia poured out the sad tale of her life. About her parents and the marriages. About the stepparents, the breakups, the shuttling back and forth, her brief stint in Covington Falls as a teenager, and all the years since when she'd decided to put her faith in building a career.
Meredith didn't say anything for the most part other than to offer an occasional, “no way” or “that's awful” when required.
When Julia finally wound down, Meredith shook her head. “At least now I understand why you sounded so wrecked on the phone. And why you've been so skittish about Seth. You're essentially surrounded on all fronts by the very things you've sworn to avoid in life. Weddings, love, and God.”
They rounded the corner, and the entire lake came into view. The setting sun performed a miraculous ballet on the surface of the water, and Julia could almost feel those golden, shimmery flecks draining the tension from her body. At the next curve Covington Falls came into view.
Meredith slowed to take in the sight. “I've seen these falls more times than I can count, but I always forget how beautiful it is out here.”
Julia left the path and reached down to trail a hand through the cool water. She turned to watch the falls flowing over the rocks, letting the sound soothe her soul.
“You look like you're ready to pass out,” Meredith observed.
“I'm not very good at talking.” Julia kicked at a small rock on the ground. “Not about feelings anyway. I don't do so well with those in general. They make me itchy.”
“You say that as if you're trying to remind yourself about this apparent lack of character.”
The rock came loose, and Julia reached down and picked it up. Ran her thumb over the water-smoothed surface. “I don't need reminding. I know this about myself.”
Meredith grabbed the stone. “Well, I think it's a cover.”
Julia's head snapped around. “A cover for what?”
“It makes it easier for you to keep your distance,” Meredith said, tossing the rock in the air. “Tell yourself you're not capable of caring so you don't even have to put your foot in the water. From what you told me about the screwy way you grew up and the dysfunctional relationship you have with your parents, I'm not surprised. The thing is, Julia, you are not your parents.”
“What's that mean?”
“Don't you realize you have successfully escaped the pattern they set?” Meredith asked, waving the rock in Julia's face. “The one you seem so sure you're going follow if you dare to try and have a relationship?”
“I don't even know what you just said.”
“I'm saying I think your biggest fear is that you'll turn out like your parents. Unable to keep a commitment. Hurt people who've put their trust in you. Isn't that the root of all this angst?”
Julia had never had it put quite that way, but she realized with a start that her new friend was right. Her commitment phobia wasn't about not believing in love. It was about
her
not believing she could love someone without screwing it up. “I suppose so.”
“You pushed Seth away, and even threw him at my sister, to protect him because you were sure you would end up hurting him.”
“Right. Like I told Sarah, I only want Seth to be happy.”
“Julia, don't you get it?” she asked, holding her arms out wide. “That's called
love
. Putting another person's happiness before your own. It's what your parents were never able to do, but you've done it.”
“I have?”
Meredith laughed. “Don't look so stunned. If you'd ever stopped running from God long enough to open up a Bible, you'd understand.”
“Why?”
“Because, it's exactly what Christ did for us. He sent His only Son to die for us because He loved us.”
“You mean I'm not an emotional cripple?”
A wry smile was her answer. “Wounded maybe. That you can get over. I think you can have a very healthy relationship if you're brave enough to try.”
“What if I try and it doesn't work? This family is all I have. If it ends badly, I'd lose not only Seth, but the rest of them as well.”
“That's fear talking again,” Meredith said, shaking her head. “More reasons to hold back. Turn the question around. What if it did work out, and you could make Seth happier than he's ever been? What if everything in your life has been leading to the two of you making a new life together?”
“Wait, I think I've heard this one.” Julia put a finger to her temple, and then snapped her fingers. “This is all part of God's plan, right?”
Meredith ignored the sarcasm. “I would never presume to know God's plans for anyone. That has to come from your own heart.”
“Copout.”
Planting her fists on her hips, Meredith stood. “All right, you want an opinion? Six months ago, could you have imagined you'd reconnect with this family? That you'd run a wedding planning business and love doing it?”
“Who says I love it?”
“I do, and if you're honest you'll admit it, too,” Meredith said, without even a crack of a smile. “Can I finish my point?”
Properly chastised, Julia nodded. “Sorry.”
Meredith dropped her arms and gave a sheepish smile. “Actually, I think I already made it. Could you have imagined any of this? Realizing that you
do
belong to a family? Discovering that you're loved? That you are capable of loving someone?”
“No.”
“So, don't you think it's possible that God brought you here for this purpose? To find Seth again? To heal him, and let him heal you?”
Julia stared, astounded someone who didn't know her that well had managed to explain her entire life in less than ten minutes. “I guess it's possible.”
Meredith smiled as if Julia was a prized pupil. “I'd say it's very possible.”
“You think I should tell Seth?”
“That's up to you. I think at the very least he deserves to know how you feel. That way he can make a real decision; not one based on something he thinks you want.”
Julia couldn't help grinning. “I think I want to be you when I grow up.”
Meredith laughed, but then sobered a little. “I'm not sure you'd like my life the way it's going right now.”
“Why? What's going on?”
“There's a Session meeting in about a half hour from now, and my employment is the topic of discussion.”
Julia gave a startled exclamation. “Oh, that's tonight? Seth told me about that a couple weeks ago. Are they really going to try and have you fired?”
“Some of them. Seth says there are plenty of people who support me, but I don't know⦔ Meredith bit her lip and pinched the bridge of her nose. “It's just a job, I know, but it feels so personal.”
Julia put an arm around Meredith's shoulders. “Hey, aren't you the one who's always going on about plans from above?”
“It's easier to believe when it's someone other than me.”
“Talk about a copout,” Julia scoffed. “Listen, I'm still not exactly sure what I think about God's chess playing, but I do believe you will be fine no matter what happens. If God means for you to direct a church choir for the next thirty years, no roomful of pinched-faced, judgmental biddies will get in the way. Shoot, maybe He wants you to work in a bank or go pursue your music career again.”
Meredith shook her head. “Wow, that was surprisingly effective.”
Julia clasped her hands in front of her chest and bowed. “You taught me well, Teacher.”
“Now I want to be
you
.”
“Oh no you don't. Then you'd have to deal with Catherine Manning.”
Meredith screwed up her face in a grimace. “Right.”
“Uh huh⦠bet a bunch of judgmental old men seem downright pleasant now. The way I see it, if I can handle Mrs. Manning and get Laurel safely hitched, I just might decide I can handle anything. Even a relationship.”