Lumberjack Werebear (Saw Bears Book 1) (9 page)

“So that’s a yes. She’s an abuse victim, you asshole. You can’t handle her like that! She’s not some plaything you claim as your own like some spoiled child.”

“But the rules say—”

“Fuck the rules.” Tagan was yelling now, and red crept up his neck until he looked truly scary. His eyes looked different. His face looked savage.

Brooke stood slowly, clutching her throbbing hand to her stomach. “It’s okay. It was my fault. I felt cornered and panicked. Please don’t fight.”

All of the men gathered around them now, shifting their weight like they were uncomfortable. Kellen shoved through the crowd and pulled her hand out to examine it. Her palm felt like it had been lit on fire when he pried her fingers open.

“Fuck the rules?” Connor asked, blond eyebrows arched high. “Those rules are in place to keep us safe. To keep us alive. To keep us from killing each other like the old-timers did!”

“No, this rule is an old-timer rule. It’s archaic and doesn’t fit anymore.”

“The claiming rule is archaic?” an unfamiliar man asked from the outskirts of the loose circle.

The change in the Ashe Crew was instant. Lowering themselves, tilting their chins to expose their necks, casting their eyes downward. Kellen sank to his knees beside her, but Tagan remained upright, his shoulders rigid as he backed protectively in front of her.

“That’s right,” Tagan snarled, his voice dipping low and gravelly. “Choosing a woman shouldn’t just be on the man. She should have a say in it, too.”

“Choosing a woman? Don’t you mean choosing a mate, Second?” The man stepped into the center of the circle. He was tall and lean as a whip. He stood straight, his chin high as he looked down at her, as if he knew his place in the world, and it was on top of the food chain. His sandy brown hair was cropped short, and he had the most unusual color of brown-green eyes.

His hand snaked out and grabbed hers in a lightning fast move. She moaned in pain as he spread her fingers wide. She struggled to rid herself of his agonizing grasp, but he held on tighter with surprising strength. “You aren’t healing.” He slid a cold glance to Tagan. “And she smells like you. Fucking a human, are we?” He made a clucking sound behind his teeth and shook his head.

His words made her insides turn to jagged shards of ice. A human? Connor stood, and a slow smile transformed his face to something wicked.

“Don’t.” Tagan inched closer to her and cocked his head, his eyes pleading with the stranger. “Please don’t, Jed. She can leave. She’s not a part of this place.”

“Ha,” Jed huffed out. “Not yet.” He yanked her arm and threw her into the center of the circle. She landed hard in the mud on her hands and knees and whimpered at the pain in her hand as it hit wet earth.

I got a call from Connor yesterday that brought me back early. He said a challenge has been issued. He rolled his head and glared at Tagan with an empty smile. “Now, you know how much I like a good bear fight.”

Tagan crouched down in front of Brooke, and a snarl ripped through his body.

Brooke’s heart was pounding so hard her chest hurt. She couldn’t catch her breath as panic choked her. What had she stumbled into? She thought these were her friends, but maybe she was wrong.

“Jed,” Kellen said. “Tagan’s right on this one.”

Jed reached back and slapped Kellen across the cheek. But when Brooke looked back at him, four perfect, deep claw marks were etched into his skin, and Jed’s nails now looked inhumanly long.

“Holy shit,” she whispered. “Tagan, what’s happening?” She touched his back, but the muscles there were stiff and unyielding. His only answer was the furious-sounding, inhuman growl that rattled from his chest. This wasn’t like the one he gave her when he was happy. This was the most dangerous sound she’d ever heard.

“I forbid you to change,” Jed spat out at Kellen. He jabbed a finger at Denison and smiled cruelly. “I forbid you to change.” He went around the circle and said it to everyone but Connor and Tagan.

The others looked at her with helpless expressions, as if they wanted to do something but couldn’t. Brighton fell to his knees, gritting his teeth, and she could’ve sworn moisture rimmed his eyes.

“Connor,” Jed said, “you issued a formal challenge for Second and for this piece of shit human. I don’t know why you want her. She’s not very curvy or womanly looking, and she reeks of Tagan, but hey. To each his own. You want a challenge? As your alpha, I sanction it. First to Turn her gets her.”

“No!” Tagan yelled, his voice transforming to a roar that rattled the trees.

Brooke stared in horror as Connor’s face elongated and his body became bigger. Fur shot from his skin, dark and thick, and with a series of pops that sounded like snapping bones, an enormous grizzly bear burst from him.

Tagan’s hand was on her leg as he pushed her backward, inch by inch. “Do you choose him?” he asked in a strained voice.

Connor-the-bear lowered to all four legs and stepped forward.

She couldn’t breathe. This wasn’t happening. Bears didn’t come out of men. They just didn’t. She blinked rain from her eyes as another sob tore from her throat.

Tagan turned and repeated louder, “Do you choose him? Do you choose this life?”

“No!” she screamed. Of course she didn’t fucking choose Connor. He was a bear! A bear who was stalking closer like he was going to kill her.

“Brooke,” Tagan said. The seriousness of his tone pulled her attention. “Run.”

“I don’t understand—”

“Run!” he bellowed, his voice sounding fearsome as it tapered off into a snarl.

Chest heaving, she backed away slowly. Her body felt numb. If she tried to escape now, her legs would lock up and she’d fall again.

Tagan stood slowly in the fine mist as Connor charged, shaking the earth with every pounding step.

And just as he reached Tagan, a blond-colored grizzly exploded from the man she loved.

“Bear, bear, bear,” she chanted under her breath as the two locked in a violent battle.

“Run, Brooke,” Kellen gritted out. His face sagged, as if the effort to say that had leeched his energy. Red dripped in rivers down his face, but already, the slashes across his cheek were beginning to close. “Please,” he begged in a broken whisper.

And suddenly, she wasn’t numb anymore. She wanted to live. She’d survived Markus, and her drive to outlast Jed’s sick order was enough to dump adrenaline into her veins and make her want to fight. Legs pumping, she blasted through the circle and away from the bears. An echoing slap and bellow of pain sounded, and she flinched, hoping desperately that Tagan would be okay. He was back there trying to protect her. She didn’t understand any of this. Couldn’t wrap her head around what had just happened, but she knew that deep down, bear or not, Tagan was trying to buy her precious time.

She ran down the slippery road, her boots growing heavier with each step as mud caked them. Pushing her legs harder, she lifted her knees higher to accommodate the added weight. The pain in her hand was nothing but a dull ache now as she ran for her life. She threw the door to Tagan’s truck open and scrambled in as fast as she could.

“Key, keys, keys,” she whispered, searching frantically for them with trembling fingers. Glinting metal shone from the cup holder, and she grabbed the jingling chain and jammed the biggest key into the steering column. The engine turned and roared to life.

She’d done well not to look behind her, but now, with the truck facing the landing, it was impossible for her to avoid it. She had to see if Tagan was okay before she spun out of here.

Fumbling to turn on the windshield wipers, her eyes went wide as she got a glimpse of the dark grizzly, Connor, charging her way with Tagan on his heels. With a shriek, she jammed the gas and spun out in a wide circle, the tailgate hovering right at the edge of the road before she straightened out and fishtailed her way down toward the trailer park.

She was sobbing now, trying hard to fit the world into what it used to be. One where she wasn’t called a
human
like it was a curse word and where giant snarling bears didn’t live inside of men.

Tagan was a bearman. A werebear? He’d played her. Strung her along as if they had a chance at a future. So many secrets. Clearly he was part of a world she didn’t understand and didn’t belong in, and now because she’d unknowingly gotten in too deep, she was fighting for her life. Tagan was fighting for her life, too.

She should’ve left Asheland Mobile Park that first day, just like her instincts had screamed for her to.

Her rearview mirror was terrifying. It showed Connor gaining on her. Tagan slammed him against the side of the mountain, but the dark-furred grizzly wouldn’t be deterred. His eyes seethed with rage—a black fury that said he was going to kill her.

She was already going dangerously fast but pressed the gas to the floorboard anyway. If she flew off the side of the cliff, it would be a less painful death than the one that was coming for her. At each curve, she drew nearer to the edge of the road as she slid this way and that. Desperate to keep control of the truck, she gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles went white. The tail end of the truck flew sideways and smashed into the rock face that shot up toward the heavens. She lurched in her seat and screamed as she tried to straighten out again.

Connor hit the back of the truck again, and as soon as she gained control, a quick peek into the rearview showed Tagan lunging and sinking his teeth into the dark bear’s neck. She sped off and left them there, wiping her rainwater soaked hair away from her eyes. She narrowed her gaze on the road in front of her and vowed that she was going to make it out of this alive.

The road led right past the trailer park. The truck had been damaged in Connor’s attacks and made a metallic clanking noise that grew louder and louder by the moment. She hit the gravel road to the trailers but slammed on her brakes when she almost barreled into a massive gray-colored bear.

“I don’t understand,” she whispered. Jed told his crew they couldn’t turn into bears, right? It sounded important when he’d said it, as if they couldn’t disobey. So why was this bear allowed to break the rule he’d set?

Her eyes went wide as he stood to his full height in front of her.

Unless this was Jed.

“Oh, shit,” she murmured.

The bear stood between her and the Volvo, and Tagan’s truck sure wasn’t going to make it to town with the noises it was making. She needed her car to escape. Gripping the wheel, she screamed, “Come on!” and slammed her foot onto the gas.

Jed charged, but she stayed the course until the last possible moment. Then she slammed on the brake and jerked the wheel, spinning the truck until the back of it smashed into the bear.

The driver’s side door ripped off before she’d recovered from the deploying air bag.

Jed’s empty, soulless eyes glared at her in triumph as he reached a giant paw into the cab of the truck.

She slid as far away as she could, but it wasn’t enough. She was going to die after all. After everything she’d been through, everything she’d lived through, her life was going to end at the claws of a monster.

A flash of gold blasted across the front window and Jed toppled backward with a furious roar.

Tagan. He was here, still fighting to add minutes to her life.

Boneless, she fell out of the opening Jed had ripped into the truck. On wobbly legs, she ran for her trailer. The keys to her Volvo were inside 1010, and she was going to lose precious seconds retrieving them, but it couldn’t be helped.

The rhythmic breathing of bears dragged her frightened gaze behind her just as she reached the center of the park. She was horrified to realize Tagan and Jed were both racing toward her, Tagan in the lead. She ran faster, her legs threatening to freeze with her fear.

With a grunt, Tagan knocked her legs out from under her, and she fell forward, nose inches away from the Volvo’s back tires. His eyes were sad as he leaned his big block head toward hers. They seemed to apologize for every wrong that had ever been done.

She didn’t understand. Jed was coming. Why had Tagan pinned her here in the dirt? “Tagan?” she whispered, terrified.

He curled his lips back, revealing impossibly long canines. His eyes dipped to the scar Markus had left on her neck with a look of such regret.

She screamed as Tagan sank his teeth into her shoulder.

Brooke’s body went rigid, as if she’d been electrified. Pain stabbed down her shoulder, eased, then shot farther, reaching into her chest. Clenching her teeth, she threw her head back and gritted out a groan. She’d never felt pain like this. Tagan had sunk his teeth into her shoulder until he hit bone, but that couldn’t be what was causing her body to seize like this.

Agony spread through her with inky tendrils, growing bigger and fuller until she was filled with glass edges that shredded her insides to pieces. She cried out as she burned.

Tears streamed down the corners of her eyes as she clenched her hands against what was happening to her. Tagan watched her with the saddest look she’d ever seen in an animal’s eyes.

The ground shook as Jed charged, but when Tagan stepped out of the way, the giant gray bear skidded to a stop beside her. His nostrils flared, and his eyes sparked, but he didn’t add to her pain. He didn’t attack. He only stood there, watching and waiting for…something.

The pain drained from her arms and legs and centered in her middle, writhing like some snake caught in her gut. Her breaths came in short pants, so fast, she thought she’d faint.

Tagan had done this to her. She was dying, and it was all his fault. “Why?” she rasped out.

Tagan shook his head slowly and stood over her. Lowering himself to his elbows, the blond bear scooped up her crumpled body and pulled her against his chest. She wished his closeness comforted her now, but she was on fire in the middle. She was burning alive.

His fur tickled her cheek, and she clutched onto his side, grasping his hide in her clenched fist. The tears came harder as she imagined dying without ever finding out why he’d betrayed her like this.

The fire burned hotter inside of her, and she squeezed her eyes tightly closed and pressed her face against his wet fur. His heartbeat pounded against her belly.

No, not his heartbeat. That
bum, bum, bum
was coming from within her. Now it was growing stronger and faster. This was it. The pain was blinding with each pulse, and she bowed her back when she couldn’t stand it anymore.

She shattered.

Grew, broke, reshaped. Red fur shot from her body like a million needles pricking her skin at once. Claws ripped open her hands, and her scream of anguish tapered to a feral-sounding bellow.

Tagan stumbled backward, and his soft blue eyes went wide as his gaze trailed across her new form. Jed curled his lips once, then meandered off toward the trees.

She wasn’t dead.

Looking down at her fur, shining auburn in the clouded light, she huffed a breath. Steam curled from her long muzzle. She heaved herself upward and stood, unsteady, on all fours, legs splayed like a newborn colt. This new body was powerful. She raked her front claws through the dirt, and it tilled the earth as if they’d been made to do just that. Her breath slowed as she dragged her gaze back to Tagan.

His muzzle was darker than the longer fur that covered his back and legs. His chest rose and fell as he watched her. In size, he was enormous compared to her. From here, she could make out each fine whisker near his nose and hear every beat of his heart. Her senses were overwhelmed with the wet smells of the forest. Evergreen sap, moss, blood, animals, damp dirt…she could identify it all.

What if she was trapped as a bear forever?

Dragging a long breath of air, she scrambled backward until her stumped tail hit the park fence.
Change back, change back, change back!
Closing her eyes, she concentrated on what she used to look like. Long blond hair, champagne-colored eyes, dark lashes, lips a little on the small side… The bear who’d stolen her skin didn’t go away.

The other men in Tagan’s crew appeared out of the mist like apparitions. They looked as uncertain as Tagan did.

All but Kellen. Kellen was smiling. “So we can keep her?” he asked.

The world began spinning, and the lightheadedness only got worse as she tried to take a step forward. Her breathing became shallow, and she closed her eyes against the urge to retch. Her hide went cold under her fur, and her hair stood on end, making her body tingle.

The horizon went belly up as she swayed and hit the ground.

The last thing she saw was Tagan charging toward her, just like he had before he’d turned her into a monster.

****

Brooke opened her eyes to gray morning light filtering through the edges of her blackout curtains. Her new senses told her she wasn’t alone in her room, but she was hurt and not in any rush to face the man who’d turned her into what she was now.

She lifted her hand and stared at the long cut she’d gotten from the processor yesterday. Already, it was almost healed. More proof she wasn’t the same—wasn’t human anymore.

She clenched her hand into a fist and sighed, then rolled over to face her demons.

Tagan was sitting in a chair against the wall, elbows on his knees, hands clasped in front of his mouth, staring at her. He looked like he hadn’t moved in ages. Kellen, Denison, and the others stood and sat in various positions around the room, quiet and somber as she looked at each one in turn.

“Go on,” Tagan said low. “She’s okay.”

One by one, they came and touched her knuckles on the hand that had been hurt. None of them said a word, and none of them met her eyes. Then they left her alone with Tagan.

“I’m not okay,” she said in a hoarse voice.

“I know. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“You could’ve not bit me.” Her voice wrenched up an octave as fury flooded her veins.

“Jed was going to kill you. I broke the rules by fighting Connor instead of racing him to Turn you. Jed doesn’t kill his own kind, though. Not anymore. Turning you was the only way I could think to save you.”

“Where is Connor?”

“Dead.”

“You killed him?”

He swallowed hard and looked away toward the window. In a choked voice, he said, “Yes. I couldn’t kill my alpha, though. It took all I had just to fight Jed off you.” His voice hitched as he dragged his tortured gaze back to her. “This isn’t the life I wanted for you, Brooke. For us. I wanted you to have a choice about it.”

“A choice about it? You marked me just like Markus did, but worse. You put a bear inside of me.” She swallowed a sob and jerked her eyes to Tagan’s feet with the admission that came from her mouth. “You should’ve let him kill me.”

Tagan’s face crumpled, and moisture that had rimmed his eyes fell down his cheeks. He looked ill as he covered his mouth and shook his head slowly. “Don’t say that.” His voice came out a whisper.

She couldn’t watch him cry. It gutted her, knowing he was hurting, too. She sat up and forced the demand from her lips. “Tell me about what I am.”

Tagan sniffed and leaned back in the chair, straightened one leg and stared at the toe of his work boot. “You’re a bear shifter now. With practice, you’ll be able to shift as often as you want—”

“I don’t want that. How often do I
have
to shift?”

“Once a month at least.” He lifted his eyes back to hers. “You’re asking this because you’re leaving, aren’t you?”

“Yes.” She gasped and tried not to cry at the way her heart felt like it was being ripped from her chest with the word. She didn’t want to leave him. Didn’t want to leave this place or the crew. She wasn’t done healing yet. “I came here to get better, and now I’m…” She bit her lip and wished she was good with words. Good at making him understand they wouldn’t work if she stayed and didn’t deal with this away from here. “If I stay, I won’t get better. I won’t forgive you, and I want to. This place is amazing. It’s suited for what I am now. But I wanted to come out here to get stronger, and I can’t depend on you to lift me up with this. I need to get to know the animal inside of me without you dragging me up the mountain of issues I have. I need to do this on my own.”

“I understand.” He said the words, but his eyes looked just as betrayed as she felt right now. “When?”

She stared at him for moments, gathering her strength so her voice wouldn’t crack. “Today.”

His face fell, and he stood. Wiping his face on the shoulder of his shirt, he strode to the door. At the frame, he turned and murmured over his shoulder, “I’m sorry.” Then he left.

Curled in a ball on the bed, she cried for a long time. Cried for the humanity she’d lost, cried for the half-healed scars Markus had left on her heart, cried for the new ones Tagan had given her. She cried because she’d been so close to finding herself again here, only to be transformed into something totally different. She cried at having to start all over again. But most of all, she cried for what she and Tagan could’ve been.

Damn Jed and Connor. Damn them to hell for the wedge they jammed between her and the man she loved. It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair.

With her eyes full and her heart broken, she dressed, packed her things, and made the bed. Then she took one last look at the bedroom she’d made into an art studio. Paintings of Markus still littered the floor. She stacked them all neatly into a corner and left them there. She’d miss 1010, this rickety old trailer, but she left the paintings because she wanted this place to remember she’d been here. She wanted to stamp her mark on this little home in the woods, like it had stamped itself into her heart.

When she dragged her luggage outside, Kellen was waiting for her. He took the suitcase from her hands and packed it into the trunk of the Volvo as the others stood by, looking as sad as she felt. Tagan wasn’t anywhere to be seen. She knew, because she looked for him.

“He doesn’t like goodbyes,” Kellen said. “He told us not to beg you to stay.” He looked toward Tagan’s trailer, and when Kellen looked back at her, his dark eyes pooled with grief. Without another word, he opened the car door for her and stepped back beside the others.

She didn’t know what to say. How did she say goodbye to people she cared about so deeply. She’d failed at making Tagan understand, and she would fail with them, too. She took a long, steadying breath and said her deepest wish instead. “I hope this isn’t the last time I see you.”

“Goodbye, Trouble,” Denison said softly as she sank into the driver’s seat.

As she pulled away, she watched them through the rearview mirror. Tagan came from his trailer at the last minute, fingers locked behind his head and chin tilted up as he watched her leave. The pain on his face almost doubled her over. She was leaving a piece of her heart in Asheland Mobile Park, and in return for saving her, she was taking a part of his with her.

She was the worst.

She had to do this, though. Tagan deserved a strong woman, and perhaps she could be that someday. It wouldn’t happen here, though. Not now. Not with them coddling her the entire way.

As the trailer park disappeared out of sight, she swore she would forgive him someday.

But for right now, she had questions only Meredith could answer.

She had a life and a knot of loose ends to rid herself of.