magic and mayhem 01 - switching hour (15 page)

But just maybe I was willing to try.

"Can we still go to the river?" I asked shyly.

"Would you like that?" he asked with a twinkle in his eye.

"Would you?" I countered.

"More than anything in the world," he assured me as the crowd cheered. It was a little disconcerting to know we were getting whoops and whistles for going off to have sex in a public area, but I didn't care. I wanted this man more than I wanted the new Prada bag that wasn't on the market yet.

"We can't mate yet," I told him seriously.

"Yet?" His joyous smirk made me giggle. "There's a chance for me?"

"Possibly, but you have to pass some more tests and take me out on fifteen dates where no one dies. Deal?"

"Deal."

His kiss was downright lewd. I wrapped my legs around him as he carried me out of the bar and into the cold Halloween night. I said goodbye to no one. I couldn't see anything except the strong, beautiful man in front of me. We would definitely have fights if we were mated. I could feel it in my gut, but we would also have joy and some of the greatest sex ever.

"Would I really have puppies?" I asked.

He stopped and chuckled.

"No, Zelda. We will have human babies, but they will be very special. They will be Shifters with healing magic."

"Did you say babies?"

His sexy grin melted me. "Yep."

"I'm agreeing to nothing," I snapped as he plopped me on his motorcycle. "I'm just on a fact finding mission."

"Whatever you say." His voice was gruff and my panties dampened.

"Just get on the bike and drive," I said as I punched him and he threw his head back and laughed. "
Now
."

I was seconds from jumping his fine ass in the parking lot. We needed to get to the river immediately.

"Will do, my love. Will do."

Epilogue

Dear Aunt Hildy,

I know it's a little odd to write to you considering you're dead and I have no clue if you will ever see this, but I wanted to put down in words what I wish I could say to you.

I would have loved to have known you. Watching the replay of your death was one of the worst moments of my life. I want you to know that I got the fucker who killed you and took your magic. He's with the Warlock Council. I am sure he has wished for death many times over. Those old bastards are scary.

I took your magic back and it's inside me. It comforts me to know I possess part of you. I would much prefer to have you with me, but if this is the way it was meant to be just know I will take good care of it and do my best not to blow up the continental U.S. However, I can't promise that I can control that.

Most of this adventure has been a clusterfuck, but I am still alive to tell. I found my father, your brother, and I'm dating Mac. I thought you might like to know that. As far as Fabio, or ”Naked Dude” as I like to call him goes, we are taking it slow. He likes to shop for me and he makes outstanding pancakes. He misses licking his balls, but I'm sure anyone would. I'm beginning to think we can make the family thing work. I can't seem to bring myself to call him Dad, but he seems to be getting used to ”Naked Dude”.

I plan to stay in Assjacket, West Virginia for the time being. I think I'm happy which scares the hell out of me, but I want to give it a chance. Mac thinks I'm his mate, but he still has fourteen death-free dates to go before I will give his claim any serious consideration. He has sworn repeatedly that we would not have puppies, but I am still searching for proof.

I've made real friends here and I'm proud of the way I use my magic. I refuse to share these facts with anyone but you because you're dead and real emotion is uncharted territory for me. I'm not ready to go there yet.

I promise to take care of the Shifters. I am going by Shifter Wanker, not Shifter Whisperer. It's a long story, but trust me, the name suits. I will find that fucking syringe and I will destroy it. I so wish you were here to help me, but I know that's impossible. Even though I didn't know you I miss you terribly. Thank you for the beautiful home. However, I wish you were a size four because you had rockin' taste in clothes.

I did get a TV. Actually ”Naked Dude” probably bought it with bad credit cards. I can't believe you lived without one. I would love to watch Project Runway with you. Or Spongebob. Regrets are for pussies and I am not a pussy. I send you my love and hope you are in a beautiful place. I will cherish our home and keep your spirit alive.

Currently '”Naked Dude” is soundproofing his bedroom. Apparently Mac and I are loud.

xoxo Zelda (the Shifter Wanker)

I flicked my finger and a burst of icy pink and silver crystals flew through the room. I grinned. It was Hildy's magic. I'd gained colors I never knew existed. A sparkling mystical breeze picked up the note and with another flick of my hand the note magically disappeared into the universe. There was no telling if it would fall into Aunt Hildy's hands, but for some bizarre reason… I thought it just might.

THE END (for now)

###

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
:
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~ Robyn Peterman

Visit me on my website at
http://www.robynpeterman.com
.

Excerpt from
WITCH GLITCH
Book 2 in the Magic and Mayhem
Series

Don’t miss the next installment in this bewitching series!

Chapter 1

"What in the hell does that asswaffle think he's doing?" I snapped as I narrowed my eyes at the scene unfolding on the beautiful front lawn of my newly inherited house.

Crawling up onto the window seat I pressed my face against the glass to make sure I was seeing things correctly… unfortunately, I was.

Chuck the ginormous bear Shifter had concocted a noose and was trying to hang himself in a large tree. This was not going to happen in my yard. Dead stuff smelled horrific and I had an over active gag reflex as did most witches I knew.

Opening the widow with a pissed off blast of magic, I leaned out and prepared to zap his idiot ass. As the newly minted town Shifter Whisperer—or Shifter Wanker as I liked to refer to my honorary title—I wasn't about to heal a self-inflicted broken neck.

"Chuck, what in the Goddess' name do you think you're doing?" I shouted.

He fell off the ladder he was standing on and plopped ungracefully to the ground with a thud.

"Well, I was trying to hang myself until you scared the bejesus out of me," he explained logically, as if what he was doing was even remotely logical.

"Well, ok, but you're going to have to take your freak show to someone else's tree. I have a lot of shit to do today and watching you die is not on my list."

"But I have to do it here," he informed me as he ambled up to the porch.

"I am about to ask a question I have no desire to know the answer to—
why
?"

Shifters were the weirdest species ever. I had always thought witches were nuts. We had nothing on the Shifters.

"I can't tell you," he mumbled into his shoulder.

He was a beautiful and kind man… and I liked him, which annoyed me. I was getting far too attached to the oddballs in Assjacket, West Virginia. I had chosen to stay after I had paid my penance to the Witch Council, but if these dorks were going to pull stunts like hanging themselves in my trees… I was out of here.

"I call bullshit," I snapped. "You can't just off yourself in someone's silver oak and not tell them why. It's rude."

"I'm sorry, Zelda," Chuck apologized as he rocked back and forth in embarrassment. "If I could tell you I would. I just can't break the rules. I could end up naked and wedged in a time warp with elevator music."

"You lost me."

I reconsidered zapping his ass just for making my brain work too hard at 8 o’clock in the morning.

"It's no big deal. I can try again another time when you're out shopping. I'll just be on my way now," he said with a smile.

I really wanted to shut the window and pretend I hadn't just seen the dumbass try to end his life, but my newly found conscience wasn't on the same page. Biting down hard on my tongue, I attempted to keep my words from flying out of my mouth. But no fucking go.

Apparently speak first and think later was my new motto.

Damn it.

"Chuck, um… emotions and being nice are not really my thing, but I'm feeling kind of wonky here. Are you depressed? Can I heal that?" I asked as I also mentally slapped myself for caring.

"Actually, I'm not down at all," he replied with a shrug and a happy little grunt. "I'm quite content, but thank you for your concern."

"Ooookay then… you should probably take the ladder and rope with you when you leave." I mumbled my statement not quite sure what was socially acceptable to say in a situation like this.

"Can I just leave them here for next time?"

"Um, no. You can't."

"Alrighty," he said as he gathered up his death tools and loaded them into his truck. "Oh, and by the way, when I do bite it, I'd like you to have my truck."

"Really?" I squealed with excitement… and then purposely banged my head against the windowsill.

It was a kick ass truck, but I'd rather win it in a poker game than inherit it due to his death.

"Absolutely not," I hissed to cover my wildly inappropriate reaction. "You are not going to die, Chuck. I will kill you if you do."

"Would you?" he asked hopefully.

"Would I what?" I rolled my eyes in exasperation.

"Kill me?"

"Holy shitballs, I wasn't serious," I shouted, waving a hand to the sky. "I'm the freakin' Shifter Wanker. I heal you furry jackasses, not kill you."

"Oh. Right," he said with a nod and a grin. "My bad."

"I should say so," I muttered as I closed the window and flopped down on the cushy couch. This day was going to be a long one… I could feel it in my bones.

"Zelda?" a loud voice boomed from the kitchen. "Do you want French toast or pancakes?"

I heaved a put upon sigh and stood up. "French toast would be a nice change, Naked Dude. And where are all the groceries coming from? Are you using bad credit cards again?"

"I really wish you would call me
Dad
," Naked Dude said as he stuck his head out from the kitchen. "I'm not naked you know."

He was correct. He wasn't naked. However, he had been buck-ass naked when I made his acquaintance only a few weeks before. It had been traumatic and repulsive. No one should have to see their father's nads. Ever.

Not to mention he'd been my ball-licking cat for two years…

As the story goes, Naked Dude never knew about me. When he found out he had a daughter, he tried to contact me. That was when my not so motherly mother put a spell on him which turned him into a mangy cat. That mangy cat had become my familiar much to my disgust. The spell could only be broken if he gained my love.

Of course it took him almost dying for me to admit I loved him, but now we were trying to get to know each other. It was challenging and somewhat amazing… not that I would admit that to him. I'd lived all my life up to that point believing he didn't want me. At least that was what my mother had told me. The relief I felt when I learned he never knew about me was absurd so I mostly ignored it.

Admittedly, I wasn't good at maintaining relationships, but I was going to try with him.

"Look, I could drop the Naked and just call you Dude. Would that help?" I bargained.

His grin was infectious and his sparkling green eyes matched my own. "It's a start."